The final three months of closed-door training were fast approaching. Before they began, Old Hu gave us a week off. I went home, thinking I could finally relax for a few days. But after I finished complaining to my family about the hellish one-on-one training Old Hu had put me through, my mom didn't even get a chance to pity me before my dad started scolding me. He barked that if my coach valued me that much, I shouldn't be wasting time dawdling at home. After only two days, he kicked me right back to the Zishan Base.
Sigh. Since I’d returned to the team so early, Old Seven, Big Fat Gao, and the others weren't back yet. I was alone at the base—running in the mornings, eating, and practicing my footwork at night—just as if Ling Xiao were still there.
That Sunday, I decided to head out to clear my head. Without realizing it, I found myself passing the bar where Ling Xiao used to work. I don’t drink anymore, so I was just about to keep walking when someone called out to me from behind.
The man stepped out of a Porsche. I recognized that face—one of the goofy Xie brothers I’d played Truth or Dare with. "Big brother? Or little brother?"
"I'm the second one," Xie Yuan said, walking up with a smile. "The one who chased the same iceberg you did. Want to go in for a drink?"
I politely declined, telling him that this humble monk no longer touched a drop of the spirits.
Xie Yuan laughed like a mischievous spirit. "Then I'll drink and you can watch. Come on!"
He practically kidnapped me and dragged me inside. I didn't fight it too hard, though, because there was a question I’d wanted to ask him for a long time. "...We really were chasing the same person, weren't we?"
Xie Yuan took a brisk swig of his drink. "I told you I hadn't recognized the wrong person. You guys were just too slow. That campus hunk played you both like fiddles with just one sentence!"
I thought to myself: *Can you really blame us? If you're so smart, why didn't you just call him by his name?*
"Can you tell me about him? Back in university?" I asked.
The younger brother began to speak generously, occasionally peppering in some funny (or stupid) stories from his own college days. It made me reminisce about my own time at university. It hadn't even been two years since graduation, but my memories were already feeling a bit thin. Most of my life was tied to fencing. University had been a rhythm of training, competing, training, competing, squeezing in some reading, squeezing in an exam (and cheating a little), and then begging for mercy after the grades came out before diving back into training and competing. I imagined Ling Xiao was the same... well, mostly the same.
According to Xie Yuan, because Ling Xiao’s looks were out of this world and he was a fencer, plenty of girls had gone crazy for him. Even the "campus belle" had swallowed her pride to pursue him.
Someone had seen the belle crying outside a study hall while her friends comforted her, and the news of her failed pursuit of the campus hunk went viral overnight.
"I'm actually bi, I like both," Xie Yuan said. "Originally, I wanted to go after the campus belle. Seeing her so heartbroken, I decided to pursue Ling Xiao just to get back at him for her. Partly to make her happy, and partly to take that hunk down a peg."
I could guess what happened next without him saying it.
It started as a prank, but it didn't stay that way. To chase Ling Xiao, Xie Yuan even signed up for the university's fencing club, since the club shared a practice space with the varsity team. Every time Ling Xiao showed up for varsity practice, Xie Yuan had to be there to make his presence known.
"Eventually, I think he just got annoyed by my pestering. He finally agreed to talk to me and said he only wanted to focus on competitions and had no time for romance." Young Master Xie wore a look of utter disdain. "I'm a master of romance; I eat lines like that for breakfast. I told him it didn't matter and that I could wait. Actually, despite his cold exterior, Ling Xiao was quite green when it came to dating. He didn't realize that the way to make someone back off isn't to say you don't want to date, but to find a decoy. By the way, does he still use that lame trick? How did he reject you?"
I told him the whole truth. "First, he claimed he was a committed solo-ist, and then he explained his broken views on love."
Xie Yuan roared with laughter. "Well, he’s made a little bit of progress over the last two years then."
"And then?" I asked.
"Then I started drafting a more advanced battle plan. Ling Xiao was a law student. I couldn't handle the law school's core classes, but I found out which electives he took. He chose psychology, so I followed suit and pretended to run into him in the classroom... Let me think. I started chasing him in my sophomore year, so we must have been juniors by then." He suddenly patted my shoulder. "It’s a bit of a shame for you. Everyone said the campus hunk reached his peak visual form in his junior year!"
I asked him if he had any photos from back then.
Xie Yuan showed off a photo of himself in the fencing club, taken with the varsity team. I spotted Ling Xiao immediately, wearing his fencing whites, crouching in the front row.
