【If I were but one among ten thousand stars, would you recognize me at a single glance?】
*Parallel World AU — What if Jin Yan had secretly attended Zhou Shu’s fan meeting after returning to China as an Enigma...*
*(Jin Yan’s POV. Timeline: Two years ago, shortly after Zhou Shu became a "Golden Award Best Actor." Note: In all parallel worlds, there is no second personality.)*
No matter how many years passed, the scent of Haicheng never changed.
Much like the cat-shaped bracelet on Jin Yan’s wrist, it had never left its owner.
Jin Yan had undergone a secondary differentiation; he had become an Enigma.
That day, when he lost consciousness by the shore in Country A, he hadn't let go of the chain gripped tightly in his hand. He had thought he would never wake up, that the sea would be the last thing he ever smelled.
The moment he opened his eyes again, Jin Yan’s first instinct was to look for the chain.
Fortunately, it was still clutched firmly in his palm.
He put the cat chain back on his wrist, struggled to sit up, and reached for the phone resting on the side of the cabinet. The screen lit up, flooded with missed calls that seemed ready to spill over the display.
Jin Yan frowned as he checked the time, only then realizing he had been unconscious for two days.
He immediately dialed his mother’s number. He hid the fact of his secondary differentiation for the time being, claiming only that he had been sick for a few days and hadn't had the chance to charge his phone. After all, he hadn't even figured out how to be an Enigma himself; how could he explain it to his parents?
Just then, a friend brought in a doctor to check Jin Yan’s physical and mental state. After confirming everything was normal, they cleared him for discharge that afternoon.
And so, Jin Yan was forced to accept reality and learn how to live as an Enigma.
Over the past four years, he had finally gradually accepted being an Alpha, yet fate seemed to favor him with special attention, always burdening him with heavy responsibilities.
After speaking with the doctor, his tangled thoughts finally began to unravel.
Enigma... the strongest gender... awakened talents...
Getting used to these things didn't seem that difficult.
The difficult part was that even though he was no longer the same gender as that person, he still lacked the courage to stand by his side.
But he missed him so much. He wanted to see him again.
Even if just for a glance...
Then again, what would happen even if they met?
Would he have the nerve to tell him he had differentiated into an Enigma?
What would he think? Would he be happy or terrified? Would he accept him? Would he be willing to be marked by him...?
The more Jin Yan thought, the harder it became to breathe, so he relegated the problem to the realm of the unsolvable.
Perhaps there was no real difference.
How could such a proud and outstanding person ever be willing to be marked by another?
***
The temperature had been freezing lately, and the falling rain turned to ice the moment it hit the ground.
Since differentiating into an Enigma, Jin Yan had become even more of a loner. Only two close friends knew about his secondary differentiation.
One of them was an Alpha girl in his major named Jian Xin. She was the one who had found Jin Yan by the sea and rushed him to the hospital.
"Jin Yan, why have you become even more silent since becoming an Enigma? The underclassmen in the department don't even dare to approach you anymore."
Jin Yan snapped out of his thoughts and shook his head with a faint smile. "Isn't that for the best?"
Jian Xin didn't argue, turning back to tap away at her keyboard.
To say they were close wasn't entirely accurate; it was only true relative to others. Aside from their collaboration on research projects, Jian Xin couldn't really think of any other intersection in their lives.
It was only occasionally, when she saw Jin Yan staring blankly at the cat chain on his wrist, that she would be reminded of her former self.
The pitter-patter of typing echoed in the room for a while before abruptly stopping.
"Jin Yan, life is short. Don't do things you'll regret." She looked out the window, pausing for a long moment before sighing softly. "You're someone who has already 'died' once. What is there left that you can't let go of?"
Sometimes, changing the trajectory of fate only requires a small push from the outside world.
Jin Yan was not someone whose emotions were easily swayed; his "strong-willed" nature had been evident since childhood. But Jian Xin’s casual remark pierced straight into his heart, as if he had been waiting for such an answer all along.
Or rather, he already had the answer in his heart; he just needed someone else to say it for him.
It was like a person flipping a coin—they don't actually want the coin to make the decision, but rather, the moment they see the result, they finally realize what they truly want.
And so, Jin Yan bought a plane ticket back to Haicheng.
During the three years he had been away from home, no one had intentionally mentioned Zhou Shu to him. After all, his parents assumed the two boys had had a falling out. Since they were avoiding each other, the adults found it awkward to intervene. So, when Jin Yan said he wanted to return to China for a visit, his parents were very surprised.
Then, his mother casually mentioned Zhou Shu.
"Everyone has changed so much in the three years you've been away. Your brother became a Golden Award Best Actor recently."
"What...?"
Faint arguing could be heard on the other end of the line before things returned to normal. Jin Yan’s mother chatted about a few more random things, and Jin Yan hung up the phone in a daze.
Golden Award Best Actor...
