Jiang Xing had not expected Zuo Canglang to truly be interested in Zhao Zien. "Shall I bring him here?" he asked. He glanced at her pale complexion. "In your current state, can you even walk?"
Zuo Canglang stood up and draped a cloak over her shoulders. "I can."
Jiang Xing didn't understand why she insisted on seeing a physician in person, but he was quite fond of his young apprentice, Yang Lianting. Currently, Yang Lianting was with the Baiyu Sect, providing him with many conveniences. Since Zuo Canglang was close to Yang Lianting, Jiang Xing wanted to maintain this connection as much as possible. After all, he had done plenty of unscrupulous things in his life; there was no telling when he might fall into the hands of the authorities. If that day ever came, perhaps he could at least secure a quick death for himself.
"Then let’s go," he said.
Deyi Hall was equipped with secret rooms, so hiding a person was not difficult. Jiang Xing led Zuo Canglang to a hidden chamber. Zhao Zien stood up, thinking it was merely Jiang Xing returning, but the moment he saw who was following behind, his face turned deathly pale.
Zuo Canglang held her waist saber. Even in her weakened state, dealing with this imperial physician was well within her capabilities. She walked up to Zhao Zien, looking him up and down. After a long silence, she said, "If I remember correctly, Imperial Physician Zhao was supposed to have been beaten to death by His Majesty’s orders several months ago."
Zhao Zien’s lips trembled, but he couldn't utter a word. Zuo Canglang continued, "So, is the one standing before me now the ghost of Imperial Physician Zhao?"
Zhao Zien collapsed to his knees with a thud. "General! General, spare my life! Spare my life!"
Beside them, Jiang Xing was slightly stunned. "What? He’s hiding here because he offended you?"
Zuo Canglang replied, "I don't have that much influence. Imperial Physician Zhao, there is actually one thing I have never understood. Since you are still alive, and there are no outsiders here, I might as well ask. Has Zuo ever done anything to wrong you? Why did you conspire with the likes of Hai Yun to frame me?"
Zhao Zien kowtowed repeatedly. "The General is rarely in the palace, but I must make a living there. Life is difficult; if I did not follow the Queen’s lead, what else could I have done?"
"Was it only because of that?" Zuo Canglang asked.
Zhao Zien said, "Of course! Would this old official intentionally slander the General otherwise? I beg the General to show mercy. Consider my old age and grant me a path to live!"
He did nothing but beg for mercy, refusing to speak of anything else. Seeing this, Zuo Canglang’s expression slowly darkened. "You refused to grant my child a path to live back then, yet now you ask me for mercy? Don't you find that ridiculous?" Seeing that he still gave no reaction, she added, "Zhao Zien, Heaven has given me the chance to avenge this grievance. Today, I will not only kill you, but your wife, children, and elders will all pay the price for your actions!"
Zhao Zien’s face changed drastically. He kowtowed frantically. "General, please consider that I always served you with the utmost care in the past! Do not involve my family! Brother Jiang! Brother Jiang, save me!" He kowtowed again, so forcefully that blood stained the floor tiles.
Jiang Xing interjected, "What kind of grudge is this? That’s enough. Don't kill people in Deyi Hall; it’s a hassle."
Zuo Canglang did not turn around. She knew Jiang Xing likely wouldn't allow her to kill Zhao Zien here. She said slowly, "Hai Yun has already confessed. How much longer do you intend to lie?"
Zhao Zien’s entire body jolted. He finally raised his head slowly. "Hai... Hai Yun actually..."
Zuo Canglang felt as if the blood in her veins had turned to ice. She heard her own voice say slowly, "He has always been more sensible than you."
With tears in his eyes, Zhao Zien finally spoke. "When Hai Yun first approached me, I flatly refused. Although the General is a woman, you are a heroine who rivals any man; I have always respected you. But... but after the General returned to the palace from West Jing, His Majesty... His Majesty said that I should defer to the findings of the Head of the Imperial Physicians. I was confused at the time, and then the Queen gave the same instructions. General, please think—even if I didn't care for the head on my shoulders, how could I possibly go against His Majesty’s intent?"
Zuo Canglang recoiled slowly, feeling as if ten thousand arrows had pierced her heart.
Zhao Zien continued to ramble, "I knew that after doing such a thing, I could no longer stay in the palace. I expected they might try to silence me. But General, this was not my fault! So, I bribed the Imperial Guard to fake my death during the execution, pulling the wool over everyone's eyes to escape the palace. However, the General knows how tight the defenses of Jinyang are. I didn't dare go anywhere, so I could only hide here with my old friend until now..."
