Summer had arrived, and the sky took its time to darken. It was only after the hour of the Dog had passed that the horizon finally surrendered to the night.
To save on the cost of candles, ordinary families rarely lit lamps in the evening. Most retired early, knowing they had to rise at dawn for another day of labor. Yet, these same common folk were never one to turn down a bit of merriment; whenever there was a spectacle or a bit of fun, they would flock toward it.
In the small square beside the "Treasure Pit" in Liulidun, six miles south of the city, such a commotion was currently underway. An acrobatic troupe had arrived in the center of the grounds, their hawking beginning at dusk. By nightfall, neighbors from miles around had rushed out to surround them. Though called an acrobatic troupe, their repertoire was not particularly varied—nothing more than swordplay, pole-climbing, balancing vats, and fire-breathing. This, however, did not stop the crowd from watching in rapt attention, clapping and cheering.
Xu Qiuchi sat inside his carriage, listening to the boisterous voices outside through the curtain. His gaze drifted through the small, carved window at his side, settling on an old persimmon tree a hundred paces away.
Everyone’s attention was fixed on the square lit by bonfires; no one noticed that a person was perched within that persimmon tree. It was a woman dressed in vibrant red, sitting cross-legged and upright upon a branch. At a glance, she looked like a red lantern hung in the mountains, or perhaps a fiery-red fruit left on the branch in late autumn. The wind stirred the hem of her robes, making it seem as though she might tumble at any moment, yet she remained as steady as a mountain. Clearly, she was well-practiced in such feats.
The firelight faintly illuminated her face. Her eyes never strayed from the small square below. Whenever a cheer erupted from the crowd, she would follow suit with a light clap of her hands. However, her expression remained devoid of any vivid emotion, and her clapping was always a beat too slow.
The swords and spears of those wandering performers were indeed swung beautifully. The onlookers, young and old, could not see the technical flaws and offered their enthusiastic support. To a true blade-master, however, such displays were naturally insufficient. But that was not the point for her. The point was that she simply wanted to blend into the crowd, to pretend she was just like them.
Xu Qiuchi watched Jiang Xin’er, the hand that had been tracing the patterns on his waist fan slowly coming to a halt.
For some reason, he suddenly remembered when she had first come to the manor.
She must have been only thirteen or fourteen then. The place of her birth had harshly ground down her temperament; though she had the face of a young girl, her every word and action was more rigid and respectful than the most seasoned head eunuch in the palace.
Yet, she was perhaps born with a rebellious streak. As time passed, one could see the indelible sparks of a fierce nature beneath her surface. She could never endure his teasing for more than three rounds; by the third time, her face would flush red and her cheeks would puff out, looking for all the world like a little toad about to explode.
But certain rules were etched into her very bones. She knew she lacked the capital to revolt, so even when she was so angry her teeth nearly shattered, she never dared to argue with him openly. In the end, she would simply leave without a word, vanishing for half a day at most before returning on her own. The first thing she would do upon her return was present herself before him to receive punishment. Sometimes he would make a show of docking her wages; other times, he would come up with a whim to send her off to do something unconventional. More often than not, he would simply say he would "keep it on the tab," waiting until he had thought of something later to collect the debt in full.
This feeling of "being in debt" was very uncomfortable. At first, she was extremely anxious, appearing preoccupied even while performing her daily duties. But slowly, she realized he was merely talking; perhaps his memory was poor and he forgot, or perhaps he never truly intended to make things difficult for her. Only then did she manage to relax.
Later, he moved past the age of playing whimsical pranks and teasing people. He had endless matters to attend to every day, and she finally gained her "liberation," never leaving his side for even half a day for any reason.
Yet, in the blink of an eye, seven or eight years had passed, and Xu Qiuchi hadn't expected that she would still be like she was as a child—whenever she was angry, she liked to come to this place.
In the empty square, the troupe performer executed a "Golden Hook Hang" from the pole, drawing bursts of applause. Jiang Xin’er clapped along again, only for a familiar voice to suddenly ring out from beneath the tree.
"If Xin’er likes watching this, I can have them come to the manor to perform for half a day every month."
Jiang Xin’er froze. She leaped down from the tree almost instantly.
But when her feet hit the ground and she stood before the young master in his brocade robes, she realized she didn't actually want to speak to him. Unfortunately, years of training and habit forced her body to respond first; it seemed that responding to him and going to his side had become her second nature.
After a moment of silence, she spoke in a low voice.
