"What are you dazing off for now?" Nan Muxue looked at Chu Ruo, feeling a mix of exasperation and suppressed amusement. Today, this girl was either lost in a trance or grinning like an idiot while shoveling rice into her mouth. Yet, seeing her so happy, Nan Muxue found a trace of joy blooming in her own heart as well.
Unfortunately, the culprit remained unresponsive, staring blankly at her bowl. Nan Muxue finally lost her patience and rapped her knuckles on the table. Chu Ruo snapped back to reality, continuing to eat her plain white rice as if it were the finest delicacy. "I'm in a good mood, alright?"
The thought of Yan’er sleeping in her room a few nights ago—and the fact that she’d held her the entire night—made her heart flutter with pride. The only downside was that Yan’er had vanished early the next morning and hadn't shown up since. She was probably busy. That was her only grievance. Then there was the Little Scorpion; Chu Ruo couldn't tell if it was just her imagination, but the woman seemed a bit colder lately, almost as if she were intentionally keeping her distance or guarding against someone. Sometimes she clearly cared, yet she acted so strange. Maybe she was just overthinking it.
"Happy? It seems you’ve finished piecing together those ledgers. In that case..."
"Stop right there!" Chu Ruo hurriedly cut her off. "Can't you let me enjoy my happiness for a second without torturing me?"
"What did you say?"
*Tsk tsk.* The cold glint in those eyes was enough to turn Chu Ruo into a block of ice. She shrunk her neck back. "Ahem... just eating."
"In a few days," Nan Muxue continued expressionlessly, picking up a few grains of rice—a sight that made Chu Ruo tired just watching. At that rate, she’d never finish a bowl in a single day. No wonder she was so thin. Chu Ruo decided she’d have to fix the Little Scorpion’s bad habit eventually. "You will accompany me down the mountain."
"Oh," Chu Ruo replied nonchalantly. Then, the realization hit. Her hand froze mid-air, bowl still raised. Three seconds later, a high-pitched shriek echoed through the room. "WHAT?!"
"Quiet! Close your mouth!" Nan Muxue glared at her. "Why such a huge reaction?"
"It's not—" Chu Ruo excitedly set down her chopsticks, unable to hide her delight. "I'm just too thrilled! You're finally willing to take me down the mountain to play!"
The other woman narrowed her eyes. "Finally?"
Chu Ruo swallowed hard. "Is... is something wrong with that?"
"Last time, who was it that refused to go?"
"Last time? Oh, that time... wasn't that because you wanted me to beg you?" Her voice grew smaller. She couldn't exactly admit she’d been busy hoarding antidotes back then. She’d managed to save a few, but each only lasted a day. Besides, she was going stir-crazy on this mountain. Since the Little Scorpion was inviting her this time, she might as well go have some fun—and maybe scout some routes for her eventual escape.
However, thinking of Yan’er, her heart wavered. *If I leave, will Yan’er be sad? Will she miss me?* She glanced at the woman beside her. *And... what about the Little Scorpion?*
"So, it was my fault then?"
"No," Chu Ruo grinned. "When are we leaving?"
Nan Muxue set down her chopsticks and took a sip of tea. "You think we are going to play? This trip is for a mission."
"Huh? What mission? I... I don't know how to do anything yet."
"You've been at Baihua Palace for nearly half a year. Ordinary disciples begin executing missions after two months. How much longer do you plan to dawdle? Baihua Palace is no place for idlers."
"Then don't keep me. No one's forcing you to," Chu Ruo muttered grumpily.
"Does Ruo’er have a grievance against her Master?"
This Little Scorpion was truly poisonous. To think she’d actually thought the woman was decent for a moment—she must have had bubbles in her brain. She curled her lip. "I wouldn't dare. What do you want me to do down there? I'm not killing anyone." As a good youth of modern society, she drew the line at murder and arson.
Nan Muxue sneered. "You think that is up to you?"
*You! Fine, don't push me. If you get me desperate enough, I'll use this trip to make my break. Just you wait, Little Scorpion.* But for now, she had to endure. She couldn't let her intentions show. "If I complete it, is there a reward?"
"A reward?" The woman traced the rim of her cup playfully. "There is. Other disciples receive silver. For Ruo’er, I shall make an exception. You may choose between silver or the antidote."
"Psh, your antidote only lasts a few days. As for silver, you'll probably only give me twenty or thirty percent at most. Yan’er gave me way more than that. Not interested."
"Is that so? What if... it is a six-month supply of the antidote?"
"Say what?" Now *that* was a temptation. With six months' worth of antidote, she’d have enough time to find a doctor to study it. Even if they could only replicate the one-day version, it would be enough. She could finish the mission and then bolt. If the Little Scorpion asked her to kill... well, she’d cross that bridge when she got there. At worst, she’d just lie. With her wit, tricking someone would be a piece of cake. "Fine, it's a deal."
