Of Weddings and Wakes | Chapter 51 | A Spicy Hongmen Banquet | Novela.app

Wu Biyou was clearly pushed to his limit; he paid the bill and left without a backward glance. Watching the teenager’s retreating figure in the night, Mu Gesheng chuckled. "Sanjiutian, when did you learn how to tease kids?" Chai Shuxin gave an irrelevant answer: "This place uses too much oil. Wait until we get back; I’ll cook." "Understood, Nanny Chai," Mu Gesheng replied languidly. "You’re increasingly capturing the essence of how Old Second used to manage the household chores." Chai Shuxin: "..." Wu Biyou wasn't the only one feeling the heat that night. Back at the City God Temple, Mu Gesheng was scrolling through his social media feed while holding his enamel mug. He saw a new post from An Ping—a large image of a "Basement Level 1" sign. Evidently, Wu Biyou had already told An Ping the truth. Mu Gesheng knew the juniors kept in close contact privately. He smiled and gave the post a like, promptly receiving a private message from An Ping: "Master Half-Immortal, next time you have a plan, could you please inform your humble servant in advance?" Mu Gesheng: "Life is full of surprises. Wouldn't it lose all the fun otherwise?" An Ping immediately replied with an emoji of a person kowtowing repeatedly. Mu Gesheng sent back a peeking cat emoji. "By the way, how was dinner tonight? Was it pleasant?" "Two female warriors clashing," An Ping said. "When rivals meet on a narrow path, the brave one wins." The dinner between Chai Yanyan and An Ping’s mother must have been spectacular. Before Mu Gesheng could reply, An Ping sent another message: "The meal even came with a side of new relatives. Truly thrilling." Mu Gesheng: "What, did you all get drunk and swear a brotherhood in the Peach Garden?" "If only it were that simple," An Ping said. "My mom recognized a goddaughter." Mu Gesheng blinked and quickly shouted toward Chai Shuxin’s room: "Sanjiutian!" Chai Shuxin pushed open the window. "What?" "You have a new niece!" Chai Shuxin: "?" Mu Gesheng handed him the phone, counting the seniority on his fingers. "Let me calculate... if that’s the case, Yanyan’s godmother is your niece, so An Ping’er should be your grand-nephew?" Chai Shuxin’s gaze was helpless as he handed the phone back. "Stop messing around. Get some rest; there’s work to do in the small hours." He paused, then added, "Regarding the Mirage competition, do you intend to let An Ping go?" Mu Gesheng said, "This is a matter for the House of Chai; you should be the one to decide." "According to the traditions of the Seven Schools, when the Mirage opens, every family can send a representative," Chai Shuxin said. "If you want him there, it’s fine." "That’s what I was thinking." Mu Gesheng smiled. "Perfect." He sent the news of the Mirage competition to An Ping and immediately received a reply: "So, the Spiritual Pivot’s surgery went smoothly?" Mu Gesheng: "Mm-hmm." An Ping said, "I heard from Wuchangzi earlier that the situation looked grim. I was a bit worried." Mu Gesheng: "The situation was indeed grim." An Ping: "?" Mu Gesheng: "To be honest, Sanjiutian’s surgery couldn't exactly be called a success. The patient was at death's door; a mere operation couldn't save his life." An Ping asked, "Then how did Chai Puti let it go?" "This master has his ways," Mu Gesheng said. "I had my 'daughter' take a trip to Fengdu and directly alter the Life and Death Ledger. That patient has several decades left to live now. I expect his family will be sending a commemorative banner to the hospital." An Ping: "..." Another kowtowing emoji. Mu Gesheng: "You may rise, my subject." He then sent the location for the Mirage competition to An Ping. It was actually Yeshui Zhuhua. "Remember to eat breakfast before attending court tomorrow." An Ping: "?" Mu Gesheng: "Or at least bring some stomach medicine." *** The next day, An Ping woke up early. Just after 4:00 AM, he braved the starlight to rush to West Street. The taxi driver chatted with him as he drove: "Up so early, young man? Going to the City God Temple to offer the first incense?" An Ping was dazed with sleep. "Not the temple. Master, take me to Yeshui Zhuhua." "Going for hotpot at this hour?" The driver glanced at him through the rearview mirror. "Just finished an all-nighter?" "Not for hotpot." An Ping yawned, groggily saying, "Going for a group fight." The driver went silent, muttering something under his breath. Seeing An Ping so tired he could barely keep his eyes open, he probably thought the poor kid was talking in his sleep. The taxi reached West Street. As a century-old street with ancient architecture, it had been designated a pedestrian zone by the city government; motor vehicles were usually banned except for city management. However, under the streetlights at 4:30 AM, two long rows of luxury cars were parked at the entrance. A sea of people stood there, divided into two clear factions like the Chu and Han borders. At the end of the fleet sat a single chair, separating the two groups. A figure was perched on the chair, seemingly eating noodles. The driver had never seen such a standoff. He now believed the "group fight" story about eighty percent. With a heavy heart, he woke the sleeping An Ping. "Young man? West Street is here." An Ping opened his eyes blearily and pulled out his phone to scan the