In the outer room of the small wooden hut, Weiwei watched Daxi Qin rush out, only to turn back with a look of grim determination as if he had finally made up his mind. She was consumed by curiosity, tempted to peek through a crack in the door, but after hesitating for a long time, she didn't dare.
Inside, Zuo Canglang pressed her hand down on Daxi Qin’s. He looked at her and asked, "What is this? Is the General going back on her word?"
Zuo Canglang asked in return, "Why is the Grand Minister of Agriculture willing to risk the execution of his entire kin just for a single night of passion with me?"
Daxi Qin froze. "Does there need to be a reason?"
"I used to think a reason wasn't necessary either," Zuo Canglang said. "But then I heard someone say that once the lights are out, it makes no difference who is in your arms. I started to wonder—if that’s the case, why take such a risk?"
"Does it really make no difference?" Daxi Qin asked.
Zuo Canglang met his gaze. He reached out, gently closing her eyes with his hand, and slowly drew her into an embrace. "Is there a difference?" he whispered.
Zuo Canglang’s entire body went rigid. The embrace of another man made the hair on her neck stand on end. She slowly pushed him away. Daxi Qin said, "I don't know who told the General such a thing, but as long as a person still has a heart, how could it ever be the same regardless of who they hold?"
Zuo Canglang replied, "It is getting late. You should return, sir."
"Yes," Daxi Qin agreed. He took a few steps toward the door, then finally turned back. "Do you love him?"
Zuo Canglang asked, "What?"
"Do you still love him?" Daxi Qin repeated.
Zuo Canglang remained silent for a long time before saying, "I have simply grown used to him."
Daxi Qin nodded. As he pushed the door open to leave, he added one last remark: "I don't know why, but since you returned this time, you gave me the illusion... that I could take advantage of a moment of weakness."
***
Upon returning to Nanqing Palace, Murong Xuan was crying piteously. Zhitong was cradling him, gently rocking him to soothe him, while the wet nurses on either side tried to distract him with rattle-drums. However, nothing worked; the infant’s cries were piercingly sharp. Zuo Canglang rubbed her temples. Fearing the noise would disturb her, Zhitong was about to carry the child away when Murong Yan walked in.
Seeing the chaos in Nanqing Palace, he walked over, took a look, and gathered the child from Zhitong’s arms. Zhitong was terrified of him; the moment she handed the baby over, she retreated to Zuo Canglang’s side with her head bowed. Murong Yan didn't look at her, merely patting Murong Xuan’s small head as he held him.
Strangely enough, once Murong Xuan was in his arms, the crying subsided. Murong Yan walked over to Zuo Canglang’s side with the child and said, "He’s crying so hard; perhaps the weather has turned cold and his stomach is chilled."
A wet nurse nearby hurriedly said, "Your Majesty, the imperial physician has already seen him and administered medicine."
Murong Yan nodded and sat down beside Zuo Canglang. He extended a finger to tease the little thing in his arms. "He’s crying like this, and you won't even spare him a glance? If you’re like this, how will the child be close to you in the future?"
Zuo Canglang said, "I’ll be close to him when he’s old enough to understand. Right now, no matter how well I treat him, he won't know."
Murong Yan let out a laugh at that. "Ah-Zuo, a child grows more devoted the more you nurture them. If you don't treat him with a sincere heart, he will surely feel it. Look at Yixuan and Yirong; you raised them for so many years. Now, between Lady Wen and you, who is Yixuan closer to?"
Zuo Canglang’s expression shifted. "Did he secretly send things to his mother again? I’ll write to the military camp tomorrow and demand them back!"
Murong Yan couldn't stop laughing. In truth, Wen Yixuan was indeed not very close to Zuo Canglang. But this actually put Murong Yan at ease; he liked this kind of internal division that didn't affect the overall situation. The old Wen clan subordinates had been too united in the past; if Zuo Canglang hadn't been there to mediate among them, the Wen remnants might have been wiped out long ago.
Murong Xuan whimpered in his arms for a while before slowly falling asleep, occasionally smacking his little lips. He looked pink and adorable. Murong Yan said, "Touch him."
Zuo Canglang didn't reach out, so Murong Yan took her hand and guided it to touch that chubby little face. The skin was incredibly tender and smooth, as if it might break at a mere breath. Murong Yan said, "Hold him and coax him more when you have the time. Simply keeping him in the palace isn't enough."
Zuo Canglang took Murong Xuan from him. *He wants me to be close to Murong Xuan because he hopes that in the future, there will be another prince who can command the loyalty of the Wen clan, doesn't he?* Currently, although Jiang Sanyi had been demoted, he was still a high-ranking official of the third rank.