His mouth continued to open and close, but Zuo Canglang could no longer hear what he was saying. The saber in her hand fell to the ground. She reached out to support herself against the wall and slowly walked out. The spring sunlight hit her body, yet it felt bone-chillingly cold.
***
Murong Yan had just finished the morning court session when he received news from his informants in the Wen Manor that Zuo Canglang was unwell. Since she hadn't attended court that morning, Murong Yan brought an imperial physician with him to the Wen Manor.
Naturally, everyone in the Wen Manor came out to greet him, except for Zuo Canglang. Murong Yan didn't mind and led the physician inside. The physician was the newly appointed Head of the Imperial Physicians, Cheng Han, an experienced veteran. He entered Zuo Canglang’s room, bowed slightly, and without a word, stepped forward to take her pulse.
Murong Yan sat opposite her and asked, "What happened? Why are you suddenly unwell this morning?"
Zuo Canglang said nothing. Physician Cheng checked her pulse repeatedly, his expression gradually becoming strange. Murong Yan asked, "What is it?"
Cheng Han frowned and said, "The General... has been poisoned by an overdose of saffron. However, she has already taken medicine, so there is no immediate danger. It’s just... it’s just..."
Murong Yan’s expression changed instantly. Wang Yunzhao coughed repeatedly. Cheng Han realized he had misspoken, but he didn't know how to fix it. Murong Yan asked in a low voice, "Just what?"
Cheng Han looked troubled. "It’s just that General Zuo is currently weak and cannot withstand such potent medicinal properties. In the future... regarding offspring, I’m afraid it will be impossible."
Murong Yan froze.
Zuo Canglang looked up and said, "Could Physician Cheng please step out for a moment? I have something I wish to report to His Majesty privately."
Cheng Han glanced at Murong Yan. Knowing the nature of their relationship, he quickly packed his medical kit and left. Wang Yunzhao also led the servants away, closing the door behind them. Only Murong Yan and Zuo Canglang remained in the room.
Zuo Canglang said, "Today, I saw Zhao Zien."
Murong Yan’s eyes darkened. "Zhao Zien is still alive? Since you saw him, why didn't you have him arrested?"
Zuo Canglang replied, "Because he told me a few things in exchange for his life."
Murong Yan fell silent. After a long while, he asked, "Is it necessary to bring these things out into the open?"
Zuo Canglang met his gaze, looking at him closely for the first time. "It’s not that I didn't know such a possibility existed, but I never imagined—I never imagined it was you who instructed them to do it! Because I didn't dare to think it."
Murong Yan said, "You are in a bad mood today. We will speak another time."
Zuo Canglang blocked his path. "I discovered I was pregnant after I was captured by Ren Xuan. When I realized he existed, I thought that no matter what, as long as I had a single breath left, I would protect him. I would protect our flesh and blood."
Murong Yan turned his face away. "Say no more."
Zuo Canglang continued, "At that time, I stood before the Emperor of West Jing with barely any clothes on, surrounded by West Jing people watching the execution by a thousand cuts. He carved three wounds into me. At that moment, I was constantly relieved—relieved that those three cuts were elsewhere and wouldn't hurt him. As long as he was there, I could endure every shame in this world."
Tears welled in her eyes. She took a deep breath. "If you never intended to let him live from the start, then I want to know—before the stream in Panlong Valley, how could Your Majesty make such tender and firm promises? I truly didn't dare to think that while you were carrying me down the mountain, so resolutely promising me a future and giving me hope, you were actually calculating how to kill him."
Murong Yan snapped, "Enough!"
Zuo Canglang shook her head. "From the moment I met you fourteen years ago, you led me forward step by step. Finally, you’ve made me understand that for all these years, promises were lies, tenderness was deception, and love was merely a one-sided illusion of my own making."
Murong Yan could hear her heartbeat—thump after thump, weak and despairing. He said, "You always feel that I have failed you, but if you hadn't met me back then, you would be nothing more than beggars on the street! Since you finished your training, which of the three of you has lost out to anyone in terms of power or wealth?"
He reached out and grabbed her shoulders, his expression indifferent. "This was always a transaction, yet you insist on talking to me about trust and love. Then let me ask you, when you saved Yang Lianting, what promise did you make?! You vowed solemnly that you were willing to give up everything in exchange for his life! I fulfilled that promise. And later? Regarding Leng Feiyan, Yang Lianting, Wen Qi, Wen Qi’s family, Xue Chengjing’s faction, and my father—where is your 'everything'?"
