When I regained consciousness, Jin Mu was softly calling my name from a corner of the room. "Ye Xiao, Ye Xiao."
The ceiling fan overhead spun at a glacial pace, emitting a rhythmic creak that stirred the papers scattered across the floor. Jin Mu was trembling behind his easel, clutching his beloved marble sculpture to his chest. Having not seen it for a few days, I noticed the sculpture was much closer to completion; it had grown two additional arms. As Jin Mu held it, the statue seemed to return the embrace, its arms spread wide. Jin Mu looked like a wreck; the wine cork had slipped from his head, revealing the raw, fresh texture of the hole in his skull.
I opened my mouth to speak, but my throat was so parched no sound came out. I could only manage a grimace that looked like I was about to cry. Jin Mu was equally terrified, his nerves clearly frayed. Out of a sense of human solidarity, he crawled over to steady me and patted my back.
"Is Zhang Litian gone?"
Jin Mu panted heavily. "Just now... *that thing* arrived, and Zhang Litian fled."
I grabbed some tissues to wipe the blood from my face. As I did, I couldn't help but recall the two other forms I had seen my roommate take. The European man was one thing, but the latter form hadn't even been human. The sheer pressure it exerted was overwhelming; if he had stayed a moment longer, I might have been crushed to death by his very presence.
Jin Mu began tidying the mess on the floor. "What did you see in the crystal skull?"
"A lot. But it didn't seem to be Zhang Litian’s own memories. Back when you and I could still communicate, every scene I saw was related to Old Chu—that Aztec god of agriculture, Xipe Totec."
Jin Mu let out an "oh." "The giant spider. The one that uses venom to digest human organs, uses human bodies as hosts, and loves wearing human skins." He shuddered. "I... I once saw him in a rental room with that girl... doing *that*. The girl was unconscious and couldn't feel a thing, but the scene was unforgettable. It was too disgusting for words."
"Yes, it was him. I don't think what's in the crystal skull is just 'memory.' When I encountered Old Chu, he recognized me. He called me Ye Xiao. If it were a simple memory, the Old Chu of the past couldn't possibly know the Ye Xiao of the future. To escape his pursuit, I held the crystal skull and traveled further back in time, tracing almost the entirety of human history. I existed as all sorts of people. In the final instance, I even met Zhang Litian. He was someone else, yet I was seeing through a first-person perspective. If it were Zhang Litian’s memory, and I was Zhang Litian, how could there be two of us at the same point in time? Zhang Litian was just like he is now, trying to cut out my heart, and my roommate saved me again. They both called me Ye Xiao. So, I actually traveled through time; I wasn't just watching a recording. As for why their past selves recognized my current self, I don't know."
Jin Mu shrugged. "They are gods, after all. Perhaps time doesn't feel the same to them as it does to us."
I thought of the words Homer had told me: *All the stories of the world already exist upon the tips of my fingers as I pluck the lyre. Past, present, and future—a recurring cycle. There is nothing new under the sun.*
A recurring cycle.
Everything has already happened, is happening, and will happen.
My IQ wasn't high enough for this. I’d better just go back and ask my roommate. He probably wouldn't tell me, but I still had Lu Daoshi!
After helping Jin Mu tidy up his chaotic studio-slash-living-quarters, I patted his shoulder. "Take care of yourself... from now on." Jin Mu’s situation was too precarious. Even his letters were intercepted, and apparently, his outgoing calls were blocked by eerie signal interference—which was why he had resorted to texting me. Like me, he was being watched by many unknown entities.
He shook his head gloomily. "I am the prophet chosen by Zhang Litian. I am still useful to him. If you want to help me, destroy that crystal skull as soon as possible. Don't let it regain its full divinity. As for those lesser lifeforms from the Abyss, they have no way of harming me, much as they might wish to."
"Lesser lifeforms?"
