After being forced to listen to the Great Compassion Mantra for three days straight, Young Master Jiang righteously declined Professor Xie’s follow-up services. He felt his spirit had been purified and his soul elevated; he was now a mere pinky’s width away from renouncing all worldly desires and entering the monkhood.
Seeing that the bruises had mostly faded, Xie Chengnan didn't insist. However, he made it a daily routine to restrict the boy from eating overly flavorful or spicy foods, stopping just short of following him to school to supervise his meals.
For the first time, Jiang Yuan was grateful that Xie Chengnan was too busy to keep a constant eye on him. As soon as he returned to school, he began inventing various excuses not to go home for dinner. Every day, he dragged Zhang Siyi out for hotpot, skewers, or spicy crayfish, then stood in the wind shaking out his clothes to dissipate the scent, ensuring no evidence remained.
Xie Chengnan could easily guess his little schemes, but seeing him so lively and energetic, he chose to turn a blind eye and let him be.
On Sunday morning, Jiang Yuan did something unprecedented: he woke up early.
He knew that Jiang Kunbo and the other two usually didn't head to the cemetery until near noon just to go through the motions. To avoid them, Jiang Yuan set an alarm for six o'clock. After a quick wash, he headed out with Xie Chengnan.
Hushan Cemetery was quite far from the city center; even without traffic, the drive took an hour.
Xie Chengnan settled Jiang Yuan in the back seat and covered him with a small blanket, coaxing the boy to catch up on some sleep while he sat in the driver's seat with his laptop, tapping away at lines of code.
Perhaps finding the cabin too quiet, the increasingly spirited Jason took the initiative to select a playlist for them.
When the intro began to play, Xie Chengnan’s fingers paused over the keyboard. He couldn't help but steal a glance at the person in the back seat through the rearview mirror.
Jiang Yuan, who had been resting his head against the window with his eyes closed, seemed to sense something. He suddenly opened his eyes, and their gazes met unexpectedly in the mirror.
Caught red-handed, Xie Chengnan’s heart hammered wildly, yet his face remained a mask of composure. He withdrew his gaze and asked softly, "You're awake?"
Jiang Yuan was fooled by his calm demeanor, assuming he was just checking to see if he was asleep. "Didn't fall asleep," he replied naturally.
He squinted his eyes, tapping out the rhythm on his leg as he began to hum along with the melody from the speakers.
*Didn't need to ask*
*Don't know the reason*
*Everything that I believe*
*Is right here...*
It began to rain outside. Sparse raindrops pattered against the windshield, harmonizing with the youth’s low singing in the back seat. It felt like a rhythmic tapping against one's heart, stirring an increasingly heavy thrum of noise within.
After humming half the song, Jiang Yuan suddenly laughed. "Jason, did you sneak a peek at my playlist? You knew I’ve been playing this song on loop lately."
Xie Chengnan’s heart stirred, and his coding slowed down.
Jason replied with brutal honesty.
【This is also the most played song on loop in Nan’s playlist.】
The man who had just been sold out: "..."
Jiang Yuan looked at the driver's seat in surprise. Because of the angle, he couldn't see Xie Chengnan’s expression, so he didn't notice that while the older man’s hands hadn't stopped, his eyes had gone somewhat vacant.
Xie Chengnan’s mind was wandering. He didn't know if Jiang Yuan remembered this song as the background music from the KTV booth that day when their lips touched, or if he simply happened to like it.
In truth, Jiang Yuan was wondering the same thing. It felt like a cat was scratching at his heart; he wanted to ask, yet didn't dare.
He knew he could just bring it up casually as a joke—between two men, it shouldn't be a big deal—but even though it was just one sentence, he spent a long time unable to find the right words.
The two of them remained in a daze for the rest of the trip until Jason parked the car. Both snapped back to reality, but in the end, neither spoke.
"Wait a moment." Xie Chengnan stopped Jiang Yuan from opening the door. He got out first, opened an umbrella, and then walked to the rear door to meet him.
Fearing Jiang Yuan might get wet, he held the umbrella so that most of it covered the gap between the car door and the roof, creating a dry sanctuary.
Clutching his blanket, Jiang Yuan looked up at the man who never failed to care for him even in the smallest details. He suddenly understood why he hadn't dared to ask that simple question throughout the entire drive.
Because he cared too much, even the fearless Young Master Jiang had become a coward, acting with extreme caution. He was afraid that a single misunderstood joke might push this person out of his world.
Jiang Yuan told himself not to rush, to be more patient.
