There were still an hour or two before dawn, and the main tent remained illuminated by candlelight, shadows flickering within.
Initially, Xiao Nanhui had intended to pull herself together and eavesdrop on the convoluted schemes the various generals were discussing inside. However, this time the tent was guarded so tightly that she couldn't catch a single word.
She was already utterly exhausted; keeping watch through the night had left her eyelids heavy and fighting for every second of wakefulness.
Yet, thanks to this unstoppable drowsiness, she momentarily forgot the matter of Xiao Zhun and Bai Yun. In a state of muddled confusion, she followed the departing troops as they broke camp and returned to Sanmu Pass.
Xiao Zhun had said something unknown to the Emperor, but he had truly managed to save Bai Yun’s life. Along with the youngest child of the Bai family, she was escorted back to Quecheng under the guard of the Black Feather Camp.
Reflecting on it later, Xiao Nanhui realized it was likely because the encirclement plan to capture Bai Heliu had failed. Tiancheng needed some leverage to hold, or perhaps simply a target for public sentencing.
Bai Heliu had escaped.
After abandoning his wife and children, he had vanished alone into the rugged and treacherous horizon of the Bi Border. He was like a ghost that had incited a war, appearing as though he had never existed at all.
Over the following month, the primary task of the Tiancheng army became the purging of the Bai clan's remnants that had permeated every corner. Small groups of surrendering soldiers appeared continuously. Most were former members of the Tiancheng Yueze Army who had lived away from home for over a decade. Their accents had changed, and they had eaten the bread of another master; even in surrender, they could not regain trust. They were temporarily settled as prisoners in military colonies near Tongcheng.
Finally, as the New Year approached, the phoenix returned to its nest.
The procession, led by the Emperor, began its journey back to the capital.
Along the way, news arrived constantly of Bai clan fugitives being intercepted in various regions. Most were caught along the banks of the Nu River at the border of Jizhou and Chizhou, or in the northern Mound Mountains. Both locations were essential passages from Jizhou into Chizhou; it seemed someone had attempted to launch a surprise attack on the capital while the throne was away.
The Nu River suffered from annual flooding and was permanently garrisoned by the Yanchi Battalion, but the Mound Mountains were mostly desolate peaks and rarely visited. Why would there suddenly be an army there capable of holding its own?
Xiao Nanhui suddenly recalled that about a year ago, the Emperor had sent Xiao Zhun to the Mound Mountains to suppress bandits.
At the time, she had been quite dissatisfied, feeling that a Great General like Xiao Zhun shouldn't be ordered around for such trivial tasks. But looking at it now, the "bandit suppression" was likely a ruse, and the stationing of troops was the reality. Using the excuse of hunting bandits to extend his reach into places rarely trodden, he had quietly laid the fine threads of a net to be pulled in later...
It was premeditated. This was absolutely a long-term scheme.
Waging war could happen in an instant, but raising an army and arranging a formation was not the work of a single day.
In the bottomless lake of the Emperor’s heart, the stone representing the recovery of the Bi Border had been cast long ago. What she saw now was merely a few ripples on the surface.
But the more she realized this, the clearer the doubt in her heart became.
Was Xiao Zhun aware of all this? And what about her? In this meticulously planned game of chess, what was her position? What kind of pawn was she playing?
When the various armies were rewarded for their merits, she was naturally credited with a great achievement. However, most of her unfamiliar colleagues in the Guangyao Battalion had no idea what she had actually contributed to this campaign. Only when she occasionally locked eyes with Sui Pingchuan from a distance or brushed past him in the ranks did a brief moment of contact prove that everything in the past was not an illusion, but a reality that had truly occurred.
Hao Bai had reportedly received many rewards for treating the Emperor, but he told Xiao Nanhui that he had "nobly" refused the titles and honors. He only asked for a carriage to carry the strange flowers and exotic herbs he had gathered from across the Bi Border, and he couldn't wait to haul them back to Wancheng.
Xiao Nanhui suspected there was something else in that carriage, but she never had the chance to confirm her guess.
