Wei Zhi sat motionless on the bench outside Consultation Room 3, waiting for the paging system to call her name.
The lobby of the Mental Health Center was spacious and empty. The walls were painted a cold, sterile gray-white, and light spilled down from fluorescent tubes set into the high ceiling. The floor tiles reflected a chilly luster, and every footstep echoed through the silent space like a stone dropped into a still lake.
A few rows of seats were scattered around her. Most were empty, save for a few patients or family members sitting quietly with downcast eyes, looking as though they were isolated from the outside world. The air was thick with the scent of disinfectant and cleaning agents, mixed with an indescribable sense of oppression. Occasionally, someone would speak in a low voice, but the sound was quickly swallowed by the surrounding silence, leaving no trace behind.
At the distant nurse's station, several medical staff members in neat uniforms worked with serious, focused expressions. Their movements were swift and mechanical, as if they were executing a precise program. A glass door at the end of the corridor opened slightly from time to time, letting in a faint breeze, but it soon closed automatically, restoring the previous stillness.
Wei Zhi usually didn't pay much attention to the people here, just as she didn't want to be observed by others. But today, a man caught her eye.
He looked like a police officer.
He sat on a bench two rows ahead of her with his back turned. Although he was dressed in ordinary clothes, the sound of his voice on the phone drifted faintly into Wei Zhi’s ears.
"...Li Meng appeared in Yunnan? Did you catch him?"
"...Right... Once he's in the net..."
Before he could finish his call, a sudden outburst of shouting and the sound of things being smashed erupted from Consultation Room 4. Despite the doctor's attempts to soothe and stop the commotion, the situation showed no sign of improving.
The people waiting outside the consultation rooms all turned to look. At the nearby nurse's station, several nurses ran over quickly, while one picked up the phone, seemingly to call security.
"...Tell me immediately if there are any new developments."
Wei Zhi watched as the man hung up, stood, and strode into Consultation Room 4.
There was a sound like something being pinned down onto a desk, and simultaneously, the noise inside the room ceased. The nurses who had rushed over stopped at the door. After a moment, a disgruntled patient and his family members walked out.
"Patient Zhang Kaiyang, please proceed to Psychiatric Consultation Room 4," the mechanical voice of the paging system announced within the small area.
The man did not come out of the room.
For some reason, Wei Zhi remembered his name—perhaps because she had never expected to encounter a policeman here.
"Patient Wei Zhi, please proceed to Psychiatric Consultation Room 3."
As the paging system sounded, Wei Zhi stood up and entered the room.
"Hello, please have a seat." Dr. Li offered a gentle smile when he saw Wei Zhi. "How have you been lately? Any new feelings or changes?"
Li Xianguo sat steadily in his chair, his hair entirely white. He wore a neat white coat, and his desk was organized with files and notes, everything appearing in perfect order.
"I've run out of medicine," Wei Zhi said.
Dr. Li had been seeing Wei Zhi for years and knew her prescription by heart. As he operated the computer to issue her refill, he spoke:
"Medication only serves an auxiliary role; your psychological state is also very important. How is your relationship with your family going?"
Wei Zhi was silent for a moment before saying, "...Much better than before."
"Is that so? Improving family relationships is crucial for your emotional stability," Dr. Li smiled. "In what ways specifically has it improved?"
"I’ve started to understand them," Wei Zhi said. "Everyone makes mistakes. Because of their limited cognitive perspective, they don't even realize they are doing anything wrong. If I insist on their sudden enlightenment, I only trap myself in a cage of pain. The only one being tortured is me."
"Very good." Dr. Li smiled with relief. "As long as you realize this, your heart can find freedom."
Dr. Li adjusted her dosage and issued the prescription again. After leaving Consultation Room 3, Wei Zhi passed by the door of Room 4 and intentionally glanced inside.
the policeman was no longer there.
***
"Your brother is here to see you."
When Tan Mengyan notified her over the phone once again, Wei Zhi wasn't surprised in the least.
It had only been two weeks since he had taken six thousand yuan from her. This time, he opened his mouth and asked for ten thousand.
