During his time off, Qi Bailu was never in the habit of waking up early. Consequently, when the villa’s doorbell rang, he was still fast asleep. Jolted awake, he checked the time—it was only nine-thirty in the morning. He knew Zheng Kunyu’s flight wasn't due until ten, so it couldn't be him.
Thinking it might be his manager with some urgent matter, Qi Bailu threw on a bathrobe and headed downstairs, only to find Zheng Kunyu’s lawyer at the door. Aside from his manager, the driver, and delivery couriers, the lawyer was the only other person who ever came to the Lakeside Villa. He was the one who handled Qi Bailu’s contracts and commercial litigation, and he also managed Zheng Kunyu’s financial affairs. Assuming Zheng Kunyu had sent him, Qi Bailu opened the door. "Lawyer Song?"
Lawyer Song was a tall man, dressed impeccably in a suit. He possessed the typical aura of a white-collar elite, tempered by a refined, scholarly grace. Though his eyes held an eagle-like sharpness, he quickly lowered his lids, the curve of his lashes projecting a sophisticated gentleness—like polished jade—that completely masked his ambitious nature. Lawyer Song gave a slight nod and smiled. "I’ve come to wait for him here."
Qi Bailu had dealt with him a few times and was reasonably polite. He led him into the living room and asked if he wanted coffee. It was drizzling outside, and a touch of the morning chill clung to their clothes. Lawyer Song didn't decline. Once settled on the sofa, he said courteously, "That would be much appreciated."
A repaired motorcycle stood in the living room. Lawyer Song glanced at it a few times but refrained from prying. Qi Bailu placed the coffee cup before him. "Two sugars."
Lawyer Song seemed surprised by his attentiveness, offering a smile and a "thank you." Since they weren't close, there wasn't much to discuss. Qi Bailu sat on the opposite sofa, cradling his own cup and sipping slowly to dispel the remnants of sleep. He knew Lawyer Song wasn't the type to intrude without reason. Noticing the man’s somewhat solemn expression, he asked, "Did he ask you to come?"
"No."
Lawyer Song studied Qi Bailu’s expression. Seeing that he wasn't as... agitated as he had expected, the lawyer paused before asking, "Haven't you seen the news?"
"What news? I just woke up."
As he spoke, Qi Bailu frowned and began looking for his phone, which he had left upstairs. Lawyer Song pulled out his own phone, found the page, and handed it over. To prepare him, he spoke softly before Qi Bailu could read: "This morning, every platform has been flooded with the headlines. Even the best PR firm wouldn't be able to turn this around."
Qi Bailu assumed it was about himself. Bracing for the worst, he took the phone in a daze, only to see a line of text that seared his eyes: *Chen Xiangfeng Caught Using Drugs.*
Chen Xiangfeng. Drugs. For a split second, Qi Bailu’s heart relaxed, but it quickly tightened again. Those two terms seemed utterly incongruous. After all, Chen Xiangfeng was an A-list star who, two years ago, had been the most sought-after young actor on the internet. His public persona was that of the "boy next door" and the "gentle youth." His fans would find this impossible to accept.
Scrolling down, he saw more: *Chen Xiangfeng Detained for Drug Use* and *Chen Xiangfeng Tests Positive for Amphetamines.* Since other details were still unknown, the media was largely repeating the same narrative. Qi Bailu looked up and said slowly, "What does Chen Xiangfeng’s business have to do with him?"
Qi Bailu’s words were sharp with hidden meaning. Lawyer Song naturally understood—he was asking why they were so worried about Chen Xiangfeng’s downfall. Without a word, Lawyer Song took the phone back, scrolled for a moment, and handed it back. This time, the headline was different: *Chen Xiangfeng Spotted in Sanya with Mysterious Man; Pair Seen in Intimate Display.*
The dense, bold text made Qi Bailu’s head swim. Below it was a ten-second video. Two dark silhouettes stood outside a garage. Just then, a car’s headlights swept past. Chen Xiangfeng was facing the camera, his face illuminated clearly by the stark white light. He tilted his head up to kiss the man beside him, who was wearing sunglasses and a baseball cap. The man, however, was merely looking down at his phone.
Lawyer Song said, "This is from three years ago. I don't know whose hands it was sitting in, but they waited until today to release it."
