Life’s journey is accompanied by countless partings and reunions. Many can face separation with composure because they possess enough inner strength to know they are never truly alone. Yet, for so many others, their hearts are like a puppy watching its master leave home—filled with groundless terror, uncontrollable anxiety, and a profound sensitivity to pain.
When one possesses so little, the loss of even one more thing becomes a gaping, jagged void. Thus, falling into a state of collapse or emotional numbness are all too common choices.
A lingering spring rain fell, yet to shed the biting chill of winter.
Li Zhenting was huddled under his quilt, sunk in a heavy sleep. Suddenly, his phone rang, piercing the silence like a sudden, jarring alarm. He frowned and rolled over, cursing under his breath before reaching out to grab the phone from the nightstand.
It was a call from the nursing home.
He snapped halfway awake instantly and hurried to answer. "Hello, this is Li Zhenting."
"Li Zhenting, your grandmother suffered a cardiac arrest an hour ago. She’s been taken into surgery, and her condition is very poor. You need to come immediately to sign the critical condition notice."
"?"
He recognized every word, but why did they make no sense when put together?
"Doctor, what did you say? What cardiac arrest? What notice?"
"Just get here quickly." The voice on the other end sounded rushed. After urging him to set off immediately, there was a sharp *click* as the line went dead.
Li Zhenting sat on the bed holding his phone, his half-naked torso exposed to the frigid air, breaking out in wave after wave of goosebumps. His hands began to tremble involuntarily. His brain felt rusted, processing the words he had just heard with a painful lag.
What? Grandma... is in critical condition?
That heart-stopping panic he had felt as a child—when he returned home to find his grandmother had suffered a brain hemorrhage and the world felt like it was collapsing—descended upon him once more. His limbs should have felt cold, but it was his chest, where his heart continued to beat, that felt as though a hole had been punched through it. A cold stone had been shoved inside, making every breath a struggle.
He was a man nearly twenty-six years old, yet his mind was a total blank, as helpless as he had been over a decade ago.
*No, pull yourself together, Li Zhenting. Grandma is waiting for you.*
He hammered a fist against his chest, finally catching a ragged breath, then leaped out of bed to find clothes.
Li Zhenting didn't dare drive this time. He rushed downstairs to hail a taxi, but it seemed as though the heavens took pleasure in thwarting him. Ten minutes passed, and not a single taxi with a green light passed by. He gripped his phone in agitation, his mind a chaotic void.
*Damn it, where are the cars? Where did they all go?*
Finally, a glimmer of green light approached from around the corner. He ran toward the car, desperate to throw himself inside. However, another figure reached out and flagged it down just before him—a young girl carrying a backpack. Just as she was about to open the door, a powerful hand shot out and clamped down on the handle.
"Hey! I flagged it first!"
She turned around indignantly, only to see a man with bloodshot eyes and a terrifying expression. She instinctively recoiled two steps, saying warily, "What do you think you're doing? I'm not letting someone like you—"
"Sorry. It's an emergency," Li Zhenting forced out, his voice hoarse.
Seeing the genuine desperation etched across his face, the girl stopped insisting. "Oh... then you go ahead. Everyone has urgent times."
He didn't have time to express his gratitude. He climbed into the car and barked the destination at the driver: "Master, Qingshan Nursing Home. Please, hurry."
Perhaps intimidated by his formidable aura, the driver handled the car like a racer, reaching the nursing home in two-thirds of the usual time. Throughout the journey, Li Zhenting kept his face buried in the crook of his arm, his thoughts unknown.
When he went to pay, the driver looked at the young man’s state and said hesitantly, "Young man, seeing how worried you are... is it a family member? Don't worry too much. Everything will be fine."
"Thank you."
He was unable to offer much of a reaction to the kindness of others. He simply got out of the car and bolted inside.
In the surgical wing, a nurse who had been waiting for him saw him arrive and thrust a stack of papers toward him. "You're finally here. Sign the notice quickly, or we'll be delayed in treating your grandmother."
