Bai Shi’s eyes were glistening with moisture, and Pei Cangyu could clearly see his own reflection within them. Suddenly, Bai Shi reached out and grabbed Pei Cangyu’s collar. The movement sent Pei Cangyu’s heart into a frantic gallop, his mind involuntarily flashing back to the time Bai Shi had bitten him.
Reacting instinctively, he pushed Bai Shi away and leaped up. Standing on the floor, he kicked the bed frame and laughed. "Ha! Trying to bite me again? Not a chance." He paced around the room with his hands behind his back, looking quite smug.
Bai Shi sat up, head bowed, and remained silent for a while.
The room was small, about twenty square meters. It contained only a bed and a radio—the source of the music from moments ago. Curiously, the radio sat directly on the floor; there wasn't even a table. When Pei Cangyu had been lying down, he’d noticed the bed was exceptionally hard, as if it were just a wooden board covered by a few thin layers of cloth. Even the bedposts were wrapped in thick sponge padding.
As Pei Cangyu circled the room, he noticed many strange things drawn on the grey walls. He leaned in close to inspect them and realized they weren't "drawn" at all—they were carved. He reached out to touch them, murmuring to himself, "What did they use to scratch these? They’re so deep..."
"Fingernails," Bai Shi said, sitting up and watching him.
Pei Cangyu’s hand recoiled from the wall. He frowned and turned to Bai Shi. "Are you serious?"
Bai Shi nodded, stood up, and walked over to him. "Sharp objects aren't allowed in the rooms."
Pei Cangyu stared at the wall, his expression shifting to one of profound pity as he looked closer at what had been depicted. To his surprise, there were few drawings; instead, the wall was covered mostly in text. Phrases like "It hurts too much" and "Love him" were scattered about, interspersed with small, erotic sketches of men piled together in various positions. Pei Cangyu cleared his throat and looked away. In the most prominent spot, he saw a sentence: *Let me be a whore; I don't need saving.* Beside it was another: *I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness, I want sin.*
The handwriting was so frantic that one could tell at a glance the writer had been in agony; the words practically screamed off the wall.
Pei Cangyu looked at the wall full of text. If one didn't look closely, these carved words remained hidden against the grey surface. "Who wrote this?"
Bai Shi stood beside him. "Huxley."
"Who?"
Bai Shi took a moment to process the question. "Oh, you mean who wrote it? The person who lived here before me."
"It wasn't you?"
Bai Shi let out a contemptuous laugh. "How could it be?"
Pei Cangyu fell silent. He turned to Bai Shi and looked at him earnestly. After a moment, he reached out and placed a hand on Bai Shi’s shoulder. "Bai Shi..."
"Yeah?"
Only then did Pei Cangyu realize he had to tilt his head back to look Bai Shi in the eye—and not just a little; he had to actually look up.
"What is it?" Bai Shi asked again.
Pei Cangyu forgot his original question and asked instead, "...Did you get taller?"
Bai Shi reached out and leveled his hand from the top of Pei Cangyu’s head to his own chest. He smiled slightly. "I did."
Pei Cangyu noticed that Bai Shi’s current smile finally had a brightness appropriate for his age. Though he didn't know what had happened, Bai Shi seemed to have resolved some internal knot. Pei Cangyu decided to continue what he’d been about to say.
"After all, you did ask me what I thought about gay people. Looking back, I really should have seen it sooner."
Bai Shi was utterly confused. "Seen what?"
Pei Cangyu patted his shoulder solemnly. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. Sigh, it’s my fault too. I shouldn't have forced you to hang out with Piggy and the others. You must have felt so out of place."
"..."
"But don't you worry. Even though I’ve never met a gay person before, I won't discriminate against you," Pei Cangyu said with total gravity.
Bai Shi stared at him with a look of utter helplessness. "I’m in here because..."
Pei Cangyu blinked, waiting for him to continue.
Bai Shi thought for a moment, then turned away. "Never mind."
Just then, a red light suddenly flashed by the door, accompanied by a low-pitched alarm. Pei Cangyu jumped, but Bai Shi walked over and pressed a series of buttons by the door. The red light turned green, and the alarm stopped.
Pei Cangyu followed him. "What’s that?"
"This," Bai Shi turned to look at him, "is why I needed you to come."
Bai Shi glanced outside the door to ensure nothing was amiss before turning back.