He shrugged. "The dregs that live in the gaps of time and space, slaving away for the god-clans. They rarely possess intelligence, but they are driven by a powerful urge for destruction and annihilation."
Just what kind of subordinates was my roommate’s crowd keeping?!
"I'll do my best to fulfill your request. And at least while I'm around, my roommate won't do anything to you."
Jin Mu looked at me with lingering fear. Finally, as I turned to leave, he called out to me. "Just now... I saw him."
"You mean my roommate? He has a thousand faces, and most of them aren't exactly easy on the eyes. Don't let it scar you—"
"He will die." Jin Mu cut me off.
My head buzzed. "Who kills him? When? How long from now? With what? Wait, he’s the master of the entire world—how could he die?"
Jin Mu’s eyes began to roll back. I saw his eyeballs fill with burst capillaries, the tiny vessels exploding until his sockets were a solid, bloody red. I took a terrified step back as I heard him rasp, "I saw the vision of his death. The blood and bone..."
WTF!
"Blood and bone?"
"The blood and bone that flowed through his body eventually killed him." Jin Mu finally snapped out of his trance, his face deathly pale. "His firstborn. His eldest son. He was killed by his own firstborn."
WTF!
It seemed a trip to the gynecologist for an abortion was an urgent priority.
Jin Mu coughed violently. "Quick, go catch up to him. Otherwise, you won't be able to leave this building."
Holy crap!
Seeing me still frozen in place, Jin Mu gave me a hard shove. "Go! There’s no time!"
I bolted out of the apartment like a shot, then sprinted back to borrow a shirt from Jin Mu to wear, using my T-shirt to wrap the crystal skull as I fled. The stairwell was dim. I gripped the railing and called out "Liu Ge," but no one answered. Instead, things like bats began circling in the narrow space, the air filled with the frantic *flap-flap* of wings. There were more and more of them. I didn't dare take the stairs, so I lunged for the elevator and mashed the down button. Before the swarm of bats could reach me, the doors opened, and I scrambled inside. A few managed to squeeze through the gap. One look at them and I felt sick. What on earth were these things?! They had ashen-gray bodies the size of pangolins, with withered wings that seemed too small for their heavy frames, causing them to dip and bob as they flew. More terrifyingly, these bats had human faces! The faces had no lips or eyes, just a single hole serving as a mouth, dripping with blood inside and out. Their eyes were actually on their wings—massive, singular eyes!
In my state of shock, vines began growing frantically from the ceiling of the elevator car. In moments, the entire space was filled with incredibly foul-smelling dahlias, which coiled around the man-faced bats one by one and stuffed them into their floral maws to be devoured. I found both types of creatures disgusting, but because the latter grew out of me, they felt almost... perversely cute.
The elevator soon reached the first floor. With a *ding*, I breathed a sigh of relief. But I quickly realized things weren't that simple. Outside wasn't the apartment lobby, but a pitch-black corridor.
This trick again?!
I beckoned for the swaying, beautiful man-eating flowers to follow me. They just continued to bob their heads stupidly, as if saying: *We can't move, though.*
Fine. I looked back, and the elevator was gone. I was off to court death again. Jin Mu’s words had left me deeply unsettled. But since my "Big Brother Liu’s" firstborn was still in my belly, he should be fine for the near future—which meant I wanted to see him even more now, because *I* might be the one in trouble.
Just then, the phone Jin Mu gave me buzzed. I pulled it out to see a text: "I am behind you."
No caller ID.
I turned around trembling. Nothing. I couldn't help but clutch the crystal skull tighter.
In the absolute silence, I heard the sound of flowing water and began to walk forward. The traces of the man-made corridor gradually vanished, and I realized I was walking through a massive natural cavern. I could still hear the occasional flap of wings and the screeching of bats, but they didn't attack. After three minutes, the phone in my pocket buzzed again. Another text from an unknown number: "I have arrived."
