Xiao Nanhui had been trained for the march and the battlefield since childhood. When she used a bow to slay enemies, it was always a heavy one; only a bow with a draw weight of at least three *dan* could pierce armor and kill.
She had never even touched a bow as slender and light as the one in Bai Yun’s hand.
She had been raised and cultivated by Xiao Zhun’s own hand. Aside from spear techniques, he had personally taught her many grappling moves, swordplay, and military strategies.
But when it came to archery, Xiao Zhun had always found someone else to take his place.
She had seen Xiao Zhun’s backhand shooting style a few times and had begged to learn it, but he always brushed her off with a few words. If she pressed further, his expression would sour, and she would have no choice but to retreat sensibly.
Why wouldn't Xiao Zhun teach her archery?
This question had troubled the young Xiao Nanhui for a long time.
Now, she finally had an answer.
It was because Xiao Zhun had taught Bai Yun how to shoot.
When she was a teenage girl, would teaching her archery have reminded him of the Bai Yun of the past? Or rather, had he always been looking for traces of Bai Yun within her, to some degree or another? Only, she was not Bai Yun after all, and as she grew older, she became less and less like her.
And so, Xiao Zhun had distanced himself from her.
How laughable that she had been utterly oblivious, blindly making useless repairs. Recalling every eager expectation and humble attempt to please him from her past, Xiao Nanhui felt a searing pain in her heart.
She had thought the dignity she tempered through years of warfare was indestructible, yet now, in an instant, she had cast aside her armor and been utterly defeated.
Raising her head to look at the woman before her again, her gaze suddenly fixed on the hairpin tucked into the beauty’s raven hair.
It wasn't even truly a hairpin; it was just half a wooden twig, with a few withered flowers still clinging to the tip.
Xiao Nanhui’s attention was entirely on those flowers.
She had only caught a fleeting glimpse before and thought it a common dead branch, but thinking carefully now: there wasn't even a single blade of withered grass in this courtyard, so where would a branch come from?
Though the flowering branch had withered, she could tell what those blossoms looked like when they were fresh.
Because once you saw such a flower, you would never forget it.
She had seen it in Su Pingchuan’s hand, and she had picked it off Xiao Zhun’s clothes—the Reflected Water Double-Storey.
Whether Xiao Zhun had gone to Little Plum Manor or the Prince of Xuanyuan’s estate no longer mattered. What mattered was that Bai Yun was confined here; it was impossible for her to have sent someone to pluck it. It could only have been brought by someone from Tiancheng who had access to this place.
The answer she had sought for so long was now right before her eyes.
Xiao Nanhui stared fixedly at that half-length of flowering branch, her eyes looking as though they might bleed.
Her terrifying gaze drew the other woman's attention. Bai Yun turned her head slightly, and the moment she saw where Nanhui was looking, she understood.
The beauty’s habitually cold face was suddenly overcome by an irrepressible panic. She hurriedly pulled down several locks of dark hair to hide the wooden branch, her lips trembling. She looked at Nanhui with a nearly pleading posture, her voice sinking into the dust. "I beg of you, I beg of you, don't..."
In that instant, Xiao Nanhui was suddenly pulled out of her uncontrollable emotions, rendered somewhat speechless.
The expression on her face just now must have been hideous—the kind she had always loathed most.
A hatred born of jealousy, darkness, and the desire to tear everything apart because she could not have what she wanted.
She had never imagined that her feelings for Xiao Zhun would one day turn her into the version of herself she hated most.
She had resolved to practice martial arts and take up weapons since childhood to protect the weak. Yet, at some unknown point, she had become someone who wanted to use her position to oppress others.
The sound of patrolling guards came from the entrance of the villa, their footsteps drawing closer. Bai Yun’s face was as pale as a sheet of paper; hope seemed to drain from her body, and her spine slumped involuntarily.
Watching the woman before her, Xiao Nanhui’s heart finally began to calm.
