That evening, everyone had eaten so much that the small cake Lin Murun had pre-ordered felt like a bit of a burden.
"I really can't eat another bite," Zhou Xuan said weakly.
"But there’s no fridge in the dorm. It’ll go bad if we leave it out overnight," Li Menglai said with a frown.
"You can leave it at my place for now," Si Bin said, taking the box from Lin Murun. "It’s right near the school, so it’ll be easy for you to pick up tomorrow."
Lin Murun nodded. "Then I’ll have to trouble you."
Si Bin replied, "It’s no trouble."
Lin Qingqing found it strange. During their post-dinner stroll, she pulled Yu Qianyi aside and whispered, "Does Si Bin always get along this well with my brother?"
Yu Qianyi glanced back at Si Bin and whispered back, "They’ve always been like this. Didn’t you know?"
"Always?" Lin Qingqing asked in surprise. "But my brother never mentioned it."
"Huh?" Yu Qianyi scratched her head. "Unless he wanted to show off, Lin Murun wouldn't really have a reason to go around announcing that he and Si Bin are good friends, right?"
Lin Qingqing still felt something was off. she asked again, "But don't you think it's weird? My brother didn't even know Si Bin before he transferred, yet they’ve become so close in just two months. And... and I feel like Si Bin’s attitude toward my brother is different from how he treats everyone else."
Yu Qianyi thought about it and said, "It does seem a bit different."
"Don't you guys think something's not right?" Lin Qingqing pressed.
"Well... at first, it was a bit shocking, since Si Bin rarely takes the initiative to make friends," Yu Qianyi said. "When the semester started, everyone in our class thought Si Bin would try to trip Lin Murun up because of the class rankings."
"But as it turns out, that was just our stereotype of him. Even though he looks hard to approach, he doesn't bite, and he never causes trouble at No. 1 High. It’s not that far-fetched for him to become friends with a transfer student."
"Is that so?" Lin Qingqing asked hesitantly. "But my brother... I mean, before he met Si Bin, he never really had friends."
Yu Qianyi analyzed the situation. "That’s pretty normal. Lin Murun is quiet, doesn't like to stand out, and is completely focused on his studies. That kind of personality makes it hard to make friends in elementary and middle school. Zhou Xuan is the same way."
"Isn't it a good thing that your brother has a good friend now?" Li Menglai, who had been listening quietly, asked. "Yu Qianyi’s brother is also Si Bin’s friend."
"Exactly, and they only met in high school too," Yu Qianyi added.
Lin Qingqing seemed convinced. The young girl thought for a moment and smiled sheepishly. "Maybe I’m overthinking it. To be honest, I used to think Si Bin was being so nice to my brother for some kind of ulterior motive..."
On the night of Wu Yichen’s birthday, Si Bin had called a ride for them and naturally carried the dead-drunk Lin Murun upstairs, leaving afterward without even stopping for a drink of water. Lin Qingqing had wondered more than once: what if the person drunk that night hadn't been Lin Murun? Would Si Bin have taken such good care of anyone else?
Even though Lin Murun hadn't noticed anything amiss, the incident had remained in Lin Qingqing’s heart like a small but uncomfortable knot.
Yu Qianyi laughed. "Just assume he likes your brother because he’s handsome."
Li Menglai laughed as well. "Maybe he’s after something else, who knows?"
"If he really is after something else, we’ll see it on the Confession Wall downstairs!" Yu Qianyi joked.
Lin Qingqing was stunned. "No way, don't talk nonsense."
Yu Qianyi quickly explained, "I’m just kidding! Doesn't your brother have a girlfriend?"
"Where would he get a girlfriend?" Lin Qingqing laughed.
"Huh?" Yu Qianyi was taken aback. "He doesn't?"
"Who told you that?" Lin Qingqing shook her head. "He really doesn't! Don't believe the rumors, and don't spread them."
Only after Lin Qingqing’s repeated assurances did Yu Qianyi finally believe her.
Consequently, early the next morning, the news that the top student Lin was single spread through the entire Grade 11 liberal arts track like it had wings. From that day on, several "love breakfasts" began appearing on Lin Murun’s desk, drawing envy from others and a watchful gaze from Si Bin—but that was a story for later.
Mentioning the Confession Wall, Li Menglai turned to Lin Qingqing and asked, "If what Yu Qianyi said were true, would you be repulsed?"
"What?" Lin Qingqing didn't understand her meaning for a moment.
"I mean homosexuality," Li Menglai asked again. "What’s your take on it? Would you be repulsed?"
Lin Qingqing thought about it and said seriously, "How could I be? What era are we living in? Besides, sexual orientation is mostly innate... But honestly, even though people say there's freedom to love, many people still get judged by strangers because of it..."
