The results for this week’s exams were released.
Pei Cangyu ranked dead last in the class; Bai Shi ranked tenth from the bottom.
The teacher was more shocked than the two of them combined. The English teacher, in particular, was utterly distressed. She even pulled Bai Shi aside for a private talk, asking if something bad had happened recently. She noted that it was highly unusual for two deskmates to have their grades plummet in tandem and asked if he needed a seat change.
Bai Shi was taken aback. "It has nothing to do with my deskmate."
"Then," the English teacher hesitated, "did you get a girlfriend?"
Bai Shi paused for a moment, then shook his head.
A girlfriend... she didn't really count as one.
As for why his grades had hit rock bottom, Bai Shi didn't quite know himself.
When he returned to the classroom, Pei Cangyu was crumpling his exam paper into a ball and shoving it aside. His head was buried in his arms, looking as though he wanted to transcend this mortal coil and vanish on the spot, unwilling to acknowledge anyone.
It was too obvious. The last time someone had tried to talk to him, Pei Cangyu had looked completely disinterested, his complexion sallow, his face written over with exhaustion. Lately, few people approached him. There were whispers, and people went to ask Feiji and Piggy, but even they didn't know what was wrong.
Neither did Bai Shi.
If Pei Cangyu didn't take the initiative to speak to him, Bai Shi didn't know how to start a conversation. He felt their relationship was in a state of rapid regression, back to the point of being strangers.
It was almost panic-inducing.
Seeing Bai Shi return, Pei Cangyu actually sat up. His eyelids were puffy, and there was a patch of red swelling on his wrist. He tugged at his sleeve to cover it and kicked Bai Shi’s stool.
Bai Shi turned to look at him.
Pei Cangyu slanted his eyes at him. "Hey. That psychiatrist from last time—where is she?"
Somewhat excited that Pei Cangyu was finally speaking to him, Bai Shi turned his body halfway around. "What’s wrong? You’re looking for her? I’ll take you."
Pei Cangyu gave Bai Shi’s stool another heavy kick, replying impatiently, "Where is she?"
Seeing that he was in a foul mood, Bai Shi rummaged through his bag and handed him a business card.
Pei Cangyu took it and flipped it over to look. Bai Shi leaned in as he usually did, intending to point out the location of the address. The moment he got close, Pei Cangyu turned and shoved him away. Caught off balance, Bai Shi fell directly onto the floor.
The teacher stopped mid-lecture.
"What’s going on over there?"
The teacher set down the chalk and looked at Bai Shi.
Bai Shi stood up, righted his chair, and looked up at the teacher. "It’s nothing."
As he moved to sit back down, Pei Cangyu kicked the chair over again. Acting as if there were no one else in the room, he looked at Bai Shi with a reckless, mocking air. "Dumbass, you call this 'nothing'? What are you hiding?"
The teacher walked down from the podium, glaring sternly at Pei Cangyu. "Pei Cangyu, what is wrong with you now?"
Pei Cangyu didn't even look at the teacher. He stared at Bai Shi with a face full of provocation, an expression that made one wonder if he was hoping for a fight.
But Bai Shi only watched him, feeling that Pei Cangyu’s expression was exactly the same as it had been by the swings that day. If there was any change, it was that he seemed even more desperate—less like he wanted to hit someone and more like he wanted to be beaten, or perhaps subjected to some deeper harm. Because it was Pei Cangyu, Bai Shi could tell at a glance; Pei Cangyu was incapable of hiding even his smallest emotions, let alone such obvious suffering.
The teacher grew angry and repeated, "Pei Cangyu..."
Before she could finish, Pei Cangyu stood up, kicked his own stool aside, and slammed his shoulder hard into Bai Shi’s. The impact made Bai Shi stagger. Pei Cangyu brushed past him and walked straight out the door, heading who knows where.
The teacher was so livid she began to stammer, chasing after him. "Pei Cangyu! Call your parents!"
There was no response.
Bai Shi righted his own chair, then righted Pei Cangyu’s, and sat down.
*What happened?*
He carried this question all the way to Ms. Shang’s office. Ms. Shang was currently brewing tea, her wooden tea tray laid out. She was repeatedly pouring tea over the wood, incense burning nearby, looking perfectly at ease.
When he entered, Ms. Shang tilted her chin, gesturing for him to sit. "Want some tea?"
Bai Shi shook his head.
Ms. Shang lifted the teapot, pouring a thin stream of tea, a knowing smile playing on her lips. "Wait for me a moment."
Bai Shi shook his head again. "I don't want to do it anymore."
Her hand paused. She set down the teapot and looked at him with a faint smile. "What’s wrong?"
"My grades dropped."
Ms. Shang nodded. "Ah, you’re distracted."
Bai Shi looked up at her.
Ms. Shang placed a hand over her heart. "You haven't fallen for me, have you? Please don't. I hate that sort of thing."
Bai Shi shook his head. "No."
She looked at him seriously, reaching out to place her hand over his. "Are you sure? I hate carrying responsibility."
Bai Shi looked back at her just as seriously. "Does your family own a pawnshop?"
She froze for a second, withdrew her hand, and laughed again. "How did you know?"
Bai Shi took a cup from the tea rack and poured himself some tea. "You might not realize it, but I’m very smart."
Ms. Shang smiled. "So, you’ve come to break things off with me?"
Bai Shi took a sip of the tea; he didn't like the taste.
"I was thinking," Bai Shi looked at her, "why my grades would drop when I don't feel like anything is wrong."