After all, when she had prepared that carriage, she had specifically left a spot for Wu Xiaoliu. Without that fat fellow, the empty space must have been quite significant.
Her original intention was for Wu Xiaoliu to follow Hao Bai back to Wancheng. After all, it was humid and warm there year-round with abundant resources—a blessed land for recovery. But Wu Xiaoliu insisted on following her, claiming he wanted to go to the capital to broaden his horizons. Yet, after only one day of riding, he began wailing that his backside was "blooming like a flower." Since she couldn't actually dump the fat man on the road, she had to find a logistics wagon carrying grain and fodder and stuff him inside.
Aside from the six Yanchi battalions guarding the Bi Border and the three Subei battalions, the rest of the troops headed north to regroup. Xiao Nanhui followed the Guangyao Battalion in a daze for several days. It wasn't until they reached Tongcheng that she truly began to process it: this war, which had ignited over a decade ago, was finally over.
The north wind still blew, but the scent was different. It was an indescribable smell, carrying the blue smoke of burnt firewood and the warm white breath of crowded people—it was full of the essence of mundane life.
The "solitary smoke of the desert" was left behind; now, the joy of the approaching New Year permeated everywhere. Sometimes, as she watched the city streets and village towns grow livelier along the way, she felt as if she had been born and raised here, as if she had never left.
Once they entered the borders of Chizhou, the largest snowfall since the start of winter began to flutter down.
Unlike the barren, piercing ice shards of Jizhou, the snow here was gentle, falling in clumps like cotton onto people’s bodies, as if the heavens couldn't bear the freezing cold and had specially added a quilt for the travelers.
In previous years at this time, if she wasn't away with the army, she would have been preparing New Year's firecrackers and lanterns at the manor. She had always been someone who loved a lively atmosphere, but Xiao Zhun was always so quiet that she didn't dare make things too rowdy. Du Juan would secretly take her to the backyard to set off a string or two; those were always among her happiest moments each year.
Unfortunately, such days were becoming fewer and fewer. She had thought that this time, she could spend New Year's Eve with Xiao Zhun on the way back to Quecheng. But now she was ranked within the Guangyao Battalion and could only look toward the Subei troops from afar. Besides, how could there be a festive atmosphere while on the march?
The night the snow stopped, they camped in the far outskirts again.
The lights of a nearby village flickered on and off, merging with the starry sky that had cleared after the snow.
The snow had accumulated into a thick layer on the ground, and the moonlight reflecting off it brightened the surroundings.
The campfires burned brightly, roasting everyone until they were warm and comfortable from the inside out.
Xiao Nanhui rested her head on a soft cushion. Beneath the cushion was a cloth bundle, and inside the bundle was the broken Pingxian.
She hadn't seen the two personal guards the Emperor had assigned to her for many days. She guessed those two had probably run to the Emperor to say many bad things about her, but Bai Yun’s appearance was like an immovable stone weighing on her chest. She truly had no heart to think about anything else.
She had fallen into a state of lethargy where the great task was finished but sorrow remained. She often went days without saying a word. When her colleagues in the camp asked, she would say she had caught a slight cold and her throat was hoarse, but in truth, she was simply too lazy to speak.
"Xiao Nanhui."
In her blurred state, she heard Bo Lao whispering sneakily in her ear.
She rolled over, looking sickly and unwilling to pay attention.
Bo Lao’s voice was persistent, moving from one side to the other.
"Hey, look at the Emperor."
The Emperor? What about him? He was handsome, sure, but she had seen him every day recently and had no desire to look now.
She pulled the blanket over her head, still refusing to make a sound.
"Why does it look like on the Emperor's head..." Bo Lao squinted, "I see your hairpin."
Xiao Nanhui’s heart gave a sudden thud. Then, like a dying person jolting awake, she sat up and fixed her gaze in the direction Bo Lao was looking.
Yes, that was right.
Perched upon the Emperor's head was indeed her hairpin.
He was the most conspicuous person in the camp tonight. He wore that moon-white robe with full embroidery again, his entire being glowing faintly in the night. The sparks flying from the campfire surrounded him like stars cradling a moon.