He had only been out of touch with home for three years. How had his brother become a Best Actor?
He quickly opened his phone and searched for entertainment news, something he usually never cared about.
Sure enough, in the most prominent spot, he saw Zhou Shu’s name.
Clicking into the topic, Jin Yan saw that face he hadn't seen in three years.
He seemed thinner, his features more defined. He looked incredibly handsome in that silver-gray suit, as if he were draped in the stars themselves.
But why would his brother, who had never liked being the center of attention since they were children, suddenly enter the complex world of entertainment and even become a Best Actor?
Jin Yan’s heart twisted painfully; he had truly missed too much.
Since Zhou Shu was now standing in a position where everyone was watching him, if Jin Yan hid among the thousands in the crowd to steal a glance, surely that wouldn't be too much to ask.
With that thought, Jin Yan managed to get a ticket for Zhou Shu’s movie promotion fan meeting two months later.
***
The day the plane landed back in Haicheng from Country A, it was raining. The air held the scent of salty waves mixed with the smell of rain that seemed to want to freeze the ocean in place.
After dropping his luggage at home, Jin Yan bought a ticket to the capital for that same day. He desperately wanted to be closer to Zhou Shu.
Unexpectedly, as soon as he landed at the capital airport that evening, Jin Yan found himself surrounded. Flashes and cheers were everywhere. Just as he was feeling confused, he suddenly heard a name.
"Look! It's Zhou Shu! Zhou Shu is coming out!"
"Shu-ge! Shu-ge, look over here! Shu-ge, we love you!"
Jin Yan’s heart skipped a beat. He didn't dare turn around, but the name "Zhou Shu" had already hemmed him in. He felt like a fish standing at the bottom of a waterfall; one step against the current and his true form would be exposed.
After standing frozen for a long time, Jin Yan couldn't help but glance back toward the exit. There, he saw Zhou Shu, surrounded and protected by layers of bodyguards.
In that moment, he felt as if he could smell the sea salt scent that had enveloped him on the night of his differentiation. He almost followed him.
Just as Jin Yan was about to move his feet, he saw the heroic and spirited Omega following beside him.
He thought, *this must be Zhou Shu’s current official girlfriend...*
Standing together like that, they really did look like a perfect match...
Jin Yan’s heart ached intensely, his brows knitting together uncontrollably. He didn't move with the surging crowd. Instead, he stood rooted to the spot and silently whispered, "Ge..."
At that same moment, across half the airport terminal, Zhou Shu suddenly froze and glanced back toward his rear flank.
In the next second, that thin thread of connection was drowned out by screams.
Zhou Shu snapped back to reality and walked out of the airport with a slight frown.
Once they were in the van, Zhu Lili noticed his odd behavior and asked, "What's wrong? Did you see someone just now?"
Zhou Shu instinctively clenched his hand, then leaned back into his seat. "No, I was mistaken."
"What?" Zhu Lili asked as she changed her high heels. "Mistaken about what?"
"Nothing." After saying that, he closed his eyes.
***
Regarding the movie he was promoting, Zhou Shu wasn't the lead actor, but even so, on the day of the fan meeting, he became the center of attention.
The fans below the stage were too enthusiastic. Zhou Shu felt it was somewhat inappropriate, so he chose to quietly step back from the center and move toward the corner.
Once the spotlights were no longer hitting his face, Zhou Shu finally relaxed a little.
With nothing to do, he glanced at the audience, seeing the banners and light boards his fans had made for him. Shifting his gaze to the right, he saw someone wearing a headband with two cat ears. Was it because he had mentioned in a recent interview that he liked cats?
Thinking of this, Zhou Shu looked down and let out a very faint smile.
Cats really were cute.
He didn't know what other people's cats were like, but the one in his own home used to be very clingy.
But that was in the past...
Even now, he still couldn't understand why that clingy little cat had been so heartless.
Heartless enough to leave without a word, leaving him all alone.
As he thought, Zhou Shu’s mind wandered. It wasn't until the person next to him nudged him that he realized the host was asking him a question.
"May I ask, Best Actor Zhou, what was your first impression of your official on-screen partner in this film?"
"First impression..." Zhou Shu pondered for a moment before responding politely. "I met her directly on set. At the time, she had just finished a scene and was sitting in a corner reading a book. She was elegant and gentle; it felt like a moment of quiet beauty."
As soon as Zhou Shu finished, "oohs" and "aahs" erupted from both the stage and the audience. The "CP fans" of the movie began to gear up.
Only after the cheering ended did Zhou Shu realize he had messed up. Saying it like that would likely lead to people accusing them of "CP marketing."
Sigh, whatever. If it really came down to it, he’d just use Zhu Lili as a shield again. This "rumored girlfriend" had to be useful for something other than annoying him.
