"I’m the one being fierce?! You actually called me fierce!" I was so angry I practically jumped. "I ran into 'you,' and he nearly beat me to death over some woman, and you have the nerve to call me fierce!"
"I didn't."
I know you didn't, but for heaven's sake, you have to explain this to me! "I clearly saw 'you' going to a hotel with that country girl!"
My roommate looked genuinely shocked. "I don't have any other girls."
"Just that one country girl, I get it!"
My roommate looked even more surprised. He stiffly leaned over and gave me a hug. "You're my only girl. There are no other girls."
"I'm a damn man!" I pointed at a female student walking past. "The ones with breasts are women. How have you not figured that out yet? Breasts mean they can have babies."
My roommate followed my lead effortlessly. "Then you're my boy."
After a pause, he added, "You can have babies too."
I spit. I’m running away from home! I wanted to ask how one of him turned into two, but the conversation somehow circled back to having babies. Liu Wukong is such a troll.
Just then, Ren Xing’s car arrived. Before I could say a word to him, my roommate nimbly hopped into the back seat. Ren Xing glanced at him through the rearview mirror and teased, "What’s this? Is Student Liu coming to my place too?"
My roommate calmly hummed in affirmation. "Crashing."
Wait a minute—running away from home was just a thought! I never said I was actually going to stay at his place. I just thought it, and my roommate jumped at the chance to join the fun. He’s so powerful; what if he gets unhappy later and kills Ren Xing? What then?! Filled with the guilt of a bickering couple dragging an innocent bystander into their mess, I tried to pull him out, but he refused to budge! So, Ren Xing ended up taking us both back to his home.
"Have you guys started clearing the ruins yet?" I asked Ren Xing.
"Yeah, the excavation has started. We're worried people might be buried."
"You didn't dig up any of those scary, black, long-tailed animals?"
Ren Xing shook his head. "Nothing at all. It seems like there’s just a very deep fissure under the ruins. The preliminary conclusion is that the earthquake caused the crust to crack."
I gave an "oh" and ran out of things to say. We arrived at Ren Xing’s house in that awkward silence. As soon as our car entered the neighborhood, the local strays went wild again, joyfully running toward us with their tongues lolling out—it was a lewd sight, to say the least. But halfway there, they all pricked up their ears, sucked back their drool, and their eyes went wide. They froze for a second before turning tail and bolting as if they’d seen a ghost. I looked at my roommate in the rearview mirror; he had his arms crossed over his chest, looking blank.
Once we were upstairs, Ren Xing was exhausted. He went to take a shower first, telling me to let my roommate get acquainted with the sofa. Ren Xing’s tongue really is wicked.
While he was showering, I went to the kitchen to boil water for instant noodles. My roommate kept hovering around me. Then, as if he knew the place by heart, he opened the fridge and pulled out a one-liter carton of fresh milk.
"You like milk?!"
My roommate gave a heavy, emphatic nod.
This was a revelation to me. I had always assumed he didn't eat normal human food. Now it seemed this unsolvable problem had a solution. That bottle of milk was what I used to feed Xiao Hei, but since Xiao Hei hadn't shown up in a while, I was worried the opened carton might be past its expiration date. So, I opened a fresh one for him and even washed a glass to set beside it. I didn't know if he could digest it; it would be bad if he ended up with a stomachache like me. After doing all this for him, I focused on the stove.
Then, my roommate did something that left me speechless.
He went out to the balcony, grabbed the cat bowl I’d prepared for Xiao Hei, and without even washing it, poured the milk inside and downed it in one go.
Holy crap... Brother Liu, you...
You really can't even manage to lie properly! How can you be so dense!
With a white milk mustache around his mouth, my roommate calmly asked me, "What?"
"Nothing..."
He nonchalantly finished the entire bottle in one gulp. After drinking, he asked, "Do you want some?"
"No thanks!"
He hummed, licked his lips, and started to walk away.
I hurriedly called out to him, "Brother Liu!"
He turned around. I plucked up my courage and pulled him to the side. "Brother Liu."
He squinted his eyes contentedly, seemingly enjoying the way I called him that.
"Today on the street, I saw you walking with a country girl."
He promised me again, "There is only one boy." He even held up one finger in front of my face, showing it to me solemnly.
"Then how many Liu Wukongs are there?"
My roommate froze. Then, an expression that said "I can't believe you found out" flickered across his face before he put on a profound act. "I don't know what you're talking about."
Fine, I won't blame you for playing dumb. After all, you haven't reached Old Chu's level of insanity, skinning people to impersonate them. But I really couldn't get over this mental hurdle. "You borrow people's bodies all over the place—this one today, that one tomorrow. Which one am I actually dating?"
"I didn't borrow anything." My roommate took my hand and placed it on his chest. "It’s always been me."
Holy crap!
Brother Liu, you don't have a heartbeat, you bastard! You're exposing way too much!
Fortunately, I was already used to it. No heartbeat, then no heartbeat; as long as he can breathe, it's fine. Besides, Big Brother Liu is a shapeshifter, unlike Zhang Litian who had to replace the original host to look human. That’s acceptable. "But why do you have to look exactly like the other Liu Wukong? Do you think he's handsome?"
"You think he's handsome. But now you think Officer Ren is handsome. How can you be so fickle and unfaithful?" My roommate looked like I had deeply wronged him.
"When did I ever see the real Liu Wukong! And besides, I clearly think I'm the most handsome one!"
"You're not handsome." My roommate shook his head as if stating a universal truth.
Do you have to be that honest?! Can we still have a happy human-beast relationship?!
"You're pretty," he suddenly chirped, letting out a joyful "hehehehe" laugh.
Lunatic!
My roommate touched my face and added, "Your eyes went wide the first time you saw him."