The Bai clan had once been a renowned and noble family, living a dignified life of respect. But now, she was a prisoner, living barefoot and disheveled in this cage, unable to see even a single flower or bird.
That plum branch had long since lost its vitality, yet she could not bear to throw it away, hiding it carefully in her hair for fear that someone would snatch away this last sliver of warmth that belonged to her.
It was the final connection between her and Xiao Zhun.
Xiao Nanhui could empathize with such a state of mind.
How many years does it take for a bond between people to form, and how many years to unravel? Xiao Nanhui did not know. But she knew this: she had been deceiving herself, overestimating the bond between her and Xiao Zhun.
Xiao Zhun accompanied her to view flowers every year, but he had never given her a single blossom.
Were the Golden Camellias not beautiful? They were beautiful, just not as beautiful as the Reflected Water Double-Storey.
Was Xiao Zhun not good to her?
He was good. He just wasn't *that* good.
The moment the guards' footsteps reached the corridor, Bai Yun tremblingly raised her head, only to find that the woman who had come with the bow had long since vanished.
****** ****** ******
February could not be considered the start of early spring in Chizhou, but it was truly the tail end of a bitter winter.
The snow that had been piled thick just a few days ago had now turned to vapor, soaking the earth into a boundless black.
Jixiang’s head was close to the ground, its nose huffing out hot steam. It carefully sniffed the damp, withered branches for the scent of new mushrooms, walking all the way from the woods to the edge of the river that had just begun to melt.
The river surface was nearly half-open, with collapsing layers of ice constantly falling into the flowing water, tumbling twice before disappearing.
Xiao Nanhui watched for a while, then urged Jixiang to wade across.
The icy river water soaked half her leg, and Jixiang gave a shiver. She slowly reached into her collar and pulled out a thin invitation.
It was a seating card for the Sea Bass Feast at Tingfeng Tower in Jiaosong.
When she left this morning, she had specifically placed another invitation she had prepared long ago on Xiao Zhun’s desk.
The most famous restaurant in Jiaosong County was Tingfeng Tower, and its most famous dish was the Orange-Brewed Sea Bass Soup. It wasn't the best season for fish, but the Yue River in Jiaosong never froze, allowing one to eat sea bass a month earlier than in Jiangbei and other regions. Furthermore, the fish's flesh was sweeter and more delicate than in summer. Paired with orange brew stored since late autumn, it was a rare delicacy, though it could not compare to the imperial cuisine of the palace.
Every year in the first lunar month, guests wishing to eat the fish soup at Tingfeng Tower usually had to start booking before the start of the previous winter; only those with an invitation could enter the tower to eat the dish the following year. Xiao Nanhui, of course, did not have such foresight. After hearing that the ceremony would be held in Jiaosong County, she had specifically begged Yao Yi to buy an invitation from someone else, all so she could share a meal with Xiao Zhun.
They hadn't eaten at the same table in a long time. She considered Du Juan and Uncle Chen family, but Xiao Zhun’s place at the table was always special to her. The Xiao family precepts were strict; dining with Xiao Zhun was always a silent affair, but even so, she felt immensely satisfied.
The Tingfeng Tower invitation was for a table tonight. Yao Yi had boasted that the location was excellent, offering the best night view of the Yue River banks.
Xiao Nanhui had even prepared a special set of clothes for the occasion.
However, as of today, she didn't want to go back to the villa to change at all.
She didn't want to go anywhere crowded or see anyone, including Xiao Zhun.
After leaving the Black Feather Camp, she went back to the Guangyao Camp to pick up a task, wandering the wilderness with Jixiang. At night, she found a farmhouse to rest in at random. The next day, before dawn, she walked outside and sat on a woodpile, staring at the horizon until the sun rose.
Xiao Nanhui had seen two sunrises in her life: one today, and one in the marshes of Baiyao Pass.
Baiyao Pass had been silent and filled with the aura of death, but even at the brink of life and death, she had easily gained strength the moment she saw the sun rise.
But this time, sitting in a comfortable and warm farmhouse, she could no longer regain her peace.
