Women are perhaps the only creatures in this world who grow their wings inside their hearts. Especially when exhausted, the whispers of a lover can be more effective than any amount of sleep, fine food, or prayer.
Xia Yinuo simply indulged herself, sinking into Liang Juejun’s embrace and refusing to get up. "I just had a dream," she said muffledly. "I couldn't fall back asleep after I woke up."
Liang Juejun gently stroked Xia Yinuo’s back. "What did you dream about?"
Xia Yinuo’s voice was soft and sweet. "I dreamed my mom was making me breakfast. She made me eat ten eggs in one sitting, and I woke up from the fright."
"You silly girl," Liang Juejun chuckled softly. "Is there some story behind these eggs?"
"You guessed it!" Xia Yinuo pressed her forehead against the crook of Liang Juejun’s neck, nuzzling contentedly. "I wasn't very strong when I was little. Every month, my mom would ask someone to bring local farm eggs from Dongzhuang and order me to eat two every day. I hated eggs back then. After some bargaining, we finally reached an agreement: one egg a day."
To be so young and yet so righteously picky about food despite being frail—that was Xia Xiaobao for you.
"One morning, Mom made steamed egg custard, and the portion was larger than usual. So I asked why the bowl was so big today. She replied that she just happened to find a double-yolk egg. I was very happy because I thought double-yolk eggs were impressive. She was happy too, because I ate a lot for breakfast that day."
Liang Juejun smiled but said nothing.
Xia Yinuo continued, swaying her head slightly. "After that, double-yolk eggs started appearing in our house from time to time. Later, I began to have my doubts. And even later, I realized there aren't actually that many double-yolk eggs; most of the time, they were just two ordinary eggs. But I never exposed that kind little lie. Even now, I don't know if she knows that I know, or why I had to pretend not to know if I did know..."
Having successfully made Liang Juejun’s head spin, Xia Yinuo giggled. Liang Juejun lifted that restless head, cupping it in her hands, and said seriously, "Alright, Xiaobao. If something is on your mind, don't keep it bottled up. You must tell me."
Xia Yinuo sat up properly and nodded obediently. "Mhm! Today—well, I guess it’s yesterday now—I’ve been thinking about how I should talk to my mom. What do you think her reaction will be?"
As expected, it was about this.
Liang Juejun breathed a sigh of relief and smiled. "Sometimes I wonder, too, if my mother were still alive, how she would view our relationship."
The image of the gentle woman from the photograph immediately surfaced in Xia Yinuo’s mind. Time can slowly heal wounds, but that doesn't mean the scars should be carelessly exposed to the sun. Liang Juejun didn't mind mentioning her late mother in front of Xia Yinuo at all, but Xia Yinuo was always cautious, fearing she might touch upon Liang Juejun’s sorrow.
At this moment, Xia Yinuo’s expression was one of deliberate sweetness as she subtly changed the subject. "So, does my senior have any experience she can pass down to me?"
Hearing this, Liang Juejun pondered for a long while before spreading her hands. "You’ve met my father. Most of the time, he is a serious and dull man."
Xia Yinuo tucked her dimples into a secret smile, looking like an attentive listener.
"Sometimes I wonder why my mother and Mary fell in love with him back then." Recalling old memories, Liang Juejun’s lips curled unconsciously. "Even when choosing my major, I had the selfish intention of avoiding him, so I chose immunology. But even so, when I first started my research projects, he required me to give him a presentation every once in a while. He even gave me several Chinese textbooks for professional courses, telling me to read them when I had time. I was very busy then and slacked off, which is why I don't know how to translate many professional terms into proper Chinese now."
Xia Yinuo couldn't help but tease, "So even our Teacher Liang can be like that!"
"Why wouldn't I be? I had already moved out of the house by then and was living in an apartment near the school. Once, when I went home for the weekend, Mary casually asked why I wasn't dating like other students. In a moment of heat, I blurted out that I actually liked women. Although it was just a one-sided crush on Tracy that never went anywhere, still..."