Ms. Shang poured herself a cup as well, while simultaneously pruning a potted tree on the tea rack. "You care a lot about your grades."
"Students should care," Bai Shi replied as if it were a matter of course. "Grades reflect many things, some of which I haven't even noticed myself."
"Like what?"
"Like the question I just asked," Bai Shi said. "I’m distracted."
Ms. Shang finished pruning, picked up her teacup, and leaned back against her chair. "Why do you think you’re distracted?"
Bai Shi stared at her. "Because of you."
Ms. Shang continued drinking her tea, casting a glance his way.
Bai Shi said, "Why? You should understand."
Ms. Shang slowly finished her tea. The incense smoke curled lazily; in just that short span of time, Bai Shi was already becoming impatient.
Ms. Shang set down her cup. "Stop shaking your leg."
Bai Shi was startled to realize he was unconsciously bouncing his leg. He had never done that before.
"You see, even though you always think you’re more mature than your peers, it doesn't mean you’re ready to be an adult."
Bai Shi frowned. "What do you mean?"
Ms. Shang extended a hand. "The strange part is right here. You can accept sex both rationally and emotionally, but you aren't ready for it at all. Don't misunderstand—if we’re talking about physiological readiness, you’ve had that for a long time. That’s biological instinct and has nothing to do with human society. But this is different. Being dragged into the adult world is not an easy thing. The greater the age gap between the two parties, the harder it is; the less willing the person is, the harder it is; the harder it is to extricate oneself, the harder it is."
Bai Shi looked at her with some confusion. "Are you talking about me?"
"When someone your age says they’re 'ready,' you mean you’re ready to try the process. As for the consequences attached to that process and the other things involved, you haven't thought about them at all, so there’s no question of being ready. For someone like you, the consequences can be very serious." She picked up a towel and wiped her hands. "What I provide for you is merely the process. When you ask to stop, I stop. Generally speaking, no one notices this subtle distinction or the earth-shattering impact it might bring later. It just so happens that you have your grades to reflect it for you. Otherwise, think about the people around you—do they have this problem?"
Bai Shi thought of his three older brothers.
Bai Shi felt a bit more relaxed. He picked up the teacup again and poured himself more tea. "In that case, let’s end it."
Ms. Shang looked at him and smiled. "You really are that type."
"What type?"
"The type who can shoulder things." She squinted at him with an ambiguous smile. "Perhaps your potential is limitless."
Bai Shi didn't speak, continuing to drink his tea. From her words, he only heard the phrase "precocious."
"After experiencing that process with me," Ms. Shang leaned back and looked at him lazily, "do you know what you want now?"
Bai Shi looked up at her. As if by some strange twist of fate, Pei Cangyu’s face flashed before him. He stared at Ms. Shang, feeling that her words were pointed—that she was also talking about Pei Cangyu.
But they shouldn't have any connection...
"Oh, I just remembered." She stood up and took out a business card. "You gave that card to him. I’ll give you another one."
Bai Shi was startled. "He came to see you?"
Ms. Shang sat back down, leaning against the chair and crossing her legs. "Yes."
Bai Shi asked urgently, "What happened to him?"
Ms. Shang glanced at him. "You don't know?"
Bai Shi shook his head.
"He didn't tell me either."
Ms. Shang recalled the moment. "He was standing at the door; he must have been there for a long time. I saw him when I was heading out. He was startled and wanted to run. I asked if he was looking for me, and he handed me the card, saying he’d found it and came to return it. Then he left."
"He’s lying."
"I figured as much."
Bai Shi set down his tea. "Can you tell what’s wrong?"
"How could I?"
"Don't play dumb." Bai Shi sat up straight. "Just like how you orchestrated things with me step by step, making me feel special, constantly hinting that I was being treated unfairly, egging me on to be myself, and encouraging me to rebel against my family. Don't play dumb. I know all of it."
Ms. Shang’s smile didn't fade as she looked at him calmly.
"I didn't say anything only because it was my own choice, not because you won." Bai Shi looked at her, his tone impatient. "So don't play dumb with me. Tell me what’s wrong with him."
Ms. Shang tilted her head and sat up, picking up the teapot to pour tea for both of them. "Do you know? This is the Aoyao tea-washing method. I just learned it."
Bai Shi watched her.
"Like I said," she poured a cup, rinsed it, and tossed the water out, "there are many ways to be dragged into the adult world. Some are lured, some are coaxed, some are provoked, and some..." She looked up at him. "...are simply caught."
Bai Shi had a very bad premonition. For some reason, he suddenly broke into a cold sweat.
Ms. Shang looked at Bai Shi. "You can go observe him. See where his injuries usually are."
Bai Shi grabbed her hand, forcing her to set the teacup down. "Speak plainly."
"There is no way to speak plainly. Even the person involved can't explain it." Ms. Shang submissively set the cup down. "If you’re asking for my observation, then I believe... he’s about to drown."
***
**Glossary**
Chinese | English | Notes/Explanation
---|---|---
媪尧 | Aoyao | Likely a specific region or a proper name associated with a tea-brewing style.
坐化 | Transcend the mortal coil / Vanish | Literally a Buddhist term for a monk dying in a meditative posture; used here to describe Pei Cangyu's desire to disappear or be still.
飞机 | Feiji | "Airplane," a nickname for one of Pei Cangyu's friends.
皮狗 | Piggy | "Skinny Dog," a nickname for one of Pei Cangyu's friends.
商小姐 | Ms. Shang | The psychiatrist/counselor Bai Shi visits.
