My whole life, I have been dedicated to sending him down a path diametrically opposed to my own.
How could I speak of regret?
***
Twenty years ago, the world knew neither the Vertical and Horizontal alliances nor the Zhongli Manor.
From the five lakes to the four seas, across the seven sects and twelve factions, all took orders from the Hall of Vain Lives on the banks of the Wushui River.
Under the command of the Hall of Vain Lives were the Ten Yama Kings, each possessing unique strengths. They were masters of the Qimen Dunjia arts and skilled in the treacherous ways of voodoo and sorcery; they were invincible, never losing a battle. Whenever the Master of the Hall of Vain Lives traveled, he was accompanied by a six-horse black-armored iron cavalry. They held no regard for the laws of the land, and none could stand against them.
The Hall of Vain Lives was ruthless and extreme, having long since incited public outrage. To consolidate their foundation, they demanded that the leader of every sect send a person of significant status to the Hall of Vain Lives to serve as a hostage.
Though Zhongli Manor was situated on a major thoroughfare in the Central Plains, it was, after all, a small and insignificant household. For several years, they had been overlooked. When the order to provide a hostage finally fell upon the head of the Manor’s master, Zhongli Qian, his second son, Zhongli Zixi, was crouching by the river watching his older brother teach him how to catch fish. That year, the eldest son, Zixu, was nine, and the second son, Zixi, was seven.
Before Zixu could catch a single fish, he was hauled out of the river by a guard, clutching a pocketful of tiny shrimp. He was shoved all the way to the presence of the Family Head. Zixi followed at a trot behind him. By the time he reached the entrance of the main hall, he heard his father saying to his brother, "Pack your things. You are going on a long journey tomorrow."
Zixi peeked inside and saw his mother in the corner, secretly wiping away tears.
Zixu came out of the hall and stuffed the shrimp into his younger brother’s arms. "Xiao Xi, keep these for me. They should be grown by the time I get back. We’ll eat them together then."
Zixi carried the shrimp to his father and asked, "Where is Brother going?"
His father shook his head. "To the place he must go. This is his responsibility."
Zixi asked, "Can I go too?"
His mother said through tears, "What nonsense are you talking! If you both leave, how is Mother supposed to live?"
His mother was a gentle yet resilient person; Zixi had never seen her cry in public. Seeing her expression of deep bitterness, he knew there was more to the matter, but despite repeated questioning, he received no answers and could only return to his room in frustration.
In the middle of the night, Zixi tossed and turned, unable to sleep. He crept out of bed, stepping over his sleeping brother, and tiptoed to his parents' door. Inside, he heard the sounds of a heated argument.
"Xu’er is the eldest son. He is bound to be the next Master of Zhongli Manor. If he doesn’t go, who will?"
"I heard from Sister Lu of Changluo Studio that the Hall of Vain Lives subjects the hostages to all kinds of torture. Last year, all thirty-odd hostages sent there were tortured to death. Is that really true?"
"To say they all died is an exaggeration, but it is true that at least half have never been heard from again. The eldest son of Guan Jie from Jinguan Court was sent in three years ago and vanished like a stone in the ocean... Those who went to inquire never returned either. This matter is unavoidable; we can only leave it to Xu’er’s fate."
"I also heard the hostages are taken for drug trials and to refine venomous insects. Xu’er is only nine... how can he endure it... *sob*..."
"I cannot bear it either, but what choice is there? *Sigh*... We can only blame the fact that Zhongli Manor is weak and isolated, leaving us to be bullied by others."
Zixi didn't understand most of it, but he knew clearly that if his brother went, he would surely die.
He covered his mouth, running back to his room in a panic. His brother was still soundly immersed in his dreams. Zixi crouched by the bed and watched him for a while, his tears falling pitter-patter. He was, after all, only a seven-year-old child; when faced with trouble, he had no recourse but to cry.
Zixu was awakened by his brother. Startled by the sight, he quickly pulled Zixi into the quilt to comfort him. "Why are you crying? Did you have a nightmare? Don't be afraid, Brother is here. Wow, your feet are so cold, let me warm them for you..." Still half-asleep, he drifted off again after a few words.
After he finished crying, Zixi calmed down and shook his brother awake to explain the danger. Nine-year-old Zhongli Zixu was utterly confused, not understanding the gravity of the situation.
After thinking for a moment, Zixi dragged his brother out and stuffed him under the bed to hide. "Tomorrow, I won't come looking for you. No matter who calls, do not come out."
Zixu asked in confusion, "Eh? What is this for?"
Zixi urged him repeatedly, "Brother, don't worry about it. Just don't come out. I won't let anything happen to you."
He went out alone to the servants' quarters next door and called out a young page he was familiar with. This page was close in age and build to the two brothers. Zixi had him put on a set of his brother's clothes and ushered him into the carriage, covering him with bedding to pretend he was asleep. He lied to the page, saying it was a game of hide-and-seek and that there would be a great reward after they finished playing.
