Qi Bailu blew on the steam and finished the cup of tea, ignoring the way the hot liquid scalded the tip of his tongue. He only wanted to finish it and leave as quickly as possible. Ruan Qiuji mentioned that it was Liu'an Guapian tea he had brought himself and asked how it tasted. Qi Bailu knew nothing about tea, so he gave a vague reply: "Very fragrant."
Ruan Qiuji held his cup with an elegant poise, not taking a single sip for a long time. Qi Bailu, however, had already drained most of his. Hearing the slight strain in Qi Bailu’s voice, Ruan Qiuji looked up and asked, "Did you scald yourself?"
"No."
Qi Bailu was terrified that Ruan Qiuji might try to inspect his tongue, so he made an effort to keep his tongue flat as he answered.
"A friend gave it to me; this was the last of it. If you like it, I'll bring you some next time."
Qi Bailu just wanted to brush past the moment without speaking, so he nodded while holding the teacup. Seeing that the cup was nearly empty, Ruan Qiuji asked if he wanted more. Qi Bailu shook his head again.
As they drank tea, Ruan Qiuji’s half-open bathrobe was right before his eyes, revealing a patch of fair, firm skin. Although Ruan Qiuji sat there obediently and barely moved—aside from brushing his damp hair back from his forehead—Qi Bailu felt that at any moment, he could go off to shoot a cover for a suggestive, borderline-erotic magazine.
When he finally finished, Ruan Qiuji set down his own cup. "I'll see you out."
It was getting late, and Qi Bailu still had to prepare for tomorrow's scenes when he got back. He walked ahead, and as he reached the door, he said, "No need, I can find my own way back."
Ruan Qiuji watched him quietly, saying neither yes nor no. Qi Bailu took his silence as consent. He turned around, his hand resting on the doorknob to open it. But just as he pulled the door open a few inches, Ruan Qiuji suddenly wrapped an arm loosely around his waist while his other hand braced against the door. His arm brushed against Qi Bailu’s as he used a force greater than Qi Bailu's to shove the door shut.
Before Qi Bailu could even register how it happened, the door clicked shut. Ruan Qiuji stood right behind him. Even without turning around, Qi Bailu could feel the pressure he exerted. Just as he was about to turn his head, Ruan Qiuji’s arm dropped naturally, catching Qi Bailu’s wrist on the doorknob and gently pulling his hand away.
"President Ruan?"
Qi Bailu spoke tentatively, deliberately using a formal title to distance himself and remind Ruan of his status. Ruan Qiuji, however, simply held him from behind and pressed him against the adjacent wall. He watched Qi Bailu’s ears quickly flush a deep red, then leaned in close to the base of his ear and whispered slowly, "Stay tonight."
Warm breath fanned against the back of Qi Bailu’s ear. As Ruan Qiuji spoke, his lips even brushed against the shell of the ear, his tone sounding like a sigh. Qi Bailu never expected him to be so blunt; his entire neck turned red in an instant. He wanted to turn around to face him, but Ruan Qiuji had him pinned between the wall and his own body, leaving him unable to move an inch.
Qi Bailu suddenly realized that Ruan Qiuji was, after all, taller and stronger than him. His arm was draped across Qi Bailu's body, muscles pulled taut. If he wanted to, he could use that hand to crush Qi Bailu's petty thoughts at any moment. Qi Bailu didn't dare move recklessly, saying slowly, "Let me go. I should head back."
Ruan Qiuji didn't seem angry. Instead, he pressed even closer, forcing Qi Bailu against the wall. With nowhere left to retreat, Qi Bailu lowered his head and rested his forehead against the cool surface of the wall. He couldn't see Ruan Qiuji’s expression; he could only hear his voice by his ear: "Bailu, I’m afraid you’re playing dumb, and I’m also afraid you truly are confused."
"I can't do this..."
Before he could finish, Ruan Qiuji pressed his lips to the nape of his neck, against the dry, soft skin. Though it was only a light touch, Qi Bailu flinched in shock. Ruan Qiuji reached out to cradle his neck, moving to kiss his cheek. His other hand slid under Qi Bailu’s T-shirt, and he whispered, "Have you only ever had him?"
Qi Bailu didn't speak, but suddenly, no other words would come out either. He had only ever had Zheng Kunyu. But what about Zheng Kunyu? Back then, he had been so intimate with Chen Xiangfeng right in front of him; who knew who else he had been with in places Qi Bailu couldn't see.
