“La la la! Do you smell that? It’s time for a midnight snack!”
Nan Muxue had just finished her meditation. She remained seated on the edge of the bed, her expression unreadable. “I’m not hungry. Eat it yourself.”
Chu Ruo felt her way over to her. “You’ve been pushing yourself so hard with your training every day lately. If you don’t eat more, how am I supposed to nurse you back to health?”
But the other woman had already lain down. “I’m a bit weary.”
Chu Ruo reached out. “Xue—”
“I’m going to sleep now.”
Chu Ruo’s hand retracted, her heart sinking. “Oh.”
The food, which had smelled so delicious moments ago, suddenly lost all its flavor. Chu Ruo blew out the candle and carefully climbed into bed.
Nan Muxue had always been a light sleeper, yet now she didn't stir at all. She lay with her back turned to Chu Ruo, leaving only a deathly silence in the room. Over the past few days, Chu Ruo had begun to feel a sense of displacement, a faint, creeping dread rising from the depths of her heart. It felt as though something was silently changing. She shifted restlessly. “Xue’er?”
There was no response for a long time. Given Nan Muxue’s alertness, it was impossible for her to fall into such a deep sleep, especially when her lover was calling her from right beside her. And yet, their communication seemed to be dwindling with every passing day.
Chu Ruo waited for an answer until she eventually drifted off herself. When she woke the next morning, the sun was already high.
Rubbing her eyes, she murmured, “Xue…” Her hand swept across the mattress, but it was empty. How many times had this happened now? Any lingering sleepiness vanished. She used to feel like she could never get enough sleep, but now she realized she was just like Nan Muxue—she was simply addicted to the person sharing the bed.
“Ruo’er?” Bai Zhier noticed her looking despondent and stepped forward. “What’s wrong? It’s not like you to be up this early.”
“Zhier,” Chu Ruo forced a smile. “I couldn't sleep, so I thought I’d take a walk.”
“Ruo’er, what is it?”
“Nothing.”
“Oh, you. Do you really think you can hide anything from me?”
*She really is like my little viper,* Chu Ruo thought, *the way she talks to me.* “Zhier, walk with me. The morning air is quite refreshing.”
“Alright.”
They walked in silence for a while before Bai Zhier finally spoke. “Ruo’er, you—”
“I’m fine.”
“You…”
“Zhier, I feel like Xue’er has been very cold to me lately.”
Bai Zhier’s expression shifted slightly, though Chu Ruo couldn't see it. “Has she?”
“Others might not notice, but I can feel it. Think about it—ever since we left the valley, when has she ever let me out of her sight? Now, she disappears early every morning. When she comes back, she just shuts herself in the room to practice her martial arts. She barely speaks to me. Even at night… she sleeps with her back to me. I don’t understand.”
“How could that be? She cares for you so much. Did you do something to upset her? Perhaps she’s just being temperamental.”
Chu Ruo sighed and shook her head. “We spend every moment together. She is the person I share my bed with; how could I not know when something has changed? I can tell the difference between her being moody and her being truly distant. My heart isn't blind. She isn't angry with me—she’s cold. It’s a specific feeling.”
Bai Zhier looked at her, her eyes filled with pity. “What kind of feeling?”
“It feels… like she doesn't love me anymore. Like she doesn't want me,” Chu Ruo said, her voice trembling as she voiced her fears. “Her love for me is slowly vanishing.”
“That’s impossible…”
“Zhier, Zhier!” Chu Ruo gripped the other woman’s shoulders, her agitation growing. “I’m so scared. Xue’er is my entire world. If she doesn't want me anymore, if she leaves me…”
“She won’t,” Bai Zhier hurried to comfort her. “Ruo’er, she won’t. Just try to relax…”
“She doesn't want me. Xue’er doesn't want me,” Chu Ruo muttered to herself.
“She won’t.” But beyond those two words, Bai Zhier found she had nothing else to say.
When Chu Ruo returned to the room, Nan Muxue was back, once again sitting on the bed in meditation. Chu Ruo didn't disturb her.
She waited for nearly two hours until Nan Muxue finally stopped. Only then did she speak. “Do you want to eat?”
“Yes.”
“You…” Chu Ruo hesitated before continuing, “You’re practicing for so many hours every day. Maybe you should do a bit less. You won’t be so tired then.”
“I know what I’m doing.” Nan Muxue stood up and headed for the door. “Let’s go out to eat…”
“Xue’er!”
Chu Ruo’s words were cut short as she suddenly pulled Nan Muxue into a desperate hug. Nan Muxue went rigid, appearing as though she didn't know how to react. “What is it?”
“Are you… are you…” In the end, Chu Ruo lacked the courage to say it. “Xue’er, don’t leave me, okay? Please.”
Nan Muxue’s hand hovered in the air for a long moment before finally coming down to rest on Chu Ruo. “I won’t.”
“Xue’er… Xue’er…”
For the first time in days, Nan Muxue reciprocated the embrace, offering a rare word of comfort. “There now. Am I not right here?”
Chu Ruo held on tight, refusing to let go. “You’ve changed.”
“I haven't…”
“What is going on with you? Tell me. These past few days, the way you treat me… you’ve changed. Is it because…” She looked up, her eyes searching Nan Muxue’s. “Do you not want me anymore? Do you not love me?”
