"If someone is subconsciously good to you, and every time they see you, their joy is an instinctive reaction, then you must hide that person away."
A young Zhou Shu had come across this sentence somewhere. Upon returning home, he scribbled it onto a sticky note, ran to the house across the street, and plastered it onto the bedroom door of a certain little boy.
At the time, he didn't fully grasp the meaning of those words. He only knew that his first reaction upon reading them was a desperate urge to hide the younger brother who lived across the hall.
The boy was three years younger than him and understood even less. He simply tucked the note away obediently and listened intently to every word his older brother said.
Zhou Shu had said, "Yan-yan, I’m definitely going to differentiate into an Alpha, and you’ll definitely be an Omega. Once you differentiate, I’ll mark you, okay?"
The young Jin Yan had only a vague concept of differentiation and marking, but his brother told him that once they were marked, they would never be separated again.
He had heard that after being marked, only one's partner could smell their pheromones.
It was a unique, absolute form of possession—a result that all those in love yearned for.
Jin Yan had loved clinging to his brother since he first learned to walk. Though he hadn't yet learned how to love someone, he knew that being by his brother's side brought him nothing but happiness and contentment.
Zhou Shu was the warmest brother in the world. Jin Yan had decided from a young age that he would never part from him.
Later, Zhou Shu differentiated into an Alpha during middle school. Consequently, Jin Yan began to look forward to the day he would differentiate into an Omega.
Once he differentiated, his brother could mark him.
Words spoken in childhood are often coated in a thick filter by the passage of time. Jin Yan had gilded Zhou Shu’s old words into a solemn promise between them.
As long as they reached the day of differentiation, they would be together forever.
But Jin Yan waited until the end of middle school, and the day never came. He watched as his brother graduated high school and prepared for university.
Sure enough, when Zhou Shu went to college, he left Haicheng for the capital. Their daily meetings turned into once a month, or even once every few months.
Jin Yan watched helplessly as strangers he didn't know began to surround his brother. He listened to stories of things that happened between them, and for the first time, a heavy sense of powerlessness took root in his heart.
*Why haven't I differentiated yet? If I don't soon, Brother will forget our promise.*
Finally, Jin Yan reached the age of eighteen. Following a grand coming-of-age ceremony, he entered a painful period of differentiation.
Because it was a late-onset differentiation, the pre-differentiation discomfort lasted for a week, and on the actual day, he lost consciousness entirely.
Jin Yan endured forty-eight hours of a persistent high fever and constant delirious mumbling.
Zhou Shu took leave to stay by his side for those two days, personally witnessing the process of Jin Yan’s pheromones manifesting from nothing.
At first, it was the scent of misty rain mixed with green grass. Then, it transformed into the sensation of walking through a forest in the rain. Finally, Zhou Shu felt as if he were standing on a cloud-piercing mountain peak, surrounded by trees amidst a torrential downpour; he was nearly suffocated by the lashing rain.
The storm surged into the sea, kicking up layers of waves. The scent of sea salt mingled with the rain, making it impossible to distinguish between chaotic loss and inseparable longing.
Zhou Shu felt that something was increasingly wrong. It wasn't until he heard the doctor say, "Jin Yan has differentiated into an Alpha," that he snapped out of it as if waking from a dream.
When Jin Yan woke up, the discomfort hadn't fully receded, but he could vaguely sense the changes in his body.
For instance, he could feel his scent gland. And for another, he could finally smell the scent of Zhou Shu’s pheromones.
Perhaps because they had grown up together, even though neither Alpha had restrained their pheromones, there was no reaction of mutual repulsion.
Because of this, Jin Yan didn't notice anything amiss at first—until he saw Zhou Shu sitting by his bed, staring silently out the window.
He asked, "Brother, what’s wrong?"
It took a long while before Zhou Shu turned his eyes toward him. With bloodshot eyes, he said, "Yan-yan, you differentiated into an Alpha. I can't mark you anymore..."
In that moment, Jin Yan’s first reaction was actually relief.
So, Zhou Shu still remembered the promise. He wasn't the only one who had been sentimental.
But what followed was a long silence in the room. No one spoke another word after that sentence. It wasn't until the bedroom door clicked shut and Jin Yan lay in the room filled with the scent of his own pheromones that he finally cleared his head.
Eighteen years of waiting had culminated in a joke.
After that day, it was as if something had come between them—invisible and intangible, yet undeniably real.
During that period, thin clouds always circled the skies over the Haicheng sea, as if deliberately obstructing rainfall in the area.
They both knew that some things had changed.
"Brother, can you accept an AA relationship?" Those were the last words Jin Yan had said to Zhou Shu five years ago.
He would never forget the look in Zhou Shu’s eyes after hearing that sentence. They were filled with fear and unease, as if he were desperate to escape.
What finally caused Jin Yan to give up hope were Zhou Shu’s three words.
He said, "It’s impossible."
And so, those eighteen years of waiting and that filtered promise completely turned into a joke that would never be made public, hidden away in the black hole of his heart.
Zhou Shu would never know that his awkward, defensive three words had pushed Jin Yan to the other side of the world.
Going abroad and leaving without saying goodbye was the best solution Jin Yan could think of at the time.
Jin Yan hated his gender. He loathed being an Alpha, yet he had no choice but to accept it.
This contradiction caused him to toss and turn every night, tormenting him constantly.
It was like a wandering soul finally finding a body to inhabit, only to find it was the very shell it despised most. Thus, every time he stood before a mirror was his most agonizing moment.