He could first circle this man into his own territory, slowly testing, slowly encroaching, making the man lose his heart and fall in love, until he stayed by his side forever.
It was rare for the Young Master to be so invested in a person or a matter.
Outside the car, Xie Chengnan saw Jiang Yuan suddenly curl one corner of his mouth at him, revealing a meaningful smile. He couldn't help but shiver, feeling a strange sense of impending crisis.
"Let's go." Jiang Yuan picked up the flowers from the back seat, straightened his clothes, and began to walk up the path.
Xie Chengnan held the umbrella for him, silently following by his side.
They had arrived early, so there weren't many people in the cemetery. Jiang Yuan led Xie Chengnan up the stairs on the left. Though he didn't speak, his mood was much better than Xie Chengnan had anticipated; he wasn't particularly depressed.
There was another parking lot on the right side of the cemetery, where someone was about to get into a car and leave.
"Someone finished their visit this early?" Surprised, Jiang Yuan glanced over a few times. Those few glances made him stop in his tracks.
"What is it?" Xie Chengnan followed his gaze and saw two sturdy men flanking a white-haired elder by a car. Their posture was somewhat forceful; the elder was practically lifted off the ground as they stuffed him into the back seat.
Jiang Yuan frowned for a long while, murmuring, "He looks so much like him..."
Xie Chengnan looked down at him. "Do you know him?"
"That person... looks a lot like Uncle Fu." Jiang Yuan was puzzled. "Didn't he go abroad...?"
"Uncle Fu?" Xie Chengnan realized who he meant. "Your family's old butler?"
"Yeah." Jiang Yuan continued walking as he spoke. "Not long after my mother passed away, Uncle Fu resigned. At the time, he said he was getting old and wanted to go abroad to live with his son's family."
Xie Chengnan thought about Uncle Fu’s age; the reason sounded normal. He also understood Jiang Yuan’s confusion: if that person really was Uncle Fu, why hadn't he contacted Jiang Yuan after returning to the country? After all, while Uncle Fu was a butler to outsiders, to Jiang Yuan, he was practically an elder.
"I probably saw wrong." The two groups were too far apart, and it was only a view of his back. Jiang Yuan wasn't sure if he had been mistaken.
Xie Chengnan, however, looked toward the direction the car had left with a trace of concern, lost in thought.
Jiang Yuan’s mother’s grave was located in the middle-upper section. Because there were people hired to maintain it daily, the area was clean and tidy.
When Jiang Yuan saw the bouquet of freesias in front of the tombstone, he let out a small "ah" of surprise.
Xie Chengnan, however, didn't seem surprised at all. He explained, "I signed an agreement with a flower shop. They deliver a fresh bouquet of freesias every day."
Jiang Yuan looked up and smiled. "You still remember that my mom liked freesias."
"I do," Xie Chengnan said. "The year you were born, she took me to a small corner of your garden and planted it full of freesias. She said the language of freesias is happiness. She hoped you would be happy your whole life."
"Happiness..." Jiang Yuan looked at the person smiling gently on the tombstone, suddenly feeling a bit sentimental. "Xie Chengnan, walk a bit further away. I have some things I want to say to my mom alone."
Xie Chengnan didn't ask questions. He simply left the umbrella with Jiang Yuan and walked to the path to wait for him.
Ignoring the wet and cold ground, Jiang Yuan sat down directly against the tombstone. He held the umbrella over himself and the stone, speaking softly to the person in the portrait. "Mom, I'm not alone visiting you this year. You saw him just now, didn't you? Xie Chengnan—he's back.
"Even though I don't remember things from when I was little, he's very good to me now. He takes care of me. Living with him feels so peaceful, like there's nothing worth overthinking. I haven't... taken my medicine in a while. Yeah, that's probably good news, right?
"In the days before he came back, there were actually several times when I tried to do what you did. I took sleeping pills and lay in the bathtub. I guess I'm still afraid of dying; every time, I couldn't help but crawl out before I drifted off.
"I didn't know what I was hoping for, but now I'm so glad I didn't drown in there...
"Mom, I like him. I want to be with him. Even though we're both men, I know you definitely won't mind.
"Thank you for bringing him to my side nineteen years ago.
"I will be happy, just as you hoped..."
Xie Chengnan didn't know what Jiang Yuan had said. He only knew that when Jiang Yuan walked toward him, there was a resolute light in his eyes, as if he had finally broken through some sort of shackle and found a conviction that could invigorate him.
The sense of world-weariness that occasionally surfaced on him had been diluted, peeling away to reveal a vivid, shining life.
***
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