Ruan Qiuji knew exactly how to strike where it hurt most. Seeing Qi Bailu suddenly go still, he tilted his head to continue kissing the back of his ear and the side of his neck. This was clearly Qi Bailu’s sensitive zone; before long, he felt Qi Bailu’s weight sagging against him, his body going soft.
The tentative kisses were slowly and methodically transformed by Ruan Qiuji into licks and nips. He was stoking a fire within Qi Bailu, gradually deepening the intensity of his kisses. Qi Bailu fumbled for his hand, trying to stop his movements. As Ruan Qiuji hiked up his T-shirt, he murmured, "No."
But Ruan Qiuji clearly had no intention of stopping. His kisses fell incessantly on Qi Bailu’s brow, temples, and neck. At his most daring, he even kissed the corner of his mouth, nearly capturing Qi Bailu’s lips. After Qi Bailu dodged him, he wasn't in a hurry. His hand wandered upward, rolling the bottom of the T-shirt all the way to Qi Bailu’s ribs. Ashamed and annoyed, Qi Bailu yanked the shirt back down. Having failed that attempt, Ruan Qiuji bit down hard on the back of his neck.
The way Zheng Kunyu used to leave marks on him—now, Ruan Qiuji could do it all as well. So what if Zheng Kunyu regarded him as a pearl in his palm and wouldn't let others touch him? Recalling that kiss between Zheng Kunyu and Qi Bailu at the KTV when they first met, Ruan Qiuji felt a flicker of resentment toward Qi Bailu and couldn't help but intensify his plunder.
This kiss was infused with the heat and moisture of Ruan Qiuji’s mouth. Caught off guard, Qi Bailu let out a low cry from the bite, as it truly was quite painful. Ruan Qiuji licked over the teeth marks, his teeth grinding against the flesh without letting go. Qi Bailu felt as if his skin was about to be torn off, thinking to himself that every single one of them acted like a dog.
Qi Bailu bit his lower lip to keep from making any more noise, but his ragged breathing was still highly suggestive. He had been with the production for nearly two months; life on set was dull and monotonous, and the work pressure was immense. He hadn't seen Zheng Kunyu in a long time, so naturally, he hadn't done anything. Usually, when one abstains for a long time, it’s fine as long as one doesn't think about it. But now, under Ruan Qiuji’s provocation, he realized that he did indeed have a need.
There was a reason Zheng Kunyu had always been obsessed with his body. Though Qi Bailu was often stubborn with his words, his physiological responses were incredibly honest. He didn't know if other people were like this too.
When he first started following Zheng Kunyu, during a lull after one of their sessions, he had waited until Zheng Kunyu fell asleep with his eyes closed to secretly search on his phone: "How many times a week is normal for gay people?" Just for that one small question, he ended up scrolling through all sorts of messy threads: "Can you feel pleasure even if you're not gay?", "Being a top is more tiring, bottoms don't have to move", "Will doing it too much lead to HIV?", "Gays returning to being normal people", "Another country passes a same-sex marriage law"... He spent ages reading, and when he turned over to continue, he found Zheng Kunyu propped up on an elbow, watching him.
Qi Bailu had been traumatized by that; he felt afraid just looking at his face. Zheng Kunyu had pulled him close, his face expressionless, but his tone carried a hint of malicious intimacy and mockery: "We do it every day, and I don't see you breaking from it."
Qi Bailu had wanted to lung forward and scratch his face—his mood then was exactly the same as it was now. Watching Ruan Qiuji’s hand, which was kneading his stomach, continue to venture downward to undo the button of his jeans, Qi Bailu jolted. He jabbed his elbow backward. Fortunately, the buttonhole was small and the button was tight; Ruan Qiuji couldn't undo it for a while, so he switched hands to grab Qi Bailu’s unruly wrist. "...So tight."
His tone was as if he were being perfectly upright, with no sexual innuendo whatsoever. Scoundrel—only a fool would believe him!
(Section omitted)
For some reason, such small gestures felt even more sickeningly intimate to Qi Bailu than kissing or sex. He felt as if ants were crawling all over his back.
Consequently, the current kiss took on a heavier sexual undertone. Ruan Qiuji reached out to touch his lips, his fingertip brushing over the surface. Pressing against his earlobe, he whispered softly, "Bailu."