Standing in the alleyway next to the gallery, Wei Zhi looked at the person before her.
"...Where do you think I can go to borrow ten thousand yuan for you?"
"Brother-in-law is so rich, you can't even produce ten thousand? Don't make me laugh." Wei Lai stuffed his new phone into his pocket. "Just find an excuse—say you're going to get a beauty treatment, and the ten thousand will be there, won't it? Brother-in-law isn't the stingy type!"
"Last time, you said it was the last time you'd ask me for money."
"Last time, Dad made me ask. This time, I'm asking for myself. Give me ten thousand a month, and I promise I won't bother you. I'll even help cover for you in front of Brother-in-law so he never finds out about your debts!"
"Ten thousand a month?" Wei Zhi laughed instead of getting angry. "Why don't you just go ask Ji Qikun directly?"
"Aren't you afraid I'll tell him about your debts?"
"At worst, we'll default together and go to hell together," Wei Zhi said. "Isn't that all there is to it?"
"Fine, you're not afraid of defaulting. But do you not care about Mom's life or death either?"
"Wei Lai! Don't be so shameless!"
"Who's the shameless one?" Wei Lai became equally agitated. "You're the one who left me behind to go live a good life alone! When you're out there eating and drinking well with a man, do you ever think about how I feel? Yes, Dad doesn't dare hit you now, but have you thought about who's the one taking the beatings for you?!"
Wei Zhi was so choked with rage she couldn't speak for a moment.
"Are you giving me the money or not?"
"I told you, that was the last time."
Wei Zhi turned to leave, but Wei Lai stepped forward to block her path.
"Move!" Wei Zhi snapped.
"You won't give it, right? Then I'll tell you the truth." Wei Lai sneered. "Actually, that medicine you've been buying for Mom? I swapped it for a cheap generic version two years ago."
Wei Lai's voice was calm, but to Wei Zhi, it was like a bolt from the blue. Her body swayed, and she looked at him in disbelief.
"What... did you say?"
"I didn't have a choice. I had online loans to pay back and couldn't find a job." Wei Lai spoke righteously, without a hint of shame. "Imatinib is twenty-one thousand a box. The generic drug with the same effect is only four hundred and thirty. Mom's condition didn't improve even when she took the expensive stuff, which proves the expensive stuff is useless—"
"But I'm not the heartless type. I give Mom two thousand yuan a month for living expenses."
An uncontrollable rage surged from the depths of Wei Zhi's heart, like lava before a volcanic eruption, rolling and boiling in her chest.
Her eyes widened, nearly spitting fire, but she couldn't say a word. She felt as though an invisible hand was tightly gripping her throat, making even breathing difficult.
"You... didn't you say that was money you earned from a part-time job in customer service?"
"How much can you make in customer service?" Wei Lai said dismissively.
Wei Zhi's voice trembled, every word squeezed out from between her teeth: "How could you do this? Is Mom's life worth so little to you?"
Tears welled in her eyes, but she forced them back. She didn't want to show any weakness before this shameless person. Anger and pain intertwined, making her entire body shake.
"Do you have any idea how important those pills are to Mom? Do you know how hard I worked to buy them for her?"
Wei Zhi's voice grew higher, yet the volume remained low, a hoarse whisper forced from the depths of her throat. Her voice was full of fury, yet carried a suppressed rationality, as if she were desperately trying to keep herself from exploding.
"To satisfy your own desires, you treated Mom's life like a game!"
"How could you do this? How could you be so heartless?" Wei Zhi's voice remained sharp and low, every word squeezed from the deepest part of her heart, filled with agony and despair.
"If I had a choice, I wouldn't want to use that kind of money either." Wei Lai stared coldly at Wei Zhi. "So, as long as you give me ten thousand a month, I promise you I'll never swap Mom's medicine again."
Wei Zhi felt an unprecedented sense of powerlessness. She wanted to rush forward and slap Wei Lai hard, but she ultimately restrained herself. She remembered her identity, where she was, and what she was doing—there was no room for even a slight slip-up.