I was moved to tears of terror. I kept glancing back as I jogged forward. Reaching the end of the cave, I saw a river and gasped for air, my vision nearly going black. Countless man-faced bats were floating on the water, packed densely together. The moment they saw me, they lunged like rabid dogs! I froze in sheer panic! Then, my phone vibrated twice more: "Turn around."
How desperate I felt! How utterly desperate! I turned my head tentatively and suddenly saw a familiar, dear face! Still clutching the crystal skull, I was pulled into my roommate’s embrace and dragged back against the wall for protection.
"Are you still on good terms with that policeman?" he asked me.
I nearly wet myself. "I am not on good terms with him!"
My roommate narrowed his eyes at me, seemingly satisfied. Then, in an instant, we were sitting on a bed. I was sitting, and he was crouching, shielding me. I looked around in disbelief; this was our dorm room. So, another teleportation?
Just as a sense of security began to bloom from being back in familiar surroundings, there was a sudden bang at the door. I thought someone was knocking, but then I saw countless dark shadows flitting past the uncurtained window, their silhouettes cast upon us by the moonlight.
It was those terrifying man-faced bats again!
Even teleportation didn't work on them? What kind of nonsense was this? Could things just be normal for once?
"You can take them, right?" I said to my roommate.
My roommate’s handsome face looked exceptionally clean in the moonlight. He said calmly, "Ye Xiao."
"Yeah?"
"To ask me to do something, a price must be paid."
"Is it... a sacrifice?"
"Once, when humans entered into a covenant with me, they would snap four ribs from their own backs and pull out their lungs to serve as a pair of withered wings. Did you know that?"
"I did not!"
My roommate had never been like this. He was always so good to me, so gentle. Was he going to settle the score now?! Snapping four ribs and pulling out lungs to make wings—does that even fit your aesthetic, Liu Ge?! Liu Ge, look, I'm pregnant...
"Of course, I would never do that to you. I am not a beast or a giant running through the jungle, and you are not some lowly family member I've abducted. What I want to enter into with you is a marriage contract. Give everything to me, obey me, love me. I will spoil you, respect you; whatever you want, I can give it all to you. Whatever you want me to do, I can do it all. Are you willing?"
I was pinned to the spot, staring at him stupidly.
Our dorm door was thundering with blows. Those horrific, bloodthirsty bats were using their sharp claws to shatter the wood and glass, desperate to break in and tear me apart. And here I was, being proposed to by my roommate. I never dreamed that at twenty-two, I might get married—and to a man, no, a god! And he was so handsome, with skin that looked perfect even up close! I asked him dotingly, "...What do I need to give you in exchange?"
My roommate gave a low hum. He knelt down, carelessly tossing aside the crystal skull I had worked so hard to snatch. He tucked a stray hair behind my ear, seemingly considering what he wanted from me. Then, he slowly raised his hand, catching a tear that had just escaped my eye from the fright. He toyed with the teardrop, appearing more interested in me than anything else.
"Give me your tears. Whenever I meet you, you are always crying because you are in danger," he said, bringing the tear to his lips and licking it away. "From this day forward, wherever you shed a tear, I shall be there."
My roommate’s flirting skills were like he’d activated a cheat code. As someone who couldn't even pass the CET-4 and only knew the phrase "I love you," I stood no chance. And since I’m a shameless sissy with no integrity, I lunged forward and hugged him tightly. My roommate adjusted his posture to hold me closer. He rested his head on my left shoulder for a moment, then nuzzled my neck and moved to the right. He kept kissing my hair and ears. I sobbed uncontrollably for him; after all, he’d just contracted for a lifetime’s worth of tears.
Just as I was about to say "I do," the dorm door finally collapsed under the violent assault. Countless man-faced bats shrieked as they flooded into our room, like a dark cloud of death swallowing the light. I rested my head on my roommate’s shoulder. His back was turned to the chaos, but he reached out a hand. I saw a soft glow appear on the outside of the bunk bed. Every bat that slammed into that halo was sent flying, hitting the walls and ceiling with a *splat*, leaving smear after smear of blood. When everything finally went quiet, the blood in our dorm was ankle-deep.