Xia Yinuo immediately corrected her: "A one-sided crush that ended before it even began."
A smile played on Liang Juejun’s lips as she gently bumped her forehead against her jealous little treasure’s. Xia Yinuo feigned pain, letting out a couple of "ow"s.
Quickly planting a kiss on Xiaobao’s lips, Liang Juejun was in a great mood. "Hearing it that way, I really was quite pathetic. Where was I? Oh, although it was just a 'one-sided crush that ended before it began,' back then, I wanted to discuss the matter of sexual orientation objectively, based on a democratic standpoint. His reaction made me feel like he had fallen into a clichéd and stiff 'patriarch' mode rather than discussing the facts. He felt I hadn't considered things thoroughly, nor had I considered his and Mary’s feelings. He even baselessly escalated the issue, asking if my deviance was fair to my deceased mother. This made it difficult for both of us to accept. Consequently, we didn't speak for half a year. If it hadn't been for Mary’s mediation, I don't know when we would have buried the hatchet."
Xia Yinuo grasped Liang Juejun’s hand, their fingers interlocking.
Liang Juejun smiled and continued unhurriedly, "Looking back now, I was indeed inconsiderate. I remember a phrase my father often said—'crossing the river by feeling the stones.' Whether it's doing scientific research or managing one's life. When he took me to America, he might not have wanted to admit it, but my mother had been gone for several years, and he hadn't completely emerged from the shadow. So, to some extent, it felt like a flight from reality. Fortunately, he met Mary later, and his life's trajectory changed because of it. But before that, who could have predicted who they would meet in the future? So one can only take every step carefully, crossing the river by feeling the stones."
The river water is cold, but the brave are fearless. Where does the courage of the fearless come from? It comes from the green grass on the other side of the river, and because on this journey, you will eventually meet the person who walks beside you.
Liang Juejun’s shallow smile carried an intoxicating warmth. "He also often asked me, 'Liang Juejun, do you know what you are doing?' Gradually, I got used to asking myself that, just like you said—learning to capture my own heart. Later, when I proposed the idea of returning to China, he didn't object. Probably because he could be certain that I was doing what I wanted to do. So, Xiaobao, don't push yourself too hard. You only need to be sure that you are doing what you feel you should be doing at this moment."
Xia Yinuo felt as if a pair of pure white wings were gently fluttering in her heart, brushing away all her trepidation and worry.
Liang Juejun reached out and pinched Xiaobao’s nose. "Don't worry too much. Your mother will understand."
Xia Yinuo couldn't hold her breath and laughed. "Even though I’ve been mentally prepared for a long time, it’s not the most ideal timing. I’ve lost some of my confidence for no reason. You have to know, my mom isn't easy to deal with."
Liang Juejun arched an eyebrow. "What about two people dealing with her together? You said it yourself."
Xia Yinuo hid in Liang Juejun’s embrace, leaning closer. She pressed her ear against Liang’s chest to listen to her heartbeat, pouting her lips. "I feel like I’m becoming more and more dramatic. What should I do?"
Without surprise, she received the reply: "It’s okay. I like it."
Xia Yinuo had confirmed Li Du and Li Qinglan’s off-duty schedule with Li Xiuheng beforehand. The next day after work, she went straight to Sanhe Villa.
As expected, Li Du was still on duty at the hospital, Li Xiuheng had business and wouldn't be home for dinner, and Grandma was currently staying at her uncle’s house. Only the mother and daughter remained. Li Qinglan grumbled at Xia Yinuo for not saying she was coming back for dinner earlier so she could have prepared more dishes. Xia Yinuo just shook her head foolishly.
After dinner, Xia Yinuo instinctively went to the kitchen to wash the dishes. Once finished, she entered Li Du and Li Qinglan’s bedroom.