The page scratched his head sheepishly. "I like playing with the two young masters. I don't need a reward."
Zixi felt a pang of guilt and nodded solemnly. "Thank you. I will always remember this."
Zixi returned to his room with a heavy heart. When he pushed the door open and saw that Zixu had crawled back onto the bed and was snoring away, he was instantly struck by an extraordinary terror. As he stuffed him under the bed again, Zixu was still shouting, "No! The floor is so cold! I want to go back to bed!"
Left with no other choice, Zixi used hemp rope to bind his brother's hands and feet, stuffed his mouth with cotton cloth, and firmly secured him to the bed frame underneath.
Zhongli Zixi did not sleep all night. He sat by the bed, enduring until the first light of dawn, then was the first to rush to the carriage.
The people seeing them off were busy nearby, but he dismissed them all with a few words. When his parents came to look, he said, "Brother said he’s tired. He already went to the carriage to sleep. Don't disturb him."
His mother lifted the carriage curtain to take a look and nodded through her tears. "Sleep well then. Mother won't disturb you." Unable to bear looking any longer, she ran back to the rear courtyard.
The crowd watched the carriage depart into the distance, then dispersed.
Having finished his performance with his heart in his throat, Zixi returned to his room. He untied his brother, dragged him out from under the bed, and held him, weeping silently.
Zixu was inevitably angry after being tied up all night, but seeing how heart-wrenchingly his brother was crying, his heart softened.
Zixi sobbed, "I'm so scared, Brother. Father and Mother were going to give you away. Let's run away."
Zixu patted his back gently. "What nonsense are you saying? It's fine."
Zixi knew he didn't understand. He could only plead desperately, "I will never hurt you. You have to believe me, Brother."
The marks from the rope on Zixu's wrists and ankles still throbbed with pain, but he still nodded. "Mhm. I've always believed you."
Zixi spent the day trying to persuade him, but his brother still didn't understand. With no other options, Zixi planned to use a mix of coaxing and trickery to drag him away under the cover of night. As soon as the sun set, Zixi pulled his brother along, slipping out of the courtyard by hugging the walls. When they reached the main gate, his breath hitched.
Zhongli Manor had a guest.
Ten skeletal white thrones, six iron-clad horses.
The pitch-black warhorses stood motionless in the night, their crimson pupils dangerous and eerie. Sitting cross-legged atop the carriage canopy was a young man dressed in blood-red robes, looking down with cold, disdainful eyes at the crowd. His father, Zhongli Qian, along with other relatives and servants, were kneeling on the ground, trembling. The world was silent, deathly still, save for the drum-like thumping of hearts.
"A remote place like this was quite hard to find. You certainly have the nerve to play little tricks. How surprising." The youth in blood-red robes weighed a black cloth bundle in his hand, turning it a few times. His expression was cold, showing none of the joy his words suggested; instead, it seeped with a chilling frost. "This is a meeting gift. Keep it well."
He tossed it casually toward Zhongli Qian. Zhongli Qian didn't dare catch it, so it slid past his ear and rolled to the threshold, stopping not far from the two brothers.
Unaware of the situation, Zixu bent down to pick up the bundle. It was rounded, not very hard—soft, even. He didn't know what it was, but it felt sticky and somewhat damp.
Zhongli Zixu opened the bundle.
Inside was his mother’s head, still warm.
Zixu let out a scream and instinctively let go, recoiling. Seeing that his mother was about to hit the ground, Zixi acted with lightning speed to catch the bundle, quickly covering those almond eyes that had died without peace and wrapping it back up. He stood there in a daze, holding the blood-soaked bundle, at a total loss.
The onlookers who saw what it was all gasped, and Zhongli Qian’s eyes nearly split with rage. He rushed over and grabbed his eldest son’s hand, saying in disbelief, "Xu’er?! Weren't you sent to the Hall of Vain Lives? Why are you still here?!"
The youth in blood-red robes raised his eyes slightly and let out a scoff at those words.
The eldest son, Zixu, was too traumatized by the sudden turn of events to speak. The second son, Zixi, hurriedly said, "I was the one who hid Brother! It has nothing to do with him!"
Zhongli Qian flew into a violent rage and slapped him hard across the face. "You beast! You're going to get us all killed!!"
Zixu asked blankly, "Mother is dead? Why is she dead? Brother, you... what exactly did you do?"
Zixi shook his head frantically. "It wasn't me! I didn't mean to..."
"You still say it wasn't you! What kind of clever little tricks did you think you were playing?! You wretch!" Zhongli Qian delivered another vicious slap.
Zixi was struck to the ground, dazed. After a long while, he asked, "The ones who wanted to send Brother to his death were others. The one who killed Mother was someone else. Why is all the
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