Qi Bailu could recognize that man’s silhouette even if it were turned to ash. He checked the timestamp on the video. It was the summer he was filming *Afternoon*, three months after he and Zheng Kunyu had met in Lantian County.
Seeing that his expression was off, Lawyer Song gently pulled the phone back and leaned forward. "The team has contacted a PR firm. The trending status is already being suppressed."
Pinpointing the time further, Qi Bailu even remembered Zheng Kunyu inviting him to dinner for the first time. Zheng had mentioned he was going to Sanya in a few days and asked if he wanted anything. Qi Bailu had said no, and Zheng told him to let him know if he changed his mind.
The reason it was so vivid in his memory was that after Zheng Kunyu left, Qi Bailu had caught a cold. He remembered lying on his dorm bed, clutching his phone and replying to Zheng’s messages. He had fallen asleep mid-sentence and apologized profusely upon waking. Zheng Kunyu had sent him a photo of a sunset over the sea, saying that if he had no appetite from the illness, he could bring back some coconut cakes for him.
Seeing his silence, Lawyer Song assumed he was jealous. "They broke up right after that. Don't overthink it."
How could Qi Bailu overthink it? He only had one heart, and it was already full of suspicion and disappointment. Wasn't one broken heart enough? He had never held any moral expectations for Zheng Kunyu. Even if Zheng Kunyu committed every sin imaginable—rape, pillage, murder, arson—Qi Bailu would only think: *This is his true face.*
So, where did this unspeakable sorrow come from?
Though Lawyer Song maintained a polite distance, Qi Bailu sensed something about him that triggered his guard—an invisible violence that sought to challenge beauty. Even if unintentional, a casual gaze from such a person could exert pressure, especially since Qi Bailu’s face had always been a magnet for attention. He was long accustomed to the scrutiny of cameras and crowds, yet he still had no desire to spend more time with this man. He announced he was going upstairs to pack.
As he rose, Lawyer Song stood to let him pass. Qi Bailu turned and walked straight to his room. The door hit the wall with a dull thud as he pushed it open. Though the force wasn't great, he realized he was angry. Staring at the tightly drawn curtains of his bedroom, he turned and took a few steps, placing his hand on the doorknob of Zheng Kunyu’s room.
The two bedrooms were adjacent and decorated in the same style, so there wasn't much difference between them, except for the fact that Qi Bailu slept in the master suite. When they first got together, Qi Bailu had been so difficult that Zheng Kunyu eventually lost the patience to coax him, occasionally taking a pillow to sleep in the guest room. Over time, they had each established their own private spaces.
Qi Bailu scanned the room, starting with the bed. He searched meticulously, leaving no corner unturned—the nightstand, the wardrobe, every drawer. Then he went to Zheng Kunyu’s study, rifling through the bookshelves and the cabinets filled with various collectibles. All he found, however, was a sealed, unused condom that had fallen under a chair and a half-smoked cigar tossed into a drawer.
Qi Bailu picked up the cigar and sniffed it. Confirming it wasn't anything else, he threw it back.
He didn't find what he was looking for, though he had even searched the kitchen. He knew he was being paranoid, but he couldn't stop himself. He tried to force himself to calm down by smoking, but after a while, the tobacco lost its effect. He took a significant dose of sedatives. Once the medication kicked in, he finally managed to escape that gnawing anxiety.
The curtains in the room weren't closed. Through a sliver of a gap, he could see the gloomy sky outside. Whether at home or in a hotel, he was used to keeping the curtains tightly shut. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he could hear the rustle of early spring rain. Looking out like this made him feel like a frog at the bottom of a well, never seeing the light of day. He lay in a well lined with gold bricks, sheltered from danger, yet prone to forgetting what danger actually looked like. Dirty deals and baseless rumors never ceased for a single day; they played out in the jungle outside, far more spectacular—and far more hideous—than any fictional drama.
A long time later, hearing the sound of a car outside, he knew Zheng Kunyu was back. Qi Bailu suddenly realized the rain had been falling for a long time, the wind blowing for just as long, and a chill had seeped into his bones. He pulled his clothes around him and went to close the window. After shutting it, he pulled the curtains tight. Because of the sudden movement, his robe slipped off his shoulder. He didn't notice, looking down to see Zheng Kunyu walking toward the house, shielded by an umbrella held by the driver.