Li Menglai smiled, glanced back at Si Bin and Lin Murun, and said softly, "Actually, besides misunderstanding and criticism, there are also blessings."
Lin Qingqing shook her head. "I just hope my relatives and friends don't have to bear that kind of pressure."
At nine o'clock sharp, the group parted ways at a crossroads.
On the way back to the dorms, only Lin Murun and Lin Qingqing remained. The evening gala wasn't over yet, so there were few pedestrians on campus; it was quiet enough to hear the chirping of insects.
As they passed the Confession Wall beneath the teaching building, Lin Qingqing stopped.
For some reason, the girl’s eyelid had been twitching incessantly. Thinking of Yu Qianyi’s joke from earlier, she suddenly felt a strong sense of unease.
"Brother, do you plan on dating?" she asked tentatively.
Lin Murun turned. "Why the sudden question?"
"No reason... just passing the Confession Wall made me think of it." Lin Qingqing smiled and continued, "What kind of girls do you like?"
Lin Murun was silent for a moment before saying truthfully, "I’ve never really noticed."
Perhaps out of a girl’s intuition, Lin Qingqing felt that Lin Murun was hiding something from her.
"What about an outstanding girl like Li Menglai? You don't like her either?" she pressed.
"She’s my friend," Lin Murun answered.
"What about other girls?" Lin Qingqing asked, her fingers twisting nervously. "Hasn't anyone ever sparked even a tiny bit of interest?"
Lin Murun shook his head. "No."
Lin Qingqing wouldn't give up. "But there will be someone in the future, right?"
Lin Murun looked into her eyes. After a long silence, he gave a nearly imperceptible shake of his head.
Lin Qingqing’s heart sank instantly, and the smile on her face finally crumbled.
"I originally wanted to wait until after graduation to tell you," Lin Murun lowered his gaze and said softly. "Qingqing, back in middle school, I realized that I can only ever see girls as ordinary friends."
He spoke tactfully, but Lin Qingqing understood exactly what he meant.
The night wind was a bit chilly, and Lin Qingqing shivered.
Lin Murun stepped forward. "I’m sorry. If you find this unacceptable..."
"No, no." Lin Qingqing shook her head. "I was just thinking..."
"Hmm?" Lin Murun raised his hand to wipe away the tears that had unconsciously begun to fall.
"What were you thinking?" he asked.
Lin Qingqing sobbed softly. "Even though many people nowadays don't care if their classmates are straight or gay, the outside... I mean, the adult world is so different from school. I’m afraid you’ll suffer a lot," she said incoherently.
"Maybe I will," Lin Murun said softly. "But as for the future, let's worry about it when it comes."
Lin Qingqing raised her hand and haphazardly wiped her tears. "Let me be quiet for a moment."
"Okay." Lin Murun took two steps back, standing silently in the shadow of a streetlamp.
Lin Qingqing’s tears fell even harder. She sobbed for a while before finally stabilizing her emotions.
"Does anyone else know?" she asked, her voice raspy.
"No," Lin Murun replied. "Only you."
"What about Si Bin?" Lin Qingqing asked unclearly.
Lin Murun didn't hear her. "What?"
"Forget it, it’s nothing..." She shook her head, pulled out a tissue that smelled of barbecue smoke from her pocket, and wiped her eyes and nose clean.
"Then if..." she said muffledly into the tissue, "if you ever have someone you like, you must tell me first. I’ll help you hide it from Mom and Dad. If we can't hide it anymore, I’ll help you convince them."
Lin Murun smiled. "Okay, thank you. But telling our parents is something I should do myself."
Lin Qingqing’s tears finally stopped.
Lin Murun patted her shoulder. "Let's go. I’ll walk with you for a bit."
"No," Lin Qingqing shook her head. "I want to go back to the dorm."
"Alright," Lin Murun said gently. "Then I’ll walk you back."
***
Si Bin had just put the cake in the fridge when a WeChat message from Shen Xingzhi popped up on his screen.
"Si Bin, do you have a moment to talk?"
Shen Xingzhi rarely addressed Si Bin by his full name, and he rarely used such a formal tone.
Not knowing what he wanted to discuss, Si Bin picked up his phone, unlocked it, and replied, "Sure."
The voice call interface popped up. Si Bin moved his thumb and pressed accept.
"Finished with your late-night snack?" Shen Xingzhi asked directly as soon as the call connected.
Si Bin laughed. "Which little bird told you this time?"
"I heard you bought a fountain pen from Gao Yuan and gave it to a teacher at their music center?" Shen Xingzhi asked. "Is it the boy who went to your house to play the violin last time?"
"Yeah." Si Bin turned on the light and sat on the sofa. "What about it?"
