This bizarre reaction made Sakdi realize that something was amiss.
When females fought, their clothes often ended up in tatters, a full display of their lack of refinement. Males, however, always wrapped themselves up tightly, like snails retreating into their shells.
He had forgotten that, biologically speaking, he and Gela might not even be considered the same gender.
Just as he was about to retract his words, Gela stood before him.
"Do you... not hate it?"
"Actually, never mind. I'll think of another way."
The two spoke in unison. The black Core Species made a "you first" gesture.
"You don't seem to like alienated forms," the male whispered, suddenly shrinking back into his former state of trepidation.
However, his focus was on a completely different wavelength than Sakdi’s. Rather than worrying about his clothes being ruined, he was more concerned with the fact that his alienated traits might incite disgust.
"..."
The Core Species fell silent for a moment, then sighed.
He beckoned Gela over, pulling him down to sit in the soft nest.
The male's mental power was exceptionally keen; Sakdi should have explained this point long ago.
"I wouldn't say I like them, exactly."
Touching tails with his companion, Sakdi thought as he explained, "But that is a personal issue of my own. I don't particularly care for my own alienated state either, yet none of that prevents me from accepting it or using it."
"I've had some unpleasant experiences with insects in their alienated forms. The impact of those bad experiences likely won't ever be erased."
"But now, I am your companion."
"Those experiences do not mean I feel any component of loathing toward you—toward the individual known as Roxanne."
"I can accept who I am now and the environment I'm in without guilt, but at the same time, it's hard to forget the past."
"Everything that happened before shaped me into the form you see before you."
He hesitated, wondering if he should give the male a hint, gradually informing him of his experiences in a modified, polished way. He wanted to avoid a sudden revelation in the future that might cause Gela too much mental trauma.
His identity was like a deeply buried nuclear reactor; it was fine as long as it didn't detonate, but once it did, it would surely blast everything around it to smithereens.
His golden-brown eyes gazed warmly at the male, calculating how to spin the story more pleasantly.
"Perhaps I should talk to you about what happened before. I'm not sure if now is the right time, I—"
However, in the next second, the other party gently covered his mouth.
The male knew nothing of the myths of the Old Earth regarding Pandora’s Box, but he instinctively understood that the moment the box opened, the pouring torrent of suffering and destiny would sweep his companion away from his side.
Gela’s fear of separation was, at this moment, far greater than his curiosity to probe into each other's pasts.
He wanted him to stay.
Regardless of the form or method, he wanted to keep this person by his side forever.
When that monster had been stained crimson by Katra’s blood, leaning over the throne of the Great Sacrificial Grounds and weeping silently; when he had first intimately merged with the other’s mental sea—he had already understood. A hidden sense of suppression and fragmentation was tearing the other in two.
The black Core Species was waiting for his own tribe that could never be returned to, waiting for those humans who would never come back.
Yes, humans.
Not any female or male insect. This solitary monster had crossed a great river that humans could not swim across, and he wandered forever on the other side.
When any creature attempts to deceive or blur the line between life and death, fate will inevitably hand down a curse in an even more cruel fashion.
Personality can only exist by clinging to the physical body; death is the warning that passes judgment on the Ship of Theseus.
Thus, the male stopped the other’s next words.
"It doesn't matter," he said softly, pressing his forehead against the side of the other's neck, embracing the one he had recognized as his mate. "It doesn't matter. I understand."
Sakdi reached out and patted Gela’s shoulder, offering a helpless smile.
This truly wasn't a good time for a deep, long talk.
Initially, he had requested to see the alienated form to collect physical data for future gift adjustments. As a result, the conversation had veered off into unknown territory in an absurd way.
"Alright." He adopted a lighter tone and patted the other's head. "The request I made was indeed inappropriate. Perhaps we can find another way to solve—"
"I can do it," Gela said, looking up at him.
Sakdi: "Huh?"
"If you don't hate it, I can show you."
Those glass-like eyes gazed at him quietly, as if confirming one last time that the Core Species harbored no feelings of disgust.
"But I am a gene-deficient species. My alienated form might not be as beautiful as other males."
This sentence put Sakdi in a position where neither looking nor not looking felt right.
For a moment, he suspected this "bad cat" was doing this on purpose, retreating to advance.
However, before he could say anything more, the white male had already turned his back.
