The green-eyed zombie lingered atop the mountain peak for a long time. Its blood had congealed, forming purple scabs over its black liturgical robes. It was severely wounded; the restrictions of the Demon Path had corroded its flesh. Had a zombie’s body not been one that achieved sanctity through physical cultivation, it would have been nothing more than a pile of withered bones by now. It felt the pain in every inch of its marrow. The blood of the Drought Ghoul, the eternal life that no longer belonged to the darkness—it had obtained everything it had sought through this period of ascetic cultivation, yet it felt as though, upon succeeding, it had lost everything else.
It sat alone on the peak. The faint scent of soap locust that once clung to it had been replaced by the stench of putrid blood. The sachet was still in its hand; it spread its palm, gazing at the embroidery with meticulous care.
"Cough. Amitabha. Does the benefactor intend to sit here until he turns into a 'Waiting-for-Wife' Stone? Legend says there is a 'Waiting-for-Husband' Stone on Mount Tu; if so, this poor monk could move you there to make a pair."
Huo turned his head to see Guanyin. He still held his pure vase, his black hair contrasting with his white robes, surrounded by a divine radiance. Because of his auspicious presence, the mountainside seemed to gain an extra touch of celestial grace.
Huo ignored him. Even though it was currently extremely weak—to the point that even Fan Shaojing, who had not yet returned to his divine seat, could kill it—Guanyin remained utterly unbothered. He strolled over and sat directly beside Huo. "Huo, how about you and I strike a deal?"
Huo’s eyes remained fixed on the sachet in its hand, tracing the fine, exquisite needlework as if it hadn't heard a word.
Guanyin began to sigh. "Alas, alas. Forget it then. This poor monk thought the person who embroidered that sachet might be a bit better looking than the sachet itself."
As soon as the words fell, he turned to leave. The green-eyed zombie finally spoke: "What do you mean?"
Its voice was dry and raspy, the green in its eyes dim like a sky full of clouds before a storm. Guanyin leaned in close. "A deal. This poor monk can allow you to reconnect the severed threads of fate between you and the benefactor Gongxi."
The green-eyed zombie stood up. "Where is she?"
Guanyin pulled a willow branch from his pure vase and toyed with it. After a long silence, he asked, "You don't ask the conditions?"
"I don't care about the conditions. But if you dare to lie to me..."
Guanyin cut in, "You'll level the three realms?"
The green-eyed zombie glared. "I'll strangle you to death!"
"Tsk!" Guanyin shook his head again. "The benefactor Gongxi secretly buried the Water Pearl, causing the San-tu River to burst its banks and harming the Path of Humanity. Huo, if from now on she can only be an ordinary person, experiencing birth, old age, sickness, and death, never again able to escape the six paths of reincarnation—would you still love her?"
The green-eyed zombie simply repeated the same question: "Where is she?"
Guanyin handed it an object—a handwritten transcript of a page from the Register of Fate of the Underworld. As the green-eyed zombie turned to leave, Guanyin called out to it again, "You can't mate with a human infant!"
***
The pilgrims at Guantian Court were as numerous as ever. Yaoguang had buried his master, Perfected Gongxi, on the back mountain, and the court operated as usual. He was better at management than Qiao'er had been; most visiting pilgrims were more than willing to offer incense money. Without Qiao'er, Guantian Court seemed unaffected, just as it had been when it lost Fan Shaohuang.
Guanyin was shaking the Money Tree on the beach; this had become part of his daily routine. Fan Shaohuang watched from within the formation with a grim face. Having such a celestial colleague was clearly not a pleasant experience.
Guanyin, however, didn't care in the least. "Celestial friend, I imagine that girl had deep intentions when she planted this tree here. If not for this, how could this poor monk come to visit you every day?"
At the mention of Qiao'er, a trace of a smile appeared on Fan Shaohuang's lips. He turned his face to look at the small grave mound beside the formation. His gaze held a flicker of warmth, and his words lost their initial disdain. "A fool, always doing foolish things."
Guanyin finished shaking the gold leaves and dug up a jar of Autumn Dew White from beneath the tree, pouring it before the formation. Though he was wild and unrestrained, he never transgressed Buddhist precepts, so he did not touch the alcohol and could not drink with Fan Shaohuang.
Fan Shaohuang drank the wine. "You sent her into reincarnation?"
Guanyin was rolling a gold leaf to blow a tune. After a while, he replied, "Mhm. When she crossed the River Lethe, she asked me to bring you a message: Thank you."