I couldn't remember where I’d seen the real Liu Wukong. But wait, did my roommate turn into Liu Wukong just because he caught me fangirling over him?
"Then what do you actually look like?" I regretted asking as soon as the words left my mouth. If he suddenly transformed, I’d probably be scared to death.
Instead, my roommate said with a look of pure intoxication, "Too handsome..."
I was dying of laughter!
I’ll set aside the issue of my roommate turning into whoever I find attractive for now. That skill is actually pretty badass and has potential for development—maybe I can have him turn into Masa Yuu or something later. But I remembered something more important to tell him. "Brother Liu, humans experience birth, aging, sickness, and death."
He gave me a look that said, "Why are you telling me this?"
"People don't just suddenly vanish."
My roommate put on a righteous face again. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Zhang Litian is gone. His little lackeys are gone too."
My roommate looked down at his toes for a moment, then looked up to stare at me. "They hit you."
"Eh?!"
The words I had prepared were instantly stuck in my throat. This wasn't quite what I expected! My intention was just to remind him that I knew what was going on, so he should stop making people vanish. If possible, I wanted to ask if he could bring them back... but then he said, with a hint of grievance, that it was because they hit me. What kind of logic is this? They beat me up, so you made them disappear?! Oh god, I can't take it—why am I suddenly feeling a surge of happiness! Tears were welling up in my eyes! I really shouldn't feel this way! He made people vanish, and here I am getting all emotional. I’m a piece of trash with no morals! But I completely! Cannot! Stop!
My roommate smiled tenderly, shuffled forward in his slippers, and gave me a hug.
I pushed him away with some dignity. He smelled like cooking fumes and dishwater—it was suffocating.
But my roommate was clingy and refused to leave, circling around me and licking me every now and then. By the time I finished my noodles, all my visible injuries were healed.
"You were hit again."
I nodded, then solemnly reminded him, "Even if I get hit, you can't make people vanish anymore. Bring back the ones you made disappear."
He gave a small "oh," looking miserable. Then he stood there, and his eyes suddenly lit up. I felt like a giant exclamation mark had popped up over his head with a "ding" sound.
I had no choice but to warn him again, "You can't harm people."
My roommate looked like his world had ended.
I was laughing my head off.
By the time I finished my noodles, Ren Xing had finished his shower and come out. "Ye Xiao, help me change the bandage on my hand."
His hand was still fractured, and living alone was indeed a hassle. Usually, I was the one helping him with chores and physical labor. When he called me, I habitually gave an "aye" and prepared to serve the People's Police. But I had barely taken a step when my roommate hugged me from behind, pressing his entire weight against my back and resting his chin high on top of my head. "Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine..." my roommate chanted persistently.
Under the pressure from above, behind, and mentally, I couldn't move an inch.
Ren Xing looked at us with disdain, then shook his head. "Then how about Student Liu helps me with the bandage?"
My roommate slowly stepped forward to help him. My heart was in my throat; I just hoped he wouldn't make Ren Xing vanish right in front of me. Ren Xing, on the other hand, looked relaxed. After glancing at me, he looked my roommate up and down with interest. "How about giving me some of that healing too?"
My roommate said calmly, "No."
Ren Xing let out a delighted laugh.
Crap, is he trying to seduce my boyfriend?!
The moment the thought crossed my mind, my roommate’s face darkened. He said aggressively, "Don't like you. Don't seduce me." He even gave Ren Xing a shove.
I’m not jealous anymore, stop it, you idiot! Also, can you stop eavesdropping on my thoughts all day long?! I can't even complain in peace.
That night, we had another fuss over the sleeping arrangements.
Ren Xing lay on the bed and said, "You two should show some restraint. This is my house, after all. You youngsters can't just flaunt your love in front of me and then kick me to the sofa. I am Ye Xiao's ex-boyfriend, after all. Even if I've been pushed aside by the new wave, I shouldn't be treated this miserably. I’m sleeping in the bed."
I thought about it and agreed. Maybe I should sleep on the sofa and let my roommate sleep on the floor?
My roommate was adamant: "Ye Xiao must sleep in the bed."
Ren Xing generously patted the other half of the double bed. "Then sleep here. Come on."
My roommate actually cursed: "Damn it, you stinking hooligan." After cursing, he looked at me, a bit unsure.
I gave him a thumbs-up. "That is indeed the right context for that phrase, but usually, you should still be civilized and polite. He is a policeman, after all."
My roommate nodded, then went over and started kicking the mattress violently. "Please get off."
That’s not how you use it! Saying one thing while your legs are doing another is seen as a provocation!
Ren Xing smiled at my roommate. "Then all three of us lie on the bed? Ye Xiao in the middle."
My roommate: "Stinking hooligan."
Ren Xing: "Do you want him to fall off? It’s a two-meter bed, but we're three grown men."
My roommate thought about it, sensing something was wrong, and finally muttered, "I won't."
I couldn't take it anymore. "Alright, alright. Ren Xing, stop teasing my roommate, okay? You're a cop; why are you so low-key wicked? My roommate really doesn't understand these things."
Ren Xing: "Then you tell me what to do."
My roommate: "...Fine, let's all sleep."
I was just about to wonder why my roommate had suddenly become so easy to talk to, but when I lay down, I realized something was missing on my left... Where was Ren Xing?!
"You made Officer Ren vanish!" I pointed my finger at him in disbelief.
My roommate leaned in and kissed my fingertip. "Just for one night. Go to sleep, be good."
"Where did you send him! Mmph... what are you doing? Don't do this on someone else's bed... Hey! Tsk... turn off the light... Hey! Don't turn it off! Don't turn into something weird again! Holy shit, Liu Wukong, why are you so fast?! You're only a real man for five seconds, aren't you!"
***
