The brightly lit Bobo Street was a cacophony of voices, but once one ventured a hundred paces deep into a side alley, the surroundings became quiet enough to hear the sound of woodworms gnawing on timber.
Qin Jiuye found a sheltered, secluded spot. She took out a fire-starter, struck it to life, and slowly raised the copper mirror in her hand.
In the faint, flickering light, the slightly worn surface of the mirror reflected a thin, stubborn face. Her cheeks were still hollow, her nose lacked prominence, and two thin wisps of eyebrows were hidden beneath her sallow hair. Only the eyes beneath those brows were dark and bright, appearing somewhat discordant against such a plain face.
She stared at that face for a while, suddenly finding the person in the mirror somewhat a stranger. Perhaps it was because she rarely looked in a mirror; she couldn't quite remember the last time she had. More often than not, she only caught glimpses of this face in the passing waters of the Daixiao River.
After watching a moment longer, Qin Jiuye finally looked away. She took a deep breath, carefully blew the fire-starter into a brighter glow, and slowly brought it close to her eyes.
The flame scorched her eyelashes. The smoke from the burning low-quality paper core made her eyes water uncontrollably, but she forced her eyelids open. Using the light of the approaching flame, she carefully observed the changes in her eyes within the copper mirror.
Her dark pupils were of normal size, shrinking slightly due to the light. Then, she moved the fire-starter further away; the pupils in the mirror dilated slightly, but they did not turn into two pitch-black voids like He Yuanzhou’s eyes.
She checked the left, then the right. After finishing the right, she still felt uneasy and checked both eyes once more. She found nothing unusual.
Qin Jiuye let out a long sigh of relief. Stowing the fire-starter, she slumped back against the roadside. But after sitting for a while, the unease in her heart remained. She rolled her sleeves up to her elbows and carefully inspected the scratch she had received that day in the room where He Yuanzhou was held.
The scratch had already scabbed over. It hadn't healed too quickly, nor did it show any signs of worsening; it looked just like an ordinary wound.
She lowered her sleeves, and the scene of her last meeting with He Yuanzhou surfaced in her mind once more. Looking back now, the shock she had felt then didn't entirely stem from his terrifying actions, but rather from a question that had arisen from the depths of her soul.
As a healer, she had considered how she would handle herself if she ever fell ill. The master who had introduced her to the craft had died of a sudden, malignant illness. He had gone quickly—gone in the blink of an eye. Her master, who had always been stingy yet clear-headed, knew his condition well. He hadn't wasted a single extra dose of medicine or a single needle; he had simply lain flat on his bed and welcomed his death with open arms.
She had been young then, but she had witnessed the entire process, and it had left an impression on her.
Aside from a half-finished ledger, her master had left her no medical canons or secret manuals. Only that experience before his death remained etched in Qin Jiuye's memory to this day. It was the first time she had witnessed a completely different mindset: it turned out that besides showing the desire and struggle for life, a person could also display composure and equanimity when facing death.
Everyone must die sooner or later. Though the logic was simple, it had stumped generation after generation. Qin Jiuye believed she had come to understand this truth through her daily consultations, yet now she faced a different dilemma.
If one day she was not merely lingering on a sickbed, but had completely transformed into another person because of a disease—a person who had lost self-awareness, who could not even be considered a normal human being—how would she choose her own end? Would she do things she would regret without even knowing it? Would she tear apart those close to her and swallow them whole?
The thought of everything that might happen filled her with an unbearable anxiety. She felt she should run right now and tell Jinbao that if her words and actions ever became strange, he should tie her up as soon as possible and pour the strongest poison down her throat to end the trouble for good.
After sitting idly for a while, she blew out the fire-starter, tucked the copper mirror back into her waist, and walked out of the alley with heavy steps. She approached the flowing, dark river nearby and washed her face with the cool water of the Daixiao River.
The water, carrying a slight fishy scent, soaked her cheeks. A faint breeze brushed against her, making the fine hairs on her skin stand on end.
Qin Jiuye closed her eyes and wiped the water from her face. When she opened them, she suddenly noticed a dark reflection in the water before her.
The shadow stood right behind her, almost pressed against her. She didn't know when it had appeared, and she hadn't sensed it at all.
She had just been spouting alarmist talk to others at Tingfeng Hall; if she were to fall victim herself now, wouldn't it be a joke? However, Qin Jiuye had no time for self-mockery. Cold sweat broke out in an instant. Just as she was weighing her chances and wondering if she should strike first, she saw the dark shadow slowly lean down.
Qin Jiuye blinked, and a clean handkerchief was held out before her eyes.
She followed the handkerchief and looked back, only to see the youth’s familiar eyes gazing at her quietly through the night.