A fragment of an inexplicable memory jumped out of her mind, striking the dazed Xiao Nanhui.
It was a flash of moon-white, a moon-white carrying the warmth of a human body.
She had once fallen into a patch of warm moonlight, looking up at the high ceiling of the Hall of Snow Mystery. The tiny specks of dust falling from the giant orchids had turned into a sky full of flying snow in her vision...
"Hey."
Bo Lao gave her an unceremonious poke, and the image that had suddenly appeared vanished instantly.
"Oh." She feigned composure and threw a leftover bone into the fire. "You must have seen wrong."
Bo Lao widened her bright, spirited eyes, confirming several times before saying with certainty, "How could I?! These eyes of mine can see whether Yao Yi has a roast chicken in his room from two streets away, through a door, and behind three layers of gauze curtains!"
"They're still human eyes; they're bound to make mistakes eventually."
She denied it with all her might, secretly hoping that damned Emperor would hurry up and walk further away. But Bo Lao was stubborn and grew more determined with every rebuff.
"In that case, take out your hairpin and let me see. I've noticed you haven't used it lately. Could it be that it's no longer in your hands..."
Xiao Nanhui couldn't sit still anymore. She felt she had to change the subject.
"You have the leisure to ask me for a hairpin? I asked you to look into that purple-clad swordsman; did you actually put any effort into it?"
The topic took a sharp turn, and Bo Lao indeed fell silent. She immediately pressed her advantage.
"If you don't have any leads, I'll write a letter to the Old Headmaster and ask him. He is a man of great experience..."
"No!"
Bo Lao suddenly became anxious and stood up.
Xiao Nanhui thought she was afraid of seeing Xie Li and curled her lip strangely. "What are you so nervous about? I'm just asking a few questions; I won't make you go there in person."
"Since you asked me about this, don't trouble anyone else!"
"You haven't seen that person's skills. I feel it's necessary to let the Andao Academy know, just in case..."
"What are you being a coward for?! Next time I see him, I'll trade a few blows with him and then I'll know something. There's no need to sit here overthinking it."
Next time? Trade a few blows? If she traded blows, she’d lose her life!
"Fine, fine." She felt like she was talking to a wall, wasting the energy she had saved up over these past few days. "I'm going for a walk. Don't follow me like a shadow."
Bo Lao gave a "humph," indicating she had zero interest.
Xiao Nanhui walked quite a distance before looking back. Seeing that the other hadn't followed, she stepped onto the crunching snow and headed further away.
In the blink of an eye, the Emperor had disappeared. She could only walk toward the vicinity of the Emperor's carriages.
She wanted to find a way to get the hairpin back.
She reached out and touched the pouch at her waist, which contained the half-piece of jade she had carried the whole way. Perhaps she could use the matter of this archer's ring pendant as a pretext to ask clearly about the blurred memories of that night.
The Emperor's carriage was surrounded by the Black Feather Camp in a secluded spot. Looking at it from afar, she felt a sense of unreachable distance.
Ever since the day he had made her "stand punishment" outside the main tent, the Emperor hadn't paid her any attention.
*Hmph, I've seen you when you hadn't washed your face for three days, and now you're back to acting like someone whose hem can't even be touched?*
She thought resentfully and moved a bit closer. Suddenly, a figure flickered ahead—it was Ding Weixiang, his silent presence radiating a terrifying aura.
Guilt-ridden, Xiao Nanhui began to hesitate again, her movements becoming furtive and shrinking back.
Looking left and right, she decided to find a hidden spot to wait. As soon as the Emperor appeared, she would seize the opportunity to approach him.
When the Emperor traveled, he usually prepared several carriages. From the outside, these carriages were almost identical, but only one held the Emperor himself; the others were for attendants.
Xiao Nanhui found an empty carriage. The attendants inside must have gone on duty, as there was only a small table and a few soft cushions inside.
She leaped up and sat on the rear axle of the carriage, finding a good angle to begin her stakeout.
After a while, she shifted her gaze slightly and accidentally caught sight of the crossbeam beneath her seat. Her eyes paused.