"I’ve been in here for a few days. This device is to confirm that someone is in the room. Like you just saw, an alarm goes off at intervals. The way to turn it off is to count how many times the red light flashes, then press this button by the door that many times. Then the alarm stops." Bai Shi shrugged. "It’s not hard. The purpose of the device isn't just that; it’s more for the deterrent effect. The frequency is irregular, and there are no rest periods. That is to say, it goes off all night, potentially at any time. So..."
Pei Cangyu suddenly interrupted, "Then... have you not slept since you got here?"
Interrupted, Bai Shi paused for a second. "No." He then continued, "But let’s not talk about that for now. Pei Cangyu, you can see for yourself that I won't be getting out of here anytime soon, and I don't think my parents have any reason to want me out. So I have to find a way myself. I need to go out for a while, but this device is a problem. That’s why I asked you here. I need you to press this for me while I’m gone."
Pei Cangyu was stunned. "Me?"
Bai Shi nodded. "The situation is a bit better now; there are no cameras. There used to be one, but I took it down using the sharp corner of the lens... Anyway, to avoid that risk, there are no other obstacles now, only this device. I don't know what other tricks they might have later, so now is the best time to act."
He placed his hands on the stunned Pei Cangyu’s shoulders, leaning down to look him in the eye. "Do you understand, Pei Cangyu?"
Pei Cangyu repeated stiffly, "In other words, you want me to wait here until you finish your business?"
Bai Shi nodded. He pursed his lips and added, "Don't worry. I swear I’ll be back quickly. I would never leave you here alone."
Pei Cangyu was a bit dazed.
Looking at the frozen Pei Cangyu, Bai Shi suddenly felt a sense of futility. He released his grip and shook his head. "Forget it."
"Eh?"
Bai Shi lowered his head and turned away. "It has nothing to do with you anyway. Being called here so late..."
"Okay." Pei Cangyu reached out and grabbed his arm. "I’ll wait for you here. Just be quick."
Pei Cangyu didn't quite know why he had suddenly agreed. To be honest, he was still in a fog regarding what was actually happening; he only knew that Bai Shi was in a bind, and as a friend, helping out was the natural thing to do.
Despite it being his own proposal, Bai Shi was somewhat surprised by the agreement. "Are you sure? It’s dangerous."
"I’m sure." Pei Cangyu nodded with sudden fervor, then asked, "How dangerous are we talking?"
"In short, do not talk to anyone."
"What do you mean? Through the door?" Pei Cangyu stared at the door.
"Just whatever you do, don't talk to anyone. No matter who knocks, ignore them. I’m leaving through the window, and I’ll come back through the window."
Hearing this made Pei Cangyu even more nervous. He gripped Bai Shi’s arm tighter. "What the hell, man? You’re making this sound more and more mysterious. What is this place, exactly?"
"A mental asylum," Bai Shi answered again.
"Huh? No, I mean," Pei Cangyu waved his hands, trying to clarify the concept, "those places that 'correct' sexual orientation aren't called mental asylums. Mental asylums are for people with mental illnesses!"
Bai Shi pulled his hand out of Pei Cangyu’s grip and pressed both hands onto Pei Cangyu’s shoulders. His voice was low, raspy, and stern as he reiterated, "This *is* a mental asylum. Everyone outside is mentally ill. So, if you want to leave, leave now. Otherwise, I’m going to handle my business, and I won't be back for a while."
Pei Cangyu gritted his teeth, brushed Bai Shi’s hands away, and turned his face. "You talk too much. Just go already."
Bai Shi asked him one more time, "Are you sure?"
Pei Cangyu frowned and gave him a shove. "Are you going to keep nagging?"
Bai Shi gave him a look, then turned and pulled open the window. He stepped one leg over, then looked back at Pei Cangyu. Pei Cangyu deliberately avoided his gaze, staring at the door and biting his lip.
Bai Shi said, "I’ll be back soon."
With that, he stepped out with his other leg and vanished through the window.
Only then did Pei Cangyu give a muffled response. "Mm."
Then he suddenly remembered the dog downstairs. He didn't know if it would bite Bai Shi, so he rushed to the window to look. He caught sight of Bai Shi’s agile silhouette practically leaping down from the third floor, rolling as he hit the ground, and sprinting away. The sheer efficiency of his movements left Pei Cangyu speechless.
"He grew up so fast..." Pei Cangyu rolled up his own sleeve to look, then flexed his arm to try and squeeze out a bicep. Seeing only a thin layer of muscle, he lowered his arm dejectedly.
Pei Cangyu sat on the bed with nothing to do. After a while, he lay down, cushioning his head with his arms and staring at the ceiling. When he remained perfectly still, he could smell Bai Shi’s scent.