In the harem, one of Jiang's daughters was the Queen, and another was a favored consort who had already borne two princes. His eldest son was the Inspector of Yuzhou. In truth, Murong Yan’s suppression of him wasn't solely because he had embezzled military funds, but because he had become too powerful. Gan Xiaoru had no foundation and could never compare to him.
Thus, Murong Yan needed another faction to weaken him—just as he had once allowed the Jiang family to suppress the Wen remnants.
He wanted her to be close to Murong Xuan only because her own power had waned. He saw one side of the scales tipping, so he added a prince to her side. It sounded tender and affectionate, as if everything was for her sake. But in his heart, he called this behavior "balance."
*Is that right?*
She flicked Murong Xuan’s forehead with her finger, realizing she had involuntarily begun to interpret his every move with the utmost malice.
That light flick caused the drowsy Murong Xuan to burst into tears again. Zuo Canglang sighed and handed the child back to the wet nurse. Murong Yan waved his hand. "Fine, take him away. If he keeps crying, have the imperial physician come back to look after him."
The wet nurses answered and were about to leave when Zuo Canglang suddenly said, "Zhitong, have Keqing come over to dine with us."
Zhitong complied, but Murong Yan’s face darkened. "What are you calling her here for?"
Zuo Canglang said, "We are all sisters of the same household now. Dining together shows a sense of closeness."
Murong Yan snorted coldly. "You don't care about what you should care about, yet you look after those you shouldn't."
Zuo Canglang replied, "She is in my palace and was one of my people. There is no 'should' or 'shouldn't' about it."
Murong Yan finally said, "The servants told me about what happened with Zhitong last time. Don't think I am heartless. I am truly acting in your best interest; it’s inevitable that I must be a bit ruthless toward others. Even if Keqing becomes pregnant or gives birth to a princess, as long as she is around, the child will always belong to someone else. But if she is gone and you raise the child properly, even if they learn the truth later, they will only hate me, not you. Because in the end, you are the only one they will remember."
This was the first time he had mentioned the incident with Zhitong, and his words seemed sincere. "I don't care about anyone's love or hate, because as long as I am here, they have no choice but to endure it, regardless of their feelings." He turned her body so she had to look him in the eye. "Between two options, one must weigh the consequences and choose the lesser evil. Ruthlessness is merely to avoid endless complications in the future. Ah-Zuo, you are not some sheltered lady of the boudoir; you should understand this."
Zuo Canglang said, "But Your Majesty once shared intimacy with them. In Your Majesty's eyes, do these people have no lives of their own? Are they merely tools to be used?" *If that is truly the case, how can you expect me to believe that in your eyes, I am a person and not just another type of tool? How can you make the others around you believe they aren't just weights you've weighed on your scales?*
Murong Yan grew displeased again. "You insist on arguing with me!"
Just as Zuo Canglang was about to speak, Keqing entered. She stepped forward to salute Murong Yan. He composed his expression and said, "No need for formalities. Sit."
Keqing didn't dare sit; she stood to the side to serve them. With her there, Murong Yan naturally dropped the previous topic. He said, "Yuzhou is now stable. I have ordered Zhou Xin to station troops there. In three months, we will attack Guzhu."
Zuo Canglang said, "Grand Marshal Zhou is a brave commander. There should be no issues."
Murong Yan said, "However, the Late King is still in the hands of Guzhu, which makes things difficult. Furthermore, Guzhu and Wuzhong have always stood together; if war breaks out, Wuzhong will likely panic. Then there are Xijing and Tuhe, who are also stirring. So, while I have decided to deploy troops, I still have lingering concerns."
Zuo Canglang said, "Guzhu and Wuzhong share a border. Your Majesty’s primary concern should be Xijing. Why not form an alliance with them? Xijing can attack Guzhu while Your Majesty takes Wuzhong. Wouldn't it be better to avoid the Retired Emperor entirely?"
Murong Yan said, "That is exactly my intention. But I lack a suitable person to go and negotiate the terms."
Zuo Canglang understood. "Your Majesty means for me to go as an envoy to Xijing?"
Murong Yan said, "I know there is friction between you and the Emperor of Xijing, but their Great General, Ren Xuan, will still give you some face. I’ve thought it over, and you are the best choice. It’s just that your health is poor right now, so I can't help but worry."
If it had been before, she would have believed his worry was genuine. But now, for some reason, she treated such words as mere polite pleasantries. She knew his worry was insignificant—it was just another thing he could ignore after weighing his priorities.
Zuo Canglang said, "I understand Your Majesty's meaning. I will go to Xijing when the time comes."
Murong Yan added, "Not just as an envoy, but you must also accompany the army to ensure Xijing doesn't go back on their word and turn their blades toward Yan."