QR code. "Thanks, Master. How much?" "Forget the money for a second. Are you really here for a group fight?" The driver was an older man; he looked An Ping up and down. "You’re going in empty-handed? No gear, no healer?" It took An Ping a moment to process what the man was saying. It seemed this driver shared the same hobbies as Wu Biyou. "Tell you what, I’ve got a Tai Chi sword in the trunk. I was going to give it to my old man, but you take it, kid." The driver popped the trunk. "Two fists are no match for four hands, and a hero shouldn't fight a crowd alone. Even Lord Guan had to bring a blade to a solo meeting. How are you going to get kills without gear?" An Ping: "No, no, really, there's no need..." A moment later, the taxi sped away. An Ping stood at the intersection, clutching a large sword, staring blankly at the street full of cars. There were people on both sides, at least dozens of them, but no one stepped a foot into West Street. A chair sat at the entrance, and the sound of slurping noodles echoed through the long street. It was Zhu Yinxiao. Zhu Yinxiao looked up, saw An Ping, and grinned. He called out, "Morning, man! Here for some early exercise?" The crowd turned in unison to look at him. An Ping braced himself and walked over. Aside from him and Zhu Yinxiao, everyone else was wearing gloves. The entire street was filled with members of the House of Chai. Two figures stood by the lead car: Chai Yanyan and Chai Puti. Chai Puti was dangling a long, thin cigarette from her lips. Seeing An Ping, she gave a slight smile. "I wondered why the Heavenly Calculator would take a disciple for no reason. So you’re the young master of the An family." The Seven Schools were like a bunch of gossiping old biddies when it came to rumors; each was more well-informed than the last. It seemed yesterday’s events had already spread. An Ping didn't want to face Chai Puti, so he played dumb and asked Zhu Yinxiao, "Master Half-Immortal and the others aren't here yet?" Zhu Yinxiao finished his noodles and wiped his mouth. "They’ll be here any second." As soon as he spoke, two headlights appeared in the distance. As they drew closer—An Ping wasn't sure if it was a sleep-deprived hallucination—he thought he heard the "Happy Birthday" song. It turned out not to be a hallucination. A city management truck drove up slowly, leisurely passing the rows of luxury cars before stopping at the street entrance. The driver was Wu Biyou, one arm resting on the window, wearing a red "Public Order" armband. The "Happy Birthday" song drew everyone’s gaze. The surroundings fell into a dead silence. The scene was bizarre, like a group of triad bosses paying their respects to a city management officer. Zhu Yinxiao stood up and opened the car door. Wu Biyou hopped down, followed by Chai Shuxin. Chai Yanyan immediately greeted him: "Great-Uncle." Chai Puti stubbed out her cigarette. "Rakshasa." Chai Shuxin’s expression was cold. He nodded to the two of them, completely ignoring the large crowd of his descendants, and turned to give Zhu Yinxiao some instructions. An Ping quietly pulled Wu Biyou aside. "Where’s Master Half-Immortal?" Wu Biyou: "The old fossil didn't come with us. He went into the shop ages ago." An Ping: "What were you guys doing in the middle of the night?" Wu Biyou: "Restocking." He pointed to the bags and boxes in the back of the truck, then gestured to the crowd. "With this many people eating, plus the day's revenue, Yeshui Zhuhua’s stock wasn't nearly enough." "Eating?" An Ping was stunned. "What do you mean?" "What else did you think we came to Yeshui Zhuhua for?" Wu Biyou looked at him like he was an idiot. "This place originally belonged to the Mohists, and the Mirage was built by them too. Yeshui Zhuhua is like a transit station. If you know the method, you can enter many places—like Fengdu." So they could enter the Mirage through Yeshui Zhuhua? An Ping remembered the way to Fengdu. Was it the elevator? He recalled the elevator wasn't that big; could it fit this many people? "Entering the Mirage isn't that simple, of course," Wu Biyou said. "To enter the tower, you must first survive the Hongmen Banquet." An Ping soon understood what Wu Biyou meant. Inside Yeshui Zhuhua, dozens of large tables were arranged in a strange silhouette. The room was packed with members of the House of Chai. Wu Biyou and Chai Shuxin went into the kitchen. Using some unknown method, they soon brought out dishes for dozens of tables. An Ping didn't recognize a single dish being served. The servers weren't the colleagues An Ping knew from his part-time job; they didn't even look like living people. But he finally understood why Mu Gesheng had told him to bring stomach medicine. Because they were here to eat hotpot. At 5:00 AM, on an empty stomach, they were eating hotpot. Once the dishes were set, Wu Biyou stepped onto a table in the center of the hall, a pipe clenched in his teeth. "I know the House of Chai has plenty of damn rules, and you refined folks have all sorts of taboos about eating. But since you’re here today, if you want to enter the tower, do as I say." "The broth is already prepared. There’s a list on every table. Add the ingredients in the order specified on the list. No drinking water in between. Finish everything on the table, including the soup base." "You’ll probably want to die