After that impulsive, bewitching kiss, Pei Cangyu had scrambled upstairs in a daze, dodging Bai Shi’s hand. The next day, he avoided Bai Shi’s gaze entirely and left the house early.
But Bai Shi still showed up to pick him up after evening self-study. To prevent Bai Shi from drawing too much attention standing by the school gate, Pei Cangyu dove into the car, staring straight ahead with an expression of grim resolve. His skin was pulled taut with tension; he had actively kissed a man last night—on the mouth, for God’s sake. Whose worldview was supposed to be collapsing right now?
Bai Shi seemed to be in an excellent mood. Pei Cangyu kept his head down and remained silent.
“You haven’t put on your seatbelt,” Bai Shi pointed out. “Do you need me to help you?”
“No, no!” Pei Cangyu grabbed the belt and clicked it into place with aggressive force.
Bai Shi reached out and touched his arm. “Why is your skin so cold?”
“Huh? Oh, I went outside during self-study to memorize some vocabulary.” Pei Cangyu didn't think much of it.
He stole another glance at the cheerful Bai Shi, thinking it might be better to clear the air. Yes.
But what should he say? *You were too impulsive, Pei Cangyu. You’re an adult; how can you still not control your own mouth?*
Then again, last night had been a total heat-of-the-moment thing. He’d kissed him, realized what he was doing, and immediately jumped back. Bai Shi had been the one to pull him back in, only for Pei Cangyu to break away again. Bai Shi had worn a complex expression that seemed to say, *“Didn’t you start this? How can you just stop whenever you want? Do you think it’s fun to toy with me?”* It had made Pei Cangyu feel incredibly embarrassed.
To be this conflicted was perhaps a bit much. He wasn't some master of the "push-and-pull" technique in the dating world; he was just a kid who loved a simple life. Why did things have to get so complicated?
It was like being in a sauna at a bathhouse. When you can’t get out, you eventually have to take off the towel wrapped around you. The problem was, the reason you felt the towel had to come off was because it was too hot—and it was too hot because you were in a sauna, not because you had a passion for public nudity. To put it simply... Pei Cangyu scratched his hair. He was trapped. If he stayed at Bai Shi’s house, he couldn't avoid these kindnesses. If he couldn't avoid them, he had no way to firmly refuse them. So...
Was there any precedent for someone being steamed to death in a sauna?
Bai Shi brushed a stray lock of hair from Pei Cangyu’s forehead. His cold fingers helped the flushed Pei Cangyu cool down. He looked up, his gaze colliding with Bai Shi’s in the rearview mirror. Bai Shi’s eyes crinkled into a smile.
In that instant, Pei Cangyu suddenly thought: *This smile is different from before.* In his memory, Bai Shi had never smiled like this. Though it felt wrong to say this while staying in the man's house, Pei Cangyu’s obsession with leaving wasn't just because Bai Shi liked him; it was also because Bai Shi’s gentleness always gave him a sense of "otherness." It wasn't the warmth brought by a speaker’s genuine tenderness, but rather a result of lowering the pitch and adjusting the speed of his speech. Pei Cangyu didn't consider himself particularly gifted at reading people. If he felt this way, it was partly due to a simple biological instinct, and partly because this was Bai Shi. Perhaps this was a kind of tacit understanding? One that only existed for Bai Shi?
Regardless, Pei Cangyu felt a momentary daze at Bai Shi’s smile. This unadorned sincerity belonged to the friend he had always dreamed of making—the friend he’d missed out on due to a twist of fate, the friend he had almost bared his soul to years ago.
*Yeah, how could anyone actually be steamed to death in a sauna?*
Thinking this, he suddenly relaxed. It was as if the dark clouds swirling in his heart had dissipated. Maybe this was fine. He shouldn't overthink it. This was fine.
So, when Bai Shi’s fingers brushed against his cheek, Pei Cangyu did not pull away.
Pei Cangyu discovered that Bai Shi was practically radiant with happiness. When they reached the entrance, Bai Shi parked the car and moved to open the door for him. Feeling awkward, Pei Cangyu hurried out first, and Bai Shi simply smiled and stepped back. Bai Shi made a phone call, saying someone would come to take the car away shortly, so he would wait at the door for a moment.
Pei Cangyu gave an "oh" and stood with him. Bai Shi looked at him in confusion. “Aren’t you going in?”
