After that night when I leaned over to peer into the abyss, as I said before, the devil’s contract was firmly pinned to my soul. However, my sister, Chen Jinyue, finally returned.
Almost overnight, she became vibrant again. She began to cling to me once more, calling me "Sister" in that lingering voice, asking if I was busy, and demanding that I pick her up from school.
Once again, I was enveloped by the sensation that "she needs me." It had been far too long. I indulged in it, even feeling that this "transaction" wasn't a total failure; I had even tasted a bit of sweetness.
Despite having already told her that I "didn't have anyone I liked," I often felt Jinyue was testing me. For instance, when I went to pick her up, the moment she saw me, she would run over and take my hand, completely ignoring Ren Xiaoxiao’s "goodbye" behind her. I would apologize to Xiaoxiao on behalf of my inconsiderate sister before heading home with her, and she wouldn't let go of my hand the entire way.
Then there were the school subjects that either "became difficult overnight" or "made her brain suddenly stop working," leading her to constantly summon me to her room to help her with her homework. I would study the problems seriously, my mind filled with solution steps; after all, high school curriculum isn't exactly easy for someone who had just graduated from university. By contrast, what she had to do was much simpler—she just watched me.
Yes, no matter how long I lingered on a problem, she would keep her eyes on me, never looking away for a second. Immersed in her gaze, I felt restless all over. I told her to look at the problems, not at me. She would smile, but she never paid any mind to what I said.
After it happened enough times, I grew unwilling to play the role of the trapped "good teacher." I would put down my pen and look back at her. Her eyes would crinkle as if laughing at how I’d finally caught on, and then she would lean against my shoulder to chat, casually closing the exercise book as she did.
No one cared about the unsolvable problem anymore.
There was a kind of cruel innocence about Xiao Jin. She released her emotions toward me completely, carrying the weight of the past two years of restraint, presenting them before me with doubled intensity. Occasionally, it made it impossible for me to face her.
Because I was always the one living cautiously, overthinking everything, constantly looking over my shoulder. Thinking back, that one word—"Okay"—was already the most transgressive thing I had ever said in my life.
But wasn't her innocence exactly what I wanted her to have?
At that thought, I would indulge her a little more.
Back then, I was still a newcomer in the workplace, often saddled with tasks that didn't belong to me by senior employees. I would complete them obediently, without complaint; I didn't have the right to complain.
This "decent starting point" of a job was something I had traded years of desperate study to obtain. I had long since lost my bargaining power. I wanted Chen Fang to be able to relax sooner, and I wanted my sister to live a life where she didn't have to worry too much about money.
That day, the new supervisor criticized me for failing to prepare the data cleaning properly. It meant that by the time we reached the analysis phase, we had to spend time going back to check for errors, wasting two man-days of efficiency.
I apologized profusely, promising to fix it that night. Secretly, I prayed this ridiculous mistake wouldn't affect my quarterly bonus.
Returning to my desk, I first sent a message to Chen Jinyue, telling her I would be working very late and not to wait for me.
She didn't reply until a few hours later, asking, "Still not finished?" I guessed she had already finished her evening self-study session.
I told her yes, it might take another two hours. I told her there was food in the fridge she could heat up, and that she should go to sleep after finishing her homework.
I worked until 11:30 PM. I didn't just re-clean the initial data; I re-calculated everything based on the current project progress. I sat alone in the office staring at the screen until my eyes ached and my stomach growled, thinking that I absolutely could not make another mistake this time.
When everything was finished, I hit the send button on the email. It was already past midnight. I slumped back in my chair and let out a long sigh of relief. Finally done. I packed up and went downstairs.
In late autumn, Haicheng was already too cold to wear just a single layer. The streets were deserted at this hour. I stepped out of the office lobby, wanting nothing more than to hail a taxi and go home.
But a figure huddled by the roadside in a school uniform quickly caught my attention.
It was Chen Jinyue.
She was leaning against a utility pole, caught mid-yawn. When she saw me, she quickly snapped her mouth shut and ran over with a smile.
I couldn't smile at all. Frowning, I asked her why she was here.
"To pick you up from work," she said brightly, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
I saw she was still wearing her backpack, which meant she had come straight here after her self-study ended at 9:30.
"Why didn't you listen and go home first?"
She tilted her head. "It was the last bus. If I didn't come straight to you and went home first, I wouldn't have made it back in time."
