Fei Zuohua stared at the stretch of road illuminated by the headlights and yawned, his eyes welling with tears. He blinked hard.
He was exhausted.
Ever since they had discovered the path and identified their destination three days ago, they had been on the road without pause. Teo had replaced Lu Mingyue’s old map with a new one better suited for long-distance travel and had even introduced them to a local policeman.
“I don’t know which city you’re heading to, but Forster has deep connections in that area. You can look him up when you arrive,” Teo had said, handing them a phone number.
They had rented two cars. Fei Zuohua drove one, and Shi Yuanchen drove the other.
Fei Zuohua yawned again. He fished out a pack of cigarettes and pulled one out with his lips.
“Why don’t we take a break at the rest stop ahead?”
Fei Zuohua was startled by the voice. He looked up and met Lu Mingyue’s smiling face in the rearview mirror. He glanced at Hou Qi’an, who had just finished his shift and was now dozing against the window, looking utterly spent.
Lu Mingyue’s voice was very low, perhaps out of consideration for the sleeping Hou Qi’an.
“Don’t worry, I’ve already proven I won’t run.”
Fei Zuohua also felt it was better to stop; he wanted a smoke. He gave Lu Mingyue a fierce glare in the mirror as a warning, then veered off the highway. Shi Yuanchen followed behind him.
The moment he opened the car door and stepped out, he felt uneasy about leaving Lu Mingyue alone with the sleeping Hou Qi’an. He held the door open and looked at him with a cold face. “Get out.”
Lu Mingyue chuckled, stepped out with his long legs, and walked over to stand beside Fei Zuohua.
It was only now that Fei Zuohua gained a clearer sense of Lu Mingyue’s height. He estimated Bai Shi to be around 1.9 meters, but Lu Mingyue was slightly taller. Lu Mingyue looked quite slender and didn’t stand perfectly straight—likely a habit formed from years of accommodating the height of average people—but having fought him, Fei Zuohua knew that his thinness was deceptive.
Fei Zuohua walked a short distance away from the gas station toward the roadside. Lu Mingyue followed without needing a reminder. Fei Zuohua lit a cigarette, held it between his fingers, and glanced at Lu Mingyue. Lu Mingyue smiled at him.
“Want one?” he asked.
Lu Mingyue shook his head, hands in his pockets as he gazed at the distant road. The cool breeze made him tuck his neck into his collar. Fei Zuohua ignored him and looked into the distance as well. On this dim, endless highway, the sparse headlights of distant cars flickered. Occasionally, a vehicle would pass, its horn echoing from the horizon. The lights of night markets and buildings were far away; this place felt as desolate as a transit station to hell.
“You haven’t changed much,” Lu Mingyue said, looking at him. “Compared to middle school.”
Fei Zuohua remained expressionless. “Did you change your name?”
Lu Mingyue nodded. “Bai Shi said Lu Mingban sounded too ugly.” He then smiled. “But he doesn't really call me by my name anyway.”
“What does he call you?”
“I don’t know. The moment he speaks, I know he’s addressing me. There’s no need for names, really.” After a moment’s thought, Lu Mingyue added precisely, “He does call me by name occasionally.”
Fei Zuohua turned to look at him. “What is your relationship with Bai Shi?”
Lu Mingyue replied, “What relationship… how should I put it? We’re everything to each other, in a way.”
“You work for him.”
“Yes.”
“Have you been with him since middle school graduation?”
“More or less.”
“Are you gay too?”
Lu Mingyue shrugged. “Who knows?”
“Were you ever in a committed relationship?”
Lu Mingyue paused, giving him a strange look. “Is this an interrogation, Officer?”
Fei Zuohua didn't look away.
Lu Mingyue thought for a moment. “You could say that. But a person like Bai Shi could never have a normal relationship. If we’re talking about who he’s slept with, well, he’s been very busy. I’m nothing special.”
Fei Zuohua narrowed his eyes. “‘A person like Bai Shi’—what kind of person is that?”
