Li Qinglan quietly observed Liang Juejun without letting her expression slip.
Though they had met twice before, Li Qinglan had never paid much attention to the young woman. Now, looking at her, she saw a temperament that was clear and serene, her movements elegant and composed. It made one wonder what kind of man would ever be a worthy match for such a woman.
Liang Juejun, unable to guess Li Qinglan’s thoughts, stood rooted to the spot and said honestly, "I'm sorry, Dr. Li, I'm a bit nervous."
At her age and with her experience in the hospital, Li Qinglan had seen all sorts of people. She sighed inwardly; if it were her own daughter in this position, she would have been testing the waters with a dozen indirect maneuvers. Her daughter certainly wouldn't have been as blunt as Liang Juejun, admitting her nervousness right out of the gate. Finding it somewhat amusing, Li Qinglan said, "I didn't come here to interrogate you. There’s no need to be nervous. Do you have plans for the evening?"
Liang Juejun replied, "A bit later, I’m going to the coffee shop."
Li Qinglan understood immediately. "A date with Xiao Bao?"
Liang Juejun nodded slightly. "Yes."
"It’s still early." Li Qinglan checked her watch and pointed toward the elevator. "Shall we go up and talk?"
"Alright," Liang Juejun agreed.
The sky was darkening as night began to fall. The two women skipped the pleasantries by unspoken agreement and remained silent throughout the walk.
Once inside the apartment, Liang Juejun invited Li Qinglan to sit. She set her things down and headed toward the kitchen. "What would you like to drink? Coffee? Or green tea?"
Li Qinglan took in the simple two-bedroom layout before following Liang Juejun into the kitchen. "Just water is fine."
The kitchen wasn't cluttered; it was clean and organized. Several Polaroids were stuck to the refrigerator door, alongside a handwritten recipe marked with a mix of Chinese and English. The handwriting mostly belonged to Xia Yinuo.
Li Qinglan glanced at them but said nothing.
Most of the photos were taken while the two were playing around at home. One showed them frolicking on the sofa, with Liang Juejun’s head resting on Xia Yinuo’s lap as Yinuo leaned down to kiss her.
Liang Juejun realized what she was looking at. No matter how calm she usually was, her heart couldn't help but race, and a blush crept up her neck.
Suddenly, Li Qinglan spoke. "By the way, is there any ice water in the fridge? I suddenly feel a bit warm."
Liang Juejun remembered clearly that Xia Yinuo had mentioned Dr. Li’s health-conscious ways—she never drank cold beverages, even in the heat of summer. It was now November; Li Qinglan’s motive was obvious.
As Liang Juejun opened the refrigerator, Li Qinglan took a quick look inside: fruits, vegetables, milk, juice, and a neat row of Yakult.
When Liang Juejun turned around, she met Li Qinglan’s searching gaze. She smiled, took a glass from the sterilization cabinet, poured the ice water, and handed it to Li Qinglan with both hands.
Unsurprisingly, the pair of matching couple's mugs in the cabinet also caught Li Qinglan’s eye. Taking the glass, she asked casually, "Do you usually cook?"
Standing respectfully by the fridge, Liang Juejun answered, "We usually prepare breakfast ourselves; it’s more nutritious."
"Xiao Bao rarely eats breakfast," Li Qinglan pointed out her daughter’s bad habit bluntly.
The two shared a knowing smile.
Liang Juejun continued, "For lunch, she eats at the company cafeteria, and my lab usually orders group meals. In the evening, if we have time, we cook at home, or we eat out together."
Li Qinglan leaned against the dining table, her tone unreadable. "I see. And then on weekends, she goes back to eat with us or her father."
"Yes," Liang Juejun confirmed.
Li Qinglan set down the glass she had been idling with and asked, "May I see the rest of the home?"
Liang Juejun showed a row of neat, white teeth in a smile. "Of course."
They left the kitchen and crossed the living room. Liang Juejun pushed open the door to the study.
The room contained a desk, a bookshelf, a sofa, and a treadmill; the space was utilized with high efficiency.
"I'm sorry, it's a bit small," Liang Juejun said.
Li Qinglan looked around and nodded. "Yes, Xiao Bao’s study at her place is larger."