Nan Muxue spoke with a hint of mockery. "You agreed so readily. Are you no longer afraid of being asked to kill?"
"Well... that..." *Damn you, Little Scorpion. Would it kill you to let me win once? Always so sharp-tongued.* "You're so un-cute, you're going to have a hard time finding a husband."
"Ha!" Chu Ruo triumphantly caught the cup lid that had been hurled at her like a projectile. "Missed! This is what they call 'teaching the apprentice and starving the—'"
The woman lunged with a palm strike. Startled, Chu Ruo cut her sentence short and moved to block. Fortunately, Nan Muxue hadn't used much force. In the scuffle, Chu Ruo suddenly found herself holding the woman's hand. Nan Muxue’s face flushed instantly, and Chu Ruo felt her own heart skip a beat. Eventually, Nan Muxue pulled her hand back.
"Ahem," Chu Ruo coughed. "Let's go to the Glacial Cavern to practice this afternoon."
"Finish the ledgers first..."
"Oh, my dear Master, I beg of you! I'd rather practice martial arts right now than look at those fragments. Just give your disciple a break."
"Will you actually practice if we go?" Nan Muxue laughed inwardly. She knew the girl just wanted an excuse to play. And yet... why did she keep indulging her?
Seeing a glimmer of hope, Chu Ruo nodded like a chicken pecking grain. "I will, I will! I promise!" *As if. Beat me if you can, bleh...*
***
**Glacial Cavern**
"Cold," Chu Ruo whimpered, rubbing her hands and tucking her neck in. "It's so cold~"
Nan Muxue remained deaf to her pleas, sitting in silent meditation. Chu Ruo called out again, "Master, I'm cold~"
Her eyes remained closed. "Focus on your cultivation. Naturally, you will be able to resist the chill."
"My internal energy is too weak," Chu Ruo grumbled, walking over to sit beside her. "Let's go out and soak up some sun?"
"Didn't you say you would practice properly?"
"I didn't say I wouldn't, but look at me! I'm freezing!" Chu Ruo suddenly placed her hand over Nan Muxue’s left hand. "Look, you've been circulating your energy for so long and your hand is still cold. Let's go sit outside for a bit. We'll come back once we've warmed up." Being a woman of action, she didn't wait for an answer and pulled the other woman toward the exit. Surprisingly, Nan Muxue didn't resist and allowed herself to be led.
"Mmm," Chu Ruo sighed, spreading her arms to enjoy the cool breeze. The sun wasn't too harsh; instead, it felt warm and cozy. She turned to look at the woman sitting beside her. "See? Isn't it much better out here?"
Nan Muxue didn't answer. she sat with her knees pulled to her chest, staring into the distance. Chu Ruo had seen her like this many times—never knowing what the Little Scorpion was thinking, yet always feeling an inexplicable ache in her heart for her.
Chu Ruo’s arms were still outstretched. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw their shadows on the ground behind them. By slightly adjusting her angle, her shadow appeared to be embracing Nan Muxue’s. She let out a little laugh, drawing Nan Muxue’s gaze.
Seeing her giggling again, Nan Muxue couldn't help but ask, "Are you always this happy?"
"Yeah. A day spent unhappy is still a day gone, so why not be happy? You, on the other hand... you rarely smile. You're always brooding. Thinking too much makes a person tired. It’s good to just relax like this once in a while."
"Not everyone is like you," Nan Muxue sighed, a hint of envy hidden in the sound. The wind picked up again, and she reached out to tuck a stray lock of hair behind Chu Ruo’s ear. This season always brought a sense of drowsiness. When she was a child, she had longed to sleep for an hour or two on days like this, but it was never permitted. At some point, she had stopped even entertaining the thought. Looking into those clear, innocent eyes, she murmured, "Are you tired? Sleep for a while."
Chu Ruo felt that the Little Scorpion seemed very fragile in this moment. She sensed a profound sorrow within her, yet the words coming out of her mouth were an expression of concern for Chu Ruo’s fatigue. In that instant, Chu Ruo threw caution to the wind. She shook her head, then suddenly pulled the woman into her arms. Just as Nan Muxue had held her before, Chu Ruo held her tight, a full embrace. "You should sleep. I'm here; no one will disturb you. Sleep in peace."
In truth, no one would dare come here anyway, but Chu Ruo wanted to say it. She wanted the woman to know she was by her side—that as long as she was in her arms, she could sleep safely and let go of her worries.
Nan Muxue stiffened. This wasn't the first time Chu Ruo had held her to sleep—like that night—and she craved the warmth of that embrace. But this was different. "Yan’er" at night and herself during the day... the feelings were distinct yet overlapping. She still felt a lingering fear from when Yunshuang discovered she hadn't returned to her room that night. She was afraid—not for herself, but that if her mother found out, Chu Ruo would be in grave danger.