She swallowed all the bitterness and tears, forcing her face back into an expressionless mask.
"...I need time to raise the money."
***
After many days, Wei Zhi returned to the Wei family home once again.
Since Ji Qikun might not necessarily agree to her going home, and because he happened to be away from the gallery today attending an art fair, Wei Zhi left work early without asking for leave.
In the eyes of her colleagues, she was already someone who left early without reason; one more time wouldn't make a difference.
Deep in the familiar alley was the familiar Wei family convenience store. Wang Lin sat on a small chair behind the threshold, wearing reading glasses and watching a show on a cracked old phone.
The moment Wei Zhi saw her, her throat constricted, and a powerful wave of bitterness flooded her chest.
Before she could speak, Wang Lin looked up at the sound of footsteps. Seeing Wei Zhi standing in the alley, her face filled with disbelief.
"Xiao Zhi... you're back?" She stood up urgently, her eyes sparkling with joy. "Have you eaten? Shall Mom make you something?"
Wei Zhi stopped in front of the store.
"Don't bother. I just came back to talk to you."
"I see..." A flash of disappointment crossed Wang Lin's face, but it was immediately masked by a smile. "Then let Mom get you a Coke!"
Wang Lin picked up a can of Coke from the counter. Before handing it to Wei Zhi, she wiped the can repeatedly with a clean towel until it was shiny and new, then offered it to Wei Zhi with a pleasing look.
She didn't take it.
Wang Lin's hand hung in mid-air, the smile on her face becoming uneasy.
"Where is the medicine I bought for you?" Wei Zhi asked.
"It's here."
Wang Lin looked puzzled. Although she didn't know Wei Zhi's intention, she put down the Coke and went into the back room behind the wooden door. After a moment, she came out with a vitamin bottle.
Wei Zhi took the bottle and twisted it open. Inside were white tablets that looked extremely similar to Imatinib.
"Why is it in this bottle? Where is the original box?"
"The boxes take up too much space, so I moved them to this bottle."
"Who told you the boxes take up space? Was it Wei Lai?"
Wang Lin looked at her in surprise.
"Taking this... do you not feel anything wrong?" Wei Zhi gripped the bottle tightly, her voice distorted as she squeezed out the words one by one.
"Mom is sick; it's normal to feel unwell. It has nothing to do with the medicine," Wang Lin smiled.
"Everything is normal in your eyes. What exactly is abnormal then? Me?!"
Her voice suddenly turned shrill, every word a roar erupting from the depths of her throat, filled with a grief that had been suppressed to the limit and finally exploded. Her voice trembled with a near-manic questioning:
"Do you know that the medicine you're taking was swapped long ago by your precious son?!"
Wang Lin stared at her in shock, her lips quivering.
"He... how could he? There must be some misunderstanding, right?"
"You think he's not capable of such a thing?" Wei Zhi fought back tears. "Do you know that the medicine I buy for you is twenty-one thousand a box? Two boxes a month is forty-two thousand. And he convinced you to put the pills in a vitamin bottle just so he could swap your medicine for a generic version that costs four hundred!"
"This... this medicine is that expensive?" Wang Lin's face turned pale. "Where did you get that kind of money?"
"...Can you still not imagine where the money came from?"
The last trace of color drained from Wang Lin's face.
"I didn't hesitate to sacrifice my own life to save you... I fought with everything I had to pull you out of this toxic swamp called 'home.' I begged you time and again to leave this place, but you trampled my heart under your feet over and over, telling me that my sacrifice, my efforts, everything I could offer as a tribute—it was all meaningless." Wei Zhi's tears finally broke free. "...I only understand now that wanting to save others is just a self-righteous delusion. At the end of that road lies only self-destruction."
"I can't save anyone... because I can't even save myself!"
Wang Lin's face was soaked with tears. Two clear tracks of moisture slid slowly down her weathered cheeks, eventually merging at her chin and dripping softly onto her collar.
Her lips trembled as if she wanted to say something, but the words were choked in her throat.