"Is this our bridal chamber?"
My roommate chuckled. A beam of light appeared by the window and slowly moved toward the door. Wherever the light passed, everything returned to normal. Even my smelly socks, which I’d left everywhere, looked as if they had been washed and ironed, clean as new and tucked away where they belonged. My dorm hadn't been this clean in two years. On the desk sat a large basin of snow-white... salt.
"This is the purest sea salt, from the deepest part of the Mariana Trench, where humanity has yet to reach."
My roommate dabbed a bit of salt and rubbed it onto my forehead, then gave it a kiss. "You are all my emotions."
He rubbed it on both my cheeks, kissing each in turn. "You are my creation."
He unbuttoned my shirt, rubbed the sea salt over my heart, and slowly kissed it away. "You are my rib."
Finally, he gave my whole body a scrub with the salt, saying serenely and joyfully, "From now on, you are my wife."
"So, have we been married before? How many times? Who was I?" I asked him.
He gave an "mm," thought for a moment, and took my hand. "A wedding isn't like this. You can't talk. Next, we have to get straight to business."
And so, my roommate actually! Got busy with business! I had so many questions! And he just went straight to doing the deed with me on our dorm’s 1.2-meter bed! Talk about a wedding night! 1.2 meters!
On our wedding night, my roommate reached the fifteen-minute mark. Truly a cause for celebration. His starting point was low, but at least he improves fast. From five seconds to fifteen minutes—that’s an 18,000% growth rate. I can't ask for much more.
A lot happened tonight. Really, a lot. I still haven't fully processed it; it feels like a dream. Everything happened so suddenly, one thing after another. I was laughing when I should have been terrified, and wetting myself when I should have been happy. By the time I lay down in my roommate’s arms to sleep, my mind was a total blank. However, I knew one thing for sure—my roommate was playing me! I used to dream of playing my wife like this. "Did you do the dishes?" *Do her until she forgets.* "You bought lottery tickets again!" *Do her until she forgets.* "How late were you watching football?!" *Do her until she forgets.*
So now, my roommate’s tactic was: "Liu Ge, tell me the truth!" *Do me until I forget.*
Damn it, you only lasted fifteen minutes. When we were done, I wasn't even out of breath, and you fell asleep yourself! I nudged him to wake him up. "Get up, get up."
My Liu Ge gave a slow "ah" and rolled over to hug me, his eyes bleary with sleep.
"I know who you are now. Jin Mu told me... You're amazing, Big Brother Liu!"
My roommate blushed slightly. "Uh, you know. How much do you know?"
"I know you're all gods; I know you beat them all and locked them in the Abyss; I know they really want to get out, and as soon as they do, you drag them back. You're so cool, Big Brother Liu! A god's-eye view! A golden finger that breaks the heavens! It's awesome!"
My roommate smiled, looking a bit relieved. "It's alright, it's alright."
"Why are you being humble? You're the best!"
He got a bit shy and even said that if I wanted to learn, he could teach me. "Controlling the wind, manipulating space and time, directing ocean currents, weaving lifelines, and many, many other things."
"Old Chu and the others can do that too? Can you really manipulate time? That time when I first arrived and time stopped, what was that?"
My roommate told me that when the Abyss and the surface world connect, time stops. So that night, it was actually Old Chu who rescued Zhang Litian from the depths of the Abyss. He had gone to chase Old Chu, not realizing it was a diversion, and nearly lost me. He insisted on hugging me again to comfort his "frightened little heart." This bastard—he doesn't even have a heart, yet he’s learned how to act cute for affection.
"Then what was with the time inside the crystal skull?"
