The next day, just as Bai Shi had anticipated, Fei Zuohua did not ask Pei Cangyu about his whereabouts the previous day, nor did he ask why they hadn't helped pick up the tennis balls. He simply gave a standard greeting and said nothing more. It was easy to foresee that from then on, Fei Zuohua would never call Pei Cangyu again on a rainy day.
Bai Shi was very satisfied.
Next was the Class Monitor.
The day before, the Monitor had received the solid black notebook with the skull on the cover from Bai Shi. He had handed it to her with a serious expression, asking her to please take a good look at it. Confused, she had flipped to the first page, only to see the sharp title *The Lover*. She frowned; she didn't actually like Marguerite Duras, a fact she had mentioned the last time it was her turn to share an article at the reading club.
Out of politeness, the Monitor said thank you and moved to keep flipping through, but Bai Shi mysteriously covered the pages, insisting she wait until she got home to read it, claiming it represented "Pei Cangyu’s true feelings." Seeing how solemn he was, she took it seriously and agreed.
When she got home and began to read, she found that the musings of this young man were mostly about "fighting against the world." There was an argumentative essay on why Robin van Persie was one of the greatest players of all time. There were several nostalgic pieces elaborating on why the "Will of Fire" was the best faith in the world—something about dancing leaves and so on—as well as some self-reflection: how the girls he liked weren't the type who always came looking for him, and how he didn't actually like playing basketball that much, even though he really liked Mitsui Hisashi...
The Monitor finished the notebook, which was filled with names of people she didn't recognize, and noted the turning point in the final pages where the handwriting became beautiful but the mood inexplicably turned somber.
She silently closed the book.
She sat in contemplation for a moment...
...!
*It’s because you spend every day thinking about this stuff that your grades are so bad, Pei Cangyu!*
The Monitor was tempted to call him right then and there to give him a piece of her mind, but seeing how late it was, she decided to scold him the next day. She didn't want to waste the kindness of Bai Shi, who had gone to the trouble of "stealing" the book to give to her, hoping she would help Pei Cangyu improve.
Thus, during the long break the next morning, Pei Cangyu was called out by the Monitor.
Bai Shi turned to look at him. Pei Cangyu’s face was flushed bright red. After hearing the Monitor say, "Pei Cangyu, come here for a second," he didn't move for a full minute. The Monitor waited behind him for a while until Pei Cangyu suddenly looked at Bai Shi. "Do... do you want to come with me?"
"Sure." Bai Shi stood up.
Pei Cangyu swallowed hard and walked toward the back door. The Monitor, holding his little skull notebook, pointed toward the garden, signaling for them to go there. Pei Cangyu shot a nervous glance at Bai Shi, who nodded and gave him a thumbs-up. Pei Cangyu nodded back with effort and smoothed his hair using the reflection in the hallway window.
The Monitor sat on a bench and patted the spot next to her. Pei Cangyu sat down awkwardly.
"Pei Cangyu." The Monitor opened the notebook. Pei Cangyu’s heart raced; he hadn't expected her to just open it like that.
She pointed at the book and said, "Don't blame Bai Shi; he’s doing this for your own good."
Pei Cangyu nodded, then shook his head. "Huh?"
"Let's put that aside for now. Mainly, I see you write in this 'diary' quite frequently. Actually, I was thinking—while everyone has hobbies, shouldn't you limit your TV time a bit right now?" She handed the notebook back to him. "I shouldn't really be saying this, but we were seatmates for a long time in seventh grade, and you've always supported my activities in class. My grades might not be first or second, but I still have some experience I can share..."
Pei Cangyu was stunned. What on earth was she talking about?
The Monitor waved a hand in front of his eyes. "Hello? Forget it, I should probably talk to the homeroom teacher. You two are close; it might be more appropriate coming from a teacher."
As she started to stand up, Pei Cangyu grabbed her. "No, don't! Teachers don't allow puppy love!"
Behind them, hidden behind a tree while drinking a carton of high-calcium milk, Bai Shi choked violently.
Now it was the Monitor's turn to be stunned. She sat back down.
Bai Shi checked his watch. Good. A few more minutes of this nonsensical conversation and class would start. Afterward, he could "advise" Pei Cangyu during class to give up, telling him the Monitor was just giving him a graceful way out and that they had no chance.
The Monitor was confused. "What do you mean?"
Pei Cangyu scratched his head. "I was planning to confess to you."
