At seven o’clock sharp, Jiang Siyang took his leave, bidding everyone farewell before heading to the airport.
Since this was a personal trip, Liu Wenping and Xie Jie didn't accompany him, only seeing him off at Baiyun Airport. The flight took nearly three hours, followed by another thirty minutes on Metro Line 2. After all that traveling, he finally arrived at the foot of his apartment building.
Jiang Siyang carried his luggage up to the second floor. Just as he inserted the key into the lock, a faint light leaked through the crack of the door.
His hand paused for a moment. A few seconds later, he swung the door open.
Sure enough, he caught his father in the act of scurrying back to the sofa to pretend he was watching television.
Jiang Siyang played along to save his father’s pride. Suppressing a smile, he pushed his luggage into the entryway and closed the door.
Returning to a familiar home always brought a sense of warmth. Their home was twice the size of Jiang Siyang’s forty-square-meter rental; it was perfect for three people, though it felt a bit lonely for one.
During his career hiatuses, Jiang Siyang often returned to Shanghai. Although Li Guoan always insisted he didn't need to come back, he was secretly overjoyed every time his son appeared.
The space between the front door and the living room was partitioned by a shoe cabinet serving as a makeshift foyer. Atop it sat the fish tank Jiang Siyang had bought for Li Guoan, intended to give him something to do during his retirement so he wouldn't get bored.
Jiang Siyang switched on the lights and feigned surprise at seeing someone there. "Dad? What are you doing up?"
Li Guoan picked up an iron mug emblazoned with the words *Labor is Glorious*. He kept his eyes fixed on the TV, not looking up as he spoke. "Oh, you're back."
Jiang Siyang glanced at the melodramatic family soap opera playing on the screen. He sat down on the small sofa and spoke bluntly. "Dad, you weren't sitting here watching TV just to wait for me, were you?"
Li Guoan scratched his head awkwardly but refused to admit it. "Of course not. I just got up for a drink of water. Oh, I almost forgot something."
Li Guoan stood up abruptly and hurried into the bedroom, returning with a bag in his hand.
"What's this?" Jiang Siyang took the bag and opened it to find a long-sleeved shirt.
"Uncle Lin knew you were coming and bought it specifically. Your Auntie Lin spent ages picking it out," Li Guoan said. "Make sure you go over first thing tomorrow morning to thank them."
"I should," Jiang Siyang said, placing the shirt back in the bag. After a moment's thought, he decided to speak up. "Dad, someone might be coming over tomorrow."
"Oh? Who?" Li Guoan asked curiously.
"Zhang Jin'an," Jiang Siyang said.
"Zhang... Zhang Jin'an?" Li Guoan's eyes lit up. He clapped Jiang Siyang on the shoulder with excitement. "I was worried before that you wouldn't be able to get a word in while acting with him. I never expected—never expected you’d actually become friends... Good, it’s a good thing he’s coming. I’ll go tell your Uncle Lin the good news tomorrow."
Hearing this, Jiang Siyang immediately stopped him. "Dad, calm down. The fewer people who know about this, the better. You don't want the whole neighborhood swarming our house, do you?"
"Ah, true. Zhang Jin'an is quite famous," Li Guoan said with a hint of regret. "But a photo would be alright, wouldn't it?"
"That’s fine," Jiang Siyang replied.
Unlike Li Guoan, Jiang Siyang was growing increasingly nervous. His heart was hammering against his ribs, and his throat felt parched.
It was time.
Jiang Siyang took a deep breath and finally spoke. "But... he's not coming here just for fun. There's something important."
"Oh, with a photo, I can go show off to Yanlan later..." Li Guoan was still immersed in his joy, oblivious to what was about to happen. "Oh, I almost missed what you said. What was it? What important thing?"
Jiang Siyang summoned all his courage and stood up abruptly, positioning himself silently in front of Li Guoan.
Li Guoan looked at him, bewildered. "What's wrong with you?"
"Dad," Jiang Siyang said, dropping directly to his knees. His knees hit the tiled floor with a dull *thud*.
The impact was painful, but Jiang Siyang ignored it, looking straight at Li Guoan.
Li Guoan was startled by his son's sudden action. He reached out hurriedly to help him up, his voice stuttering. "W-what are you doing? Quick, get up. Get up right now."