Zuo Canglang stared at him. He continued, "If we are talking about love, did you not know who my woman was from the beginning? Did I ever promise to divorce her and marry you? No. From start to finish, you knew the consequences. Thus, she is the Queen of the Central Palace, and you have reached the pinnacle of officialdom. This was a mutually beneficial arrangement. But you betrayed this relationship by actually attempting to bear my child. Was I wrong? Should I have allowed you—the widow of Wen Qi—to give birth to my eldest son while the Queen of the Central Palace still has no children?"
Zuo Canglang backed away slowly until she pressed against the wooden door. "Even though I knew Your Majesty was devoted to the Queen, I always believed that in Your Majesty’s eyes, I was somewhat different from others. Only now do I realize that there was no difference at all."
She performed military feats, and he rewarded her with power and wealth. A fair exchange, no debts owed. There was indeed no difference.
Tears overflowed, leaving long tracks down her cheeks. Murong Yan lifted her chin. "I am the monarch of Great Yan. You must eventually understand that the way of a monarch lies in balance. I cannot allow any single faction to become too powerful based on something as flimsy and ridiculous as trust. A-Zuo, you are not like Lan’er. I thought that if I said these things to you, you would be able to understand."
Zuo Canglang slowly pulled her chin from his hand. "This official understands." Her eyes were soaked in tears, warm and sorrowful. She said, "Your Majesty, in truth, people like us mean nothing to Your Majesty, do we? Even if we were to cut ourselves open and use a heart full of fresh blood to warm you, it would never be worth a single backward glance from Your Majesty, would it?"
So what did a child matter? As long as he needed them, there would be countless more. And what did love matter? As long as he crooked his finger, there would be no shortage of beauties rushing forward to entertain him in colorful silks.
Murong Yan remained silent.
Some things were better left understood in silence. Why must they be spoken aloud to cause such pain?
Zuo Canglang slowly knelt. "Your Majesty, the situation in Great Yan is now stable. The debt of Your Majesty’s cultivation and guidance has surely been repaid by my years of warfare. Now, my old battle wounds have flared up, and I can no longer endure the hardships of the road. I request to sheath my blade and return my seal, leaving the court forever. I beg Your Majesty to grant this."
As she spoke, her heartbeat was heavy and sluggish. Murong Yan said, "Repayment? You talk to me of repayment? What if I do not allow it?"
Zuo Canglang touched her forehead to the ground. "I have always been a proud person. My love and esteem for Your Majesty is the only humble thing I have ever done in my life. If Your Majesty feels that my military merits are not enough to offset the debt of your guidance, then... then please, for the sake of the many years I have spent in Your Majesty’s bed."
*Even if your tenderness was merely a series of meticulous performances, please, for the sake of those years when I was lost in them.*
She remained kneeling. Murong Yan looked down at her from above. After a long time, he said, "Since your mind is made up, I grant it."
Zuo Canglang kowtowed again. Murong Yan asked, "When do you depart?"
"Tomorrow," she replied.
"Your body has not yet recovered," Murong Yan said. "Will you not rest for a few more days?"
"I am grateful for Your Majesty’s concern," Zuo Canglang said. "I am fine."
Murong Yan nodded. Zuo Canglang added, "After I am gone, I ask Your Majesty not to be suspicious of Leng Feiyan and Yang Lianting. The two of them..."
Before she could finish, Murong Yan interrupted, "My affairs do not require the guidance of others."
Zuo Canglang bowed again, saying nothing more.
Murong Yan slowly walked out of the Wen Manor, with the household members seeing him off the entire way. When he reached the main street of Jinyang, he looked back and saw Zuo Canglang kneeling at the manor gates. That heartbeat continued to thrum in his ears until he boarded his carriage and left the Wen Manor far behind. It wasn't until he crossed the Yuxiang Bridge and traveled a great distance that he suddenly realized—that was his own heartbeat.
***
The next day, Zuo Canglang returned the Grand Marshal’s seal to the Bureau of Military Personnel. The officials there were shocked and hurried to the palace to inquire. Wang Yunzhao was also in a frantic state; since Murong Yan returned to the palace yesterday, he had stayed in his study, forbidding any servants from entering.
Finally, unable to wait any longer, Wang Yunzhao cautiously entered. "Your Majesty, the Bureau of Military Personnel reports that Grand Marshal Zuo... returned her seal early this morning."
Murong Yan sat at his desk, neither reading nor reviewing petitions. He did nothing, simply sitting there. After a long while, he finally replied, "Granted."