Lu Mingyue’s expression actually turned somewhat serious before slowly relaxing again.
“Bai Shi,” he paused, “is actually a bit… abnormal.”
Fei Zuohua clicked his tongue impatiently.
Lu Mingyue smiled and added, “Not that kind of abnormal. He tends to make mountains out of molehills; his reactions to certain things are different from ordinary people. His life has a very theatrical quality to it, extreme to the point of being childish. He takes what he gains and what he loses very seriously, and he doesn't know how to compromise when dealing with people. When I’m with him, I feel like he’ll never become a ‘proper adult.’ Every day he wakes up and goes to bang his head against a brick wall.” Seeing Fei Zuohua’s furrowed brow, Lu Mingyue explained, “People like us, the first thing we do when we wake up certainly isn't to go hit a wall. Even if we’ve hit it before, we know when to give up and try a different direction. But not him. He can keep hitting it forever until he’s satisfied.”
After listening, Fei Zuohua asked, “Isn't he exhausted?”
“No. That’s just fate. He’s not just crazy; he has the energy and the will for it.” Lu Mingyue’s words were filled with a sense of yearning.
“You see him so clearly. If you think he’s a madman, why follow him?”
Lu Mingyue looked at Fei Zuohua earnestly. “I like him.”
Fei Zuohua didn't know how to respond.
Lu Mingyue took a cigarette from the pack in Fei Zuohua’s hand and gave it a little shake, signaling for a light.
Lu Mingyue took a drag, his cheeks hollowing, then slowly exhaled. “You might not see it in a normal life, but in our world, a person like him is full of charisma. He has this… magnificent aura.”
Fei Zuohua noticed Lu Mingyue’s eyes shining slightly as he looked into the distance.
“He’s never wrong, always in control. He has a particular talent for conflict, and he’s incredibly rational and calm. Whether he’s making a plan or protecting his own people, he’s very charming.” Lu Mingyue glanced at Fei Zuohua. “So when someone like him occasionally shows a weakness and tells you he needs you, you don’t even question if that need is real. Even his madness can be seen as a form of charm.”
Fei Zuohua didn't speak. He dropped his cigarette butt and crushed it with his foot, then pulled out another one.
“Until you can’t take it anymore.”
Fei Zuohua turned his head. “How exactly is he crazy?”
Lu Mingyue paused at the question before slowly taking the cigarette out of his mouth. “Let me think…”
He actually did think for a moment, then lifted his gray shirt and turned slightly. Fei Zuohua saw a tattoo on his waist.
“What is it?”
Lu Mingyue held his shirt up with both hands, mumbling something indistinctly with the cigarette between his teeth.
Fei Zuohua didn't catch it. “What?”
Lu Mingyue lowered his shirt and took the cigarette out. “A poem.”
Fei Zuohua reached out to lift the fabric and looked closely. Sure enough, there were several rows of text he couldn't understand; it wasn't even English. “What kind of poem is this? Tagore?”
Lu Mingyue shook his head. “I don’t know. I think it’s Mehmed.”
“Mehmed? The Islamic one?”
“I’m not sure. I think he was a king.”
“What does it say?”
Receiving no answer, Fei Zuohua looked up. Lu Mingyue looked a bit embarrassed. “Do I have to read it out loud? Reciting poetry… is pretty stupid…”
Fei Zuohua let go of the shirt. He wasn't that interested anyway.
“It’s Turkish.”
Both of them were startled to find that Shi Yuanchen had approached them silently, his eyes fixed on Lu Mingyue’s tattoo.
Fei Zuohua looked past him toward the car. “Is Kong Ping asleep?”
Shi Yuanchen nodded and pointed at the shirt Lu Mingyue had just lowered. “Mehmed II, the founder of the Ottoman Empire.”
Lu Mingyue raised an eyebrow in surprise. “I had someone translate it. It looks like a love poem.”