Zuo Canglang gave a soft "mm" of affirmation. "For the vanguard of this campaign, could Your Majesty appoint Wen Yixuan? He is, after all, a descendant of the Wen clan. Having some military achievements will help him establish a footing in the army."
Murong Yan paused. She was asking him to promote Wen Yixuan. Though they were dining together, it felt like a negotiation with clearly marked prices. Their respective conditions were laid bare.
Murong Yan said slowly, "Ah-Zuo, I have my reasons for not using him. I don't wish to explain those reasons to you, but I promise that as long as the Wen clan remains law-abiding, I will not touch them. Since Wen Qi’s passing, you have seen my tolerance toward the Wen family. You should believe me when I say this!"
Zuo Canglang stared into his eyes and asked anyway, "Why?" Why was he so guarded against the Wen clan? Even though she had maneuvered to get Wen Yixuan into the military, why wouldn't he give the boy a single chance to distinguish himself?
Why had he remained so wary of the Wen remnants all these years? Even when Murong Yuan no longer had any chance of reclaiming the throne, why did he still treat Yuan Xi and the others with such suspicion?
Murong Yan said, "You understand the Wen clan's loyalty to the Retired Emperor better than anyone."
Zuo Canglang suddenly found that this reason was no longer enough to convince her. But she didn't ask further; if Murong Yan didn't want to say, there would be no answer even if she asked. She stood up and said, "Yixuan has always been determined to serve his country. Moreover, if he is the vanguard general, he will know his foster mother is with the Xijing army, and the troops will be less likely to clash with them. I will be in the enemy camp, and the blood feud between Yan and Xijing is deep and irreconcilable. Your Majesty should at least give me peace of mind."
Murong Yan was silent for a long while before finally saying, "Then it shall be as you wish."
Keqing stood by, unable to interject at all. After the meal, Murong Yan left Nanqing Palace. Only then did Zuo Canglang look at her and say, "This mission to Xijing and the subsequent campaign will likely take half a year. I hope that by the time I return, you will have good news."
Keqing bit her lip. Having been bullied by Consort Xian, Jiang Biyao, these past few days, she had no choice but to endure. Perhaps after having a child, things would improve?
But would they really? She opened her mouth, finally unable to stop herself from asking, "Why do you always want me to have a child?"
Zuo Canglang didn't hide her motives. "Because once you have a child, the Third Prince will be safer."
Keqing took a step back. "You’ve been calculating against me this whole time?"
Zuo Canglang said, "If you think about it carefully, you’ll find that my sincerity toward you outweighs yours toward me a hundredfold."
Keqing suddenly felt a sense of despair. "When you promised to send me to the Emperor’s side, you didn't even have the Third Prince yet!"
Zuo Canglang said, "Correct. Because even if you rose to power, you would be no match for the Queen. I only had to wait for you to have a child and then stand by; you would surely have died. The child would have become mine anyway. But then I thought, if the child’s temperament was like yours, I might not necessarily like them."
Keqing retreated slowly. "How could His Majesty love a wicked woman like you!"
Zuo Canglang said, "If you think for even a moment, you should realize that of everyone around you, I am the most tolerant."
Keqing clenched her hands, a sudden sense of powerlessness washing over her. What was she to do? In this palace, without the Emperor's favor, there would never be a day of standing tall. She would always be bullied, and even with a child, her life would remain precarious.
It wasn't until she left that Weiwei came forward. "General, why must you use such words to frighten her? She actually..." She thought for a moment before saying, "Though she is hateful, she is also quite pitiful. Yesterday, on her way back from Consort Xian’s palace, she was so weak her maid had to support her halfway."
Zuo Canglang said, "If I don't frighten her, how will she work wholeheartedly for the Queen?"
Weiwei was shocked. "The General means she is working for the Queen? But the Queen’s favor is nothing like it used to be..."
"So what if it isn't?" Zuo Canglang said. "The Queen is still the Queen, and besides, she has two princes."
Weiwei whispered, "Is the General saying the Queen wants to harm Consort Xian?" Her voice trailed off. Zuo Canglang said, "Jiang Sanyi was too clever for his own good this time." She paused, then added, "Perhaps even he didn't realize that his daughters are no longer children."
He had sent Jiang Biyao into the palace because he saw that Jiang Bilan had lost favor. To consolidate his family's position, he had immediately swapped his chips. However, Jiang Bilan’s trust in him had already worn dangerously thin. By sending another daughter into the palace, Zuo Canglang didn't even need to do anything; the two sisters would destroy each other.
***
As Murong Yan left Nanqing Palace, he suddenly asked Wang Yunzhao, "When I mentioned the mission to Xijing just now, she seemed very calm. Instead, she only proposed an exchange of conditions."
Wang Yunzhao said, "The General has always been one to prioritize the big picture."