"How about it? Peak, right? Want me to send it to you?"
How did Xie Yuan understand me so well? I nodded, looking at him with the expression of someone who had finally found a kindred spirit.
"Then you're paying for this drink?"
"..." *Damn it, are you rich or not?!*
After he sent the photo, I urged him to continue.
"Oh, right. So, one day after the elective class, I didn't expect him to approach me first. He asked me to go out that evening. I was so excited; I thought I’d finally sealed the deal!" Xie Yuan got more animated as he spoke, taking another drink. "That night, I drove my Porsche to the law school gates to pick him up. He told me to drive to the bay. It was the dead of winter. Because of one word from him, I braved the freezing sea breeze in an outfit that was all style and zero warmth. That guy acted like he was straight out of Siberia—he wasn't cold at all. Poor me, I was so frozen I was practically impotent! He very calmly asked me why I took the psychology elective. Naturally, I couldn't say it was to chase him—I used to say that to girls, but you can't flirt with Ling Xiao like that—so I said I was interested in psychology. And then..."
"And then what?" I gulped down the last drop of my orange juice, curious.
Xie Yuan’s gaze turned vacant, as if drifting into the distance. "And then things took a turn for the bizarre..."
Because Ling Xiao proceeded to tell him a psychology case study.
It sounded pretty absurd, but considering Ling Xiao could sing children's songs at a KTV, giving someone a psychology lecture on a beach wasn't that strange.
"Forget a case study—even if he’d lectured me on the national moral codes, I would’ve been all ears!" Xie Yuan must have thought he was sparking a little flame of love with the campus hunk. "And so, while my teeth were chattering so hard I couldn't even interrupt, he told me that so-called case study." At this point, he stopped and looked at me. "Do you want to hear it? It’s not exactly a beautiful story."
"Tell me," I said. How beautiful could a story from a madman be? I was prepared.
Amidst the clinking of glasses in the bar, I listened in a daze as a tipsy Xie Yuan recounted the case study in the tone of a ghost story.
The case was about a boy, "L-chan," whose parents died when he was young, leaving him to depend on his older brother. Later, his brother also passed away, and L-chan went alone to a boarding school in another city. Because he had been withdrawn since childhood and couldn't understand the local dialect in the new city, L-chan became even more isolated and cold. L-chan liked running and was very talented at it; he spent most of his time running alone.
The boarding school was large. Once, behind an abandoned school building, L-chan found a stray puppy. He gave it a little food, and the next day, he saw the puppy in the same spot again. The first and second times were accidents, but by the third time, he knew it was because the puppy was waiting for him, and it was always so happy to see him.
Since it was winter and stray dogs were easily caught and killed for meat, L-chan found a spot in that abandoned building to make a bed for the puppy. Every day after school, L-chan would go find it and play. Once the puppy fell asleep in its bed made of old clothes, he would do his homework nearby. He never left while the puppy was sleeping; he would wait for it to wake up, say goodbye, and then leave.
"L-chan even gave the puppy a name. It was A... A..."
"Akilev," I said.
Xie Yuan snapped his fingers. "Right! Such a weird name, and you actually guessed it!"
Then one day, L-chan returned from a provincial marathon competition and suddenly heard a dog barking behind the abandoned building. He ran toward the sound and saw Akilev on the grass, along with two boys from his class. L-chan thought they were bullying Akilev, but on closer inspection, they weren't. Akilev was having a great time playing with them. The boys would throw a tennis ball and shout, "Natto! Go!" and the dog would happily run to fetch it.
L-chan was devastated. He had thought dogs were the most loyal animals in the world, that they would only be good to one person. But it turned out that besides him, the dog had other friends. But L-chan had no other friends. He only had Akilev.
Even though Akilev-Natto still wagged its tail with excitement and joy when it saw L-chan, L-chan could never look at it the same way again. Later, L-chan locked the door to the abandoned building. He still brought Akilev food and water every day and spent time with it at set intervals, but he could no longer play with it happily.
One day, L-chan had to go to the province for another competition. He prepared plenty of water and food for Akilev, thinking that since he’d only be gone for three days, it would be fine. However, while L-chan was away, the school demolished the abandoned building. Akilev couldn't escape and was crushed to death in the rubble.
Xie Yuan looked at his glass and said, "The end."
I stared at the table, unable to snap out of it.