Jiang Siyang shook his head. "Dad, I'm kneeling because this matter is very important to me, and you are very important to me. I know this might be hard for you to accept, but I don't want to hide it from you."
To say Li Guoan wasn't nervous would be a lie; his heart began to race with dread.
He had never seen Jiang Siyang act like this. Everyone makes mistakes, and Jiang Siyang was no exception, but it had never come to this.
What could it be? Li Guoan’s mind began to wander toward the worst possibilities, and a cold sweat broke out on his back.
The sound of the television suddenly felt grating. He grabbed the remote and clicked it off.
"You... fine," Li Guoan started to demand an explanation, but looking at the kneeling Jiang Siyang, the words caught in his throat.
What could he even say?
Jiang Siyang’s temperament was somewhat like his own—once he set his mind on something, he would charge ahead, and no one could talk him out of it.
Li Guoan steadied his emotions and picked up his mug. "Tell me then. What have you done that I won't be able to accept? Did you kill someone?"
Jiang Siyang shook his head. "No."
Li Guoan: "Arson?"
Jiang Siyang: "No."
Li Guoan: "Break the law?"
Jiang Siyang shook his head. "No."
Hearing these answers, Li Guoan felt a slight wave of relief, but he couldn't fathom what else would warrant such a gesture. "If it's none of those, then what could possibly be so hard for me to accept?"
"Dad," Jiang Siyang took a deep breath. "What if I'm with a man?"
The night was naturally quiet, and with the TV off, there wasn't a sound in the living room. Jiang Siyang could practically feel his own heartbeat.
He remained kneeling, motionless.
After a long silence, Jiang Siyang heard the man on the sofa whisper, "It's Zhang Jin'an, isn't it?"
Jiang Siyang nodded. "Yes."
"Do you think this is wrong?" Li Guoan asked.
Jiang Siyang shook his head. "I'm not kneeling to admit to a mistake."
"No wonder. I can see you don't look like you're repenting; your back is as straight as a pole," Li Guoan remarked.
Jiang Siyang watched as Li Guoan slowly stood up, took a pack of cigarettes from a drawer, pulled one out, and lit it.
Li Guoan had quit smoking ever since Jiang Yanlan fell ill. It had been five or six years. Who would have thought he would break that streak today? Jiang Siyang closed his eyes. At some point, his hands had clenched into fists; when he opened them, his palms were slick with sweat.
Footsteps approached, finally stopping beside him.
"You're sweating so much. Go take a shower first."
Jiang Siyang looked up, but he couldn't see Li Guoan's face clearly. Panic flared in his chest. "Dad..."
He was interrupted by a sharp, brook-no-argument tone: "I said, go take a shower first."
"..." Jiang Siyang had no choice but to slowly stand up.
"Let me sit by myself for a while," Li Guoan said, his voice low.
Jiang Siyang opened his mouth, but not a single word came out. His eyes fell on the cigarette between Li Guoan's fingers. Ash fell onto the floor, yet Li Guoan hadn't taken a single puff.
Their hearts were heavy with the same weight.
Jiang Siyang didn't linger. He pulled his luggage into his bedroom.
The room hadn't been lived in for months, yet it was spotless. The sheets had been freshly changed, smelling of laundry detergent.
Jiang Siyang opened the wardrobe. The clothes he could no longer fit into had been discarded; the few items remaining were all suited to his current height and build. They were hung neatly on hangers, one by one.
Li Guoan had done all of this.
Jiang Siyang’s nose prickled with a sour sting. He hung the clothes from his suitcase one by one in the wardrobe and closed the door.
***
| Chinese | English | Notes/Explanation |
| :--- | :--- | :--- |
| 李国安 | Li Guoan | Jiang Siyang's father. |
| 劳动光荣 | Labor is Glorious | A common slogan in China, often found on vintage-style items. |
| 林叔 | Uncle Lin | A neighbor and friend of the family. |
| 林嫂 | Auntie Lin | Uncle Lin's wife. |
| 江燕兰 | Jiang Yanlan | Jiang Siyang's mother. |
| 白云机场 | Baiyun Airport | The major international airport in Guangzhou. |
| 2号线 | Line 2 | A major metro line in Shanghai. |