"Thank you, Young Master, but that won't be necessary."
Xu Qiuchi said nothing. He appeared as poised and effortless as ever, but only he knew that the reason he remained silent was that he currently had no idea what to say.
The eloquent, socially graceful second young master of the Qiu family actually found himself at a loss for words when facing the attendant who had accompanied him for years.
Finding it somewhat ridiculous himself, he simply turned his head to watch the performance in the center of the square. Seeing this, Jiang Xin’er stood silently to the side and watched with him, though she no longer clapped along with the crowd's cheers.
After another long while, the crowd surged with excitement again. Xu Qiuchi finally spoke in a low murmur.
"Xin’er never used to quarrel with me."
His voice wasn't loud, and it was quickly swallowed by the surrounding noise, but the woman beside him was no ordinary person. She could have heard him clearly even from much further away.
Jiang Xin’er paused, giving a brief reply.
"Xin’er would not dare."
Xu Qiuchi glanced at her, continuing in a neutral tone. "Not dare? If you do not dare, then why have you not returned to the manor?"
Jiang Xin’er fell silent.
She had always been like this. If he asked tricky or strange questions to intentionally provoke her, she would stiffen her neck and keep her mouth shut. If he asked again, she would simply ask for her punishment.
"If you will not speak, then we shall simply stand here today."
Having said his piece, Xu Qiuchi leaned against the tree trunk in a more comfortable position and ceased speaking.
The two of them stood there on the outskirts of the crowd. After a while, the acrobatic troupe finished counting their tips and began to pack up. The people in the square dispersed in small groups, leaving only the old persimmon tree and the two figures standing beneath it.
The night wind blew, making the persimmon tree rustle. Xu Qiuchi sneezed and shifted his weight to lean against the tree on his other side.
The servant waiting by the carriage in the distance had begun to doze off again, lacking the wit to come forward and offer a blanket.
Jiang Xin’er stood rigidly for a while longer before finally speaking.
"I have a few questions I wish to ask the Young Master..."
Xu Qiuchi rubbed his nose and replied readily, "What questions?"
Jiang Xin’er hesitated for a moment, then took a deep breath, pouring out the doubts she had been agonizing over for a day and a night.
"Earlier, the Young Master had me deliver the medical invitation to Miss Qin to use her to test the Su Manor. Why did you later go to the door yourself to extract her from the Su Manor? In the refuse pit of Liulidun, the Young Master knew clearly that the broken bottle was worthless; why did you use a precious pearl from your cap to trade with that child? That night on the Huan River, while investigating the Su Manor's cargo ships, the Young Master had clearly escaped; why did you have me turn back to find that itinerant swindler and resolve his predicament?"
As her words fell, the usually composed and silver-tongued young master paused for a long time before slowly speaking.
"I have my reasons for the things I do..."
However, this time, the "ever-obedient" woman in red did not seem to believe a single word he said. She suddenly interrupted him.
"What reasons?"
This time, it was Xu Qiuchi’s turn to be silent.
Jiang Xin’er looked at the figure leaning against the tree, her eyes filled with an ill-concealed struggle and confusion.
"Xin’er does not understand. Why must a person like the Young Master live such a life?"
Xu Qiuchi finally turned around.
"What kind of life? Is the life I lead now not good?"
"The same kind of life that swindler spoke of!" Jiang Xin’er’s voice rose uncontrollably, and a fire seemed to ignite in her usually aloof and silent eyes. "The Young Master is clearly not that kind of person, so why must you mingle with those people all day? You clearly do not agree with their methods, yet you go out of your way to fawn over them and beg them to act as intermediaries? No matter how difficult the matter, Xin’er is willing to help. With the Young Master’s intelligence, there will always be a way. But why... why must you always force yourself, torture yourself, and do things you have absolutely no desire to do..."
Jiang Xin’er found herself unable to stop.
But why? Why was she saying these things?
Perhaps it was because she was already like this, while he clearly didn't have to be.
Strict discipline, a struggle for survival, a path with no end in sight. Despite having a strong body capable of climbing the highest mountains and reaching the vastest seas, she was ultimately trapped within a tiny medicine bottle. This was her life.
But if he could live a life according to his own will, then her existence would not be entirely meaningless. Everything she had endured all these years would not be in vain.
The woman rarely showed such agitated emotion, but the expression on Xu Qiuchi’s face was more numb and cold than ever before.
He did not even wait for her to finish before he abruptly cut her off.