Because the mud and gravel kicked up by the wheels would be blocked by the rear crossbeam, even with regular cleaning, the axle was usually covered in a layer of dust.
But right now, a section of the wood was noticeably too clean, as if someone had repeatedly wiped it with their hands.
Suddenly realizing something, Xiao Nanhui quickly jumped off the carriage and delivered a horizontal kick that knocked away the floorboard on the axle.
The wooden board flew out, and simultaneously, a thin, small figure crawled out from under the carriage and lunged straight at her.
The opponent had plenty of momentum, but their technique was unrefined. As soon as they struck, she took them down with a sweeping kick.
But after seeing the attacker's face, she was still startled.
No wonder the person could hide under the carriage axle; it was a child whose body had not yet finished growing.
That face, so thin the cheeks were sunken, held a pair of light brown eyes unique to the Southern Qiang people. The honey-colored skin was peeling due to the cold and dryness, and the lips were pressed together stubbornly, as if this would prevent others from seeing that he was actually trembling.
"Don't... don't kill me, I just wanted a drink of water..."
Xiao Nanhui's movements slowed down unconsciously, but the alertness lurking in her blood did not dissipate, reminding her that this scene was definitely not that simple.
When had he hidden under the carriage? How could a child just looking for water have hidden under the axle for so many days?
In that moment of hesitation, a fierce light suddenly flashed in the child's eyes. The hand hidden in his sleeve whipped out, his pale fist tightly gripping a short knife ground from sheep bone, lunging directly at her abdomen.
This strike carried an unreserved ruthlessness, but for someone like Xiao Nanhui who had practiced martial arts for years, it was still too slow.
Her hand moved like lightning. Before the boy could react, the sheep-bone knife flew out and landed in the dust.
Failing the strike, he stubbornly crawled back up. Seeing the dagger at her waist, he gave a loud roar and lunged to grab it. She caught both his shoulders with one hand and, with a surge of force, dislocated half his arm.
The boy grimaced in pain, unable to move, yet he still refused to make a sound.
The Southern Qiang tribe was famously fierce and difficult to tame; Xiao Nanhui knew this well. Even though the opponent was a child, she didn't leave much room for error.
"Who sent you?"
The boy stiffened his neck and said nothing. Beads of sweat rolled down his face and trembled as they dripped onto the back of her hand.
Her fingers tightened, increasing the pressure by another twenty percent. The child finally couldn't bear it and cried out.
"No one... no one ordered me! I came on my own!"
She gave a cold laugh. "On your own? Setting aside that the Tiancheng army's route is top secret, there are four separate columns of the returning army from the Bi Border. Which one the King's carriage is in is even more of a secret. How did you know?"
"What King's carriage? The person I want to kill is you! I followed you to get here..."
This time, Xiao Nanhui was stunned. She looked closely at the child's face, unsure if he was craftily lying to find an opportunity to escape.
"Do you even know who I am? To make up such a lie..."
To her surprise, the boy suddenly became agitated, forcing his head around to stare into her eyes. "The traitor Pan Yao'er! Everyone has the right to kill her! The elders said that cutting off your head would avenge the thousands of Southern Qiang people who were killed! Everyone in the village will pray for me!"
The hands Xiao Nanhui had firmly clamped on the child's arms finally loosened involuntarily. Looking at that face distorted by pain, a sense of familiarity rose in her heart.
"You are... from the village?"
"Does Chief Pan forget us so quickly? But the people of the Bi Border will remember! The guest they treated so well, the honored guest they sat at the head of the table, ultimately brought war and became the jackal occupying their home! A lackey! The Emperor's lackey!"
Her heart skipped a beat. She looked at that face covered in mud and filled with hatred, feeling as if she were looking at the stains of her own handiwork.
No, it shouldn't be like this.
She wasn't the one who started the war. Everything she did was simply what a soldier of Tiancheng had to do.
"If you aren't people of the Bi Border, you can be people of Tiancheng. You used to have no water to drink, and your grazing lands were always stolen. The future will be better than the past..."