The entire movement was slow, as if giving the Core Species ample time to regret, nearly choking the hesitant Sakdi with words he couldn't say.
The other assumed a half-kneeling position, slightly stretching his limbs as his damaged wings opened and closed.
When pale fingers unfastened the first button of his covering, the soft fabric slid off his body with a rustle, leaving the Core Species truly unsure whether to close his eyes or turn his head.
What a damn weird atmosphere.
But in the next second, his attention was diverted.
Fine white scales covered the body as the limbs shifted toward an alienated state.
Slowly turning his head, those pale, glass-colored pupils shed their human-like emotions, quietly watching the female before him.
A small slit opened at the chest, where soft tentacles intertwined and climbed, and strangely shaped, slender limbs wrapped around the body.
The drooping wings folded gently, presenting a light, budding shape. A pearly-white shimmer flowed slowly along the textures of the thin insect wings.
It was very similar to the alienated forms of other Zerg, yet there was a certain decisive difference.
With every movement, the blankets and clothes rippled like waves.
As the male curled his body, those ripples gathered around this creation favored by the albinism gene.
Like a broken epiphyllum withering on the water's surface.
Or like a Polythemus white butterfly, half-wrapped in silk, powerless to break free.
It was a form that had completely departed from the human realm.
Entirely non-aggressive, frail, and fragile, yet possessing a grotesque beauty.
A cloyingly sweet pheromone scent filled the entire nest, making one feel groggy, immersed in an abnormal space.
Sakdi unconsciously gave the other a light stroke, and the white flower trembled, collapsing limply into the fabrics lining the nest.
Invisible mental filaments tugged at the other's arm, guiding him to touch more roughly, to crush this fragile existence.
This was hunting in another sense.
The moment his fingers made contact, it was as if he were burned by the female's abnormal temperature. Even the pale red respiratory lines at the waist and abdomen opened and closed in vain.
The weak hunter wove a fine network; the lingering mental lines hung intimately upon the powerful prey, whispering low secrets that no one else could hear.
When that arm scooped up the broken flower, the soft, scaled wings clung to and coiled around a palm that was hotter than usual.
With every millimeter the black-scaled fingertips moved, the male curled in the forceful embrace responded with an almost imperceptible shudder.
Soft tentacles enveloped every indestructible scale, winding around them as if to hold them back, like a plant extending its roots across a pitch-black lake.
Measuring his prey inch by inch, the steel-like claws fixed the other in place, allowing no escape or evasion.
Pheromones were everywhere, the sweet scent laced with a pungent, metallic tang akin to rust.
Without the Core Species even realizing it, another pair of pupils quietly emerged, manifesting as locked, vertical slits.
Both monsters drew close to each other, each with the goal of capturing the other.
This was the first time the gene-deficient male had fully expressed his alienated features without reservation.
In a harmless posture seeking mercy and protection, the male spread his folded, petal-like wings toward the terrifying, golden-eyed predator.
The butterfly perched on the web tugged at every filament. The broken, scaled tail wound affectionately around the black tail-whip, the two becoming indistinguishable.
The pale pupils elongated vertically from their rounded shape, a state mixed with both inducement and aggression.
The predatory instinct hidden within the species' genes could no longer be concealed.
The white insect pressed against the other, leaving a light nuzzle on the Core Species' jaw.
The quivering wings made an inviting friction sound, like an ethereal, low-pitched cry.
This sound brought Sakdi back to his senses.
The second pair of eyes snapped shut instantly.
He held his breath in a second, even the respiratory slits at his waist clamping shut, refusing to take in even a hint of the male's pheromones. He practically tumbled out of the bed, out of the nest.
His head slammed directly into the wall behind him with a loud *thwack*.
A good sound for a good head.
A human skull generally wouldn't produce such a crisp echo.
So damn terrifying.
He could twist Katra’s head off with his bare hands, yet he had nearly succumbed to a biochemical attack.
The genetic talent of a Core Species male was truly this formidable.
Sakdi grabbed a blanket and threw it over Gela’s head. The human parts of him flooded back at this moment, making him suspect he had almost committed some unpardonable sin.
The high-ranking Zerg, marinated in pheromones, scrambled to his feet. Carrying the scent of sweetness, he rushed to the door and plunged into the world outside, letting the oncoming cold air slap his face.
His closed respiratory organs returned to normal at this moment, the slits at his waist opening and closing violently, working frantically at a frequency far exceeding normal needs.