Was that what I was asking? She was always so skilled at diverting the point.
The autumn wind made me shiver. "Don't do this again. It's dangerous."
"Are you angry?"
"No."
"Then I'll come again next time." She laughed again, leaving me speechless.
I said, "Then next time, wait in the lobby visitor area. Don't stand outside."
She actually looked aggrieved then. She pointed at the security guard in the building. "He wouldn't let me in."
I looked back at Uncle Wang, who was diligently guarding the front desk, thinking I should probably have a word with him next time.
*Gurgle—* My stomach growled.
"You haven't eaten?" she asked.
"What about you?"
She didn't answer. Instead, she took my hand and led me toward a nearby convenience store. Along the way, she pressed a bottle of grapefruit tea into my hand, still holding a trace of warmth.
She grabbed a bowl of braised pork rice and picked out a few items of oden before heading to the counter. I paid, and we sat together on high stools by the window, eating a dinner that was hours behind schedule.
Still a bit spiteful, she twisted open the grapefruit tea and insisted I take a sip. "I bought it specifically for you. It's almost cold."
I had no choice but to take a drink. As I tilted my head back to let the liquid flow into my mouth, my eyes remained fixed on her, never wavering. *Are you satisfied now?*
She was satisfied, of course. She propped her chin on her hand and watched me eat.
"Don't keep looking at me..."
"Are you very tired today?" She ignored my words; she always did.
"I'm fine."
"Sister..."
"Mm?"
"I want to grow up faster." After saying this, she reached out and tucked a stray lock of my hair behind my ear.
In that moment, I felt as if I were her younger sister, and she was the older one taking care of me.
"You... don't need to grow up," I said truthfully.
It would be best if she could always need me.
She didn't speak, just looked at me and smiled. Her eyes were clear as a mountain spring, making my own thoughts seem all the more twisted.
"Even when I grow up, I'll still be your sister."
I remained silent. I felt somewhat seen through by her, a sense of panic at losing control.
She finally turned back to eat her cup of oden, picking out a beef ball and placing it in my bowl.
"Is that enough for you?"
"It's enough. I ate dinner at school."
"Mm."
"Sister."
"Yes?"
"Let's go watch the sunrise."
Where was this coming from?
"Not today, surely..."
Why did I add that uncertain inflection at the end? Because I knew that if she insisted, I would still agree without any principles.
"Sunday morning? I don't have classes then."
I thought about it. Chen Fang wouldn't be back until Sunday afternoon, so there was no conflict. I hummed in agreement.
A triumphant smile spread across Chen Jinyue's face. I added, "But you have to promise me, you can't secretly wait for me to get off work like today."
"Okay." We made an unequal exchange.
On Saturday night, after her shower, Chen Jinyue made a fuss about wanting to sleep with me. Her reason was that we had to wake up at four in the morning to go to the beach, and she was afraid I wouldn't be able to get up.
Hearing this, I didn't even know where to begin my critique. Not only did I not have a habit of sleeping in, but even if I did, I shouldn't be supervised by someone who usually threw tantrums and refused to get out of bed until ten on her days off.
I looked at her without saying a word, watching her lips slowly begin to pout.
The next step would be acting spoiled.
"Please... Sister."
There it was.
I sighed and said fine.
She happily ran into my room and burrowed into the covers.
During the first half of the night, she was a restless sleeper, tossing and turning, occasionally letting out a deep sigh loud enough for me to hear.
"Can't sleep?" I gave her what she wanted.
"I'm cold." She immediately turned over, the words practically bursting out. I felt like she’d been holding them in her mouth, just waiting for me to ask.
I reached out to tuck the corner of her quilt, making sure no draft could get in.
She wasn't satisfied. "You're not even willing to hug me anymore..."
I was momentarily speechless, completely at her mercy. I placed my hand over her, resting it on her waist. Taking this as tacit permission, she snuggled into my arms.
Still not satisfied, she added, "Pat me."
That was something I only did to coax her to sleep when she was a child. I closed my eyes and stopped looking at her, but my hand obeyed, rhythmically rising and falling gently against her.
Only then did she fall asleep, content.
When the alarm went off, it was still pitch black outside. For once, Chen Jinyue didn't linger in bed; she got up immediately.