Shi Yuanchen looked at him. “He wrote it for you?”
Lu Mingyue smiled. “He wrote it casually.” He pointed to his own head. “He was a bit out of his mind back then.”
“How long were you together?”
Lu Mingyue shrugged. “On and off for three or four years. In the beginning, he didn't have anyone he could really talk to. But I wasn't the only one.”
“You keep emphasizing that you never established an exclusive relationship,” Shi Yuanchen said, pushing up his glasses.
“Because we didn't.”
“What is he like as a lover?”
Fei Zuohua stared at Shi Yuanchen in disbelief, forgetting to put his cigarette to his lips.
Shi Yuanchen’s expression remained perfectly normal, as if he were asking about the weather.
Lu Mingyue laughed. “Very talented, full of energy, and as crazy as ever. But we only did it a few times. After all, I don’t like being on the bottom.”
Fei Zuohua felt incredibly uncomfortable with this topic, his hand holding the cigarette trembling slightly.
Shi Yuanchen nodded. “Did he ever mention Pei Cangyu to you?”
Lu Mingyue didn't speak.
“I heard you were all middle school classmates.” He looked at Fei Zuohua. “Including the two in the car.”
Lu Mingyue began to laugh. “You certainly know how to investigate.”
“Thank you.” Shi Yuanchen gave a faint smile. “More than that. But I imagine none of you had any contact with Pei Cangyu after middle school graduation—I mean, as friends.”
The two remained silent, confirming his suspicion.
“The two in the car are the same. Kong Ping did self-study at home for the latter half of the term and stopped going to school early on. Hou Qi’an was sick for a while and didn't go much either.”
They looked at Shi Yuanchen.
“I found someone who stayed in touch with Pei Cangyu after middle school.” Shi Yuanchen scrolled through his phone. “Do you remember the name Liu Yaosheng? Oh, she used to be called Liu Yaosheng.”
Fei Zuohua nodded. “It sounds familiar.”
“She and Pei Cangyu kept in touch for nearly two years after graduation. They wrote letters.”
Fei Zuohua asked curiously, “The two of them? Why? And what would they have to talk about?”
Shi Yuanchen pulled up a photo saved on his phone for them to see. “This is what Liu Yaosheng sent me.”
The two leaned in to look.
“In their third year of middle school, Liu Yaosheng’s family was in a car accident. It wasn't serious, and they recovered quickly, but Liu Yaosheng went to a school in another city. They talked about many things, and some points caught my attention. One is that Liu Yaosheng suspected the car accident was caused by Bai Shi, though she had no evidence. You can look at the photo I starred; Pei Cangyu used very certain language to say that Bai Shi wouldn't do that. The second point is that Liu Yaosheng also believed the death of Pei Cangyu’s father, Pei Yueshan, was related to Bai Shi. On this point, Pei Cangyu didn't argue. He didn't even say anything to Liu Yaosheng; he never responded to that topic.”
“As a side note, I looked into the case of Pei Yueshan’s death. He was found hanging upside down from a building.” He looked at Lu Mingyue meaningfully. “I suspect that Bai Shi’s style began to take shape very early on.”
Lu Mingyue met his gaze and smiled, pointing at the letters on the phone. “I have to say, Pei Cangyu’s handwriting is really not very good.”
Fei Zuohua scrolled through the photos one by one. Noticing the other two were watching him, he looked up, returned the phone to Shi Yuanchen, and said, “Send these to me later.”
He pulled out a cigarette and leaned down to light it.
Shi Yuanchen looked at him, said "alright," and then bid them goodnight to go back to sleep.
Lu Mingyue also yawned and looked at Fei Zuohua. “Aren't you going back?”
Fei Zuohua shook his head. “If you’re tired, you can go to Shi Yuanchen’s car. Kong Ping should be waking up now.”
Lu Mingyue shrugged but didn't go anywhere.
They continued to watch the distant highway in silence.