The ultimate straight, solitary man who had once followed the policy of "the wise do not fall in love" felt the impermanence of an insect's life at this moment.
What a chaotic night, grotesque and confused. Everything that should and shouldn't be was condensed into a single instant, as if fate had slapped him twice across the face.
Sakdi hadn't experienced this sense of being stunned by absurdity in dozens of Great Cycles.
Behind him was the closed door, but he couldn't go back now. He could only squat at his own front door, passionately drinking the wind under Ja’s dark night sky.
He shouldn't have asked that question. To calibrate the gift, he could have just asked for the data directly.
This was likely retribution for his long-standing habit of being sharp-tongued.
An even more absurd fact than all of this was—
It turned out he was the monster-fucker all along!
This wretched female body had stacked debuffs on him, causing his willpower to slide toward the abyss of depravity in an unprecedentedly weak state.
And it had taken the form he detested most.
When the male's body drew close, genetic instinct issued a low, restless urge, telling him to plunder, to take, to follow his nature and do as he pleased.
His heart leaped because of it; his mind rejoiced because of it.
It was more alarming than any failure, like a deep, long wound carved into his soul.
After losing his identity as a human, he had almost failed to keep even his human morality.
Blood pounded in his head like the loudest mockery, dragging him down from his sanctimonious heights and into an unspeakable agony.
For a moment, he almost cursed this second rebirth.
But long-cultivated habits forced him to calm down as quickly as possible. No matter how unexpected the situation, he forcibly tuned his emotional fluctuations back to a controllable range.
The black Core Species leaned against the wall, standing for a long time in the deserted night, just one step away from stepping back into the nest.
Weariness weighed heavily upon him.
By the time he returned to the nest, it was nearing dawn on Ja. This was the darkest hour of the day.
The female's body temperature was almost the same as the exterior walls of the street.
The moment he pushed the door open, his eyes instinctively searched for Gela.
He had handled every part of this matter with extreme imbalance; one of those failures was that he should never have left Gela alone.
The white male, wrapped in a blanket, had already reverted from his alienated state. He was curled in a corner, motionless.
The sweet scent of pheromones in the nest had almost completely dissipated.
This made Sakdi’s heart soften for a split second.
He reached out and gently nudged the insect.
Gela did not turn around, nor did he make a sound.
Out of concern, Sakdi gently slid his hand under the other's neck, attempting to lift his head to see if his companion was alright.
Most Zerg did not possess tear glands. For instance, the short-winged tribe to which Selin belonged could only shed red bloody tears when in grief.
Only a few Core Species with excellent mimicry would perform actions similar to crying based on human emotions.
The former middle-grade worker female, when pleading, had let blood fall drop by drop to the ground, winding into tear stains.
Now, when his fingers touched the other's cheek, he felt a cold and damp moisture.
Startled, the Core Species picked him up.
Tears had almost soaked the side of that pale face.
The male kept his eyes closed, not looking at him.
"Roxanne." Softly calling the other's name, he held the insect—whose weight still felt so light—in his arms. "Roxanne, look at me."
It wasn't mimicry, nor was it imitation. He felt the other's despair almost instantly.
Even when he was on the raider ship, Gela had never cried.
The male still did not open his eyes, nor did he look at the Core Species before him.
As Sakdi reached out to wipe away those tears, he saw Gela’s lips tremble slightly, his mouth opening and closing soundlessly.
He recognized it as a sentence in the human Universal Tongue.
The male repeated it over and over again.
"I'm sorry."
The other said.
"I'm sorry."
***
**Glossary**
Chinese | English | Notes/Explanation
---|---|---
异化形态 | Alienated form / Metamorphosed form | The true, non-humanoid insectoid form of the Zerg.
呼吸线 / 呼吸缝 | Respiratory lines / slits | Biological structures on the Zerg body for breathing, often located on the torso.
大循环 | Great Cycle | A unit of time measurement, likely equivalent to a year or a long period.
忒修斯之船 | Ship of Theseus | A philosophical thought experiment regarding identity.
多音白闪蝶 | Polythemus white butterfly | Morpho polyphemus, a white butterfly used as a metaphor for Gela's form.
人外控 | Monster-fucker / Monster fetishist | Slang for someone attracted to non-human/monstrous beings.
通用语 | Universal Tongue / Lingua franca | The human language Sakdi knows from his past life.