Before he could even catch his breath, Li Zhenting took the documents, flipped straight to the end, and scribbled his name.
The nurse took the papers and prepared to leave. He grabbed her arm, asking tentatively, "My grandmother... how is she?"
The nurse was somewhat familiar with him. Seeing him in this state, she sighed inwardly and comforted him, "The doctors will do their best. Wait outside for now, and try not to leave."
Seeing she had work to do, Li Zhenting had no choice but to let go. He found a chair and slumped into it, defeated. People passed by him constantly, each with their own path, joys, and sorrows; no one noticed the man in the corner of the waiting area.
Li Zhenting was dressed thinly. He sat on the chair, staring blankly at the red light above the operating room.
A familiar scene.
Once again, he was the one sitting alone outside an operating room, waiting for a result. Back then, his grandmother had been younger, and with the help of a renowned doctor like Yan Yan, she had been lucky enough to survive.
What about this time?
She was over seventy now. Could she still have that kind of luck?
*She will. Grandma is such a good person. she never did anything wrong, never made life hard for others. A person as kind as her, who worked hard her whole life, won't be taken to the other world so easily.*
*She definitely can't bear to leave me. She still wants to hold a great-grandchild. How could she give up so easily?*
He tried to comfort himself with all sorts of words, yet his heart grew increasingly frantic. The phone in his hand vibrated. He swiped it open; it was a "Good morning" message from Li Zi.
*Right. I'm not alone anymore.*
*I have Li Zi.*
As if suddenly finding his pillar of support, he gripped the phone and dialed Li Zi’s number.
"Hello?"
Li Zi’s voice, still slightly tinged with sleep, came through the receiver, offering him a sliver of solace. He opened his mouth, wanting to tell her what was happening, wanting to say his grandmother was in critical condition, that he was terrified, that he was cold.
His lips moved, but no sound came out.
Li Zi sensitively detected something was wrong. Hearing the ragged breathing on the other end, she asked with concern, "What's wrong? Brother Ting, what happened? Where are you? Are you okay?"
"I..."
With the first syllable, his tears fell. "Grandma is in surgery. I just signed the critical condition notice. Azi, I... I..."
*I'm so scared...*
Li Zi’s heart leaped into her throat. "I understand. You're at the nursing home, right? How long have you been there?"
"I just arrived."
"Okay. Ting-ge, don't panic. If you're scared, don't hang up. Just wait there and see what the doctor says. Everything will be fine. I'm leaving right now to come to you."
She gave instructions to the man who had clearly lost his bearings, while simultaneously opening another interface to quickly request leave from the faculty and her mentor. Thanks to her excellent performance and good reputation, her leave was approved quickly, but there were no train tickets available for a long time.
Her mind raced. Yu Tianwu’s prized car, which she often showed off, suddenly came to mind. She messaged her: "Tianwu, is your car still parked at the school gate? Can I borrow it for a few days? I have an emergency and can't get a ticket."
Yu Tianwu replied: "It's there. There's a spare key in my room, in the drawer. Go grab it."
"Okay, thanks."
She drove straight onto the highway in Yu Tianwu’s flashy car. It wasn't a holiday, so the highway was clear. The journey would take about two hours. She pushed the speed as much as she dared while remaining cautious, all while keeping an eye on the person on the other end of the line.
"I'm on the highway. How are things on your end?"
"No one has come out yet," Li Zhenting replied.
"Mhm. That means the doctors are still focused on the surgery. No news is good news."
"Azi, what should I do? If..."
"Everything will be fine. I'll be with you. Be good. It's cold; find a warmer spot to wait."
"I don't want to leave this spot." Li Zhenting didn't dare move from the operating room door, fearing that if he stepped away, he would miss something.
"Then be careful not to catch a chill. You don't want to collapse just as Grandma comes out."
She gently soothed his emotions, preventing him from sinking into terrifying conjectures.
Dozens of minutes later.
*Beep—*
The call was suddenly disconnected.