"Oh, right, there was one more thing," Xie Yuan said. "L-chan was seventeen years old at the time." He let out a long sigh. "Mai-zi, Ling Xiao didn't tell you this, and honestly, I didn't know if I should. But since you wanted to know, I’m telling you. Consider it payment for that night we drank together. He’s actually a pretty twisted person inside. But I think he likes you. It’s because he didn't like me that he could tell me these things. Who would want to expose their twisted, dark side to the person they love?"
I told him thank you for telling me, and that the price of this drink was finally worth it.
Now, I had finally gathered all the pieces of the puzzle named Ling Xiao.
After returning to the base, I went online and bought a few introductory psychology books. I read a couple of pages every night before bed. I learned a bit more, realizing that childhood influences often go much deeper than we think. I thought back to my own childhood—laughing every day, and even when I got a beating from my dad, it was a straightforward affair. After all, they loved me, even if the "fists of love" hurt quite a bit.
What about Ling Xiao? His childhood sounded miserable. He grew up under strict family rules. While I was outside rolling in the dirt with my friends building "Hidden Leaf Villages," he was probably practicing calligraphy—writing stack after stack that no one would ever look at. His birthday was the anniversary of his mother's death; he probably never even had a birthday cake. While I was blowing out candles and making wishes, he was likely offering incense before his mother's memorial tablet. He lacked a mother's love, and his father didn't love him either—he might have even harbored some resentment toward him. I don't know if Ling Xiao ever acted out as a kid. Like me—after getting hit by my dad, I’d quietly burn two pages of his ledger, then get caught and chased all over the house. If Ling Xiao acted out, the most he’d do was write some calligraphy in one of his dad's books. But even if he did, no one would get angry or scold him.
The voice that cries out is mute; the things written are invisible; the things done are transparent... that feeling is just too awful.
Growing up in guilt and coldness, it’s no wonder his heart is a little... you can't blame him. What’s even more precious is that he didn't grow up to be cold-hearted. From the first day I met him, I knew he was a "fake iceberg" with a warm heart. That was thanks to He Ming. That warmth was something his brother spent five years nurturing for him.
But He Ming left too. Just as he was on the path to becoming warm, he was met with a heavy snowstorm that blocked the mountain pass again. That feeling of gaining and then losing is more painful than never having had anything at all. He must feel isolated and helpless; he must deeply regret letting He Ming leave. So, whenever he finds a bit of solace and warmth, he has to clutch it tightly in his hand and never share it with anyone else.
I imagine that one day, he swore to the gods above that since he didn't trust the love of others and was afraid of his own love, he would simply be a solo-ist for the sake of society.
Then he had the bad luck of meeting me, Q-chan.
The story of L-chan should have gone like this...
The grown-up L-chan met Q-chan. Q-chan loved running just as much as he did. This was great; he didn't have to run alone anymore. But then a problem arose: he got unhappy whenever he saw Q-chan playing with others. He was afraid he would lock Q-chan up, and he was afraid Q-chan would find out his secret. So, he decided to keep his distance. But sometimes he got too lonely, and when he saw Q-chan, he’d think, *I’ll just play with him for a little bit.* So he played for a little bit, then a little bit more, and a little bit more. Suddenly, one day, Q-chan said he wanted to play with him forever! L-chan, being a solo-ist dog who might lock people up, rejected Q-chan once, twice, three times... on and on, seemingly forever.
Because Q-chan isn't Akilev. Q-chan is an undying cockroach.
***
| Chinese | English | Notes/Explanation |
| :--- | :--- | :--- |
| 谢远 | Xie Yuan | The second of the Xie brothers. |
| 校草 | Campus hunk / School grass | Slang for the most handsome boy in a school/university. |
| 校花 | Campus belle / School flower | Slang for the most beautiful girl in a school/university. |
| L酱 | L-chan | A nickname Ling Xiao used for himself in his story (using the Japanese suffix -chan). |
| Q酱 | Q-chan | A nickname Qiao Mai uses for himself in his reimagined version of the story. |
| A基列夫 | Akilev | The name Ling Xiao gave to the stray dog. |
| 纳豆 | Natto | The name other students gave to the stray dog. |
| 八荣八耻 | Eight Honors and Eight Shames | A set of moral concepts/political slogans in China. |
| 木叶村 | Hidden Leaf Village | A reference to the anime *Naruto*. |
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Point to Point: The Fencer’s Heart | Chapter 55 | The Story of L-chan | Novela.app | Novela.app