"It's a loop," he said, picking up the crystal skull from the floor. He drew the shimmering light into his hand. Just as I thought I was about to witness a miracle, he actually tossed the light into his mouth and swallowed it whole, letting out a burp. "There. He will never have the power of chronokinesis again."
"...Then, I really want to know—did I flay Old Chu? Tonight in the crystal skull, I saw myself flaying someone..."
My roommate patted me. "I did the flaying."
"Oh. Then why was I Old Chu’s priest? Why was I so many different people?"
My roommate shook his head innocently. "I don't know."
He was being *too* innocent; it was obviously an act. I moved to pinch him, and he slowly dodged back and forth. My hands got tired from pinching, so I bit him. "Then who exactly am I, hey—"
My roommate’s eyes suddenly lit up, and he lunged at me like a dog, hugging and nuzzling me frantically! "You are my little friend!"
Ah, another fifteen minutes...
My roommate was talking in circles. I’ll ask Lu Daoshi tomorrow. Still breathless, I didn't give up. Lying in his arms, I began to interview him on behalf of all humanity: "May I ask, as the Chief God, what is your philosophy for governing the world?"
My roommate said instantly, "I don't have one."
"Oh my god, can you be serious! This world is so unfair, so dark! Hundreds and thousands of African children are starving to death! Aren't you going to do something?!"
Liu: "I was asleep. I didn't know. I originally wanted to come and deal with the slave trade, but it seems I'm a few centuries late."
Me: "Then when people pray, do you grant our wishes?"
My roommate said instantly: "Blocked them."
Liu Wukong, do you even want to be the Chief God?! How can you be so unreliable! Can we get it together?! "Then what do you do every day?"
Liu: "Sleep."
Me: "And what do you do when you wake up?"
Liu: "Check if anyone is missing from the Abyss. If they are, catch them and give them a beating."
Me: "...Why do you beat them?"
Liu: "I don't know."
He added: "I've been beating them since I was born. They are bad and annoying. You’d want to beat them too if you saw them."
Me: "Then do you beat humans?"
My roommate looked uninterested. "What's the point of beating humans? Humans are bad too. I don't like them." He paused, glanced at me, and reached out to touch my hand. "I like my little friend."
I interlaced my fingers with his. He looked stunned, as if it were a miracle. His face practically screamed: *Ah, hands can be used like this!* His palm began to sweat from the heat.
While he was busy with his fingers twitching, I organized my thoughts. "So, if those evil gods are bullying people, do you help the people?"
My roommate was still uninterested. "What does that have to do with me?"
Me: "But you prioritize beating the evil gods back into the Abyss?"
My roommate nodded reluctantly.
Success. "Zhang Litian and Old Chu are very happy about the end of the world; the more chaotic it is, the more they show off. So, are you still going to destroy the world the day after tomorrow?"
He looked at me deeply, gave an "mm," and said slowly, "I am very angry. I want to turn all these rude people into petroleum. Especially that policeman."
It was one thing to want to make people he disliked disappear, but he actually wanted to turn the whole city into oil?! I really don't understand the world of the man of the house. But even if I don't understand, I have to persuade him. Even though I’ve become the wife of a sea monster, I can't forget my roots. In my desperation, I blurted out: "Let's not. We can't let Old Chu and Zhang Litian have their way. Besides, I'm about to take the CET-4."
My roommate was simple. He asked me, "Is the CET-4 very important?"
I nodded. "Very important. Without a CET-4 certificate, I can't find a good job. And I've already paid the registration fee. Our family isn't well-off; you're out there washing dishes every day, it's so hard. We can't let that registration fee go to waste."
And so, my roommate abandoned his plan to destroy heaven and earth and turn the entire city into petroleum.
See that? See that? The CET exams once saved the world. And nobody even knows!
I curled up in the quilt and rolled into my roommate’s arms, hiding my merit and fame.
To be the main wife of the big boss, you have to be like me—using a soft touch to move a heavy weight.
***