Li Zi frowned and immediately called back. He didn't answer. An extremely uneasy premonition gripped her. She pushed her speed to a level that would surely result in points off her license, calling Li Zhenting’s phone repeatedly.
He never picked up.
"Pick up, you idiot," she muttered, her anxiety peaking. If the outcome was truly what she feared, how broken would this man be right now? He couldn't handle this alone.
With a heart full of urgency and immense worry, Li Zi finally drove up to the nursing home. She asked the staff at the information desk for the location of the surgical wing and hurried over.
***
"Child, go inside and talk to her."
The moment the surgical light went out, Li Zhenting had stood up so abruptly that he accidentally disconnected the call without realizing it. He walked up to the doctor, but before he could speak, the doctor removed his mask, shook his head, and spoke those words.
It was as if a giant boulder had been dropped from the void, nearly shattering Li Zhenting’s soul. He wanted to drop to his knees and beg the doctor to try again; he wanted to roar, to ask why this was happening; he wanted to scream and vent the unbearable agony in his heart.
his facial muscles twitched uncontrollably, and heat pooled in his eyes, ready to overflow.
The doctor reached out and patted his shoulder. "Child, be strong. Let her go in peace."
Only then did he pull back all his emotions and expressions. He pushed open the door.
His grandmother lay on the operating table, eyes closed. The rhythmic beeping of the monitors was slowing down. Li Zhenting walked to the bedside and called softly, "Grandma, I'm here."
The elderly woman slowly opened her eyes. Her clouded gaze turned toward him. It was as if she knew she was about to leave this world; her eyes were filled with too many emotions. But above all, there was the reluctance to leave her child.
"Zhenting... my child... you're here."
Li Zhenting took her hand and nodded. "Mhm."
"Grandma... might not be able to stay with you anymore."
"Don't be too sad. You have to take good care of yourself from now on, okay? Grandma is satisfied. Watching you grow from that thin little baby who looked like he’d stop breathing any second into a man who stands tall... Grandma has no regrets."
The old woman curled her fingers slightly, holding her grandson's hand in her palm.
"Grandma, can't you stay with me a little longer? I haven't started a family yet. You haven't seen your great-grandchild. Don't you remember? You always said you wanted to hold a great-grandchild." Li Zhenting leaned against her hand like a child, pleading.
"Child, I can only go this far with you. You must live well with Li Zi. Don't be so stubborn anymore, or Grandma won't be able to rest easy."
"I know, Grandma. I'll be good."
"My little Ting..." The old woman stroked his cheek, her heart aching for him. "I wanted so much to see you happy. It was Grandma's fault... leaving you without parents since you were small. Did I do wrong? Once Grandma is gone, you'll be all alone..."
She couldn't bear to leave him.
Li Zhenting’s tears flowed uncontrollably. He shook his head. "Grandma, you did nothing wrong. You were so good to me. I was a happy child. It didn't matter that I didn't have parents; having Grandma was enough."
"Zhenting, Grandma will always love you..."
"There's a box in my room..." Her voice grew increasingly faint.
"What?" Li Zhenting looked up, confused.
But her eyes had closed forever. At that moment, the monitors in the room began to wail. Doctors and nurses rushed in. After a final check of her vital signs, they shook their heads and covered her with a white sheet.
Li Zhenting could only stand there blankly, teardrops still clinging to his lashes.
*Grandma is dead?*
Suddenly, the urge to cry vanished. All emotion disappeared in that instant.
When Li Zi arrived, she saw Li Zhenting standing frozen beside the bed covered in white. His eyes were wide, his expression numb, and his lips were tinged with purple. He stood there stiffly, as if his soul had already drifted to another world.
Her eyes stung. She walked over, pulled him into her arms, and kissed his cheek. "Ting-ge, I'm here."
The man’s body twitched. He didn't speak, only buried his head in the crook of her neck. His body was freezing; Li Zi felt as though she were holding a block of ice. She took off her coat and draped it over him.
"Ting-ge, I'm here. Talk to me."
