Bai Shi’s hands were trembling. He hadn’t even realized it himself, but he had already reached out and seized Pei Cangyu’s collar. As for what to do next, Bai Shi hadn’t the slightest clue. He felt as though he might bite Pei Cangyu—bite right through his eyelashes—and then Pei Cangyu would...
Before he could finish the thought, Pei Cangyu pushed him back, leaped off the bed, and landed on the floor. With a triumphant grin, Pei Cangyu kicked the bedframe. The bed jolted, and Bai Shi was left clutching nothing but thin air.
Bai Shi clenched his empty hand, then sat up with his head hanging low, perched dazed on the edge of the bed.
His head felt light and dizzy. Even after they left the room to carry out the rest of his plan, and even though he followed Pei Cangyu the entire time, he was plagued by a sense of vertigo, as if the person speaking wasn't truly himself. He was incredibly nervous.
At the same time, he realized something: when Pei Cangyu refused him, Bai Shi had no way to make him stay. For instance, if Pei Cangyu said he didn't want to get involved, Bai Shi had no means of stopping him. He wasn't like Apple and that lot; they could make demands of Pei Cangyu as if it were the most natural thing in the world, brimming with a confidence that they would never be rejected. Consequently, the moment Pei Cangyu showed even a hint of hesitation, Bai Shi would quickly take a step back and suggest dropping the matter first, just so he wouldn't have to face a direct rejection from Pei Cangyu himself.
But strangely enough, Pei Cangyu never rejected Bai Shi.
As he climbed out the window, it suddenly occurred to Bai Shi that since he had started staying by Pei Cangyu’s side, he had perhaps been more willful than everyone else combined.
But what did it matter? Bai Shi had already achieved a psychological leap; he felt he had ascended to a level of philosophical enlightenment. Yet, the moment he laid eyes on the "Big Boss" he used to worship, he still turned into a total coward. His mind was a chaotic mess of thoughts, exactly like someone in love.
...In love?
He walked through the biting wind toward the main road. The cold air rushed in, plastering his hospital gown against his body. This finally cleared his head a little.
Leaving the Lizhi Institute and walking straight through the parking lot led to a field. Corn was grown here; in the summer, the tall stalks swayed in the breeze, standing taller than a man, walling off the Lizhi Institute like a discarded island. Back then, the shifting shadows of the cornstalks under the moonlight would flicker and double, creating a terrifying sight. After the autumn harvest, the stalks were halved, leaving only short, stiff stubble with sharp, jagged ends. It looked like a field of knives surrounding the institute.
Bai Shi stepped over the hard stubble and headed for the road. A motorcycle was parked there, its lights flashing intermittently, illuminating Bai Shi. A figure standing in front of the light jumped up and waved. Bai Shi gave a listless response.
Lu Mingbanban opened a thermos and poured a cup of hot water. "Are you cold? Have some water first."
Bai Shi pushed it away. "Did you make contact?"
Lu Mingbanban nodded and tried to hand him the water again.
"I’m not drinking. Let’s go." Bai Shi walked toward the motorcycle. "Whose is this?"
Lu Mingbanban picked up two helmets, handed one to Bai Shi, and put the other on. "I don't know. I stole it."
Bai Shi took it. "Oh."
They sped off like a bolt of lightning. Lu Mingbanban drove like a madman, scraping the ground as he leaned into a turn. His knee clipped the pavement, and the handlebars wobbled, nearly sending them over. After finally righting the bike, he turned his head and shouted to Bai Shi, "Sorry!"
Bai Shi was still thinking about Pei Cangyu. It took him a moment to react to the shout, and he simply let go of the rear rack to wave dismissively.
Lu Mingbanban brought him to a print shop that stayed open into the early hours of the morning. It was one of the few places that still operated a fax machine business, a service nearly extinct in the market. After Bai Shi had given his instructions over the phone, Lu Mingbanban had spent days searching for such a shop. The place usually closed early, and the owner had only begrudgingly waited until now because Lu Mingbanban promised extra pay.
The owner was a portly middle-aged man wearing glasses as thick as beer-bottle bottoms. He was currently flipping through this month’s new gravure idol magazine, yawning repeatedly. He looked at the two of them with annoyance as they rushed in, jerked his chin toward the equipment they needed, and lowered his head again. A moment later, he looked up at the two tall boys. Thinking they were both quite good-looking, he curled his lip and muttered, "Queers."
The boys who had just been called queers found the fax machine in the corner.
Lu Mingbanban wiped his sweat and took the helmet from Bai Shi, looking nervous. "Is this okay?"
Bai Shi tried to turn the machine on. Seeing the lights flicker to life, he nodded.
Lu Mingbanban breathed a sigh of relief. "What next?"
Bai Shi pulled his phone from his pocket, walked over to the computer, and began transferring files. Finally, he entered a string of numbers. The fax machine lit up and began to whir.
Lu Mingbanban followed him back and forth. Seeing that Bai Shi seemed to be finished, he finally asked, "What did you fax?"
Bai Shi turned to look at him. "Photos."
"What kind of photos?"
Bai Shi handed him the phone.
Lu Mingbanban took it and scrolled through. The images included the internal layout of the Lizhi Institute, several shots of Bai Shi’s bruised face, and a few photos of people writhing and screaming on the floor in apparent agony.
"This... is that place you talked about?" Lu Mingbanban handed the phone back. Bai Shi nodded.
"Then who did you send them to?"