Li Qinglan was tidying up the laundry she had just brought in. She looked up at Xia Yinuo.
Xia Yinuo stood by her side with no intention of leaving. Li Qinglan asked casually, "Xiao Yan is in first grade now. Is he used to the school environment?"
"Everything is fine," Xia Yinuo replied. Then, she placed an ordinary envelope on the nightstand. "Mom, there are some photos here. Please take a look."
Li Qinglan didn't stop what she was doing. "What photos? Why so mysterious?"
Xia Yinuo just smiled. "Just look at them first. After you’re done, listen to my explanation."
Li Qinglan looked at her daughter suspiciously. Seeing that Xia Yinuo had dropped her usual banter, she put down the clothes and picked up the envelope. It was a thick stack.
As Li Qinglan began to flip through the photos one by one, Xia Yinuo spoke slowly: "You remember my college classmate, Jiang Yang, right? The pharmaceutical rep who tried to bribe you into having the hospital buy his company’s products. Now, he wants to use me to threaten you. These photos are what he took secretly."
Li Qinglan didn't speak; her mind was likely already a jumbled mess.
Xia Yinuo stood honestly to the side and continued to explain: "You’ve met the person in the photos. It’s Teacher Liang Juejun, who took me to the hospital when my hand was injured. She was also one of the bridesmaids at Mai Mai’s wedding. We are... together now."
As soon as these words were spoken, Li Qinglan’s hand froze. She looked up, a different light flickering in her eyes, and her tone turned stiff. "What did you say?"
Xia Yinuo’s gaze was steady. "I said, we are together. In a romantic relationship."
Li Qinglan’s face suddenly changed. "Do you know what you’re saying right now?!"
Xia Yinuo replied, "I know."
Li Qinglan paused, her gaze meaningful. "Xiaobao, don't confuse friendship with love because of a temporary lapse in judgment."
Xia Yinuo said with unwavering stubbornness, "I haven't confused love and friendship."
Li Qinglan slammed the photos onto the floor with a *thwack*. She took a deep breath, forcing down her anger. "I’ll give you one more chance to explain."
Xia Yinuo spoke faster than usual, with a hint of anxiety. "I’m already resolving the matter with Jiang Yang. I believe there will be a result in a few days, and it won't cause you any trouble. I showed you these photos today because I wanted to tell you this myself."
Li Qinglan turned her back, rubbing her brow. She stood with her arms crossed in silence for a moment before turning back to face her daughter. Even though she clearly anticipated the answer, she couldn't help but ask, "So, you’re serious?"
Xia Yinuo spoke neither humbly nor arrogantly. "Yes. You said it yourself—you respect everyone’s way of life, including their love."
"Very well." Li Qinglan’s gaze was sharp. "I respect you, but that doesn't mean I can accept this. Let me ask you: do you understand her? Does she understand you? Do you think you have a future?"
Faced with three consecutive questions, Xia Yinuo took a deep breath and answered, "I understand. She was born in City C and spent her childhood there. When she was ten, her mother died in a car accident. After finishing elementary school, she followed her father to San Francisco. She graduated with her PhD at twenty-four and returned to China at twenty-seven. When I was a teaching assistant in my fourth year of my PhD, she happened to be the instructor for that course. It was I who developed feelings for her and intentionally approached her..."
"Xia Yinuo!"
Xia Yinuo did not back down just because Li Qinglan used her full name.
"Grandpa passed away early. Putting yourself in her shoes, you should be able to understand the feeling of losing a mother at such a young age, shouldn't you? Especially since she was right beside her mother when the accident happened..."
Hearing this, Li Qinglan indeed fell silent.