Pei Cangyu was even more confused. “Huh? I’ll stand here with you for a bit.” Otherwise, if he went in and left the homeowner—who had driven him and even tried to open his door—waiting alone in the night wind, what kind of person would that make him?
Bai Shi smiled and gazed at him with such an affectionate look that Pei Cangyu had to turn his face away. If he had a choice, Pei Cangyu honestly just wanted a friend.
He coughed and searched for a topic before Bai Shi could say anything. “Why have the car taken away? Is there no place to park here? Like the back courtyard or something?”
Bai Shi’s focused gaze remained on him as he answered seriously, “It’s full.” As he spoke, he reached out to tuck a stray hair behind Pei Cangyu’s ear. Pei Cangyu tried to dodge, but Bai Shi caught the ends of his hair between his fingers, preventing him from moving.
“Is it time for a haircut?”
“Huh?” Pei Cangyu touched his own hair. “Isn't this length just right?”
“It’s not the length; it gets messy easily, doesn't it?”
Pei Cangyu thought this made a lot of sense; his hair was a bit frizzy. “True. Maybe I should just shave it all off?”
Bai Shi suddenly turned serious. “A shaved head is a no-go.”
Pei Cangyu was amused by this sudden gravity regarding his hairstyle. “What’s wrong? Would a bald head scare you?” He gestured toward the top of his head. “If being totally bald scares you, how about a 'Mediterranean'? Shiny in the middle, hair all around. I’ve even got a good name for it—the 'Reverse Bird’s Nest'...” Pei Cangyu laughed cheerfully.
Bai Shi watched him silently, making Pei Cangyu feel awkward enough to turn his head away.
The night wind blew in gusts, carrying the lingering, heavy fragrance of late summer flowers from the nearby autumn blooms. The scent drifted through the streets. Under the towering streetlights, shadows of moths swirled. The darkness between the lights was like the fading notes of a melodious tune—a hidden whisper following a grand performance, knocking on the doors of those harboring secrets.
Pei Cangyu stood in one of those gaps. To his left, his right, and across from him were bright streetlights, yet he stood in the shadow where the three beams missed. Beside him was only Bai Shi.
The wind blew his hair into a mess, and he felt he had said something wrong. *Sigh, what a pain.* Bai Shi was still just like he was in middle school—the condescending top student who always looked down on...
A hand was placed gently on top of Pei Cangyu’s head. Bai Shi let out a long, slow sigh. “Fine, a shaved head it is.”
Pei Cangyu froze.
Bai Shi’s cold fingers brushed against his neck. Pei Cangyu flinched at the ticklish sensation, and Bai Shi’s fingertips lightly traced his jawline before pulling back.
Finally, the driver arrived. Bai Shi greeted him, handed over the car, and entered the house with Pei Cangyu.
Bai Shi asked if he was hungry. Pei Cangyu shook his head, said goodnight, and went upstairs.
He slumped over his desk, twirling his pen. It took him ages just to finish one fill-in-the-blank question, after which he drifted off into a daze. The pen fell to the floor with a *clack*. Pei Cangyu snapped back to his senses, scrambled to pick it up, and went back to twirling it while resting his chin in his hand.
Finally, having made up his mind, he took out his phone and searched:
*“Can you be steamed to death in a sauna?”*
***
Goutui was flipping through the university brochures the school had printed for the students, sighing and groaning. He twisted his body to ask Pei Cangyu, “Brother Pei, you’ve got more experience. What do you think I should choose?”
Pei Cangyu looked up at him. “What do you want to do?”
“Ugh, why?” Goutui tossed the brochure onto the desk. “Why does everyone ask that? ‘What do you want to do?’ ‘What do you like?’ How should I know? I like playing—is there a university major for that? I also like women—is there a major for that?”
Pei Cangyu rolled his eyes. “Then why don't you go become a pimp?”
Goutui got excited and lunged to grab his arm. “Are you finally willing to bring me into the trade?”
Pei Cangyu pushed him away. “A delinquent like me doesn't even deserve the title. What kind of misunderstanding do you have about me...”
“I figured as much.” Goutui looked profoundly disappointed, squinting his eyes in disdain at Pei Cangyu. “Real delinquents wouldn't come back for a sixth year of high school. They have dignity.”
Pei Cangyu laughed. “Did you stay up late watching *Crows Zero* again last night?”
“How did you know?” Goutui’s eyes lit up. “That’s why I’m so annoyed. A place like this gives me no chance to show off my skills.”