Wang Yunzhao opened his mouth, hesitating. Murong Yan asked, "When does she leave Jinyang?"
Wang Yunzhao whispered, "It is said she took her bags with her. She likely left immediately after returning the seal."
Murong Yan said, "We were monarch and subject, after all. I shall go to see her off."
Wang Yunzhao hurried to make arrangements.
***
At the Wen Manor, Zuo Canglang packed a few personal items and went to see Wen Xingye. Seeing her unusual expression, Wen Xingye asked, "His Majesty has not ordered you to go to war. Where are you going with your things?"
Zuo Canglang said, "Yesterday, I resigned my post to His Majesty. Currently, Yixian is in the army; both Da Xi Qin and the old subordinates of the late Marshal Wen will look after him. You can rest easy."
Old Madam Wen couldn't help but ask anxiously, "Why resign so suddenly? And you have no family or relatives now; even if you resign, where will you go?"
Zuo Canglang replied, "The world is vast; there will be a place for me. I failed to fulfill my filial duties to you both in the past. Now that I am leaving, please take care of yourselves. Please look after my maids, Weiwei and Keqing. After I am gone, if any wish to enter the palace, let them. If any wish to stay, I beg you to treat them well."
With that, she cupped her hands to the elders and turned to leave. Wen Xingye chased after her, but he could only see her retreating back.
Zuo Canglang walked along the main street, passing the Sutra Chanting Tower and heading toward the West Flower Gate. Suddenly, someone blocked her path. Zuo Canglang looked up to see Murong Yan standing a short distance behind two imperial guards. She stepped forward slowly. Murong Yan said, "I have come to see you off."
Zuo Canglang cupped her hands in a formal salute. "This commoner thanks Your Majesty."
It was the fifth month, and the spring breeze blew gently, filling Jinyang with warmth. Murong Yan wore a black robe with a gold-hooked jade belt, as elegant as ever. Zuo Canglang followed slowly behind him, her steps uneven, neither of them speaking.
The bells of the Sutra Chanting Tower vibrated against her eardrums. Did the pedestrians passing below still remember that night of drizzling rain years ago, when the destitute and unknown Second Prince brought his guards to an appointment that no one else attended?
Before the ancient Buddha in the rear hall, a naive young girl had pressed her palms together and piously made three wishes.
*May Murong Yan be happy.*
*May Murong Yan be happy forever.*
*May Murong Yan be happy for a thousand autumns, ten thousand generations, forever and ever.*
Zuo Canglang said, "Even a thousand-mile escort must end in a parting. Please return, Your Majesty."
Murong Yan said, "Do you remember back then, when I was still Lord Qianyi, we took shelter from the rain here? The ancient Buddha in the rear hall—will you worship today?"
Zuo Canglang replied, "I will not. This commoner has a journey to make and cannot delay further."
Murong Yan said, "In that case, you may go."
It was not appropriate to perform a full prostration on the main street, so Zuo Canglang cupped her hands. "This official bids farewell. May Your Majesty never lose your lofty ambitions, and may you never fail your glorious reputation."
Murong Yan nodded slightly and turned to walk east.
*If the ancient Buddha truly has a spirit and answers prayers, I am willing to use my thousand lives and ten thousand generations to trade for my love for you to have been nothing but a passing whim.*
Zuo Canglang headed west, her footsteps growing distant as the street split them apart. Those days and nights of leaning on each other, of hearts entwined, turned to smoke from this moment on.
Murong Yan’s pace quickened from slow to fast. If the person behind him looked back now... if she looked back...
But she didn't.
And so, he did not look back either. *Do you think I will regret this? Even if I were to live a thousand lifetimes, I would still use a lifetime of ruling the world to offset a moment of heart-wrenching pain. What does a little pain matter? Even if it hurts, I can always endure it.*
He boarded his carriage and said softly, "Return to the palace."
Vaguely, a voice seemed to speak in his ear: *"Your Majesty’s affection for Miss Jiang is the dream this official has aspired to all her life."*
*"This official cannot personally defile her own dream or mock her own god."*
*"This official is willing to give everything to help Your Majesty obtain what you love, what you want, what you miss, and what you hope for—everything."*
The words still echoed, but the person was gone. Hoofbeats like rain trod upon the white stone road, gradually leaving the Sutra Chanting Tower behind. Only that solemn, silent tower remained in its solitude.
*A sorrowful parting on the long street, the warm wind soft and light.*
*One look, one broken heart; go well, and do not look back.*
***