Fan Shaohuang gave a cold snort. After calculating Qiao'er's fate, he had asked Fan Shaojing to find Guanyin. Otherwise, given the transgressions Qiao'er had committed, even if the God Realm didn't make things difficult for her, she would have certainly fallen into the Animal Path on the Ledger of Merit and Fault. He just didn't know how that seemingly dim-witted girl had found out.
"Actually, that girl wasn't bad," Guanyin patted the wine jar. "She was quite devoted to you."
The Ancient War God Yinglong drank his wine and snorted coldly. "She was a disciple taught by me; that goes without saying."
There was a hint of pride in his voice, which made Guanyin dissatisfied. "To think there's someone even more self-important than this poor monk... did she ever actually formally acknowledge you as her master? Thinking about it really makes me feel slighted. You pitied her for so long, yet when she left, she prepared a ten-year supply of Autumn Dew White for you. I consumed countless amounts of good karma to offset her evil fruits, yet I didn't see her compensate me with anything. Hmph!"
As the two deities were bickering, Yaoguang approached with a smile. "Bodhisattva, you have violated the precept against anger. Look, didn't my master leave this Money Tree for you...?"
Guanyin found this quite reasonable and went forward to hug the tree and shake it vigorously. That tree was also an extraordinary thing, quite lecherous in nature. If a beauty stood beneath it, it wouldn't drop a single leaf no matter how hard you shook it unless you hugged it tight. If an ugly person stood beneath it, well, there was no helping it—even if you hugged it until it broke, it stubbornly refused to drop a leaf...
For this reason, the Nine-Headed Bird, Guiche, had threatened several times that one day he would chop the tree into eighty-one segments...
***
The residence of Member Liu in Jizhou.
The green-eyed zombie had been hiding there for several days. It was very confused. Guanyin had only told it to wait here, but there were so many young ladies and maidservants in this manor—which one was its Qiao'er?
It could wait, of course. Just the thought of seeing her made its heart surge like waves on a lake. But because it wasn't sure which one was Qiao'er, it took it upon itself to protect every lady and maid in the house, treating each one as if she were Qiao'er. It even felt a pang of distress when the second miss pricked her finger with a needle.
After another two days, it finally had an epiphany—Qiao'er had only left it a few days ago. How could she be so big already!
So it began to search for female infants in the Liu residence. However, the youngest girl in the manor was already two and a half years old. On the other hand, the mother cat had given birth to four kittens last night...
The thought of this made its hair stand on end. Unable to tell which one was Qiao'er, it had to protect all four kittens along with the mother cat, fearing they might be bullied. The mother cat, being much more sensitive than humans, naturally sensed its origins. She was terrified, trembling and living in constant fear. After a few days, she didn't dare eat anything and was on the verge of starving to death, leaving the zombie frantically searching for milk to feed the kittens.
On the fourth day, Member Liu's sixth concubine went into labor. The green-eyed zombie finally breathed a sigh of relief—this had to be it, right?
It waited anxiously in the courtyard, more stressed than Member Liu himself. An hour later, the child was carried out. In its shock, it hid its form to take a look. One look, and it started cursing—it was a boy!
"Dammit!" It suspiciously peeked at the child's little bird, but there was no mistake; it was indeed a boy. It began to panic. What would it do if she had turned into a boy...
Just as its mind was racing, another loud cry of an infant came from the room. A moment later, the midwife came out again, shouting repeatedly, "Congratulations, Member Liu! It's a girl as well!"
The green-eyed zombie finally relaxed. Unable to wait for the midwife to bring her out, it vanished and ran into the delivery room to look. It even found the sixth concubine, who was drenched in sweat on the bed, to be exceptionally beautiful.
Member Liu, however, doted on his son and didn't even spare a glance at the girl the midwife held. The green-eyed zombie glared at him in fury, then thought that since she was its own Qiao'er, it would be enough if it doted on her itself. Even if he wanted to dote on her, the zombie wouldn't let him! Hmph!
Its wounds had not yet healed, and its flesh was still rotting. Staying in Qiao'er's room for a long time created a certain smell. As time passed, the people in the manor began to gossip, saying the ninth miss was born with the scent of a rotting corpse and was likely an ill omen.
Member Liu didn't like daughters to begin with, and with his other wives and concubines egging him on, he immediately decided to send this daughter to a country estate to be raised by a wet nurse. The sixth concubine was unwilling to part with her, but she had no say in the household and could only watch as her barely month-old daughter was sent away. Before they left, she asked Member Liu to give the child a name. Seeing the narcissuses in full bloom, Member Liu waved his hand dismissively. "Just call her Liu Shuixian."
The green-eyed zombie was livid. Narcissus my foot! Immortal my foot!