"Have you..." Shen Xingzhi went silent for a moment on the other end, then asked, "Have you changed your mind?"
"I don't know..." Si Bin looked down.
He knew what Shen Xingzhi was asking. He was the one who had personally said he wouldn't bother Lin Murun again, yet he was also the one who couldn't resist giving a gift this time. Those promises to keep a distance—promises that weren't exactly firm to begin with—seemed like a momentary whim that Si Bin had tossed to the back of his mind after returning from Z City.
"Si Bin, I think you should think this through," Shen Xingzhi sighed. "Instead of being hot and cold, keeping him at arm's length."
Si Bin gripped his phone in silence, not answering.
"Either be brave, or do as you told me before—keep your distance and just treat him as an ordinary classmate," Shen Xingzhi said.
"But I..." Si Bin said blankly. "I just gave him a birthday gift. I wanted him to be happy."
"And then?" Shen Xingzhi asked. "Make him get used to your presence until your relationship is closer than anyone else's?"
"I never thought of it that way," Si Bin frowned.
"But that’s exactly what you’re doing now," Shen Xingzhi said. "You gave him a fountain pen worth over ten thousand yuan as a birthday gift. How do you think he’ll interpret that?"
"He won't think too much of it." Pressed by the questioning, Si Bin felt a bit irritable and instinctively began to evade the issue. "It’s just a pen."
Shen Xingzhi said, "You aren't him. How do you know what he thinks?"
Si Bin didn't reply for a long time.
"Hello?" Shen Xingzhi called out. "Si Bin, are you still there?"
Si Bin tilted his head back, squinting slightly at the ceiling light in the living room. After a long while, he asked, "Cousin, if you were me, what would you do?"
"You’ve already seen the choice I made back then," Shen Xingzhi replied.
Back then, Shen Xingzhi had silently endured a mountain of criticism and cold stares. All that pain had been witnessed by a young Si Bin.
"Are you worried about history repeating itself?" Shen Xingzhi guessed.
Si Bin answered in a low voice, "I’m sorry. I shouldn't have asked that."
"What’s there to apologize for?" Shen Xingzhi laughed. "I don't regret my choice back then. After all, Bei Fan and I truly loved each other."
"Was it worth it?" Si Bin asked.
"It was, and it wasn't," Shen Xingzhi said. "I was young and reckless, always thinking I was special. There are many ways to express one's feelings, but I chose the most conspicuous one. Looking back now, I only feel sorry for Mom and Dad for making them worry so much... and sorry to you."
"Why say that?" Si Bin asked.
Shen Xingzhi replied, "It must be because of my influence that you’re so hesitant, right?"
Having his inner thoughts hit dead-on, Si Bin refused to admit it. "How could that be?"
"Heh..." Shen Xingzhi gave a light chuckle. "As if I don't know you."
Xiao Bai had woken up groggily the moment Si Bin started the call. It drank some water, groomed its fur, and seeing Si Bin still sitting on the sofa, it hopped up, rubbed against him, and let out a soft "miao."
"By the way, I forgot to ask before I left—why did you get another cat?" Shen Xingzhi asked.
Si Bin scratched the cat’s chin and replied, "He found it. I thought it looked pitiful, so I brought it back."
"Tsk..." Shen Xingzhi said. "Si Bin, I think anyone with eyes can see that you like him."
Si Bin’s hand paused. "Is it that obvious?"
"It couldn't be more obvious," Shen Xingzhi said. "If you really like him, find a time to ask him what he thinks."
"Let's wait a bit longer," Si Bin said. "I’m afraid saying it out of the blue will scare him."
"Fine, as long as you know what you're doing." Shen Xingzhi let out a yawn. "I’m hanging up then. You're a grown man, yet you're still making an old man like me worry from across the ocean."
"Yeah," Si Bin smiled. "Thanks, Cousin."
After hanging up, Si Bin tapped on Lin Murun’s WeChat profile picture.
"I’ll bring the cake to school tomorrow so it’s easier for you to eat it with your friends."
A moment later, Lin Murun responded: "Will you join us too?"
Staring at that short question on the screen, Si Bin couldn't help but curl his lips into a smile.
"I will," he replied.
***
| Chinese | English | Notes/Explanation |
| :--- | :--- | :--- |
| 表白墙 | Confession Wall | A social media page or physical board where students post anonymous crushes or messages. |
| 沈行知 | Shen Xingzhi | Si Bin's older cousin. |
| 贝凡 | Bei Fan | Shen Xingzhi's former lover. |
| 耳报神 | Little bird / Informant | Literally "ear-reporting god," refers to someone who provides secret information. |
| 鸡肋 | Chicken ribs / A burden | An idiom for something that is of little use but feels like a waste to discard. |