He couldn't go any further. If they continued, there would be no turning back. If Zheng Kunyu found out, he really would be dead. Qi Bailu stared at the wall, unaware that behind him, Ruan Qiuji’s gaze was turning dark. Because Qi Bailu’s back was to him, Ruan Qiuji no longer bothered to hide the complex shifts in his eyes, revealing his true face.
Ruan Qiuji said, "Stay. Follow me."
Though the tone of this sentence was gentle, the meaning was almost overbearing. Qi Bailu noticed his choice of words. His suspicion all along had been correct: Ruan Qiuji indeed wanted him to be his lover.
A lover, not a partner. The element of lust far outweighed the element of companionship.
The kisses continued to fall. Qi Bailu answered in a daze, "He won't let you get away with it."
Ruan Qiuji’s movements suddenly stopped. Though it felt too deliberate, he stopped nonetheless. Because Qi Bailu had subconsciously said "you," not "us."
He seemed not to realize how heartless his words were, distancing himself completely, sounding as though he had nothing to fear.
How hateful. Ruan Qiuji slowly straightened up behind him. Did he still think he and Zheng Kunyu were in the same boat? Little did he know that in this world, capsizing in the waves was the easiest thing of all.
Ruan Qiuji suddenly let go of him of his own accord. Qi Bailu turned around, keeping his head down as he put his shirt jacket back on over his arms. He leaned his back against the wall and looked at him. He knew Ruan Qiuji was suddenly angry—if that truly was anger.
Actually, he didn't look angry, but Qi Bailu felt he should be. Anyone would be driven to fly into a rage after being rejected like that. The emotions in Ruan Qiuji’s eyes had long since been reined in, suppressed entirely within his dark pupils. Qi Bailu said, "I'm sor—"
"I'm the one who should say sorry. I was too forward," Ruan Qiuji interrupted him.
He withdrew so abruptly, as if the previous moments had merely been a momentary impulse. Qi Bailu’s apology was left hanging. After Ruan Qiuji finished speaking, he made a move to turn away. In his hesitation, Qi Bailu grabbed his hand and said softly, "Ruan Qiuji... I don't know."
His mind was a mess right now; how could he figure it out immediately? He wanted to escape him, yet he felt a sense of loss seeing him leave, his heart practically split in two. He knew full well that Ruan Qiuji was retreating to advance, but still...
Qi Bailu saw Ruan Qiuji standing there looking at him, a trace of loneliness between his brows. He thought of the orange juice and the popcorn, thought of the secret on his phone. In a moment of inexplicable infatuation, he stepped forward and tilted his head up. Grabbing Ruan Qiuji’s hand, his fingers interlacing with Ruan's, he leaned in to kiss his lips.
Ruan Qiuji looked down at his trembling lips. Just as Qi Bailu was about to kiss him, Ruan Qiuji suddenly held his shoulders and tilted his head back, avoiding the kiss. Qi Bailu’s face instantly flushed crimson. He hadn't expected to be rejected, nor had he expected himself to actually want to kiss him. Ruan Qiuji said, "I want you to kiss me willingly."
"Do I look like I'm forcing myself?"
Ruan Qiuji was silent for a moment before finally telling the truth. "Bailu, you’re just too lonely."
At the very last moment, Ruan Qiuji had changed his mind. He could certainly sleep with him now—he could sleep with him a thousand or ten thousand times—but the look in Qi Bailu’s eyes just now was clearly the apprehensive look of someone waiting for a "419." He wanted him as a lover, but Qi Bailu wanted to treat him as a hookup, a substitute for Zheng Kunyu.
"If you do this, I'll think you're playing hard to get."
Ruan Qiuji said, "When you rejected me before, I also thought you were playing hard to get."
"It seems we both have some misunderstandings about each other."
After he spoke, Ruan Qiuji gave a faint smile, and Qi Bailu managed a small smile in return. There was a sense of the two of them smiling away their grievances.
Qi Bailu leaned back against the wall, feeling chagrined by his recklessness just now. He reached into his jeans pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes, only to find he hadn't brought a lighter. Ruan Qiuji walked over to the coffee table to get his own.
Qi Bailu placed a cigarette between his lips without asking if Ruan wanted one. Ruan Qiuji lit it for him. Looking at the silhouette of his profile, Qi Bailu felt a strange, vast sense of uncertainty toward Ruan Qiuji in that flickering moment of the flame, just like when they first met.
Neither of them spoke again, but Qi Bailu knew, and Ruan Qiuji knew, that tonight could only end here.
***