It followed Qiao'er to the estate. The infant was too small; it wanted to hold her but didn't know where to start. The wet nurse was not a diligent soul either; with no one to supervise her on the estate, she was often out of the room. The green-eyed zombie was happy for the privacy. Occasionally, when the charcoal fire in the room went out, it would tuck her into its arms, warming her with its body heat.
Finally, Guanyin couldn't stand to watch any longer. "Look after yourself first. If you keep this up, you'll kick the bucket before she even grows up."
The green-eyed zombie thought about it and realized he was right. Moreover, if it wanted to heal its wounds, the spiritual energy here was insufficient. If it insisted on staying, once the spiritual energy was depleted, she was so fragile that she certainly wouldn't survive. But leaving here, it couldn't bear to part with Qiao'er.
Guanyin was more practical. "Stabilize your injuries first. It will only take about ten years or so. Come back in ten years when she's at the age when her first feelings of love are blooming. You won't miss anything."
The green-eyed zombie lingered at the estate for another two months. It truly couldn't hold on any longer; its body would automatically absorb the surrounding spiritual energy, and staying any longer would be bad for Qiao'er. Before leaving, it came up with a wicked plan. That night, it entered the dream of Qiao'er's father in this life—Member Liu. Thinking the man might not recognize its true form, it transformed into the female aspect of Guanyin. It pointed at the man's nose and said, "Old man Liu, don't be ungrateful. Your ninth daughter is a celestial being descended to earth, a person of great wealth and status. The future fortune of your Liu family depends entirely on her. If you treat her poorly, hmph!"
It figured this might not be enough to stimulate him, so it suddenly thrust its face forward until it was barely an inch from his nose. Its eyes bulged wide and round, fangs extended two inches long, and its hands curved into claws: "RAAARGH!"
"AHHH—!" Member Liu screamed even louder than the zombie, sitting bolt upright in bed, drenched in a cold sweat. He called out with a trembling voice, "Quick! Go to the estate and bring the ninth miss back! Ah, it's cold outside; you must put more warm braziers in the sedan chair. Be careful, you must not let the young miss catch a cold! Go, quickly!"
The servants responded and hurried off. Member Liu was naturally a bit of a believer in Buddhism; he immediately began to thumb the prayer beads on his wrist, murmuring, "Namo Guanshiyin Pusa, Namo Guanshiyin Pusa..."
***
The green-eyed zombie returned to the Heaven Beyond Heavens. The red-eyed zombie and the two ancient cave zombies were all at Guantian Court; only the red-robed zombie remained at the Heaven Beyond Heavens to wait for it. During its period of secluded healing, the red-robed zombie had been serving it. Xuerong and the Demon Spirit Fetus were a married couple; now that they no longer needed to act, they naturally huddled together in sweet domesticity.
These gods, spirits, and demons truly had no concept of time. Having cultivated for so long and possessing such long lives, time was like a vast, boundless snowy plain—everywhere the eye could see was a blur of white, with no end in sight, and no way to know how far or how long one had traveled.
The red-robed zombie looked after it with meticulous care, even obtaining fresh human blood to help heal its divine body.
The green-eyed zombie looked at it with a sharp gaze. The red-robed zombie only smiled. "I learned from Perfected Gongxi and bought it from humans. I did not trouble them in the slightest."
The green-eyed zombie nodded. "Leave it there."
Once its wounds had healed somewhat, the green-eyed zombie thought about looking for Qiao'er, but it was sought out by Guanyin again. The God Realm was as lively as ever; there was not a hint of tension regarding the arrival of the Master of the Heaven Beyond Heavens. At that time, the Jade Emperor was busy watching a cuju match, using a massive water mirror. Below the water mirror, there was even a line of text in some unknown language: *Made in Guantianyuan.*
It was actually an import...
"Dammit! Shoot! Shoot! You clumsy oaf!" The Jade Emperor was clearly enraged. Several war gods, however, were in high spirits. "Ahaha, four to zero. Your Majesty, you've lost again."
The Jade Emperor flicked his sleeve and turned around, instantly regaining the demeanor of the Ruler of the Three Realms. "You lot, doing nothing but playing all day, losing your will to toys and failing to make progress. Do you still look like Ancient War Gods? Pass my decree: there will be a grand examination in the God Realm tomorrow. Anyone who ranks low will have three months of their salary docked!"
Several war gods immediately burst into tears. "Jade Emperor, please no—Yamete..."
Seeing the green-eyed zombie arrive, the Jade Emperor finally cheered up a bit. "Master of the Heaven Beyond Heavens, wahaha, seeing you is truly the best thing that's happened today."