"That man named Bai said the same thing before, but what happened in the end? In the end, no one kept their promise! Liars! You are all liars! The gods will punish you and make you pay for what you did today! You will fall into the hell of karmic fire and icy caves, and your hearts will suffer the pain of being forsaken by all..."
She watched the resentment in the child's eyes spread everywhere, and suddenly she thought of An Lü's face in the water dungeon that day.
History truly was just the same play with different actors; only those who held the script were immersed in it, unable to see the direction of the future.
Should she kill him here? Because one day, he too would be consumed by hatred and become another An Lü.
But the hand gripping the dagger eventually loosened.
She had already taken away their hope; she couldn't bring herself to take away their lives as well.
Soldiers nearby had heard the commotion and were looking over. Xiao Nanhui turned her hand and drove the dagger deep into the carriage shaft.
"Get out of here. Go as far as you can. If I see you again, I will have to kill you."
The boy scrambled to his feet and ran into the thicket. Before vanishing, he turned back one last time and glared at her fiercely.
" I can't beat you! But if you ever return to Suyan, someone will surely kill you!"
****** ****** ******
Half an hour later, the attendant who had been out on duty finally returned.
Today was his shift. The Emperor had barely spoken these past few days, and the surrounding atmosphere was often colder than the dead of winter. Every time he finished his duty, it felt as if he had just returned from a stroll through the gates of hell.
He had just bowed to withdraw when the Emperor’s footsteps suddenly stopped.
The attendant was somewhat anxious. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the Emperor standing before his carriage, head lowered, seemingly looking at something.
After a while, the Emperor walked away with the cold, sword-bearing guard.
The attendant breathed a sigh of relief and walked forward to look.
On the snow, there was only a single, lonely line of footprints stretching into the distance. It seemed someone had stood here for a while and then turned back the way they came.
By the campfire, Xiao Nanhui sat with her hands on her knees, motionless for a long time.
The night grew deep, and the camp became quiet, with only the rhythmic footsteps of the patrolling soldiers echoing in turns.
Bo Lao had finished the last three sweet potatoes by the fire and had snatched the bedding Nanhui had laid out, falling into a deep sleep.
Nanhui stared at the blazing fire before her, as if seeing the great fire when she left the Bi Border.
Once upon a time, she had thought that one day she could return to that lovely, simple village with her head held high.
But people truly must pay the price for what they have done.
Although she could still return to that land in the future, the mere thought that she would encounter a situation like the one just now made a wave of unspeakable desolation surge in her heart.
She never regretted the path she chose, and there was no room to turn back on the path life had taken.
Perhaps this was the final destiny for her and Suyan.
*Nanhui*—Hard to return.
She could no longer go south and return to her homeland.
***
**Glossary**
Chinese | English | Notes/Explanation
---|---|---
三目关 | Sanmu Pass | A strategic pass.
阙城 | Quecheng | The capital city of Tiancheng.
白鹤留 | Bai Heliu | The leader of the Bai clan rebels.
岳泽军 | Yueze Army | A division of the Tiancheng military.
彤城 | Tongcheng | A city near the border.
纪州 | Jizhou | Ji Province.
赤州 | Chizhou | Chi Province.
怒江 | Nu River | A river prone to flooding.
冢山 | Zhongshan | Mound Mountains; a desolate mountain range.
光要营 | Guangyao Battalion | The military unit Xiao Nanhui belongs to.
肃北 | Subei | Northern Peace; refers to the northern border armies.
晚城 | Wancheng | A city known for its warm climate and herbs.
杜鹃 | Du Juan | A character from Xiao Nanhui's past/household.
韘形佩 | Archer's ring pendant | A jade pendant shaped like an archer's thumb ring (she-shaped).
雪迷殿 | Hall of Snow Mystery | A location in the palace (Xue-mi Palace).
潘姚儿 | Pan Yao'er | Xiao Nanhui's alias while undercover in Suyan.
宿岩 | Suyan | The village in the Bi Border where Nanhui stayed.
南回 | Nanhui | The protagonist's name (Returning South); also a pun on "Hard to Return" (难回).