She didn't understand what was happening to her. They were clearly just Master and disciple, yet she couldn't stop herself from masquerading as Yan’er to see her. Was it just to drink in that warmth? She feared for the girl's safety, which was why she hadn't dared visit the past few nights. She had even been intentionally harsh during the day to avoid Yunshuang’s suspicion. Every time she saw the girl's confused and dejected expression, her own chest felt tight and stifled. She had even arranged this mission to put Yunshuang at ease. She had originally intended to train her as a pawn, hadn't she? But when did her intentions change? As long as this girl didn't want to do something, she wouldn't force her. She indulged her, granted her every whim... *Nan Muxue, what on earth is wrong with you?*
Amidst these questions, Nan Muxue eventually fell into a deep sleep within that warmth. Chu Ruo looked down at the masked face and couldn't help but smile... *The Little Scorpion and Yan’er feel so similar when I hold them. Why are they so alike? Why can't you two just be the same person?*
***
**Night**
"Yan’er,"
"Hmm?"
Chu Ruo held the person in her arms, but suddenly threw out a question. "Do you think everyone is jealous of me? Am I really that annoying?"
"Why do you ask? Is someone bullying you?"
Sensing the other woman’s sudden tension and her attempt to turn around to look at her, Chu Ruo felt a surge of sweetness in her heart. She quickly held her still. "No, no. Don't worry, no one is bullying me."
Nan Muxue relaxed and leaned back, though she gave her a mental eye-roll. "What does it have to do with me? Why should I worry?"
"Hehe, Yan’er, you're so dishonest. You were clearly worried just now. Look how tense you got."
"Stop changing the subject," Nan Muxue’s face reddened. "Why would you think that?" After being held by Chu Ruo during their afternoon nap, she hadn't been able to stop herself from coming to this room tonight. She was growing increasingly fond of being held by her.
"I was thinking about what Cai Feng said. She said everyone in the palace hates and envies me because the Little Scorpion treats me so well. Do you think I'm really that bothersome?"
"Well, what do you think?"
"Me?" Chu Ruo scratched her head. "I don't know. Xiao Guo and the others are nice to me, but there are always others. I know some disciples look at me with total disgust. Sometimes I think, if I'm such an eyesore, why should I even stay here?"
Nan Muxue sat bolt upright. Her voice carried a trace of panic she didn't even notice, masked by a sudden coldness. "You want to leave? Chu Ruo, I have protected you this far. If you harbor thoughts of betrayal, I will personally execute you."
"Ah, no, no!" Chu Ruo was guilt-stricken but didn't dare show it. She quickly feigned a relaxed tone. "You're overthinking again. Heehee, why are you so jumpy today? Is it because you missed me so much these past few days that you're out of sorts?" She couldn't let Yan’er know. It would break her heart. *But I have to leave one day. When that time comes, will you be sad?*
Only then did the other woman relax, though she still glared at her. "Wishful thinking."
"Don't be mad," Chu Ruo pulled her back into her arms. "Let's not talk about that. Have you been very busy? You haven't come to see me since that night."
Hearing the slightly aggrieved tone, Nan Muxue teased, "What? Are you that miserable?"
"Of course."
"Why?"
"I missed you."
Three simple, direct words made Nan Muxue’s heart skip a beat, followed by a violent pounding. She couldn't help but ask again, "Why did you miss me?"
"Because... because..." *Forget it, why say it? I'm leaving sooner or later. Besides, Yan’er’s feelings for me... we're both women. Just because she lets me hold her and sleep with her doesn't mean she has feelings for me. In her eyes, it's probably just sisterly affection.* "Oh, right. The Little Scorpion told me today she’s taking me down the mountain in a few days."
"Isn't that good? You've been pining to go down."
"I'm afraid she'll make me kill someone. Yan’er, maybe because you're all from the martial world, you know it's a world of kill-or-be-killed. You might not understand, but where I come from, it's not like this. People don't just kill each other. If you kill someone, the government—the officials—will catch you and execute you. We were raised to believe killing is wrong. Do you... do you understand what I mean?"
Nan Muxue, always sharp and perceptive, nodded. "But you are already here. Didn't you say you can never go back? If you want to survive, you must adapt. You must accept the rules of this world, or you will lose your life."
"I know, but I'm still not used to it. I hope she at least gives me some time to transition. I don't want to start with killing. I... I can't handle it."
"She won't," Nan Muxue blurted out. Fortunately, Chu Ruo didn't seem to notice the slip. "Don't worry." She had never intended for the girl to do such things; it was meant to be a simple, easy task to let her gain some experience. Nan Muxue would never admit that part of the reason was simply because Chu Ruo wanted to go down and play.