Jin Yan endured three years like this, immersing himself in endless academic research, leaving no time for anything else.
Until two years ago, when an even bigger joke entered his life.
Fate seemed to favor arranging scripts with obscure plots for him.
And just when Jin Yan had finally decided to return home, gathering the courage to face his ridiculous twenty-three years of life, someone was now telling him that someone else had birthed a second personality for him.
And that person was the one he had hidden in his heart since his earliest memories.
It was all too incredible, like a meticulously woven dream.
The dream was beautiful and full of surprises, but it was simply too surreal—so surreal that trepidation had long since trampled over the joy in his heart, fearing the dream would end at any moment.
Zhu Lili seemed exceptionally serious today, patiently interpreting this dream for Jin Yan. Once her task was done, she leaned against the sofa playing with her phone, completely unbothered by the heavy silence.
These two fools were clearly trapped in the middle of it, being awkward and tormenting each other. Zhu Lili saw this with such clarity that she was confident enough not to need confirmation.
She gave him plenty of time to process it alone. By the time Jin Yan snapped back to reality, she was beside him, changing her nail color.
"Sorry, Julia," Jin Yan said, finally realizing his lapse in etiquette. "I was a bit of a mess just now. It took some time to straighten out my thoughts."
Zhu Lili didn't look up, merely curling the corner of her mouth. "It’s fine. I understand." She finished the last nail, unhurriedly capped the bottle with her fingers splayed, and placed one hand under the UV lamp. "Go ahead. What do you want to ask?"
"The reason." Jin Yan’s eyes never left Zhou Shu’s face, but his voice was somewhat faint. "The reason... Zhou Duo appeared."
"Not long after you left, I reckon." She gestured with her chin toward the person lying on the sofa. "This guy was angry, awkward, pining, and regretful. Then he locked himself in a closet."
Locked himself in a closet...
Hearing this, Jin Yan’s heart began to ache. Little did he know, the person opposite him was about to add more to that dull pain.
Zhu Lili added, "Your closet."
Jin Yan looked up. Zhu Lili saw his eyes flickering intensely; his furrowed brows hadn't relaxed once.
"He was unconscious when they found him. When he woke up, he was Zhou Duo." Zhu Lili didn't seem to intend to give Jin Yan time to recover, throwing out information continuously, forcing him to accept it.
"He has claustrophobia..." Jin Yan’s voice trembled slightly at the end.
"Yes, so that had a huge impact." Zhu Lili had long expected his reaction. "So, do you understand what I mean?" She shrugged and said two words: "Self-torment."
"You said only you know." After a long while, Jin Yan finally thought of something else he should ask. "Do his parents not know either?"
"Zhou Duo refuses to say anything; he just cries and looks for his 'brother,' but luckily he’s very obedient. And Zhou Shu knows exactly who Zhou Duo is, so of course, he won't tell the truth. His parents saw that Zhou Shu wasn't being affected much by the second personality, so they stopped asking." Zhu Lili smiled, took her hand out of the UV lamp, and blew on her newly painted nails, looking quite proud of herself. "Zhou Duo trusts me and treats me like an older sister, so I know everything."
"Zhou Shu knows who Zhou Duo is..." Jin Yan murmured softly, looking utterly lost.
Zhu Lili blinked and looked at him sideways. "Don't tell me *you* don't know who Zhou Duo is?"
Jin Yan ignored the question, his throat bobbing as he swallowed. He continued, "Zhou Duo said she wakes up when she smells my scent."
"Something similar to your scent, like after a heavy rain," Zhu Lili said. "It’s likely a trigger of the Proust Effect, but not every time." She thought back and added, "From my observation, it depends on how much he misses you... when the Proust Effect is triggered." Her tone was meaningful, like a scorpion with a hooked tail.
Jin Yan paused for two seconds. In the interval, he actually found himself thinking that Gou Feifei and Zhu Lili might actually be a good match. Then he asked, "Every time Zhou Duo goes to sleep and wakes up, is it Zhou Shu?"
"Yes, and no."
Jin Yan turned his head to look at Zhu Lili, who had started touching up her eyelashes, and decided to wait patiently.
Fortunately, he didn't have to wait long. After only ten seconds, Zhu Lili tightened the cap of her mascara and answered, "It mostly depends on what the two of them agree on."
More sunlight streamed into the room. Jin Yan’s patience evaporated a bit more.
"What do you mean?"
Zhu Lili finally finished touching up her lips, her voice now carrying the sultry shade of wine-red.
"It means that Zhou Shu possesses all of Zhou Duo’s memories and senses. Every time Zhou Duo comes out, it’s with Zhou Shu’s permission." As she spoke, she stood up, let down her hair, and walked toward the bathroom. "See? He cherishes you so much." The last syllable ended with the sound of the door closing. Jin Yan was jolted fully awake by that crisp snap.
The weather forecast said there would be no rain in Haicheng for the next week, so the air was filled with the inescapable damp scent of sea waves.
The water on the ground evaporates into the clouds to become rain, and the rain goes through another cycle to fall back into the embrace of the waves.
Even though the result is the same no matter how many times it cycles, someone only realized this truth five years later.
Jin Yan gently held Zhou Shu’s hand, unable to look away for even a second.
*Brother, what exactly were you being so awkward about back then?*
*After I left, were you really that sad?*
He lightly kissed Zhou Shu’s fingertips, then placed them against his cheek, rubbing the back of his hand just as he had when they were children.
*Brother, I really want to hide you away,* he thought.
From now on, no matter how turbulent the waves of life become, I will never step a single foot away from this sea again.