We splurged on a taxi to the beach. There were a few scattered people at the viewpoint who, like us, had come for the sunrise; they all looked like university students.
Chen Jinyue and I stood to one side, shivering. Even though we had both worn an extra layer, we still couldn't withstand the late autumn morning sea breeze.
Suddenly, Chen Jinyue pulled me into her arms. This embrace somehow felt different. It wasn't soft and lingering like our previous hugs, nor was it as pure as when I had held her in bed a few hours ago—at least, it was pure from my perspective.
Oh, right. I realized what it was: "Dominance."
I didn't move in her arms. I realized that at some point, she had grown to be almost as tall as me.
I leaned against her. In our life together, there were few moments that allowed us both to be so "reckless." More often, I was forced to follow the rules, and she wasn't quite so aggressive.
But I didn't mind. It was already too late anyway.
We held each other for a while as the sky began to turn from black to a tranquil blue. I actually preferred this period to the sunrise itself. The air was fresh and cool, the world was quiet, and the hazy blue flickered in and out of existence.
In the distance, there was no clear distinction between heaven and earth; they blended together, their boundaries blurred. Like Chen Jinyue and me in this moment.
Unfortunately, the "blue hour" is very short, lasting only about fifteen minutes. Everyone loves the dawn, but I wished for it to arrive a little later.
Let this blue wrap around my secret for just a little longer.
I asked Chen Jinyue to let go, and I took out my phone, wanting to take a few photos of her.
She leaned quietly against the stone ledge. Her eyes didn't look at the lens; they looked at me. The light was still very dim. I pressed the shutter. the camera's rendering wasn't great; in the photo, she was enveloped in deep blue, her eyes fixed on me.
I didn't dare look for long, so I turned off the screen.
The sky was brightening. The sun began to peek out bit by bit, its light soft and not yet piercing. I heard the person beside me let out a small gasp of wonder. It was indeed beautiful.
I turned back to look at Chen Jinyue—the person who had clamored to see the sunrise was now wasting time looking at me.
To be honest, I slightly regretted turning around, because her gaze made it impossible for me to look away.
She drew closer to me, inch by inch. The seed of desire that had been planted in my heart at some unknown time began to sprout along with the rising sun.
Her eyes were like a mirror filled with longing, leaving me nowhere to hide.
I was a coward, but she was stubbornly persistent.
As the sea breeze blew, the air around me became restless, like a whisper I couldn't quite catch wandering by my ear.
I was forced to breathe them into my lungs. The wind was clearly cold, yet I felt as if I were burning, filled with a sense of sin.
And yet, within that sin, I couldn't stop myself from trembling.
*Stop looking at me like that.*
I made a pale, silent plea.
The day was about to break. I couldn't drag this state of mind out until then.
I pulled her toward me and pressed a kiss to the corner of her lips. Just like her embrace today, which was different from any before, this kiss was my offering to the abyss.
Chen Jinyue didn't speak. She held me, and I could hear her heartbeat, matching the rhythm of the waves, striking my nerves one beat at a time.
The sun had already risen halfway into the sky; the sunrise ceremony was coming to an end.
A few strangers walked over and asked if we wanted them to take a photo of us. I wondered if they had mistaken us for a couple; I felt a surge of panic.
"Sure!" Chen Jinyue answered before I could.
She pulled me into her arms, smiling boldly at the camera. I curled the corners of my mouth slightly to cooperate.
*Click—* The flash went off.
I felt a groundless sense of dread.
The lens was like a cold-eyed demon judging me, waiting for the full light of day to publicize a madman's crimes.
I took the Polaroid from the stranger and thanked them.
The person said, "You're welcome. You two make a very well-matched couple."
In that voice, I began to fall.
***
### Glossary
Chinese | English | Notes/Explanation
--- | --- | ---
蓝调时间 | Blue hour | The period of twilight before sunrise or after sunset.
拍立得 | Polaroid | Specifically referring to instant film cameras/photos.
关东煮 | Oden | A Japanese-style stew often sold in convenience stores.
海城 | Haicheng | The fictional or real coastal city setting.
小谨 | Xiao Jin | An affectionate nickname for Chen Jinyue.
陈芳 | Chen Fang | The mother of Chen Jinyue and the guardian/mother-figure to Lin Yunsheng.
任筱筱 | Ren Xiaoxiao | Chen Jinyue's friend/classmate.