Murong Yan said, "Last time she was in Xijing... the Emperor of Xijing humiliated her so. I thought she would never want to return to that place."
Wang Yunzhao said, "But since Your Majesty gave the order, the General is a subject after all. How could she disobey?"
"It’s not that she doesn't dare to disobey," Murong Yan said. "It’s that she feels that regardless of her willingness, I will certainly send her. She no longer believes that I truly worry for her safety or consider her feelings. She no longer trusts me. Right?"
Wang Yunzhao smiled and said, "Your Majesty worries too much. The General is not a young girl; she must know that Your Majesty can only ensure Xijing doesn't play tricks by sending someone alert, sharp, and familiar with Xijing’s military. She is undoubtedly the most suitable candidate."
Murong Yan turned to face him. "But I never intended to send her."
Wang Yunzhao was stunned. So his words earlier had been a test for Zuo Canglang? Murong Yan continued walking. "Since that is the case, send her."
*Why couldn't you hold me and tell me you didn't want to go? Why did you have to smile like that, saying those polite, distant, and insincere words?*
*I suddenly miss the cellar in Daji City, when the city was burning and the air was filled with the sounds of slaughter. That girl, her face covered in soot, said: 'If my body can comfort my Lord’s heart, I am willing.'*
*Now, in the royal capital, the lady is dressed in robes as white as snow, but where has that girl gone?*
*Can I ever hold your hand again, whether through the smoke of war or the peace of spring and autumn? Do not look at me with that calm, soft gaze; it makes me feel as if we are thousands of miles apart, and I can no longer see through your joys or sorrows.*
***
That night, Murong Yan did not come to Nanqing Palace. Zuo Canglang didn't mind. She held Murong Xuan while Zhitong fed him his medicine. The imperial physician waited nearby and said, "The Third Prince only had a chilled stomach. The General need not worry."
Zuo Canglang gave a soft "mm." The little fellow had made a fuss for most of the day but was indeed better by evening. She said, "Are the wet nurses in my Nanqing Palace inexperienced? How could they let the Prince catch a cold like this?"
The wet nurses on both sides quickly knelt. Before they could speak, someone reported from outside: "General, Chief Manager Wang has arrived."
Zuo Canglang was surprised—Wang Yunzhao was a busy man. Why had he come in person? She said, "Show him in."
Wang Yunzhao entered the inner hall. He glanced at Murong Xuan in Zuo Canglang’s arms and said with a smile, "It’s quite lively here, General."
Zuo Canglang said, "The Manager jokes. I’ve never raised a child; I can't tell when there’s a minor ailment. If the wet nurses can't tell either, that’s a bit frightening. That’s why I called them here to question them."
Wang Yunzhao said, "If the General is uneasy, I will find a few more experienced wet nurses to come over."
Zuo Canglang didn't stand on ceremony. "Then I shall trouble the Manager. Has the Manager come at this hour for a particular matter?"
Wang Yunzhao looked left and right. Zuo Canglang understood, handed Murong Xuan to Zhitong, and dismissed everyone. Only then did Wang Yunzhao speak: "In truth, when His Majesty came to see the General today, it wasn't for the sake of the war with Xijing."
Zuo Canglang said, "Please speak plainly, Manager."
Wang Yunzhao said, "His Majesty is not unaware of the... mistreatment the General suffered in Xijing last time. If the General had proposed another suitable candidate for the mission, His Majesty would not have refused."
Zuo Canglang looked at him anew, slowly realizing his intent. She said, "I understand the Manager’s meaning."
Wang Yunzhao said, "The General is a clever person. You must truly understand some things. His Majesty actually treats the General with great favor. It’s just that he is a monarch, after all, and in many matters, he cannot help himself. Why must the General be so calculating with him?"
Zuo Canglang said, "As long as His Majesty allows Yixuan to serve as the vanguard for this battle, I can go to Xijing."
"General," Wang Yunzhao sighed.
Zuo Canglang said nothing more. She didn't feel the slightest bit of anger or sorrow at Murong Yan’s deliberate testing. She could no longer bring herself to ponder his intentions. In truth, going anywhere was better than staying in this palace.
Love is the most cruel thing in this world. When the dream begins, a single leaf can blind the eye, making everything appear magnificent. Even knowing it is but a reflection of the moon in water or a flower in a mirror, it makes one yearn day and night, heart-stricken and fearless of death. But when the dream ends and one looks at him again, one only wonders what possessed the heart to be so blinded. Even staying by his side for a single moment feels like a year, filled with nothing but loathing.
As enchanting as the dream was, the awakening is just as jarring.
Who, upon seeing a cluster of beautiful flowers and lush spring blooms, could foresee the withered grass, the yellow clouds, the falling petals, and a desolate world?
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