Nan Muxue looked back at her, a flicker of unease crossing her heart. She stroked Chu Ruo’s face. “No. Don’t think such nonsense.”
“Then what is wrong?”
“Nothing is wrong, Ruo’er.”
*Ruo’er?* Chu Ruo gave a tragic little smile. “Nothing? Ask yourself how long it’s been since you last called me by my name. And even now, that ‘Ruo’er’ sounds so cold.”
Seeing Chu Ruo start to pull away, Nan Muxue reached out and caught her hand. Finally, she reached up and removed the gold needles she had inserted into her own acupoints to aid her cultivation. She let out a long, weary sigh. “I’ve been preoccupied with my training. I won’t practice today. I’ll stay here and keep you company.”
“Is this pity, or charity?”
“Neither.” This time, when Nan Muxue stepped forward, her gaze was full of deep affection. “You are my Ruo’er.”
Chu Ruo didn't understand, but she could feel the shift. Why had her Xue’er suddenly returned to her, just like she used to be? She was stunned. “You…”
“The weather is fine today. Let’s go out for a meal, and I’ll take you for a walk.”
Without allowing any argument, Nan Muxue led her outside. For that entire afternoon, her "little viper" was back.
It wasn't until nightfall that they returned to their room. Chu Ruo was the type to only remember the happy things; after just one afternoon, she had tossed all the unhappiness of the past few days to the back of her mind. She skipped over to Nan Muxue and wrapped her arms around her waist. “Hehe.”
Nan Muxue looked at her dotingly. “What are you giggling about, you silly girl?”
“I’m just happy. I’ve been so worried lately, but now Xue’er is back. It’s wonderful.”
“I never left.”
“No, you—”
“Ruo’er,” Nan Muxue murmured her lover’s name. “I…”
Chu Ruo leaned in close. “Xue’er, it’s late. We should…”
The implication was clear. Despite the discomfort she had felt since the afternoon, and despite her profound exhaustion, Nan Muxue nodded. “Mhm…”
A breeze swept through the room as Nan Muxue lay beneath her. Chu Ruo’s voice was husky, yet it carried a hint of a sob. “Xue’er…”
Nan Muxue caressed her. “I’m here.”
Their lips met as they always did, but before the kiss could deepen—barely a second later—*Pfft!*
...
In the dead of night, while everyone else was asleep, one room remained lit. “What happened?” came an anxious voice. “Xue’er was fine, why would she suddenly cough up blood?”
“It’s nothing,” Bai Zhier said, packing away her medical kit. “She’s just been overexerting herself lately.”
“Just that? That shouldn't make her cough up blood!”
“Ruo’er…” Hearing the woman on the bed call her name, Chu Ruo rushed over, kneeling down to take her hand. “Xue’er.”
“I’m fine. Don’t be so nervous.”
“But you coughed up blood!”
Nan Muxue smiled. “Do I not know my own body? The martial arts I practice require a heart as still as water.”
So that was it. To deal with Nan Menghua and to protect her, her little viper had been training herself to the brink of death. Under normal circumstances, it might have been fine, but in her rush for results, she had to purge all emotion and desire. No wonder she had been so cold lately. No wonder just a single kiss… had caused her internal energy to flare up and make her spit blood. Chu Ruo felt a wave of heartache, guilt, and self-reproach. “Xue’er, I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault. I’m the one who neglected you these past few days.”
“I was being selfish and immature. I only thought about our relationship and let my imagination run wild, causing your internal energy to become unstable. Xue’er, I… I…”
“Enough.” Nan Muxue smiled at her. “If you’re worried about me, go brew my medicine. I don’t trust anyone else’s hands with it.”
“Alright, I’ll go!”
“Let Xiao Guo’er and A-Yue help you.”
“Mhm.” Chu Ruo stood up and hurried out to brew the medicine, completely ignoring the other person still in the room.
“The *Lovesick Flower Drunk* requires one to sever all love and emotion,” Bai Zhier said, her voice flat. “Using gold needles to forcibly suppress it isn't enough. You know as well as I do that this only treats the symptoms, not the cause. Love isn't something that can be stopped by a few needles. Today was just a disturbance of your internal breath, but you’re already showing signs of qi deviation. Next time, it won’t be so simple.”
“What, is this concern I hear?”
Bai Zhier remained expressionless. “It’s for the sake of defeating Nan Menghua. Besides, I don’t want Ruo’er to be sad.”
“Isn't my current state exactly what you wanted?”
“You could stop practicing. No one is forcing you.”
“And you only want to have Ruo’er for yourself.”
“Say what you like. But Ruo’er is clever; don’t let her see any more cracks in your facade.”
Nan Muxue actually laughed. “My Ruo’er is naturally the cleverest of all.” *Ruo’er, for you, I am willing to do anything.*
***
Chinese | English | Notes/Explanation
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情花醉 | Lovesick Flower Drunk | A martial arts technique that requires the practitioner to suppress or sever their emotions.
金针 | Gold needles | Used in acupuncture to suppress specific points; here used to inhibit emotional responses.
走火入魔 | Qi deviation | A dangerous state where internal energy becomes chaotic, often leading to physical or mental collapse.
心如止水 | A heart as still as water | A state of absolute mental tranquility and emotional void.
小果儿 | Xiao Guo'er | A character name (diminutive).
阿月 | A-Yue | A character name (diminutive).