In the distance, across an alleyway, the bustling streets were fully lit. The lamplight shone from behind him, tracing his silhouette in a soft glow and blurring the expression on his face.
Qin Jiuye stood dazed by the river for a long time before she managed to speak.
"Why are you here? When did you arrive?"
Li Qiao looked down at the handkerchief in his hand. Eventually, he slowly withdrew his hand and asked instead of answering, "Why is Sister not staying at Tingfeng Hall, nor going home? What are you planning to do?"
His footsteps were too light, like a cat's; he often appeared by her side suddenly without her noticing. Previously, she hadn't thought much of it, only thinking that he was always available and responsive, far better than that lazy bones Jinbao.
But the succession of events today had made her more sensitive than usual. She inexplicably recalled how he had appeared just as suddenly in the Su family ancestral hall during the day. Even on the night she was ambushed by Xin Yu, he had appeared in her room just as silently. Or perhaps, he had already been in her room long before she knew.
Or was it more than just those times? In the moments she was unaware, or during her deep sleep at night, had he also stood in the darkness like this, silently watching her?
Qin Jiuye shook her head inwardly, forcing herself to stop these wild thoughts. When she looked at the youth again, a sense of distance involuntarily entered her gaze.
"That is my business. Didn't I say not to follow me tonight?"
Though her tone wasn't heavy, her mood was cold and hard. An ordinary man would have felt his pride wounded and left immediately.
But the youth before her did not retreat. Instead, he took another step toward her. His eyes seemed to glow faintly in the darkness, reminiscent of black cats prowling among the roof tiles at night.
"I came to ask Sister a question. I will leave once I have asked it."
Qin Jiuye took a deep breath and spoke with forced patience.
"What question can't wait until tomorrow? Didn't I say I wanted to be alone tonight..."
Before she could finish, he interrupted her.
"Why won't Sister let me follow?"
Qin Jiuye was speechless. It took a long while before she spoke again.
"Is this the question you followed me all this way to ask?"
Li Qiao stepped closer. His face gradually took shape in the darkness, carrying flickering shadows and a dangerous aura that seeped from the depths of his soul.
"Does Sister already know something but refuses to tell me? Is He Yuanzhou’s illness related to me? Is the thing in that bottle something dangerous that even you have never seen before?"
The wine from the night before seemed to be acting up in her stomach again; Qin Jiuye felt her head begin to ache.
Her voice turned cold involuntarily. "Are you finished asking?"
"There is more." He paused and lowered his head. "Tang Shenyan said you should let go. Why haven't you?"
Qin Jiuye was silent for a moment. She wiped her face haphazardly with her sleeve and turned to leave.
"Who says I haven't let go? Tomorrow, or the day after at the latest, I will go and tell the Protector clearly that I am dropping this case. I’m going back to Guoran Ju to continue being the manager of my pharmacy."
However, she had only taken one step before her path was blocked.
The youth's figure expanded into a blurred mass in the light and shadow. He didn't seem satisfied with her answer, repeatedly hounding her on this point.
"If that's the case, why did you press for information about the man in the boat back at Tingfeng Hall?"
Tang Shenyan had asked her the same question.
But back then, she still had room to maneuver, whereas now her "opponent" was exceptionally difficult to deal with.
He pressed her step by step; she refused to yield even unto death. The more he wanted her to admit something, the more she refused to acknowledge it.
She couldn't admit it. Once she did, the rules of life she had lived by for over twenty years would be shattered in an instant. Her life would become precarious, and her future would be as hazy as the morning mist rising over the Daixiao River—she would no longer see that long road where the destination was visible at a glance.
Qin Jiuye finally felt a surge of anger.
That anger seemed to rush up in an instant, yet it also felt as if it had been suppressed deep in her heart along with other emotions for a long time. Once released, it could no longer be controlled.
"What right do you have to question me like this? Am I not embroiled in all of this because of you? Do you think I enjoy walking on thin ice every day, working for the officials in fear? Do you think I like being overcautious, surviving in the cracks, and racking my brains to weigh pros and cons? Do you think I like this?!"
She rarely spoke with such intensity. With every sentence, her chest heaved violently, and the copper mirror tucked at her waist rubbed against her bone. This dull pain and discomfort mirrored her current state of mind.
But the angrier she became, the more he added fuel to the fire.
"If you don't like it, it's not too late to quit now."
She laughed out of sheer frustration. "If I quit, you're a dead man."
"That is my business." The youth looked up at her, a cold light flashing in his light brown eyes. "Sister need not use me as a pretext, nor should you think too highly of yourself. Even without you, I can live perfectly well."
Qin Jiuye looked into those eyes, and for a moment, her heart felt a sudden twinge of pain.