The green-eyed zombie stood in the hall with its face turned slightly away. Guanyin pressed his palms together in greeting. "Your Majesty, this poor monk and the benefactor Huo have reached an agreement. Because the benefactor Huo has been moved by this poor monk's influence, he is willing to join this poor monk's sect and serve as the divine beast beneath this poor monk's seat."
The Jade Emperor spat a mouthful of tea all over the face of the General of the Rolling Curtain. The green-eyed zombie’s face turned iron-blue, its eyes downcast and silent. As it happened, the Jade Emperor was the type who loved nothing more than chaos. "Bodhisattva, I wish to try riding him once. May I?"
Guanyin, with his white robes and black hair, looked every bit the peaceful celestial. "Beloved beast, come and crouch down." Then he said respectfully to the Jade Emperor, "Your Majesty, please."
The Jade Emperor stroked his fine beard and was about to step forward when suddenly, a Buddhist chant echoed from outside the hall, sounding like a great bronze bell.
In an instant, the faces of all the gods and Buddhas turned bitter. Guanyin, having a stronger psychological constitution than the other Bodhisattvas, stepped forward with a smile. "Welcome, Master."
The newcomer was indeed the Buddha of the Western Paradise, Tathagata. He had a snail-shell hairstyle, a square face with large ears, and was radiating ten thousand beams of Buddha-light, with celestial music faintly echoing around him. At the moment, he was full of smiles. "Amitabha. Disciple, you have obtained such a wonderful thing, yet you didn't tell your master!"
There was an inexhaustible sense of grievance in his voice, giving all the gods and Buddhas goosebumps. Guanyin felt even worse. The Buddha of the Western Paradise’s divine powers were already unfathomably deep; he was intentionally exerting pressure, making it difficult for even Guanyin to maintain his composure. "Master, it is all your disciple's fault. But this mount..." He gritted his teeth and finally steeled his heart. "Your disciple originally intended to offer it to you, Master."
There was a well-known sense of grievance in Guanyin's voice as well. If he weren't in front of the Buddha, he would have already covered his face and started sobbing. The gods and Buddhas all broke into a cold sweat—they truly were master and disciple.
Seeing that it was about to change hands, the green-eyed zombie had its own idea. "I'm staying with Guanyin."
The Buddha was greatly perplexed. "This poor monk is the Buddha of the Western Paradise, the Honorable Shakyamuni. If you follow me, wouldn't it be more prestigious than following my unworthy disciple?"
The green-eyed zombie looked at Guanyin, then looked at him. After a long silence, it squeezed out a sentence: "But you are heavier than Guanyin."
The gods and Buddhas of the heavens collapsed in laughter.
The Buddha pounded the ground in tragic indignation. "Lose weight! I must lose weight!!"
***
Inside the hall, both the Jade Emperor and the Buddha vied to try riding it once. When they came out, the green-eyed zombie's face was as dark as still water. Guanyin patted its shoulder. "These gods and Buddhas all came from cultivation just like you. They aren't as bad as you imagine, and they certainly aren't your enemies. Anyway, when dealing with them, if you take them seriously, you've already lost."
The green-eyed zombie looked up at him, its voice devoid of any anger. "Do you think I should feel humiliated right now?" It met Guanyin's gaze, the corners of its mouth curving into a faint, hidden smile. "I don't feel slighted. It's worth it. It's very much worth it."
Guanyin watched its retreating back—still with silver hair and black robes, surrounded by the shimmering colors of flames. Even though it had become his mount, it still exuded the innate free-spiritedness and pride of an Ancient War God.
***
| Chinese | English | Notes/Explanation |
| :--- | :--- | :--- |
| 望妇石 | Waiting-for-Wife Stone | A play on the "Waiting-for-Husband Stone" (望夫石) legend. |
| 涂山 | Mount Tu | A legendary mountain associated with the wife of Yu the Great. |
| 柳水仙 | Liu Shuixian | The name given to Qiao'er's reincarnation; Shuixian means Narcissus. |
| 员外 | Member / Squire | A title for a wealthy landowner or local gentleman. |
| 压灭爹 | Yamete | A Chinese transliteration of the Japanese "Yamete" (Stop/Don't), used here as internet slang for comedic effect. |
| 卷帘大将 | General of the Rolling Curtain | A divine title, famously held by Sha Wujing before his exile in Journey to the West. |
| 如来 | Tathagata / Buddha | The historical Buddha, depicted here with a humorous personality. |
| 释加牟尼 | Shakyamuni | Another name for the Buddha. |
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