“The teacher’s here,” Pei Cangyu said suddenly.
*Swish!* Goutui spun back around, swept the cards on his desk into his drawer with practiced ease, and donned his glasses with lightning speed. He stared at the university brochure, frowning and nodding as if in deep thought.
Pei Cangyu laughed and kicked his stool. “Show off your skills? Even if you went into the underworld, you’d just be an errand boy.”
Goutui finally realized he’d been played. He glared at Pei Cangyu indignantly, then fished out two cartons of milk from somewhere and handed one to him. “Brother Pei, where are you applying?”
Pei Cangyu flipped a page and pointed.
Goutui looked closely. “That should be doable for you. The school is old, but the required score isn't that high. Maybe we can both go there.”
“Of course,” Pei Cangyu said proudly. “If I take the exam normally, I can definitely make it.”
“But why this one? It’s so far away.”
Pei Cangyu closed the brochure. “My grandmother went there.”
Goutui bit his straw. “Then what are you going to study?”
Pei Cangyu blanked. He hadn't thought about that question.
The teacher walked in, tapping the desk with a T-square to quiet everyone down. This short Physics teacher always wore a face of deep misery. He was severely nearsighted, and he had to crane his neck to see people, which had earned him the nickname "Turtle" from some students. Later, after he ended up in the ICU from staying up all night grading papers, no one called him that anymore. He could draw a perfect circle freehand; he didn't actually need the T-square, he just carried it to tap things. In his words, it was to "strike the mountain to scare the tiger." As the "mountain," the corner of the podium was already nearly chipped away.
“Alright, we’ll be discussing school selections in batches this week. Pay attention. I won't say much to the top students—just keep studying hard. Once your scores are high, choosing a school is easy. The focus is on those of you in the middle,” he said, waving his square in a wide arc that seemed to encompass the whole class. The students in the front row ducked slightly. “Think carefully. The categories are clear: normal universities, specialized medical schools, nursing, special occupations...”
“Special occupations... hehehe...” Goutui chuckled, his shoulders shaking.
“Think it over. I might be blunt, but going to some mediocre comprehensive university for a major you don't understand is worse than choosing a more vocational path with the same score. Don't be obsessed with 'comprehensive' schools.” The teacher coughed after finishing his speech and tapped the T-square twice more. “Alright, let’s go over the test papers. Hurry up; we need to leave some time for the math teacher.”
“Ugh—” A collective groan rose from below. The teacher resumed his rhythmic tapping.
It wasn't until Friday that it was Pei Cangyu’s turn. During the long break, the teacher called him to the office.
Pei Cangyu sat down properly. The teacher flipped through the brochure with one hand while rubbing his face with his glasses in the other before putting them on. “I see you’ve listed this university every year. You want to go there?”
Pei Cangyu nodded.
“Why?” The teacher’s eyes looked over the lenses, his irises shot through with red veins.
“Just...” Pei Cangyu scratched his head. “My grandmother graduated from there. Before she passed away, she said she hoped I’d go.”
“Ah.” The teacher looked down and flipped through the brochure again.
He was silent for a moment before speaking. “I had a student go there before. He told me a bit about the situation. That school might be turning private, so the tuition might become very high in the future.” He pushed up his glasses. “And to be honest, that school doesn't have many strong majors. Before the founding of the country, it was a women’s vocational school. Even after the restructuring, there hasn't been much progress. You could say the school’s condition is getting worse and worse.”
Pei Cangyu listened, blinking.
The teacher sighed. “I’m not trying to say how bad it is; I just think someone should tell you the facts.”
He left the rest unsaid—*After all, you don't have parents to look into this for you.*
Pei Cangyu swallowed hard and lowered his head.
The teacher looked at him. “Are you angry?”
“No.” Pei Cangyu looked up.
“It’s normal to be unhappy when someone dismisses your long-term efforts with a single sentence.” The teacher set the brochure down. “There’s a reason I’m telling you this now.”
Pei Cangyu looked at him.
“Have you ever considered becoming a policeman?”
“Huh??” Pei Cangyu was stunned.
“Me?” He was so shocked he was practically at a loss. “I...”
The teacher smiled. On his usually miserable face, this smile was as warm as a spring breeze. “You can think about it. It would be even better if you had a police officer you could ask. I’ll help you look into it in a few days. If they come for a presentation...” The teacher rummaged through his messy desk. “There might be contact info.”