Halfway there, Zheng Kunyu suddenly stopped and looked up toward the window. Knowing he was behind the gap in the curtains and that Zheng couldn't see a thing, Qi Bailu still couldn't help but take a step back. From such a distance, he certainly couldn't make out Zheng Kunyu’s expression, and in Zheng Kunyu’s eyes, all he saw was an unmoving curtain.
Zheng Kunyu looked for only a moment before continuing on. The driver, following slightly behind, also glanced up, but there was nothing in the air but the falling rain.
Lawyer Song left half an hour later. Zheng Kunyu came upstairs to his bedroom and pushed the door open to find Qi Bailu sitting on the edge of the bed, smoking. The walk-in closet door was wide open, and the room showed obvious signs of having been searched. Zheng Kunyu didn't seem surprised; his face only bore a trace of fatigue. He set down his suitcase, walked over to Qi Bailu, and reached out to take the cigarette from his mouth. Qi Bailu’s hand dropped as he slowly exhaled the last puff of smoke, then looked up at him.
The cigarette pack on the bed had long been crushed, and the ashtray was overflowing with butts. Zheng Kunyu put the slightly damp cigarette in his own mouth, took two puffs, and showed no intention of giving it back. "I'll handle it," he said.
Qi Bailu watched him in silence, waiting for an explanation, but Zheng Kunyu clearly had no intention of saying more. He simply added, "Just focus on joining the film crew." The implication was that he didn't need to know anything else.
"You're just afraid to say it, aren't you?" Qi Bailu said suddenly.
"Afraid to say what?"
"Chen Xiangfeng’s drug use. It has something to do with you."
Zheng Kunyu leaned over to drop the cigarette into the ashtray, then took the crushed pack from the bed and sat down beside Qi Bailu. His gaze carried a heavy pressure, but Qi Bailu didn't look away. He stared directly into his eyes. "When he came to see me back then, why was he so certain? Why did he assume I had injected drugs too? It’s obvious—it’s because someone gave them to him when they were together."
Zheng Kunyu grabbed Qi Bailu’s wrist where it rested on his knee. "Who else have you said this to?" he asked coldly.
"Are you admitting it?"
Zheng Kunyu stared at him intently, his grip tightening. "Did you tell anyone else?"
"No. Now, can you admit to the evil you've done?"
"I did give them to him."
Zheng Kunyu’s face was expressionless. After a pause, he added, "But that was a long time ago."
Qi Bailu saw no sign of self-reflection or shame on his face, as if Chen Xiangfeng’s addiction—and his subsequent ruin and downfall today—had nothing to do with him.
"You gave them to him? How did you give them to him?"
Qi Bailu’s tone was aggressive, but because his voice was naturally soft, it didn't sound particularly harsh.
Zheng Kunyu took no offense. "He was willing," he said flatly. "He held himself in low regard. Some people are born wanting to be dogs; I merely fulfilled his wish."
These words made Qi Bailu’s entire body go cold. He naturally looked down on people like Chen Xiangfeng, who would discard their principles for pleasure and wealth, but today he felt a sliver of sympathetic dread—the fear that he might share the same fate.
As if reading his thoughts, Zheng Kunyu placed a hand on his neck, stroking it gently. "Don't be foolish. How could he possibly compare to you?"
One day, when he was no longer popular, when his face no longer had any aesthetic value, perhaps Zheng Kunyu would say he was nothing but a dog too. Qi Bailu didn't say a word. Sensing his doubt, Zheng Kunyu frowned. "Bailu, things like that won't happen again."
There was a rare sincerity in his tone. Perhaps Zheng Kunyu truly was tired of his past, thrill-seeking life; now, he only wanted to find a sense of peace and tranquility with his young lover. Zheng Kunyu waited a moment, wanting to say more, but seeing Qi Bailu’s state, he ultimately just lowered his head, took Qi Bailu’s hand in his, and kissed the back of it.