Liang Juejun hesitated but said anyway, "Actually, we’re already planning to look for a new house."
Li Qinglan crossed her arms, appearing nonchalant. "Is that so? This place is quite nice."
Liang Juejun smiled warmly. "It’s not very convenient for Xiao Bao’s commute."
"How do you usually get around?" Li Qinglan asked.
"I’ve gotten my domestic driver’s license and just bought a car. But work is close, and parking in this complex isn't very convenient."
Li Qinglan nodded and walked further in.
The left side of the bookshelf was filled with professional texts and scientific journals, while the right side held non-professional books. Li Qinglan asked, "Is your research project going well?"
"Very well. After finishing up before the Lunar New Year, I need to return to San Francisco to hand over my work. After that, I plan to stay at C University full-time."
Li Qinglan raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Isn't it a pity to give up the superior research environment over there?"
Liang Juejun spoke four simple words: "One gains, one loses."
Li Qinglan smiled faintly.
The small potted plants on the windowsill and the guitar leaning in the corner were very much Xia Yinuo’s style. Turning around, Li Qinglan saw a row of photo frames on the desk, mostly family portraits and group shots.
She picked up one frame and looked at it closely, remaining silent for a long time.
It was a photo of the four of them—Mai, Zhang, Xia, and Liang—at Mai Shining and Zhang Jikang’s wedding. Mai Shining and Xia Yinuo stood in the middle, flanked by Zhang Jikang and Liang Juejun. The groom had his arm around the bride, while Xia Yinuo and Liang Juejun’s hands were clasped together, fingers intertwined. Looking closer, one could see the young boy Xia Yiyan peeking mischievously from behind Liang Juejun.
After a long while, Li Qinglan finally spoke. "So they all knew for a long time, and they were all helping you..."
Liang Juejun was speechless, a thin layer of sweat breaking out on her back.
A thought flashed through Li Qinglan’s mind, and she spoke it aloud: "You do look quite well-matched."
With that, Li Qinglan turned and walked out of the study, leaving Liang Juejun to intensely chew over the meaning behind those words.
Outside, the night was deep. The moonlight was hazy, as if filtered through a thin mist, casting a cool, quiet glow over the ground.
Standing in the living room again, Li Qinglan noticed LoVo the turtle quietly burying itself in the fine sand of the aquarium in the corner. *Did this little turtle move here with Xiao Bao? If so, are there matching towels and side-by-side toothbrushes in the bathroom?* As for the bedroom, Li Qinglan had no intention of entering, nor did she want to speculate.
Turning to meet Liang Juejun’s ink-dark eyes, Li Qinglan asked, "I’ve heard some things about you. Would you mind talking with me?"
What was meant to come could not be avoided. Everything before had just been the prelude; this was the main text.
Liang Juejun pulled out a chair for Li Qinglan and sat down beside her, her posture straight. "Of course I don't mind. To be honest, I’ve secretly imagined many possible scenarios for meeting you during this time."
"Is that so?" Li Qinglan smiled. "Then... tell me about your family first?"
"Alright," Liang Juejun answered with quiet dignity. "I was born in C City. Both my parents were university teachers. When I was ten, my mother passed away in a car accident. After finishing primary school, I went to San Francisco with my father. He later remarried and continued teaching at the university. He’ll retire in two years."
Li Qinglan asked, "Does your family know about the two of you?"
"They do. My father and stepmother visited C City recently."
Li Qinglan’s eyebrows shot up. "I see. So Xiao Bao has already met them?"
Unsure if the answer would make Li Qinglan uncomfortable, Liang Juejun hesitated for only a split second before telling the truth. "Yes..."
"Oh, I didn't know that." Li Qinglan smiled thinly, looking intrigued. "Coming back to it, how did you and Xiao Bao meet?"
"She was the teaching assistant for a course I was teaching at the time."
"Xiao Bao told me she was the one who pursued you?"
Liang Juejun replied, "I don't think it matters who pursued whom. It was more like a natural progression of things."
Li Qinglan nodded and continued, "What kind of person do you think Xiao Bao is?"