The extreme emotions triggered a somatization response in Wei Zhi. Her hands began to shake uncontrollably, her heart raced as if it were about to leap out of her chest, and her throat felt parched, as if countless needles were pricking her windpipe. Her stomach churned with a rolling pain, the discomfort making her want to vomit. She felt like a machine on the verge of collapse, every component groaning in protest.
Meanwhile, her tears were like a river in the rainy season, rushing angrily down her face.
Amidst this extreme emotional and physical agony, Wei Zhi felt her soul disintegrating bit by bit.
Wang Lin tried to place her hand on Wei Zhi's violently trembling arm, but Wei Zhi immediately threw the hand off. "Don't touch me!"
*Don't touch me—my heart is already dead.*
In this silence, Wei Zhi felt as though she had fallen into a bottomless abyss where there was no light, no warmth, only cold echoes. The fire that had once burned fiercely in her chest was now nothing but wisps of drifting smoke.
"I didn't know... I didn't know it would be like this..."
Wang Lin watched her collapsing daughter through a blur of tears. Her fingers instinctively brushed her cheeks, trying to wipe away the non-stop flow, but new tears quickly took their place.
In that moment, the version of herself she had long ago buried resurfaced before her eyes.
The self who was forced by her father to drop out of school so her brother could study.
The self who was sold by her family to the village thug, Wei Shan, for two thousand yuan, kneeling before her parents and begging.
The self who had agreed to elope with a lover, only for him to flee at the last moment, leaving her to be caught by her family at the train station.
"If you dare run again, I'll beat your mother to death!"
The smell of sweat on her father, the blood-stained club in his hand, and his bloodshot, swollen eyes—everything terrified her. And her mother had only stood by, silently wiping away tears.
She had been imprisoned by her mother, and to protect her mother, she had become yet another mother. And now her daughter, because of her, had stepped onto the same path.
"I just... I just..." Wang Lin couldn't finish a sentence, because once the numbness was broken, the sediment of decades of pain surged toward her all at once.
She had simply given up on her own life. To escape the immense pain of living, she had extinguished her sense of self. All that remained was the identity of "Wei Shan's wife, mother of Wei Zhi and Wei Lai."
Only by killing herself with her own hands could she isolate herself from the pain.
If she didn't do this, she couldn't survive.
She just hadn't expected that even for the life she herself had abandoned, her daughter was still on the shore, desperately reaching out a hand to her.
"I'm sorry... I'm sorry, Xiao Zhi... Mom was wrong..."
Wei Zhi looked at the weeping Wang Lin with a wooden expression.
"This is the last time I will ask you. Are you coming with me, or are you staying?"
***
Wei Zhi left, having promised to pick her up at eight o'clock the next morning.
For the first time in her life, Wang Lin closed the convenience store's rolling shutter before dark, even though she would surely face a beating if Wei Shan saw this when he returned from gambling.
To her current self, that was no longer worth fearing.
In front of the store, she had asked with dazed anxiety:
"If I leave here, where can I go?"
"You'll stay with me first, and I'll slowly find a place for you."
"Will Qikun agree?"
"If he doesn't, we'll move out," Wei Zhi said. "As long as we're together, we can get through any difficulty."
"But the medicine is so expensive... you already owe so much money..."
"It's okay, trust me. I have a way to get the money to pay off the debts."
"Xiao Zhi, tell Mom the truth. Did you stay with Ji Qikun just for the money?"
"...Does it make a difference?"
Wang Lin could not forget the desperate resolve in her daughter's eyes. Wei Zhi said she had sacrificed her life for her, but Wang Lin knew better than anyone that Wei Zhi had sacrificed far more than that.
She sat in the convenience store, slowly flipping through a photo album. A tungsten bulb with a yellowed, discolored filament hung from a wire, its dim light flickering in the cramped space.
In the album, Wei Zhi grew from a tiny infant into the graceful young woman she was today.
Tears fell one by one onto the transparent plastic film of the album. Wang Lin smiled and wiped them away again and again, but the tears only came faster.
She was a dutiful daughter, but she was not a dutiful mother.
But in the matter of loving her daughter more than her own life, nothing would ever change, not then and not ever.
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