Fei Zuohua’s mind was in turmoil. He had seen Pei Cangyu’s letters; the handwriting was just as poor as it used to be, though it had matured somewhat. But that wasn't what mattered. What mattered was what he had written.
Pei Cangyu wasn't good at writing essays and didn't like to preach; his grades had never been high. But Fei Zuohua saw him write: *“…I’m doing okay. I read a book recently that said, ‘I have no extraordinary qualities, not a single skill to navigate life. I feel like I’ve had nothing since the day I was born. I’ve had no mother since I can remember, and my father left soon after. Growing up with no one to rely on, I could only protect myself. It was like that before, and I doubt it will change. But to be honest, since I have nothing, I’m not afraid of losing anything. I just want to live a good life. I saw someone say, “If a stone falls, I’ll step aside to dodge it; if a river blocks my path, I’ll leap across it; if I can’t leap across, I’ll swim through the water; if the current is too fast and I can only go with the flow, then wherever I drift, that is my life.” I plan to live like that until the day I die. For my future, I only need one thing that belongs to me. It doesn't have to be a grand estate like a house; even a set of clean clothes or a decent report card would be fine. I was born with nothing, so when I leave this world, as long as I have one thing by my side, I’ve won.’ …So, I’m doing okay.”*
Fei Zuohua felt as if he had suddenly returned to the distant past—the first time he saw someone step up for him, followed by a silhouette he could never catch up to. Until one day, or perhaps gradually, Pei Cangyu had changed. He had stepped back, everyone had passed him by, and he had remained in one place. Fei Zuohua had grown taller and more confident, learning many truths, developing a character that charged straight ahead and a courage that wouldn't stop until his goals were met. He couldn't remember Pei Cangyu very clearly anymore, having only a vague impression, while he himself had become an adult, independent and moving toward a life of ease.
Until his father and his mentor were taken—one dead, the other missing.
But he hadn't expected that now, a distant letter from Pei Cangyu could suddenly comfort his anxious and panicked heart. For the first time, he realized that Pei Cangyu might be a very strong person. He lived in deep waters day after day, yet he had the courage to face any situation. He was much stronger than Fei Zuohua himself. Perhaps Shi Yuanchen had seen this, perhaps Tu Ziyun had seen it back then, and perhaps Bai Shi had known it all along—this was what he yearned for.
With someone like Pei Cangyu as a teammate, they could win this battle against Bai Shi.
Fei Zuohua’s thoughts were a mess until Lu Mingyue called his name, snapping him back to reality.
“What did you say?”
Lu Mingyue hesitated before repeating, “Are you okay?”
Fei Zuohua looked at him, nodded slowly, and stubbed out his cigarette. “Let’s go back.”
When they returned to the car, Hou Qi’an had woken up. He walked toward the driver’s seat. “I’ll drive.”
Fei Zuohua climbed into the back, wrapped his coat around himself, and prepared to sleep for a while.
The car slowly set off. Fei Zuohua closed his eyes and felt his phone vibrate. He took it out; it was the images of the letters from Shi Yuanchen. Then, he saw a text message from Lu Mingyue.
He looked up at Lu Mingyue, who was dozing in the passenger seat, and opened the message.
*“Whenever I seek prayer and peace,*
*Just one glimpse of the beauty, and my thoughts spiral out of control.*
*I am already as low as the dust, even fearing to breathe.*
*Naturally, when the morning breeze blows, the dust loses control.*
*I must fight the enemy for the one my heart loves,*
*As long as that dog of an enemy has not yet died,*
*My love will always be out of control.”*
“That poem,” Lu Mingyue told him in the text.
Fei Zuohua looked at it for a while, then silently closed it. Bai Shi truly was the kind of person who lived entirely in his own world.
*Reciting it really would be inappropriate…*
He looked out the window. The moon was very round, so bright it made one’s heart ache. Now, they were closer to Bai Shi and Pei Cangyu than ever before, and they understood them better than ever.
This was the final battle.
***