Xia Yinuo’s eyes began to burn, and her voice trembled slightly. "We’ve been together for over a year. She doesn't usually talk much; to strangers, she even seems to have a cold personality. But she is a smart, gentle, humorous person who knows how to live. Outside of work, she chooses to read books outside her field to improve her Chinese. She likes exercise and often drags someone like me, who has no athletic cells, to work out. She doesn't have much family or many friends, and most are in San Francisco, but she always prepares gifts for them for every holiday. During our time together, she has always been the one taking care of me. In our fridge, there are always things I like to drink that she almost never touches..."
Li Qinglan’s smile was rather cold. "Your grandmother is getting old and has always hoped you would move back after you started working. Now you’re talking to me about 'home'? Where exactly is your home?"
Xia Yinuo didn't answer that directly, only continuing: "She is the person I’ve been waiting for for a long time. Everything about her is just right for me; whether she’s a man or a woman is no longer important. Yes, I understand her. She’s allergic to pineapples and mangoes. When she’s anxious, she unconsciously speaks English. I even know exactly where the nail-sized red birthmark on her lower back is..."
Li Qinglan: "Enough!"
Xia Yinuo: "Mom!"
Li Qinglan: "Are you standing in front of me now, forcing me to accept you two?!"
Xia Yinuo: "I want to answer your questions seriously. Every word I’ve said comes from my heart."
Li Qinglan’s tone was aggressive. "Xia Yinuo, you’ve said so much, but in your heart, is there even a place for this home? Or is there only that so-called home of yours?"
Xia Yinuo’s eyes were red. She paused for a moment before choking out, "Of course there is. Not just Mom’s home, but Dad’s home too—they are both my homes. But I’ve grown up; I will have a home of my own, won't I? Are you going to deny the existence of that home just because that person is a woman? You aren't the kind of person who would use Grandma or other things to pressure me."
Li Qinglan was momentarily speechless. She could only grit her teeth and say, "You’ve certainly become more sharp-tongued..."
Unbidden tears filled her reddened eyes. Xia Yinuo looked down and blinked, letting the tears hanging on her lashes fall before looking up at Li Qinglan. "Mom, I can never repay the kindness of you and Dad for giving me life and raising me. She is like you; she has given so much for me. You are a reasonable person. I only hope you can slowly accept this..."
How long had it been since this child cried in front of her? Li Qinglan couldn't remember. Seeing the wet spots on the floor, Li Qinglan’s mind was in turmoil, and her anger had subsided by half. However, she wouldn't easily accept this out of a moment of soft-heartedness. She only said, "Go out first. Let’s both calm down."
Xia Yinuo lowered her eyes, forcing back the tears that continued to well up. She stepped forward and grabbed Li Qinglan’s arm, but her thick, nasal voice betrayed her emotions. "I’m not going out. Since I was little, I don't think I’ve ever asked you for anything, have I? Even... even back then, when you were going to divorce... I didn't... Now, I only beg you for this one thing..."
Li Qinglan’s fire was instantly extinguished. She looked at Xia Yinuo, stunned.
Xia Yinuo looked up, and in an instant, Li Qinglan’s eyes also reddened.
Suddenly realizing something, Xia Yinuo hurriedly explained, "I didn't mean it that way."
Li Qinglan sat down on the edge of the bed, her strength gone. She gave a dejected, bitter smile. "So, you still blame us..."
***
**Glossary**
Chinese | English | Notes/Explanation
---|---|---
黄色大门 | The Yellow Door | Chapter title; likely a metaphor for a private or hidden space.
双黄蛋 | Double-yolk egg | Used as a metaphor for a "kind lie" from a parent.
三河山庄 | Sanhe Villa | The residential area where Xia Yinuo's parents live.
姜洋 | Jiang Yang | Xia Yinuo's former classmate and the antagonist attempting blackmail.
李青岚 | Li Qinglan | Xia Yinuo's mother.
李杜 | Li Du | Xia Yinuo's father.
摸着石头过河 | Crossing the river by feeling the stones | A common Chinese idiom meaning to take cautious steps in a new or uncertain situation.
医药代表 | Pharmaceutical representative | Jiang Yang's profession.