He turned his head; the scent was even more pronounced on the pillow.
Pei Cangyu kept his eyes open, unmoving. His nostrils were filled with Bai Shi’s scent—that faint cologne. Unlike his mature older brother, this was a scent that hadn't yet fully bloomed, lacking that aggressive edge. It was mixed with a hint of the chill brought in from the window, like a breeze after a rain shower enveloping him. When he closed his eyes, he remembered Bai Shi’s melancholy, dark gaze. It caused a sudden ache in his abdomen, making him curl his legs up. He opened his eyes, realizing that one day—perhaps soon—Bai Shi would grow into someone like Bai Jiang: tall, mature, full of confidence, with eyes that seemed to smile without smiling and a mouth often curved in a smirk. Would that version of Bai Shi still be the Bai Shi he knew?
Pei Cangyu lay there quietly. He didn't know how long he’d been lying there, his mind entirely occupied by Bai Shi. When he closed his eyes again, he even thought he heard Bai Shi whispering his name in his ear. Only then did he recall that even Bai Shi’s voice seemed to have changed; it had become deeper, raspier, as if laced with sand. When he spoke up close, the sound vibrated in his ear like something tapping on his nerves... He tucked his neck in, almost feeling a phantom itch...
Pei Cangyu snapped his eyes open and bolted upright. He slapped his own face with both hands. "Right! Stay sharp!" He stood up and started doing squats. "One, two, three, four..."
At the same time, he urged himself not to fantasize because of a pillow or daydream because of a scent. Thinking of this, he realized the sentence he’d just constructed reminded him of the classic line "Not swayed by external gain, not saddened by personal loss." He decided to start reciting the *Memorial to Yueyang Tower*.
"What was the first line again..." Pei Cangyu stopped, trying to remember.
There were two knocks on the door.
The sudden sound in the silence made Pei Cangyu jump. He cautiously approached the door and, using the small viewing slot, slid back the cover to look out.
He saw nothing.
He closed the cover, and the knocking started again.
Pei Cangyu squinted through the slot once more. He looked up, looked down, shifted his body to look left and right. There was nothing. But when he looked straight ahead again, he came face-to-face with a bloodshot eyeball.
Terrified, Pei Cangyu stumbled back several steps. The sliding cover fell shut with a sharp *clack*.
Immediately, a burst of laughter erupted from outside the door. "I saw you! I saw you!"
the voice was hoarse and dry, like someone scratching a blackboard with their fingernails. Pei Cangyu broke out in goosebumps. He moved toward the door, intending to properly close the loose cover.
The voice outside spoke again. "You... you aren't him..."
Pei Cangyu froze, his hand stopping mid-air.
"I can see inside through this." The voice drifted around outside. "Come, let me see you."
Pei Cangyu didn't move.
"Let me see you—!!" the voice shrieked. "Or I’ll tell the Auntie! Auntie will come in and catch you, pull out all your fingernails, and then make you shuck corn! Hahahaha..."
Pei Cangyu shuddered. But he figured just looking wouldn't count as opening the door. So he cautiously crept back to the door, swallowed hard, and looked out.
He met that eyeball again. It turned out the eyeball belonged to a single-lidded eye with dark circles. The eye blinked tiredly; the dry frequency of the blink made one imagine the sound of a parched, stinging friction.
The eye moved away. This time it was a tongue. The tongue licked the glass from the outside, the coating leaving a trail of slime. Startled, Pei Cangyu turned his face away to retreat.
"Don't move."
He didn't know how the person outside knew, but they knew. They told Pei Cangyu not to move.
Pei Cangyu ignored him and slowly backed away. He was now certain the person outside was not sane. Besides, "Auntie" might not even listen to him. They were all lunatics; why believe one of them?
The person’s voice turned serious. He slapped the door. "Come here. Come over."
Pei Cangyu didn't move.
The person shook the door, scratching at the lock with his fingernails. "I’m going to open the door now. Come over here."
Pei Cangyu ignored him. If he had a key, wouldn't he have opened it already instead of talking all this nonsense? He felt more and more that this creep was purely bluffing. Speaking of which, the management here was terrible—they didn't even lock them up? Lunatics were just running around...
The person blew air toward the lock. "Whoosh—whoosh—see? It’s about to be blown open."
Pei Cangyu rolled his eyes and sat on the bed, acting as if the person outside didn't exist.
The person laughed a few times, tapped the door, and lowered his voice. "I’ll say it one last time. Come let me see you, or I’m coming in."
Pei Cangyu couldn't be bothered with him. He picked up the radio, trying to find a song to listen to.