after eating it," Wu Biyou puffed out a cloud of smoke. "Once you’ve died and come back to life, when you open your eyes again, you’ll be in the Mirage." An Ping finally witnessed the tolerance levels of the Chai family. As soon as Wu Biyou finished speaking, Chai Yanyan and Chai Puti each gave a wave, and everyone began to move their chopsticks. The broth was a "Double Spicy" base, the entire pot a bright, angry red. Yet everyone ate with straight faces, without even a sound of coughing. An Ping tentatively took a breath of the air and was nearly choked to death by the spice. His table had the fewest people: only Wu Biyou, Zhu Yinxiao, and Chai Shuxin, with one empty chair clearly reserved for Mu Gesheng. With no outsiders around, An Ping couldn't hold it in any longer. "Do we really have to eat this entire pot?" "Let me tell you a ghost story," a low voice whispered. "I’m the one who seasoned the broth here." An Ping jumped. He turned to see Mu Gesheng, who had appeared out of nowhere. A pure spicy broth, made by Mu Gesheng. ...What kind of Hell Mode was this? "Though I didn't expect the Chai family to be this resilient," Mu Gesheng sat down. His movements were light, ghost-like, not disturbing anyone. "I feel like I threw every creative idea from my past life into that pot. And yet, no one’s died of poisoning?" Setting aside the issues with that statement, at least this man had gained some self-awareness compared to his past life. Chai Shuxin blanched a bowl of noodles, eating with an impassive face. "A physician must distinguish the five flavors, personally tasting the sour, bitter, sweet, pungent, and salty. Though your broth is spicy, it’s still a far cry from chewing raw Coptis root." What kind of upbringing was this? An Ping thought. Every single one of them was a mini Shennong tasting the hundred herbs. Mu Gesheng scooped a spoonful of soup. "If I’d known, I would have left it to you." Zhu Yinxiao was busy blanching chicken breast. "The people Yanyan and Chai Puti brought are definitely the top talents of the clan. Fourth, you miscalculated this time." "It’s fine," Chai Shuxin said. "Though the Chai family can endure, eating your cooking makes it easy for them to suffer gastrointestinal distress to the point of temporary loss of consciousness." Mu Gesheng said, "Sanjiutian, are you praising me or insulting me?" Wu Biyou snapped, "Zhu Yexiao, you’re a chicken yourself. Can you stop stealing the chicken from my bowl?" An Ping: *Wait, there’s only one member of the House of Chai at this table. Why are the others eating so contentedly? Does every one of the Seven Schools have some miraculous childhood training?* Furthermore, these people clearly looked like they were used to eating together; even their whispering felt lively and familiar. As if sensing An Ping’s confusion, Zhu Yinxiao whispered, "Man, don't just stand there. The broth for our table was made by my brother." "You didn't really think you could enter the Mirage just by eating a meal, did you?" Wu Biyou let out a sneer. "The old fossil opened the passage long ago. The meal is just a bonus, specifically meant to disgust these people." He pointed his chopsticks toward the door. "Go outside and look. We’re already in the Mirage." An Ping looked at the crowd around him, heads down and eating fervently, and thought to himself: *I should have known.* No one could ever finish Mu Gesheng’s gauntlet. Sharing joy is not as good as sharing suffering—he wanted everyone to suffer. He blanched a piece of short rib, only to realize their pot was a sour soup. He didn't know what it was brewed with; it smelled pungent and spicy, but the taste was actually quite mild. Still, it was a lot of heavy meat. Eating this on an empty stomach in the early morning was quite a shock. No wonder Zhu Yinxiao had been eating noodles at the street entrance—he was lining his stomach first. An Ping had thought he was just posing to look cool. "Why didn't you let the Young Miss sit with us?" An Ping looked toward Chai Yanyan’s table. "Can she handle that?" "A girl has to learn to be self-reliant," Mu Gesheng said. "If she wants to inherit the title of Spiritual Pivot, how can she do it if she can't even handle a meal?" *** **Glossary** Chinese | English | Notes/Explanation ---|---|--- 罗刹子 | Rakshasa | Chai Shuxin's title/alias (Luoshazi). 鸿门宴 | Hongmen Banquet | A "Feast at Swan Goose Gate," an idiom for a trap disguised as a banquet. 城管 | City Management | Chengguan; urban administrative law enforcement. 大宝剑 | Large Sword | Literally "Great Treasure Sword," often used humorously or in gaming contexts. 奶妈 | Healer | Literally "Wet Nurse," gaming slang for a support/healer character. 楚河汉界 | Chu-Han Border | An idiom for a clear divide between two rival factions (from Chinese Chess). 邺水朱华 | Yeshui Zhuhua | The name of the hotpot restaurant; literally "Vermilion Flowers of the Ye Waters." 蜃楼 | Mirage | Shenlou; the supernatural tower/realm. 灵枢子 | Spiritual Pivot | Lingshuzi; the title for the head of the House of Chai (medical/healing sect). 天算子 | Heavenly Calculator | Tiansuanzi; the title for the head of the Mu family (divination sect). 神农尝百草 | Shennong tasting the hundred herbs | A mythological figure who tasted all plants to discover their medicinal properties. 黄连 | Coptis root | A famously bitter traditional Chinese medicinal herb.