Bai Shi choked again, leaning against the tree trunk and coughing. *He said it! He actually said it! Why did he just say it like that?*
Pei Cangyu looked a bit embarrassed. "Because, well, Bai Shi was telling me yesterday that we might not have many chances to see each other in the future, so I thought about doing this. But I thought about it for a long time last night and felt that sending a diary wasn't the right move. I actually planned to tell you to your face today."
He paused. "But please, don't feel pressured. I'm not doing this entirely because I want us to be together. I just felt... back in seventh grade, I didn't talk much, and being your seatmate was really nice. You were very good to me. And by 'good,' I mean you treated me like everyone else. You were so patient when explaining problems to me. Sometimes I say stupid things, but you always listened to the end, even if you disagreed. You were willing to engage with me. I really want to thank you for that; you have no idea how much that meant to me."
Pei Cangyu licked his lips. He didn't look at the Monitor, only at the ground. "And then... when the results for last week's school exam came out... I remember you didn't seem very happy. Then I heard Apple saying something about your college applications... I don't understand much of it, but I feel like you've been under a lot of pressure lately..."
Pei Cangyu looked up. "I just wanted to say that you've always been wonderful. You're smart, kind, determined, and brilliant. You're the best girl I've ever met. You deserve to be liked, and you have a very bright future ahead of you."
The Monitor stared at him blankly.
Bai Shi couldn't drink anymore. His fingernails dug into the tree bark.
The Monitor silently lowered her head, bracing her hands on the bench and kicking the ground rhythmically. Pei Cangyu turned away as well, and the two sat in silence.
"...Thank you," the Monitor said softly.
Pei Cangyu glanced at her, then went back to staring at the ground. "Don't mention it."
The bell for class rang.
Pei Cangyu stood up. "Going back?"
The Monitor shook her head. "I'll wait a bit."
Pei Cangyu pursed his lips. "It's not because of what I said, is it? I didn't mean to make you..."
The Monitor looked up and smiled. "No, no. But I have been under a lot of pressure lately. I want to sit for a while."
Pei Cangyu hesitated. "Do you want me to stay with you?"
"No need." She pointed at his notebook. "Can I have one page?"
Pei Cangyu handed it to her. "Which one?"
The Monitor flipped it open, tore out the first page, and smiled. "Thanks."
Bai Shi shrank back. Pei Cangyu passed right by him without noticing.
*What was that?* Bai Shi watched Pei Cangyu’s retreating back, his teeth beginning to ache again.
He turned around and happened to lock eyes with the Monitor as she stood up.
The sky was overcast today, and it looked like it would rain again in the afternoon. Consequently, it was exceptionally stifling. The insects were buzzing loudly, and the trees and walls felt sticky.
The Monitor looked at Bai Shi, the smile not yet faded from her face. It was a sweet smile of someone who knew they were liked—devoid of hostility, unrelated to romance, but simply the smile of someone who knew they were valued.
She looked at the piece of paper in her hand, then back at Bai Shi.
Bai Shi had no desire to investigate further and turned to head back.
The classroom was rowdy. This was the art exam; everyone had to paint an oil painting as their final. The art teacher was a young woman who had graduated only a couple of years ago. She was somewhat stern, didn't like children, and certainly didn't care to mingle with them. The class was a mess, but she didn't bother to manage it; she just wanted to collect the assignments and never come back.
Because of this, students were wandering around borrowing paper, pens, and water, smearing paint on each other and having a grand time.
The teacher simply leaned over the podium, chin in hand, flipping through an art book.
The problem was that she was wearing a tube top today, and her buttons weren't properly fastened. As she leaned over, there was a very obvious exposure. In the sweltering weather and the dim classroom, her body was innocently yet provocatively presented on the podium.
The boys in the class were lining up, passing by the front row to steal a glance at the podium, then smirking and giving thumbs-ups to the boys waiting behind them.
A few boys hadn't noticed; a few had no interest in such a vulgar game. Some of the girls hadn't noticed, and those who had simply didn't care to intervene—the teacher wasn't well-liked, and her dislike for the students was mutual.
Bai Shi wasn't in the mood to look. He was searching for Pei Cangyu, who wasn't in the room.
Bai Shi clicked his tongue and headed for the door, only to collide with Pei Cangyu as he was returning.
Pei Cangyu dodged him. "What's the rush?"
"...Where were you?"
Pei Cangyu looked at him. "The bathroom, obviously."
He glanced at the podium. "Oh crap, art class?" He turned to Bai Shi. "Do you have any watercolors? I don't have anything..."
Bai Shi nodded. "I do."