"Xin’er is not me; how do you know this is not the life I want? I was born with this temperament, born to do these things. In this world, there is no such thing as 'willing' or 'unwilling'—there is only what you must do and what you must not!"
He finished these words in one breath, only then reading something from the expression on the face of the person before him.
The fire in her eyes died out, just like the burnt-out bonfires in the square, leaving nothing behind but a patch of ash.
He must have looked terrifying when he spoke those words.
In his daily life, he never put on such a harsh and stern front. Even when a clumsy servant in the manor accidentally knocked a freshly lit charcoal brazier onto his foot, he had only jumped up and stomped his feet before letting the servant go.
So what was wrong with him? Why had he become so biting? And why, even after the words were out, was he still unable to calm his heart?
He was never like this.
He never was.
"Xin’er understands. I will do what I must." Jiang Xin’er finally stopped looking at him. Her gaze dropped, and her voice was low. "It is late. Does the Young Master wish to return to the manor?"
Xu Qiuchi stared blankly at the person before him. The hand he had already begun to reach out was ultimately pulled back.
He said nothing, merely turning to walk toward the carriage parked at the mouth of the alley. Seeing this, the woman behind him followed silently.
The servant leaning against the carriage frame heard the movement and quickly snapped to attention, stepping forward to help his master into the carriage, but the other man suddenly stopped.
Xu Qiuchi turned around and caught sight of Jiang Xin’er’s expression.
The look on her face was so heavy, as if she were not returning to a manor, but to a prison—to a hell where the sun never shone.
He sighed and pulled out some loose silver, handing it to the servant.
"Go check the shops nearby. If any are still open, buy some lamp oil."
The wind lantern at the front of the carriage, which had just been refilled, was burning slightly hot; it looked as though it could last another half-hour without issue.
But the servant still took the silver, shot a quick glance at the two of them, and left with nimble feet.
Once he was far away, Xu Qiuchi looked at Jiang Xin’er and asked out of the blue.
"Does Xin’er know why, of all the places in the manor, I particularly like that pond in the garden?"
His voice had returned to its usual relaxed and lazy tone. Jiang Xin’er also regained some of her composure. Recalling how she had just been shouting, she couldn't help but bury her head deeper, her voice sounding muffled.
"I heard Aunt Huaiyu mention it. She said that when the Young Master was a child, he loved playing with the water by the pond. I suppose it is the same now."
"Aunt Huaiyu didn't lie; I did like that pond when I was a child. But that was because I couldn't go anywhere else interesting." Xu Qiuchi’s voice faltered for a moment. He seemed to hesitate before continuing. "As for now, the reason I am always crouching by that pond is that I like watching the fish trapped within it. Only when I see them confined to an even smaller place does my heart find some peace."
Jiang Xin’er, who had been keeping her head down, suddenly looked up.
She stared blankly at the man before her, as if trying to bore a hole through him.
Even after being together for so long, Xu Qiuchi had rarely seen Jiang Xin’er show such a look. He almost couldn't control himself from responding, but in the end, he put on his customary smile, unfastened the fan at his waist, and began to fan himself.
"Even Aunt Huaiyu does not know of this. I have only told Xin’er; let it be a secret between us. That being the case, Xin’er should stop being angry with me, alright?"
He did not look at Jiang Xin’er, his gaze fixed on the distance as if waiting for the servant who had gone to buy supplies. After a moment, he heard her voice ring out solemnly.
"Alright."
A simple word, followed by nothing else.
But the man fanning himself by the carriage seemed to relax instantly, his usual brilliance returning in full.
The errand-running servant finally returned empty-handed. Naturally, he could buy nothing; in a place like Liulidun, there was no business to be done once the sun went down. He was somewhat anxious, but the young master who had given the order seemed to have long forgotten about the purchase, climbing into the carriage on his own.
The woman in red also nimbly flipped herself onto the carriage seat, leaving the servant standing there alone, feeling inexplicably as though there was no longer a place for him. Only after being urged did he climb onto the other side.
The swaying wind lantern illuminated Jiang Xin’er’s profile, making that still-young and tender face appear more resolute than ever before.
No matter. Let her accompany him for a few more laps in this pond.
Perhaps one day, the waters will rise in the autumn pond, and the fish will finally be able to go anywhere it desires.
The wheels rolled forward, and the carriage swayed as it left the pitted streets of Liulidun, heading into the depths of the night.
***
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