Su Jingming didn't understand the true meaning behind Su Qicheng’s words that night. Aside from feeling a sharp, stinging ache in his heart, he didn't have many other thoughts.
He had once believed he no longer cared what Su Qicheng thought of him. Now, he realized that was merely a self-delusion.
He had to admit that Su Qicheng’s breakdown that night had impacted him immensely. Whether he was in class or back in the dormitory, his mind drifted back to that evening.
The white hair at Su Qicheng’s temples and his suppressed sobbing were scenes Su Jingming would never be able to forget. Even in his dreams, he saw Su Qicheng sitting on the living room sofa, drinking hard liquor alone, smoking, sighing silently with the corners of his eyes rimmed with red.
Had Su Qicheng truly repented?
Su Jingming didn't dare believe it, nor did he want to.
It was too difficult—nothing was harder than this.
Su Jingming rarely felt so paralyzed, as if a rope were pulling at him, preventing him from moving forward or retreating. Staying in place was a torture akin to ants gnawing at his heart.
He couldn't make sense of it.
"Little Hero?" Wen Yan called out to him.
Su Jingming snapped back to reality, realizing he had been spacing out for a long time.
"What are you thinking about?" Seeing his distracted state, Wen Yan grew concerned. It had been several days since Su Jingming returned from the Su house, and his mental state had been on a steady decline. This wasn't a good sign.
Wen Yan never pried too much into the affairs of the Su family, and Su Jingming never brought them up.
Su Jingming instinctively looked into Wen Yan’s eyes, his lips pressed thin. "I was thinking..."
He hesitated, not knowing where to begin.
Their gazes met inadvertently, and whenever he saw the shimmering light in the other’s eyes, it felt as though nothing was truly too difficult to say.
Su Jingming took a few deep breaths. He wanted to ask Wen Yan if he would choose to forgive Su Qicheng if he were in his shoes.
"Wen Yan," Su Jingming said, "if your father had done something terrible to you in the past, but was now repentant, would you forgive him?"
Wen Yan listened and thought seriously, his gaze never leaving Su Jingming’s eyes.
After a moment of silence, he said, "...I probably would."
This answer was within Su Jingming’s expectations. With a personality like Wen Yan’s, it was hard for him to reject someone’s penance.
"That’s just my personal view. As for you..." Wen Yan smiled. "You are different from everyone else. My opinion shouldn't be your final decision, but I will support whatever choice you make. So, you don't need to hesitate or overthink. Just follow your heart and move forward. I’ll always be right behind you."
Su Jingming nearly forgot to breathe upon hearing those words. His hands, resting on his lap, tightened. It felt as if a warm current had surged into his heart, flowing into its deepest recesses.
In the next instant, Su Jingming seemed to reach a monumental decision.
He grabbed his jacket from the chair and prepared to head out. Wen Yan was quick to catch his arm.
"Where are you going?"
"Home."
Wen Yan’s fingertips were cool. His thumb slowly brushed against the skin of Su Jingming’s wrist as he looked up at him. "I’ll go with you."
This time, Su Jingming headed toward home filled with hope.
A seventeen-year-old youth, brimming with the vitality of his age, stepped through the bright sunlight, full of hope for the future and anticipation for the present.
They walked through the familiar long alleys, listening to the cries of street vendors.
Su Jingming felt a spark of interest and pointed out a cotton candy stall to Wen Yan. "That boss has been selling cotton candy for many years. His tastes better than the others."
Wen Yan raised an eyebrow, preparing to buy a stick for Su Jingming.
Su Jingming pulled him back. "Don't buy it. I don't really like sweets anymore."
"Why?"
"Because... I ate too much when I was little and ended up with a mouth full of cavities." Su Jingming grimaced, seemingly recalling the experience of visiting the dentist.
Wen Yan imagined a young Su Jingming holding an Ultraman figure in one hand and cotton candy in the other. He must have been a very well-behaved child.
"Were you shouting about wanting to become Tiga back then too?"
Su Jingming raised an eyebrow noncommittally. "...Yeah."
Wen Yan laughed, his expression softening. He went ahead and bought a stick of cotton candy anyway.
Su Jingming watched him walk back with the cotton candy, his eyes full of tenderness. Wen Yan handed it to him. "Remember to brush your teeth properly after eating this today."
Su Jingming squinted at the cotton candy for a while, his lips twitching. "Brother, are you trying to coax a toddler with this rabbit-shaped cotton candy?"
Wen Yan’s breathing grew heavy at the sound of that "Brother."
His gaze suddenly became filled with desire. "Yeah, it's for coaxing a child." He paused, lowering his voice. "How about I help you brush your teeth tonight?"
Based on Su Jingming’s recent understanding of Wen Yan, he felt that "brushing teeth" was definitely not that simple.
He chose not to reply and instead took a bite out of the rabbit's ear.
"That won't be necessary!"
As he ate the cotton candy, Su Jingming pointed out another spot to Wen Yan. "That boss over there has been selling 'secret martial arts manuals' for years."
He gestured with his chin toward a mountain of books piled on the ground.
"There's the Nine Yang Manual, the Nine Yin Manual, the Eighteen Dragon Subduing Palms..."
Wen Yan’s eyes flickered. "Did you ever buy one?"
"How could I?" Su Jingming said righteously. "I'm an Ultraman. I don't need those flashy tricks."