They went back to their seats. Pei Cangyu took Bai Shi’s brushes, but before he could start painting, he noticed the boys constantly walking past the front row. "What's going on?"
Bai Shi pointed to his own collar. Pei Cangyu stood up to look.
"Oh." Pei Cangyu sat back down.
They washed the brushes, and Bai Shi began squeezing out paint. Pei Cangyu helped for a moment, then looked at the front row again. "They're still at it..."
Bai Shi was busy with the paint and didn't move.
Pei Cangyu curled his lip, dropped the brush in his hand, and walked to the front row.
Bai Shi turned to watch him. Pei Cangyu joined the line of boys.
When it was his turn, Pei Cangyu spoke up. "Teacher."
The teacher looked up at him. Pei Cangyu pointed to his own collar. She looked down, understood immediately, stood up straight, fastened her buttons, and picked up her art book to continue reading.
Pei Cangyu walked straight back, ignoring the low grumbles of the boys in line as they dispersed, their interest lost.
Bai Shi noticed that the teacher didn't thank Pei Cangyu either.
Pei Cangyu didn't care. He felt much better. He whistled as he sat back down and helped Bai Shi squeeze the paint. Bai Shi simply handed him the tubes. He glanced at the Monitor’s seat; she was back and met his gaze.
Bai Shi looked away, feeling irritable.
Pei Cangyu was painting a greatsword. It was a sword he had designed himself to have "the ultimate cool factor"—the kind of sword meant only for the chosen one, making the wielder the strongest in the world and allowing them to ascend to immortality. Bai Shi was painting an eye.
One art period wasn't enough to finish. The teacher closed her book and left, saying they could turn them in tomorrow.
Pei Cangyu had drunk too much water and went to the bathroom again. Bai Shi worked diligently on the eye until a girl tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around; it was a girl he had never seen before.
"Excuse me, are you Bai Shi?" she asked timidly.
Bai Shi frowned. Another love letter? Whatever, he’d received plenty. He nodded.
The girl pointed to the seat next to him. "Does Pei Cangyu sit here?"
Bai Shi hesitated, then nodded.
The girl’s face flushed. She placed a letter on Pei Cangyu’s desk, then turned and ran away.
Bai Shi was stunned. He looked at the letter, then stood up to scan the area. He saw Pei Cangyu in the distance, messing around with Pi Gou and the others as they walked back.
Bai Shi thought for a moment and took the letter.
Confessions were too risky. Bai Shi wasn't yet confident that he could fully control the girls' actions or Pei Cangyu’s reactions.
He tucked the letter away and glanced outside again. Pei Cangyu was standing at the door talking to a boy from another class; he shouldn't have seen anything. Bai Shi breathed a sigh of relief.
Just as he turned back, he met the Monitor’s eyes again.
Bai Shi felt as if he’d been pricked by a needle. Her eyes had a piercing clarity.
The Monitor turned her head away.
Bai Shi turned back as well, his mind heavy with worry.
Until school let out, Bai Shi couldn't bring himself to look up again.
He was too nervous. Those eyes of the Monitor—eyes that had seen right through his actions. Usually, he was the one doing the calculating; now, he had been caught.
What would she think? Would she tell Pei Cangyu? Would she tell his friends? What would she say? How would she say it? Would she get together with Pei Cangyu just to spite him? Would she warn Pei Cangyu to stay away from him? Would everyone find out? How would Pei Cangyu look at him? Would someone call the police? Would someone tell his parents?
Bai Shi had never considered the motives behind his actions, but now he had to, because if he were exposed, how would he explain himself?
He didn't even notice when Pei Cangyu spoke to him.
He broke out in cold sweat after cold sweat. He had never felt a problem was so grave. The small incidents of youth can sometimes feel like the sky is falling.
Finally, school ended.
Students left one by one. Pei Cangyu said goodbye and left as well. Only then did Bai Shi look somberly toward the Monitor. She was doing her homework; she usually stayed for another half hour before leaving.
It started to rain.
Bai Shi didn't move. He watched the second hand of the clock move with anxiety.
Fewer and fewer people remained in the classroom. Gradually, the sounds of people packing their bags faded.
Ten people left...
Six people left...
Three...
Bai Shi turned his head and finally saw the Monitor cap her pen.
She stood up and walked out. Bai Shi waited two minutes before standing up himself. His heart was pounding. He forgot to take an umbrella.
The sky was dark but not yet night; the streetlights weren't on yet, and the curtain of rain was heavy.