She recalled many things from the past. Xiao Zhun’s figure was woven through them, seemingly vivid yet blurred.
Not far away, a flock of wintering sheep huddled together with their bloated wool; from afar, they looked like unthawed snow on the wilderness. A few scattered sparrows hopped on the sheep's backs, chirping with a noisy, bustling energy.
When the sun climbed to the middle of the sky, Xiao Nanhui finally stood up from the woodpile. Leaving a bit of silver for the farmer, she led Jixiang away.
Today was the final day of the three-day ceremony.
According to the itinerary distributed by the ritual officials: after dusk today, the Emperor would hold a grand sacrifice to "send off the gods" on the Yue River, followed by a banquet for the officials by the riverbank.
She was one of those officials; she had to be present regardless.
Inviting the gods at Changmi Terrace, sending them off at the banks of the Yue River.
*Yue* meant the right eye of the legendary gods. The Yue River was the river formed by the gathering of the gods' tears.
The ritual officials regarded this as the final chapter of the entire sacrificial ceremony. They spared no effort or heart’s blood in arranging every detail, even erecting a high platform over the water within a few short days to overlook the river flowing west and see the gods back to their places.
The high platform directly faced the newly repaired ancient Yellow Stone Bridge. With the sunset glow overflowing in the evening and the moonlight flowing at night, it could be considered worthy of the heavy responsibility of "sending off the gods."
Unlike Changmi Terrace, which towered from the flat ground and could only be looked up at, there were countless pavilions on both banks of the Yue River. Among them, Tingfeng Tower was the tallest, not only taking in the entire river view but also allowing one to observe the ceremony. After the send-off ritual, the Emperor’s banquet for the officials on the high platform also carried the intent of "sharing joy with the people," so the crowds were not specifically dispersed.
During the ceremony, the Emperor would personally scatter five-colored rice, seven-colored silk, and two colors of copper and iron from the high platform into the Yue River, praying for a bountiful harvest, favorable weather, and a strong military in the coming year. The commoners downstream would fish these items out of the river and place them in their homes to ward off evil and pray for blessings.
The tallest building on the banks of the Yue River was Tingfeng Tower. From afar, it looked like a small wooden pagoda, five stories high. Even before the hour of the Monkey, every floor was packed with people. However, only the distinguished guests holding invitations for the Sea Bass Feast could enjoy a private room—a luxury that could not be bought for any amount of gold.
The sunset glow faded, and the lights on both banks of the Yue River were brilliant. If the river water weren't so cold, people would have been tempted to jump in to watch the excitement.
However, if someone were to look up at this moment, they would find that among the lights shining from the small windows of Tingfeng Tower, only one window had gone dark.
Xiao Nanhui blew out the candle in her hand and sat in a daze in the empty room for a while.
After a long time, she pulled a jar of wine from the table of fine delicacies that had just been prepared, flipped out of the window, and climbed up the brackets and eaves until she was sitting on the tiles of the Tingfeng Tower roof.
The eyes of the crowd watching the excitement were focused on the high platform on the Yue River; no one noticed her figure.
The arched backs of the roof's corner beasts were illuminated by the moonlight, merging with the surface of the Yue River not far away, looking like aquatic beasts that had just leaped from the water. The fishy scent of the river, mixed with the ash of burning orchids from the ceremony, drifted in the wind, giving one a fluctuating illusion of cold and heat.
She still remembered how she felt when climbing the Tower of Reaching Skies in Muerhe. The moment she passed through the clouds, the world beneath her feet was so quiet and submissive that it seemed even the most troubling matters of the heart could be easily seen through.
Bursts of cheers constantly came from the boisterous crowd. People poured all the passion they hadn't been able to vent before Changmi Terrace onto the Yue River. The Emperor was paying homage to the gods, while his subjects were paying homage to their sovereign. The monarch prayed for the eternal stability of the mountains and rivers, while the subjects prayed for the peace of their homes.