Wen Yan thought about it; it made sense. Since Su Jingming had idolized Tiga since childhood, he probably wasn't interested in Wuxia.
"Mainly because I bought a copy of the Sunflower Manual back then and didn't manage to learn a thing. One-star review."
"..."
Su Jingming led Wen Yan through every long alley. Places that were once the haziest parts of his memory suddenly became clear in this moment.
He gradually relaxed, smiling as he told Wen Yan the stories that had happened on every street corner, leaving behind the traces of his existence.
It was only then that Wen Yan truly felt it.
This was the real Su Jingming—someone who could laugh and feel nostalgia for the past.
In this moment, his face was no longer indifferent; he seemed to truly inhabit his own flesh and blood.
The two of them walked through every corner of the alleys, truly experiencing the mundane beauty of the world.
Su Jingming became more and more relaxed, even the curve of his eyes softening with warmth.
They stood facing each other at the base of the residential building, both of them sporting fine beads of sweat on their foreheads.
Wen Yan took a pack of wet wipes from his pocket and unabashedly wiped the sweat from Su Jingming’s forehead. He said, "Go on. I'll wait for you down here, and then we'll head back to school together."
"Okay." Su Jingming reached out and squeezed Wen Yan’s fingers, his throat bobbing. "Thank you."
Wen Yan raised an eyebrow. "There are many ways to thank me. It won't be too late to do it later."
Su Jingming narrowed his eyes and let go of Wen Yan’s hand.
He turned around, took a few deep breaths, and was just about to step inside.
Wen Yan called out to him: "Little Hero."
Su Jingming looked back. "Yeah?"
"You are the light," Wen Yan said. "So, don't be afraid."
Bolstered by Wen Yan’s words, Su Jingming summoned his courage. But just as he was about to take that first step forward—
A figure suddenly flashed before his eyes, followed by a violent sound.
*THUD—*
Su Jingming’s gaze slowly drifted downward. The surrounding crowd suddenly erupted in screams.
"Someone jumped!"
"Is he dead?!"
"Call 120, quick!"
"Someone jumped off the building!"
"Isn't that... the man from the Su family?!"
"Isn't that his son right in front of him?!"
Su Jingming’s breath hitched. Su Qicheng lay limp on the ground, his eyes wide open, crimson fluid leaking from his mouth and nose. Su Jingming instantly felt the pungent scent of blood fill his nostrils. His entire body went rigid with shock. The blood beneath his feet spread further and further, staining the soles of his shoes and turning his vision red.
That night, Su Qicheng had said: *“It’s my fault you became like this.”*
Su Jingming suddenly understood. So that was it. This was Su Qicheng’s way of seeking redemption.
Suddenly, a pair of well-defined hands covered his eyes from behind, and a voice called out repeatedly in his ear, "Little Hero, Little Hero..."
Su Jingming could hear nothing and see nothing. He stared blankly into the darkness before him.
The world seemed to pause at that moment.
Only Su Qicheng remained in his vision.
He stood there, and Su Qicheng lay there.
The distance between them suddenly grew further and further, until he could no longer see Su Qicheng’s body, yet the blood beneath his feet became more vivid, forming a massive red line between them.
A red line connected by blood.
*"It's my fault."*
Su Qicheng’s words echoed in his ears.
His fault. He used his life to end his mistake.
Su Jingming’s rigid body suddenly began to tremble violently. Wen Yan frowned, trying to steady him. "Su Jingming!"
He couldn't hear him.
Su Jingming wanted to pull away the hands covering his eyes, but he found he had no strength left. He leaned powerlessly against the person behind him.
His entire frame shook uncontrollably, and his heart began to beat frantically.
He tried to breathe deeply, but no oxygen seemed to enter his chest.
It was suffocating—so suffocating he wanted to die.
*"Su Jingming, it's all your damn fault..."*
*"If it weren't for the fact that you're my son..."*
*"I would have beaten you to death long ago..."*
*"I hope your tomorrow is bright and your future is brilliant."*
*"Now, Papa doesn't know if you still like it..."*
*"That's good, then. That's good."*
*"Papa was truly wrong..."*
Su Jingming sank into the darkness, able to hear only the things Su Qicheng had once said to him.
The blood beneath his feet formed a river, a chasm he would never be able to cross in this lifetime. He stood frozen in place; he could no longer see the person behind him, nor could his body perceive his surroundings.
Like a person who had lost all five senses, he silently collapsed into the cold city of May.
There were exactly thirty days left until his eighteenth birthday.
***
Chinese | English | Notes/Explanation
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迪迦 | Tiga | Refers to Ultraman Tiga, a popular entry in the Ultraman franchise.
九阳神功 | Nine Yang Manual | A famous fictional martial arts technique from Jin Yong's Wuxia novels.
九阴真经 | Nine Yin Manual | A famous fictional martial arts technique from Jin Yong's Wuxia novels.
降龙十八掌 | Eighteen Dragon Subduing Palms | A famous fictional martial arts technique from Jin Yong's Wuxia novels.
葵花宝典 | Sunflower Manual | A notorious martial arts manual from "The Smiling, Proud Wanderer" that requires self-castration to learn.
120 | 120 | The emergency telephone number for medical services in Mainland China.
凉城 | Liangcheng | Literally "Cool City," likely the name of the setting.