Bai Shi followed the Monitor.
Why was he following her? He didn't know. He just trailed behind her, staring at the exposed nape of her neck, which precariously supported her head. Quiet people never said much.
Bai Shi was like a shadow behind her. The Monitor didn't notice, perhaps because the rain was too loud, or perhaps because it was too dark.
He followed her, watching her blue backpack filled with study guides, the red armband on her sleeve, her oversized school uniform, and her rolled-up pant legs as she stepped carefully through the water.
The path became increasingly secluded. Bai Shi clenched his fists, his knuckles let out a series of pops. His eyes remained sharp and bright through the rain, like a hunter stalking a lamb. The rain soaked him to the bone, but he moved quickly and with powerful, steady strides.
Only the two of them were left.
The Monitor carefully hopped over a puddle, mud splattering her red socks. Bai Shi stepped right into the puddle, his white shoes instantly turning black. The Monitor skirted around a pair of fighting dogs, flinching when one barked at her. Bai Shi walked straight through; the two dogs were forced to part. One bit Bai Shi’s ankle, and he stomped hard on its head. The dogs whimpered and fled. Under a streetlight, the Monitor adjusted her backpack, moving it to her front. Bai Shi’s backpack wasn't even zipped shut.
Too close. Three steps left.
Bai Shi reached out his hand, about to grab her neck.
What was he going to do?
He didn't know.
Regardless, she was right there.
"Oh! Hurry up!"
A woman's voice came from ahead. Hearing it, the Monitor started to run. The woman added, "Don't run, don't run, I was just about to come get you..."
It turned out there was a residential complex ahead. A woman in slippers stood at the gate, reaching out to take the Monitor’s backpack. "Look at you..."
She stopped, noticing the boy behind her daughter, drenched like a drowned rat, shoulders slumped, watching them with intense eyes.
Instinctively, the woman pulled her daughter close and whispered, "Do you know this kid?"
"Who?" The Monitor turned around and saw the soaked Bai Shi.
The woman gripped her daughter warily. "Let's go."
The Monitor paused. "I know him."
"Go, let's go."
The Monitor stopped and turned to her mother. "Wait a second, I want to say a few words to him."
Her mother disagreed, pulling her arm. "What is there to say? In this heavy rain..."
The Monitor pulled away. "Wait for me a moment. Don't come over; I'm just going to say a few words."
The mother didn't move, watching tensely.
The Monitor ran over with her umbrella, stopping in front of Bai Shi.
Bai Shi’s breathing was steady. He looked at her calmly. In the heavy rain, he could actually hear his own breath.
The Monitor said, "I know."
Bai Shi’s fingers twinged with pain. He quickly balled his hands into fists.
"You like him."
For a split second, Bai Shi felt a violent headache, and his breath hitched for two seconds.
The Monitor continued, "Or maybe you don't. You know, the younger you are, the harder it is to distinguish emotions. Attachment is naturally mixed into friendship; who can really say?"
She stepped forward, holding the umbrella over Bai Shi’s head. "I thought about it all day. I originally wanted to tell Pei Cangyu that, but it seems you have the same worry."
Bai Shi stepped back, moving out from under her umbrella.
The Monitor spoke again. "I think we're too young, too eager to judge whether something is 'like' or not. You don't need to be nervous. I won't tell anyone, and I won't think you're gay just because you want to spend more time with Pei Cangyu. I don't think human matters should be categorized so simply, especially when we don't understand much yet."
Bai Shi said nothing, just watched her.
The Monitor stepped forward again, once more holding the umbrella over him. "It's okay, don't worry. Whether you are or aren't is your own business. I had an uncle who had this kind of trouble before, but he didn't have any support back then. I don't know where he is now. That's why I'm sensitive to these things. It's not that I think anyone belongs to a certain 'category'; I just think we should all be a bit more patient. You don't need to rush to judge yourself. Just live your life, and one day you'll understand." She smiled. "That's what my mom taught me."
The Monitor took Bai Shi’s hand. "Take the umbrella. Go home. The weather report says it won't rain tomorrow."
With that, she turned and ran back into her mother's arms. She turned to wave at Bai Shi, and the two of them entered the complex together.
Bai Shi stood there for a while before slowly turning around.
The mother brushed the bangs away from her daughter's forehead and put an arm around her shoulder. "You should turn down boys who pursue you properly; don't let their feelings go to waste."
The Monitor wanted to say she had guessed wrong, but she had promised to keep the secret, so she just smiled. "Mhm!"
***