"My father asked me that same question. My answer then was: a kind person who doesn't seek the spotlight. The longer we are together, the more of her I come to know. I mean... I'm sorry, I'm not very good with words." Fearing she wasn't expressing herself clearly, Liang Juejun paused to choose her words. "Xiao Bao is someone who carries an entire ocean in her heart. To me, she is like a book worth reading over and over again—a book I want to spend my whole life reading."
"You are very good with words." Li Qinglan’s expression held a natural authority. "But do you know what it means in Chinese tradition to say such things in front of a partner's parent?"
"I know. It means I will be responsible for her future happiness." Liang Juejun’s eyes were bright and her voice firm. "I have the determination and the ability. Please believe me."
At this point, Li Qinglan let out a faint sigh. After a pause, she spoke. "As a mother, I want my child to think clearly about the path she will walk and the difficulties she will face. Sometimes feelings are as fragile as paper, especially same-sex love when faced with reality... You understand my concerns, don't you?"
"I understand." Liang Juejun took a deep breath. "There is something I’ve never told Xiao Bao. Back when we weren't together yet, we went to Beijing. I happened to see her ID photo—she looked so bright and clear-eyed, smiling at the camera. A thought suddenly flashed through my mind: if she ever got married, the photo on her marriage certificate would look just as beautiful... She should be a little sun. I didn't want her to walk a difficult path, but I never thought of rejecting her. Please forgive my selfishness..."
Li Qinglan interrupted her calmly. "Actually, I’ve thought a lot these past few days. I know I probably have no standing to criticize or interfere with Xiao Bao’s love. After all, because of my failed marriage, I gave her an incomplete childhood and an incomplete family. That is something I can never make up for."
Liang Juejun hurried to say, "Please don't say that. Xiao Bao has never blamed you. Because of what happened recently, she was sad and blamed herself for a long time."
Li Qinglan shook her head with a bitter smile. "I always thought I could offer great understanding and respect to homosexuality; after all, it’s just a way of life. I didn't expect that when it came to my own daughter, I still couldn't escape the shackles of convention. I’m not afraid of you laughing at me, but a while ago, when Xiao Bao and Xiuheng were acting suspiciously and Xiuheng kept making insinuations, I even wondered if something was going on between the two of them... After all, marriage between legal siblings isn't permitted by law either..."
Liang Juejun was stunned into silence.
"I’ve read many books on child-rearing. Regarding the relationship between parents and children, the description I agree with most is by Kahlil Gibran: *Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, and though they are with you yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, for they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls... You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.* Xiuheng and Xiao Bao grew up, but I, as their mother, almost forgot those words..."
The way Li Qinglan slightly furrowed her brows was almost identical to Xia Yinuo. A subtle ache of sympathy rose in Liang Juejun’s heart.
Li Qinglan asked, "Do you want to hear about Xiao Bao’s childhood?"
Liang Juejun nodded.
"I was university classmates with Xia Yan, Xiao Bao’s biological father. Falling in love, getting married, having a child—it all seemed to go smoothly. In the eighth year of our marriage, we both grew tired of living together. Separation might not have been the only choice, but we selfishly decided to divorce. At the time, we explained to Xiao Bao that Mommy and Daddy were no longer suited to live together, so we had to part. There was no third party, no domestic violence; the divorce proceedings were peaceful. We thought we had minimized the harm to her. But harm is harm; it’s unavoidable. Over the next two years, her father and I both remarried. She insisted on living in the old house with her grandmother, using the excuse that it was closer to school. We had no choice but to take turns bringing her home on weekends."
Liang Juejun nodded slightly.
"She accepted A-Du and Rou Yue—her Uncle Li and Auntie Deng—without any resistance. At first, I worried about the relationship between Xiuheng and Xiao Bao. After all, Xiuheng had never known a mother’s love, and I was his stepmother... But she was very generous, never jealous. Later, Xiuheng, Jikang, Mai Mai, and Mu Mu all became very close. Her father, afraid she would feel slighted, insisted on not having more children for many years, using the excuse that he was too old. When she was little, she didn't understand and believed him. As she grew up, she actually took the initiative to tell Rou Yue, 'Auntie Deng, technology is so advanced now, why don't you two try harder? I really want a little brother or sister.' Rou Yue cried right then and there... A few years later, Xiao Yan was born."