Just as he was thinking this, the host followed up with some gossip. "Oh, I heard that Best Actor Zhou has an 'official girlfriend.' Would it be convenient to tell us a bit about this 'girlfriend'..." The host gave a meaningful smile, leaving the sentence unfinished.
Zhou Shu thought to himself that the timing was perfect. Since they asked, he would just go with the flow.
"Regarding the question about my 'girlfriend'..." Zhou Shu had just taken the microphone again when he happened to look up and see a blurry figure. He stopped breathing.
That figure was hidden in the furthest corner of the venue, concealed among thousands of fans.
But with just one look, just one silhouette, Zhou Shu could recognize that shadow.
That was the child he had protected for eighteen years, the person he hadn't let go of for a single moment during these past three years...
"Zhou Shu, you haven't finished yet," someone whispered a reminder next to him. Zhou Shu blinked a few times to steady his emotions.
"I..." His Adam's apple bobbed. Looking toward that corner, he said in a deep voice, "I don't have an Omega."
As soon as these words were spoken, the entire venue fell into an uproar. Even the host and the other actors on stage were stunned. No one expected Zhou Shu to deny having a "girlfriend" on the spot, especially since he had always tacitly allowed everyone to speculate about his relationship.
Later, a quick-witted lead actor made a joke to divert attention, and the matter was glossed over at the fan meeting. No one pressed further.
But the person sitting in the audience had truly heard every single word Zhou Shu said, not missing a single punctuation mark.
He said he didn't have an Omega.
Jin Yan’s heart thudded heavily. Following the rhythm, he looked up and saw those eyes that were forever filled with tenderness and indulgence for him.
*Ge...*
*Did you finally see me in the crowd?*
***
Zhou Shu finished the meeting in a daze. After the curtain call, he rushed backstage, his steps almost stumbling.
"Zhu Lili! Where's Zhu Lili?"
Zhu Lili, who had just stepped out of the dressing room after hanging up a call, gave him a disgruntled look. "You wouldn't even acknowledge our relationship on stage just now, and now you're coming to find me for business as soon as you're off?"
Zhou Shu frowned, pursing his lips. "Yan-yan is back. I saw Yan-yan."
"What? Jin Yan?" Zhu Lili froze, her expression turning to disbelief. "You must have seen wrong."
"How could I possibly see wrong..." His voice grew smaller, sounding almost at a loss.
"Alright, I get it." Zhu Lili patted him, dialed a number to give the security guards some instructions, and then walked out of the dressing room.
Since it was currently time for the fans to disperse, Zhou Shu couldn't go out. He could only pace back and forth on the spot.
While waiting, Zhou Shu thought of something and asked Zhu Lili for his phone back.
"Auntie Fang, I wanted to ask..."
"Yan-yan is back."
"Yes..."
It was him. It really was him.
No, it had to be him. It was impossible for him to be mistaken.
Zhou Shu’s hands trembled slightly. He opened his contacts, his finger hovering over the number he had dialed for half a year without any response.
He placed the call. To his surprise, it actually went through. Zhou Shu’s heart began to race.
After a few rings, the other end was finally picked up.
But the two hadn't spoken on the phone for four years, so they were first met with a long, heavy silence.
After an unknown amount of time, Jin Yan finally couldn't hold back.
"Ge..."
"Yeah."
"I'm back."
"I know."
Another silence followed. Jin Yan breathed with difficulty, finding it harder and harder to control his emotions.
With a slight tremor in his voice, he said, "Ge, I saw you."
Zhou Shu felt a sharp ache in his heart. He responded softly, "Mm..."
"I thought, with so many people, you wouldn't see me." On the other end of the line, Jin Yan sniffled, then gathered his courage to say, "Ge, I really missed you..."
In that moment, Zhou Shu forgot to breathe.
"Silly child." After a long while, he finally recovered his composure, his eyes misting over. He lowered his head with a helpless laugh and walked a few steps toward the door, where he saw Jin Yan standing at the end of the hallway.
They looked at each other, slowly lowered their phones, and gradually moved toward one another.
As their two hearts felt each other's synchronized beats, Zhou Shu looked up slightly at the Jin Yan who was now within reach and spoke softly.
He said, "As long as you are by my side, I will be able to see you at a single glance."
***
**Glossary**
Chinese | English | Notes/Explanation
---|---|---
Enigma | Enigma | A rare, dominant gender in some ABO settings, capable of marking Alphas.
金奖影帝 | Golden Award Best Actor | A prestigious acting award.
猫链 | Cat chain | A bracelet or chain with a cat motif, a keepsake between the leads.
二次分化 | Secondary differentiation | A second gender change/evolution occurring later in life.
简馨 | Jian Xin | Jin Yan's Alpha friend from Country A.
CP粉 | CP fans | "Coupling" fans; fans who ship two celebrities or characters as a romantic couple.
正牌女友 | Official girlfriend | A confirmed or publicly recognized girlfriend.
方姨 | Auntie Fang | Jin Yan's mother.