But then, he suddenly heard the jingle of a keychain at the door.
Pei Cangyu gasped and stood up. He thought, *No way, he’s bluffing?*
But the keys jingled a few times, and quickly, only one remained pressed against the lock. It was slowly inserted. Pei Cangyu heard the lock cylinder turn with his own ears...
He lunged forward, intending to block the door, but the person outside was incredibly strong. He pushed against the door with immense force. Pei Cangyu braced himself against it but was pushed back, his feet leaving white scuff marks on the floor. Finally, his strength gave out, and he tumbled to the ground.
The person outside slipped in and quickly shut the door. Only then did Pei Cangyu see that he was wearing a nursing uniform, with a staff ID badge pinned to his chest.
This man, ID number "137," had West Asian features. He was short and stocky with thick body hair and a square face, but his teeth were small and closely set. When he smiled as he was doing now, he looked like a shark. His hair was combed meticulously, reflecting the moonlight like a helmet. This made his narrow eyes particularly prominent; they slanted upward as if pulled, but his pupils were tiny. They darted around the room with an eerie flexibility before landing on Pei Cangyu.
He crouched down and licked his lips. "That lunatic isn't here?"
Pei Cangyu backed away. This man was very strong; he leaned toward him with one arm braced on the floor, his trapezius muscles bulging visibly even from the front. Beneath one rolled-up sleeve was a blue tattoo: a tiger and a string of numbers. It meant the man had served in the military.
"Who are you?"
Pei Cangyu didn't answer.
"Not answering my questions makes you a bad boy." The man leaned closer. "How old are you?"
Pei Cangyu stood up and retreated, watching him warily.
The man licked his lips. "Forget it. Either way is fine."
As he spoke, he unbuckled his belt. The leather buckle made a sharp *click-clack* sound that sounded like a curse to Pei Cangyu’s ears. He involuntarily backed away until he hit the wall, with nowhere left to go.
The man stepped out of his trousers. His legs were covered in thick black hair. He sat on the floor, touching himself, then looked up at Pei Cangyu. "May I touch myself, Officer?"
Pei Cangyu: "Huh???"
The man licked his lips and lay flat on the floor. "Please say it quickly..."
Pei Cangyu was even more terrified now; he was starting to shake.
"Hey."
It was Bai Shi’s voice!
Pei Cangyu turned his head. Bai Shi was climbing back through the window. He stepped onto the floor and reached a hand toward Pei Cangyu. Pei Cangyu ran to him, hugging the wall. Bai Shi reflexively pulled him close, then continued to the man on the floor, "Get out."
The man looked up, his hips twitching. "But it’s already like this..."
Bai Shi looked at him with cold impatience. "I told you to get out."
Being ordered like that made the man visibly excited. His eyes sparkled, and he quickly followed the "command." He looked at Bai Shi as if he were about to drool, seemingly wanting to lick the floor by his feet. He answered repeatedly, pulled on his trousers, wiped the floor clean, and then slowly closed the door behind him.
Pei Cangyu looked on in shock. "What was that?"
"An M."
"A what?"
Bai Shi shook his head. "It’s not important."
Bai Shi pointed toward the door. "We have to go."
The sound of approaching vehicles came from outside.
Pei Cangyu’s heart felt a sudden sense of relief.
Bai Shi steadied him and looked at him. "A car will be here in a moment to take you back."
Pei Cangyu nodded. He let out a breath, smiled, and sat on the bed, relaxed.
The vehicles stopped at the main gate. The lights of the Lizhi Institute flared to life, followed by the sound of dogs barking and whistles blowing. People went to the gate to greet the arrivals, and suddenly the place was as bright as day.
Bai Shi walked over to Pei Cangyu and knelt on one knee before him. He placed his hands on Pei Cangyu’s knees and looked up at him.
"Pei Cangyu."
Pei Cangyu’s eyes were bright. After all this chaos, it was finally over. He smiled at the serious Bai Shi. "Yeah?"
"...It’s nothing."
***
**Glossary**
Chinese | English | Notes/Explanation
--- | --- | ---
丽治所 | Lizhi Institute | A facility for "correcting" behavior/orientation, revealed to be a mental asylum.
赫胥黎 | Huxley | Refers to Aldous Huxley; the quote is from *Brave New World*.
Ｍ | M | Short for Masochist in the context of BDSM.
阿姨 | Auntie | A term used for female staff or matrons in such facilities.
西亚人 | West Asian | Referring to Middle Eastern or West Asian physical features.