*A policeman... huh...*
“Found it.” The teacher handed over a flyer. “This is the recruitment manual. They should be announcing the affiliated schools soon. If our school is on the list, I’ll let you know.”
“...Okay.” Pei Cangyu took the booklet with the police emblem on it, thanked the teacher, and left.
*A policeman... huh...*
Pei Cangyu was still thinking about it when he returned to the Bai residence that night. The butler told him Bai Shi wasn't in today. Pei Cangyu nodded, saying he understood. He thought he would feel relieved, but he actually felt a bit let down.
He ran back to his room to flip through the booklet. He really didn't know much about being a cop. As for people he knew who were police... should he call Fei Zuohua and ask?
*Ah, no, no. That feels a bit embarrassing...*
Speaking of the police...
Every time Pei Cangyu thought about it, he felt agitated, as if he were surrounded by a thick fog he couldn't see through—a strong sensation of being enveloped. He decided to stop thinking about it, packed his things, and started on his test papers.
He wrote until midnight, until the words started to blur, before finally packing up.
He had to get up early the next day, but lying in bed, he couldn't fall asleep.
Generally speaking, being unable to sleep late at night meant one thing—it was time to find something smutty to watch.
Was there any place more thrilling to do that than the home theater in the Bai residence?
Clearly not.
Pei Cangyu threw off his blanket and jumped out of bed. *Do it quick, get it over with, need to wake up early tomorrow.*
He opened his door and listened. The massive house was silent; not even a dog barked. Pei Cangyu crept downstairs, found the theater door, turned the handle, and slipped inside.
He didn't turn on the lights—probably out of embarrassment. Did perverts who watch porn with the lights on even exist? Even Bai Shi kept them off. He switched on the small light on the disc cabinet and began flipping through the covers.
*Damn, Bai Shi really is a freak. He has everything.* Five thousand years of history, the evolution of mankind, racial harmony, proctological anatomy, the animal kingdom... As Pei Cangyu flipped through them, he felt he was far too pure, practically unworthy of being called an adult. By the end, he was almost developing a phobia of sex.
“Wait?” He paused, having stumbled upon a movie disc. He pulled it out to look. It was a pure romance film. He had seen it once in middle school, and the love between the leads had moved him to tears. Because a "real man" couldn't cry, he had only expressed his love for the movie in his diary. Later, Bai Shi had read that diary, and Pei Cangyu had been so angry he nearly fought him.
Pei Cangyu took the disc out, stroking it nostalgically. He didn't even want to watch anything smutty anymore; he decided to watch this pure romance. Yes, that was the plan.
He poured himself a glass of milk and started the movie.
The massive screen flickered, illuminating his face. Pei Cangyu curled up on the sofa, watching the story begin with a reunion in autumn. Accompanied by melodious music, a journey of encounters and memories began.
Pei Cangyu’s head began to nod as he drifted in and out of sleep.
Voices continued to drift from the speakers.
“If you could be dismantled, reduced to your base elements...”
Pei Cangyu frowned, slowly opening his eyes.
“...And you are so selfish, refusing to give me even a piece of the heart you shattered elsewhere.”
Pei Cangyu began to daze. *These words... haven't I heard them somewhere before...?*
“...I have no choice but to make this prison my own.
I could never do this willingly.
I think I must not be doing this willingly.
No one would ever do this willingly.”
He remembered! Pei Cangyu’s eyes widened as he stared at the screen.
“So, I don’t like you,” the man said, yet he took a step forward. “I love you.”
He remembered...
Pei Cangyu remembered. He had heard these words. Bai Shi had repeated this dialogue almost exactly, except for the last three words.
Except for the last three words.
Except for “I love you.”
***
| Chinese | English | Notes/Explanation |
| :--- | :--- | :--- |
| 高六 | High 6 | Refers to a student repeating the final year of high school for a second time (after a "High 5" or first repeat year). |
| 狗腿 | Goutui | Literally "Dog-leg"; a slang term for a lackey or sycophant. Here used as a nickname for a classmate. |
| 敲山震虎 | Strike the mountain to scare the tiger | An idiom meaning to make a show of force to intimidate an opponent. |
| 画地为牢 | Draw a circle on the ground as a prison | An idiom meaning to restrict oneself to a certain sphere or to be imprisoned by one's own rules/situation. |
| 费左华 | Fei Zuohua | A character name (likely a police officer known to the MC). |
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