Unfortunately for her: whether it was "mountains and rivers" or "home," she possessed neither.
The sense of detachment grew stronger; she felt that everything before her was very far away.
She had thought she no longer belonged to Suyan in Lingxi, but at this moment, she felt as though she had never belonged to Chizhou either. Her only connection to Chizhou, the capital, and the Central Plains was Xiao Zhun. If Xiao Zhun denied their relationship, would she have no connection at all to the land beneath her feet?
There was another commotion among the crowd by the river. Suddenly, someone cheered, and the cheer spread like a ripple, creating a wave of sound on both banks.
Xiao Nanhui looked toward the high platform and saw strings of light points rising from the procession of ritual officials, then drifting over the river. In an instant, they burst into dazzling blossoms of fire.
It was actually fireworks.
Xiao Nanhui’s eyes widened.
She recalled the itinerary the official had sent this morning and could not remember it saying there would be a firework display during the sacrificial ritual.
Tiancheng’s fireworks were modified from firecrackers; they had to be placed on sky lanterns when launched. Once the fuse, timed for the right moment, burned out, they would bloom into flowers of fire in mid-air. However, fireworks were only set off during the New Year's Eve vigil; she had never heard of them being used during a grand sacrificial ceremony.
Countless sky lanterns were sent into the air one after another, drifting west along the winding Yue River with the help of the east wind. The flickering fireworks illuminated the river surface, and the depths of Xiao Nanhui’s eyes were lit by the streaks of fire in the dark night. Her ears were filled with the noisy clamor of the crowd, and a brief smile appeared on her face.
This was her happiest moment since returning to Chizhou from Binjiang.
A simple joy, free from many worries and calculations—the kind of joy she once thought was the easiest to obtain.
Why did she like fireworks?
When she was small, it was because she liked the excitement. The Xiao household was sparsely populated; festivals always felt lonely and cold. Fireworks, like firecrackers, could instantly dispel the silence that had lingered in the manor for years.
Later, as she grew a bit older, she began to understand the true reason she liked fireworks.
Even flowers with the longest blooming periods eventually wither. But fireworks, though brief, are intense—so fast that one cannot see the moment of decay. She was someone who disliked partings; only fireworks allowed her to leave no regrets.
If she could, she would not wish for eternal life or longevity for herself. She only wished to be like a firework, to have lived with all her might once in her life, so that there would be no regrets even unto death.
Not far away, the glowing sparks after the burning slowly descended from mid-air, finally falling into the rushing Yue River and sending up a mist of gray smoke.
The world cherishes flowers, loves flowers, and laments their brevity and lack of permanence. But as the flowing water goes west, who has ever mourned or commemorated it?
Xiao Nanhui raised the half-jar of wine in her hand and gently poured it onto the glazed tiles beneath her feet.
Whether it be fireworks or flowing water, they are both things that cannot be kept in the end.
She suddenly understood the words she had heard in the Mei manor that day. The sense of sorrowful parting in her heart lightened, while the sense of release grew long and deep.
Tonight, let the fireworks see the flowing water off on its journey, mourning the things she had lost in the depths of her heart.
Regardless of where the relationship between her and Xiao Zhun might go, Xiao Nanhui’s heart already knew: from now on, she could only be alone.
Or perhaps, she had always been alone.
***
| Chinese | English | Notes/Explanation |
| :--- | :--- | :--- |
| 橘酿鲈鱼羹 | Orange-Brewed Sea Bass Soup | A specialty dish of Tingfeng Tower. |
| 玥河 | Yue River | A river in Jiaosong; "Yue" means the right eye of a god. |
| 听风楼 | Tingfeng Tower | "Listening Wind Tower," a famous five-story restaurant in Jiaosong. |
| 申时 | Hour of the Monkey | 3:00 PM to 5:00 PM. |
| 凭霄塔 | Tower of Reaching Skies | A tower in Muerhe mentioned in Nanhui's memories. |
| 宿岩 | Suyan | Xiao Nanhui's hometown in Lingxi. |