Li Zhenting maintained his dependent posture, shaking his head, still unwilling to speak. She could only hold him tighter.
Next, the doctors took them to complete the paperwork and finally sent his grandmother to be cremated. Throughout it all, Li Zhenting appeared very calm. He didn't cry or break down. He finished the process and finally received the heavy box from someone else's hands.
He cradled the box in his arms, followed Li Zi to the car, and they drove home.
Li Zi knew he was holding everything in, and that there would eventually be a moment of explosion. Sure enough, that night, she heard the sound of desolate weeping.
She got out of bed and walked to the grandmother's room. She saw Li Zhenting curled up on the bed, clutching the urn, sobbing so hard he could barely breathe. Heartbroken, Li Zi let him lean against her. Seeing her, Li Zhenting pressed his face against her abdomen.
Tears quickly soaked through her clothes. The man’s sorrowful wails and tremors were transmitted vividly to her through the thin fabric of her pajamas.
She wondered: in her previous life, when Li Zhenting was so much younger, how much grief and helplessness must he have felt facing the death of his only relative? Back then, she hadn't even been there to accompany him.
From this day forward, Li Zhenting truly had no family left.
No one would constantly worry if he had eaten enough or if he was dressed warmly. No one would ever again cherish him as a child forever. No one would selflessly care for him, wishing only for his happiness.
He looked around, and there was no longer a place to call home.
"Azi, I don't have Grandma anymore."
"I have no family left."
"I have nothing."
He tugged at the hem of Li Zi’s clothes, his voice raspy and trembling. "No one will wait for me to come home anymore."
"Ting-ge, I'm still here. You have me. I will never leave you, so don't be afraid."
"Careful not to cry until your throat is ruined, okay?"
But Li Zhenting’s crying only grew more desolate. He gripped Li Zi’s waist tightly, as if clinging to the last piece of driftwood in his life. It was only by feeling his loneliness at such close range that Li Zi truly understood him. She finally experienced firsthand what that heart—hidden behind every time he waited for her to come home, every time he watched her leave, every time he complained about her neglect like a spoiled child—was actually thinking.
Li Zi held him in that position for a long time, until his breathing slowed and he fell asleep from exhaustion. Only then did she carry him back to the bedroom and tuck him into the warm covers.
Three days passed. Li Zhenting followed his grandmother’s will and arranged a simple funeral. Liu Yan also rushed back from Zhennan City.
However, every night, Li Zi, sleeping beside him, would find him waking from nightmares and weeping silently. She knew she couldn't do much; she could only stay by his side and hold him tight.
But Li Zi only had three days of leave. She had to return to school.
During the day, Li Zhenting’s state seemed okay. Though haggard, he could rouse himself to live a normal life. Liu Yan stayed to keep him company.
She was still uneasy. Before leaving, she emphasized to Li Zhenting several times: "Eat and sleep well, do you hear me? Call me anytime if something happens. Call me if you can't sleep. Try not to be alone. Be good."
Li Zhenting nodded, telling her not to worry too much.
She then turned to instruct Liu Yan: "Xiao Liu, if you can, stay with him more. Don't let him sit alone and overthink. Contact me immediately if anything happens."
"I know, Sister Li Zi. Don't worry, I'll be staying on Xi'an Street for a while," Liu Yan told her.
Only then did Li Zi feel slightly more at ease. Finally, she pulled Li Zhenting into a corner, shared a long kiss with him, and said, "Remember, you still have me. You can come to Zhennan to find me anytime."
Only then did she harden her heart and leave.
***
Chinese | English | Notes/Explanation
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清山疗养院 | Qingshan Nursing Home | The facility where Li Zhenting's grandmother lived.
病危通知书 | Critical condition notice | A formal medical document informing family of a patient's imminent danger of death.
希安街 | Xi'an Street | The location of Li Zhenting's home/shop.
臻汀 | Zhenting | A variation of Li Zhenting's name (震霆) used by his grandmother, likely a more intimate or formal character choice.
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