Qi Bailu had had his hand kissed many times by him. Previously, he had always found the gesture to be an awkwardly intimate affectation, like something out of the previous century. Today, however, he felt an inexplicable surge of sorrow. Zheng Kunyu quickly pulled his lips away, but he didn't look up immediately. He sat there, tracing Qi Bailu’s fingers, lost in thought. From his angle, Qi Bailu saw the top of Zheng Kunyu’s head—and there, amidst the neatly combed hair, were several strands of white, starkly visible under the light.
His disgust, pity, and hatred for the man reached a peak of complexity at that moment. Along with those feelings was something else, something indefinable. Qi Bailu couldn't put words to it; he only felt it clogging his throat—unable to be spoken, unable to be spat out—leaving him tight-chested, breathless, and lost. The heat of Zheng Kunyu’s lips against his hand seemed to send a warm current straight to his heart, yet Qi Bailu couldn't help but wonder who else those lips had kissed. The thought was too cruel, making it seem as if every kiss was merely a sexual lure.
Zheng Kunyu looked up, intending to kiss him. Before he could, Qi Bailu spoke. "My flight to Xiamen is tonight. What do you want? Since there's still time, shall we do it once?"
Zheng Kunyu’s face stopped inches away as he stared at him. Behind his glasses, the trace of what might have been called tenderness vanished instantly. Qi Bailu continued, "If you don't want to—"
Before he could finish, Zheng Kunyu grabbed his shoulders with force, cutting him off. Qi Bailu paused for a moment, then reached for the belt of his bathrobe, only to have his hand struck sharply by Zheng Kunyu’s palm. His hand was knocked aside, the back of it stinging.
Zheng Kunyu naturally heard the mockery beneath his feigned indifference. Before he could speak, Qi Bailu rubbed the back of his smarting hand against his thigh. "Then don't waste your energy trying to coax me."
He would rather Zheng Kunyu humiliate him than hear him speak in that tone. His kind words were nothing but bitter pills coated in sugar—they treated the symptoms but not the cause, leaving him sick for these three years without any sign of recovery.
"I'm coaxing you?"
Zheng Kunyu’s face darkened. He suddenly grabbed Qi Bailu’s arm and hauled him closer. "Is that how my words sound to you? Just a joke to make you happy? Do you think I don't have a heart?"
"How should I know?"
"How could you *not* know?"
"I don't know anything, and I don't want to know!"
"Three years, and this is all you can say?"
Zheng Kunyu gripped his arm tightly, his voice icy, his sharp eyes bearing down on him. Qi Bailu knew he couldn't break free, so he let himself be pulled close, glaring at him in silence. Zheng Kunyu said, "No, you're the one who only knows how to coax me. You said you wouldn't leave, then you turned and walked away. You flirt with other men, and now you can't even be bothered to humor me. So why should I waste my effort on you? Why should I coax you? Do you even deserve it?"
Zheng Kunyu suddenly shoved him back onto the bed. Qi Bailu fell back into the duvet, almost expecting to be hit, but Zheng Kunyu simply pinned him down. His hand clamped firmly beside Qi Bailu’s head as he looked down into his eyes. "Do you think I'm just pathetic?"
When he got off the plane and saw the news, his first thought had actually been the fear that Qi Bailu would be upset by the video. In that moment, Zheng Kunyu knew he truly was pathetic—after being shrewd for most of his life, he had ended up falling for such a fool.
Qi Bailu stared at him blankly, wondering what Zheng Kunyu was saying—was it anger or irony? If Zheng Kunyu hadn't been completely sober, he would have thought the man was drunk to say such things. Before Qi Bailu could process it, Zheng Kunyu ripped open the front of his bathrobe, ultimately choosing the path of the rogue over the path of the cynic.
***
| Chinese | English | Notes/Explanation |
| :--- | :--- | :--- |
| 宋律师 | Lawyer Song | Zheng Kunyu's lawyer. |
| 临湖别墅 | Lakeside Villa | The setting of the chapter. |
| 陈向峰 | Chen Xiangfeng | An A-list actor involved in a drug scandal. |
| 《午后》 | Afternoon | A movie Qi Bailu filmed three years ago. |
| 蓝田县 | Lantian County | Where Qi Bailu and Zheng Kunyu met. |
| 椰子糕 | Coconut cakes | A specialty from Sanya mentioned in the text. |