She considered herself to have a heart of stone, never swayed in the slightest by the cold words, ridicule, or anger of others. But why, upon hearing this sentence, did her heart feel as if it were cracking from the inside?
What had that blind herder from the neighboring village said back then? You think you've picked up a dog, but it's actually a wolf cub.
The long-suppressed, indistinguishable emotion changed its flavor, and a cold smile appeared on Qin Jiuye's face.
"That's not what you said before, when you claimed we were grasshoppers on the same string and begged me for an antidote."
"People of the Jianghu are all like this. Does Sister know what the Jianghu is?" The youth's voice was very soft, but his words were heavy. "Rivers and seas connected, currents never-ending, hidden veins of water flowing back and forth without end—that is the Jianghu. The Jianghu is an invisible web; it cannot be cut, untangled, or escaped. Those trapped within must struggle upward every moment, or they will be submerged, swallowed, and left without even a skeleton. They can walk the world in the most shameless manner, use the most vicious means to deal with innocent strangers, and use the most despicable lies to cheat the trust of those close to them. This is the true color of those in the Jianghu."
It was also his true color.
If he was like this, how could others be different?
With every word Li Qiao spoke, the suppressed emotion on Qin Jiuye's face overflowed a bit more.
But she still strove to maintain her final shred of composure, as if only by doing so could she continue her original life.
"Why are you telling me this? It's not as if I haven't dealt with such people before; I know how vile they can be. But human nature is just like that; those outside the Jianghu aren't much more noble. And I am not much more noble either."
"Is that so?" The corner of Li Qiao's mouth curled into a cold arc. "Then does Sister know? That day at Tingfeng Hall, Qiu Ling told me that you aren't just greedy for money, and that you aren't the same kind of person as me."
Qin Jiuye remained silent, unsure if she had taken his words to heart.
The youth stared at her face, his voice gradually becoming saturated with another emotion. It was anger, but also confusion.
"Why does Sister not speak? He was clearly wrong; we are the same kind of person. From the moment we first met, I knew you and I were the same. It is already difficult enough for us to survive in this world; why must we shed blood and tears for people who have nothing to do with us?"
The youth's questioning voice echoed by the river. After a long time, Qin Jiuye finally spoke slowly.
"Whom I choose to diagnose, treat, or save is my business. I am a healer. A healer treats and saves people; no reason is required."
Her voice returned to its usual slightly weak state, yet her tone was more firm than ever before, as if she were stating a truth understood by all.
In the next moment, her shoulders were gripped forcefully. She looked up into a pair of eyes that were almost burning.
"But they aren't worth it!" Li Qiao stared at her fixedly, his hands clutching her shoulders so hard it hurt. "Yuan Shuqing isn't worth it, the Su family isn't worth it, and those people in Baoshen Pavilion aren't worth it!"
And he... wasn't worth it either.
Those greedy and indifferent people, those with blood on their hands, those who gained satisfaction through killing, plundering, and trampling others, those who struggled in this mortal world like him, using any means necessary to survive... how were they worth her getting deeply involved and gambling her life?
If this world was destined to head toward collapse and destruction, then let it be.
He had survived until today because he had seen through all of this.
And she should be the same. Was she not?
However, long after his voice faded, the woman still did not speak.
He finally understood that although the body beneath his hands was thin and frail, no matter how much force he applied, it remained unmoved.
Li Qiao slowly released his grip.
"Is this the 'human heart' Sister speaks of? If the human heart is like this, then I say it's better not to have one at all."
The light and shadow before her shifted. When Qin Jiuye looked up again, the youth was no longer there.
In the cool night air, she was left standing alone by the river.
Qin Jiuye stared at the quietly flowing water, which faintly reflected her stiff, exhausted figure.
*I am not doing it for others; I am doing it for myself.*
She repeated that sentence in her heart over and over to the rhythm of the constant flowing water, as if trying to convince something.
But why? What benefit could she possibly gain from continuing to be entangled in this matter? Didn't she pride herself on living with clarity and understanding? Why was she so easily stumped today? Was her healing and saving people truly following her heart, or was it merely because of her identity as a healer? Was everything she did truly for the good of others, or was it just for that worthless bit of conscience she held as a human being?
She could understand every word Li Qiao had said, just as if she had seen her truest self reflected in that copper mirror.
What Qiu Ling said, what Li Qiao said—it all seemed right, yet it all seemed wrong.
She felt as if she had been split in two by a blade. Both halves of her were real, yet these two halves were destroying each other.
She claimed to understand the human heart, yet she hadn't even figured out her own.
Li Qiao's questioning voice settled in the depths of her soul. And she understood clearly that no one but herself could give her an answer.
What should she do? What on earth should she do...
***