"Mhm." Chu Ruo didn't dwell on the words. She was busy playing with Nan Muxue’s hand, interlacing their fingers. "Tomorrow, I want to go see Cai Feng. I want to see if she has any messages or things she wants to send to her mother."
"You are too kind. You must realize that even though she brought it on herself, it was because of you. She won't necessarily appreciate your kindness."
Chu Ruo shook her head. "It's not for her. I feel sorry for her mother. Do you think the Little Scorpion will let me into the dungeon?"
"She's no threat, so it shouldn't be a problem." Nan Muxue tilted her head slightly to look at her. "You must remember one thing. No matter how good your hometown was or how different it is from here, I believe that wherever there are people, there is a 'Jianghu.' Remember: kindness to your enemy is cruelty to yourself. You are a member of Baihua Palace, a disciple of... the Little Scorpion. Even if you don't kill them, they will come for you."
"Yeah, I'll remember." Chu Ruo suddenly pulled her down as they lay back. "Yan’er, sleep here tonight..."
Nan Muxue struggled to get up. "I should go back..."
"Yan’er," in the struggle, Chu Ruo fell back but kept her grip on Nan Muxue, pulling the woman down on top of her. She quickly wrapped her arms around the woman's waist. "Don't go, okay? I can't bear to let you go."
At those words, Nan Muxue froze, looking almost dazed. Chu Ruo stared up at her, mesmerized. The proximity created a suffocating, ambiguous atmosphere. Even though Chu Ruo’s mind warned her not to, she couldn't control her heart's truest impulse. She tilted her head up slightly and accurately pressed her lips against those two inviting ones...
It was wonderful, but she didn't dare linger. Like a dragonfly skimming the water, she touched them briefly and then pulled away. The lingering fragrance remained on her lips. "I... I... you... then I... what you..." Her tongue was tied with nerves. "Don't you... mad at me... look... you're so... I I I... couldn't help it."
"What are you saying?" Nan Muxue asked, but she realized her own voice was trembling. The blood rushed to her face, turning it crimson. Though she was inexperienced in matters of the heart, she knew this was a kiss. She could have pushed Chu Ruo away the second she leaned in, but why had she frozen? Why had she allowed such a bold act? And why... why didn't she feel any revulsion?
"I I I... I..." If she weren't still holding Yan’er, Chu Ruo would have slapped herself. *I just kissed my goddess, why am I acting like such a coward?* She took a few deep breaths, finally calming down a bit. "I... I wanted to say, please don't be mad at me. It's because you're too beautiful; I couldn't help myself. I'll take responsibility—no, I mean, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Yan’er, a hundred, a thousand apologies. I won't do it again. If you're unhappy, you can hit me. Really. You can even hit my face this time. I was being a lecher. I won't dare do it again."
"Scoundrel," was the response she got—a soft whisper that seemed to carry a hint of playful reproach.
"Yan’er, you're not mad? That's good, that's good. Then let's sleep."
Nan Muxue didn't get up. This made Chu Ruo jump with joy again. Then, remembering something, she looked a bit dejected. "I have something to tell you."
"Hmm?"
"Today... I held the Little Scorpion during her nap."
"Oh?" Nan Muxue recalled the scene from earlier, a smile touching her lips. "How did it feel?"
"I've wanted to hold her for a long time, I just didn't dare. I'm telling you, Yan’er, you two feel so similar. No, you're practically the same person."
"And what if... we *are* the same person?"
*If only that were true. No, I can't think like that. I just kissed Yan’er; I have to love her wholeheartedly from now on. But what will happen after I leave?* "Yan’er, if... I mean if... if one day I disappear, will you miss me?"
"No."
"Oh." *Yan’er, when did you become so heartless? Wuwu~ my heart is broken.*
Nan Muxue suddenly pinched her chin, forcing her to look up, and told her imperiously, "I will not let you leave."
"Yan’er, your tone right now is just like the Little Scorpion’s," Chu Ruo said from the bottom of her heart. Her next sentence was: "Can I kiss you again?"
...This person? The promise from a moment ago about not daring to do it again was already forgotten? Her promises were as common as daily meals. Seeing no rejection, Chu Ruo grew bold and leaned in for another kiss. This time, she lingered for two seconds longer. *Mmm, still so fragrant. Yan’er didn't push me away. Could it be... she likes me too?*
Nan Muxue’s face was flushed with shame, but she was too embarrassed to speak. Seeing this, Chu Ruo pulled her closer. "Sleep, Yan’er. You're so good." She let out a yawn, murmuring sleepily, "I like... kissing you..."
She fell asleep almost instantly. Nan Muxue gently lifted her head to look at the sleeping face. *How did I end up with a girl like this?*
***
**Glossary**
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Master, Spare My Life: A Disciple's Sweet Rebellion | Chapter 18 | A Bold Kiss | Novela.app | Novela.app