Bai Shi watched the progress bar on the screen crawl toward the end. "A journalist I met before." He glanced at the owner, who was nodding off.
"Out of all those journalists, this one needs a scoop the most."
Lu Mingbanban looked puzzled.
"He’s a freelancer, doesn't even have an agency. When he handed me his business card that day, I remember looking at him. There was hot dog mustard on his collar." Bai Shi narrowed his eyes. "He’s poor. Desperate."
"If you send them to him, what will he do?"
"Two possibilities. A freelancer like him uses a fax for contact info. If he wants to submit this to a major newspaper, he’ll definitely come looking for me in the next few days. Second, he’ll take the photos to my parents and threaten them to squeeze out some money." Bai Shi saw the transmission was complete and shut down the machine. He went to the computer and wiped the C-drive. "The second possibility is more likely."
Lu Mingbanban followed him. "Why?"
"Rats don't do the work of hyenas." Bai Shi stood up and walked out, with Lu Mingbanban trailing behind.
"What’s next? I know a place where you can stay for the night, and then tomorrow..."
"I’m going back." Bai Shi put on his helmet.
Lu Mingbanban was shocked. "Back... to the mental hospital?"
Bai Shi patted the seat, signaling for Lu Mingbanban to get on, but the other boy stood still. "Didn't you just work so hard to get out? And you’ve only met that journalist once. What if he’s asleep right now? You’d have to wait until tomorrow. What if something happens in the meantime?"
Bai Shi sat in the front seat himself, gripping the handlebars. He felt he could drive it. "Even if he’s asleep, the machine will stay on. When a rat is hungry, it won't stray far from where the cheese is kept." Bai Shi patted the back of the seat. "I’ll drive you."
Lu Mingbanban was still worried. "If..."
Bai Shi took off his helmet. A few stray hairs fell over his face, and he brushed them back. He looked at Lu Mingbanban. "You worry too much about every little thing."
Lu Mingbanban fell silent. He thought for a moment and nodded. "A little bit."
Bai Shi gestured for him to sit in the back. "I’ll drive. But I’ve never done this before."
Lu Mingbanban swung his leg over and sat down. "It’s fine." He paused. "What if he takes the money and does nothing?"
Bai Shi sighed, but patiently explained, "My parents will come to get me. After all, if there’s one set of photos, there will be copies."
Lu Mingbanban dazedlly wrapped his arms around Bai Shi. Bai Shi turned his head and said in a flat tone, "Don't touch me."
"Oh." Lu Mingbanban dropped his hands and looked around the motorcycle. "Where did you hold on when we were coming here?"
All along the way, Lu Mingbanban kept his head tilted back, looking at the stars. His cold, loveless home was far less warm than the world beneath this celestial dome. Tonight’s moon was bright and round—a perfect night for reunions, a perfect night for lonely souls to comfort one another. The stars blanketed the sky; tomorrow would be a beautiful day.
Lu Mingbanban took off his helmet and tossed it aside. He felt as if he were a fugitive on the run. He shifted his gaze from the sky to Bai Shi, watching the arched back and the loose hospital gown fluttering in the wind. He leaned forward slightly, and Bai Shi’s gown flapped against his face like butterfly wings, making Lu Mingbanban chuckle.
He rested a hand on Bai Shi’s shoulder and shouted, "Hey, let’s just run away!"
Bai Shi ignored him. It was two in the morning, and everyone was getting sentimental. They should all go write damn poetry. He didn't have time for that; someone was waiting for him back at the hospital. Run away? Like hell.
Bai Shi unbuckled his helmet with one hand, pulled it off, and threw it far away. The bike wobbled. In a panic, Lu Mingbanban grabbed Bai Shi’s clothes and instinctively hugged his waist, then immediately let go, fumbling to grab the rear rack. He apologized nervously, "Sorry... I didn't mean to..."
"Just hold on." Bai Shi turned his head slightly. "Forget about running away. I have somewhere I need to be."
He raced toward his destination. Tonight or tomorrow morning, this whole ordeal would be over. But before that, he wanted to watch it end alongside Pei Cangyu. And he wanted to tell Pei Cangyu every single one of the complicated thoughts he’d been having lately. He had a feeling Pei Cangyu would understand. Even if he didn't, Pei Cangyu would listen to the end and give Bai Shi the response he craved—even if Bai Shi himself didn't know what that response was.
His heart was racing. He navigated the familiar path across the field ridges, through the empty lots, under the wire fences, around the overhead lights, and up the floors until he reached his Pei Cangyu.
He saw the pervert being a pervert.
Told him to get lost.
He got lost.
Now, it was his turn.
Bai Shi was going to speak.
Pei Cangyu’s eyes were bright as he looked at him, filled with the relief of a burden lifted. Only then did Bai Shi notice the dark circles under Pei Cangyu’s eyes. He realized Pei Cangyu hadn't been sleeping well; he had been anxious this whole time but hadn't said a word.
And so, Bai Shi couldn't bring himself to speak.
If he said it, it would only trouble Pei Cangyu. Besides, when he looked at Pei Cangyu and opened his mouth, he honestly didn't know what would come out.
Looking at Pei Cangyu gave him that sense of vertigo.
Eventually, they boarded different vehicles and departed quietly into the night, just as Bai Shi had arrived quietly one night. The entire Lizhi Institute remained asleep. In the back of the car, Pei Cangyu fought back his drowsiness and waved at Bai Shi with a cheerful smile.
Bai Shi watched him fade into the distance.