Liang Juejun finally understood. No wonder the age gap between the siblings was so large, and why Xia Yinuo had never mentioned the details.
"Xiao Bao was always a good girl. When other kids were being naughty, she didn't even have small habits like biting her pen while doing homework. No teacher ever complained to me about her misbehaving, her grades were always at the top, and she didn't have a rebellious phase during puberty... One day, I realized there was nothing about her that we needed to worry about. I started to feel like she had her own castle, and the distance between us seemed to grow. I even began to doubt if she actually needed me as a mother... But she was so filial and well-behaved; she did more for her grandmother than I did as a daughter. Tell me, what more could I ask for?"
The speaker was moved, and the listener’s heart ached.
Li Qinglan smiled helplessly. "My only dissatisfaction was that, because of the incomplete family, Xiao Bao deserved to be even happier. Sometimes I wished she would throw a tantrum, accuse me, blame me... The family Xia Yan and I couldn't maintain undoubtedly had a massive impact on her. Deep down, she probably doesn't believe in a marriage certificate... She’s good at protecting herself, pretending everything is fine, and often plays the clown to make people laugh—likely because she lacks a sense of security... I didn't know what I could do to help her reconcile with herself..."
At this moment, Li Qinglan was no longer the calm and decisive Dr. Li, but just an ordinary mother.
"I asked myself repeatedly: why do you want a child? To carry on the family line? To have someone to care for you in old age? None of those. She doesn't need to be my trophy, she doesn't need to support me, and she certainly doesn't need to carry on a lineage. I just wanted to participate in her birth and growth, and I want her to be safe and healthy. I remember a small thing. When Xiao Bao was an undergraduate living in the dorms, her grandmother had moved back in with us. It was a weekend, and I called her at six in the morning. she wasn't awake yet and gave me a groggy reply. Suddenly, I didn't know what to say, so I just asked if she’d had breakfast. She probably thought it was ridiculous to call for such a small thing, so she said 'not yet' with a hint of frustration. I told her to sleep a bit longer and hung up quickly." Li Qinglan spoke as if chatting about everyday life, but there was a glint of tears in her eyes. "A while later, once she was fully awake, she called me back to apologize, saying she’d stayed up too late the night before and was a bit grumpy from being woken up, and she was afraid her tone had hurt me. She didn't know that that morning, I’d had a dream. In the dream, she was very small, crying and looking for her mother, but she couldn't find me anywhere. So when I woke up, I hurried to call her."
Liang Juejun felt a dull ache in her heart and could only offer comfort: "She just didn't want you to worry..."
Li Qinglan suddenly laughed, her gaze holding a deep meaning that made Liang Juejun’s heart pound. "She has a thorn in her heart, and that thorn is like a bomb that has sat between us for many years. To be honest, I didn't know when it would explode, and you are undoubtedly the fuse. Other parents worry about their children dating too early, but she... from childhood to adulthood, I never saw her have any chemistry with a boy. Her father called to urge me to introduce her to some young men. But does she lack for male acquaintances? She simply refused to accept them... Children grow up; they should have their own lives and worlds. I wasn't attentive enough; I didn't even know you two had been together for so long. Looking at it another way, the explosion is a good thing. I’m just afraid of overcorrecting—afraid she would choose you and give up on me as her mother..."
Liang Juejun lowered her eyes. "Please don't say that. Xiao Bao would never give up on you. It was wrong of us to hide it, and we almost caused trouble for you."
"That pharmaceutical representative?" Li Qinglan’s smile was warm. "Since that’s in the past, just live your lives steadily together from now on. The road ahead is long."
Liang Juejun was stunned, the blood rushing to her head. "Do you mean..."
Li Qinglan said with a beaming smile, "I mean exactly what I said." Then, she added casually, "Xiao Bao is actually learning how to thicken her sauces when she cooks now!"
The hazy moon emerged from behind clouds as transparent as cicada wings, shining with a silvery glow. In the quiet November night, a faint fragrance bloomed. *Xia Xiaobao, the flowers on the path have bloomed; you may return slowly.*
***
Glossary:
