Wei Shan’s autopsy results were delivered to Wei Zhi later that day. As she had suspected, it was a sudden death caused by cardiac issues.
After Wei Shan was cremated, Wei Zhi watched the desolate burial ceremony alone.
The people she was supposed to call her grandfather and grandmother had fallen ill upon hearing the news of their only son’s sudden death. Although they did not attend, the two elders made a point of borrowing a neighbor’s phone to call Wei Zhi’s mobile, furiously cursing her as a "jinx" and a "lone star of ill omen."
Hearing that the two elders still had such spirit, Wei Zhi hung up the phone, feeling relieved.
Since the onset of autumn, a fine, drizzling rain had been constant. Dressed in a black suit, Wei Zhi personally placed Wei Lai’s belongings and Wei Shan’s funerary urn into the grave, watching as the workers shoveled the final mound of earth.
The father and son who loved each other so much would surely be happy to be reunited in death.
As for Wang Lin’s grave, due to Wei Shan’s stinginess, it was located in a small, remote cemetery on the outskirts of the city. Although the transportation was inconvenient, the scenery was beautiful, quiet, and pleasant. Wei Zhi believed that as long as she wasn't buried with Wei Shan, any place would be heaven for her mother.
She opened her umbrella again and turned to leave the graves of Wei Shan and Wei Lai.
The autumn rain, blown by a light breeze, slanted under the umbrella. It felt as smooth and cold as silk, landing on the diamond ring on her left ring finger. The moisture of the rain and mist made the diamond even more dazzling.
That was the gift Ji Qikun had given her the previous night.
Under the half-dim moonlight, they had leaned together on the soft sofa, and Ji Qikun had opened the jewelry box in front of her. The moonlight cast a blurred luster over the five-carat diamond; the shimmering light dancing on its facets looked like a flowing lake.
"This is our wedding ring," he had said, gazing at her tenderly. "I originally wanted to give it to you on the day we registered our marriage, but because it was custom-made, it wasn't ready in time. That’s why it was delayed until today."
Ji Qikun picked up the massive diamond ring. "Try it on. See if it fits."
Wei Zhi extended her left hand and watched as he gently slid the ring onto her ring finger. The brilliance of the diamond transferred to her finger; even her pale pink fingernails seemed more moist and bright under the moonlight.
"A perfect fit," Ji Qikun said with satisfaction, his expression like that of an artist who had just completed a masterpiece.
Wei Zhi picked up the other jewelry box nearby, took out the men's ring, and slowly placed it on Ji Qikun’s left ring finger.
The cold, sharp light of the pavé diamonds made the veins on the back of his hand even more prominent.
He used that hand to clasp Wei Zhi’s.
The rings overlapped, and a cold sensation passed between their fingers. Marriage locked them firmly together, with nowhere to escape.
"Never take it off," Ji Qikun said, looking at her with deep affection. "You are a gift sent to me by heaven, Xiao Zhi."
***
Wei Zhi drove away from the cemetery.
Sitting in the spacious driver's seat, she stared at the world outside through the rhythmic swaying of the windshield wipers. Raindrops tapped gently against the window glass, making a fine, continuous sound. The scenery outside became blurred and hazy under the washing of the rain; the distant mountains and nearby trees were all shrouded in a thin layer of mist.
The trees along the road had already begun to change into autumn colors—gold, deep red, and brownish-tan intertwined, appearing even more vivid in the drizzle. As the car entered the city, pedestrians carrying umbrellas began to appear on the streets. They either held their umbrellas low or wrapped their coats tightly, their faces carrying a hint of haste and exhaustion.
The light rain seemed as if it would fall forever, painting the entire world in a blur. The buildings, shop signs, and the familiar yet strange streetscapes she passed flashed by her vision, leaving behind only a dim memory.
She parked the car in a roadside space, stepped out with her umbrella, and walked into the alleyway where everything had changed.
Wei Lai’s compensation money had been gambled away by Wei Shan in underground casinos, and his few remaining assets had been carved up by creditors. Even the long-closed grocery store had not been spared; the rolling shutter door had been violently pried open, and the goods inside had been looted.
Wei Zhi leaned her folded umbrella against the wall by the grocery store door and walked into the narrow shop alone.
She pushed open the rickety wooden door and went to the living area in the back. It was equally messy, looking as if a hurricane had swept through. Finding nothing of value, the creditors had vented their anger on the deceased homeowner, splashing red paint everywhere.
"Mom."
She stood in the empty, cluttered, cramped living room and called out softly.
She knew no one would respond to her call, but she couldn't help but cry out.
"Dad."
"Little brother."
After a person dies, past grievances no longer matter. All the hatred is like the gallbladder finally removed from a fish's belly—leaving only an unswallowable bitterness.
She whispered the names of the family members who could not possibly respond, covered her face, and slowly crouched down.
She was saying goodbye not only to her departed family but also to the version of herself that had constantly endured.
*"When a person faces danger and finds that all their efforts to resist and escape are useless, they fall into the deepest despair. In psychology, this despair is called 'trauma'."*
When she had asked what trauma was, that female doctor had said:
*"Trauma dismantles the self-protection system that is supposed to function in an integrated way. Perceptual abilities become distorted and dominated by fear; the ability to judge and discern fails, and even the sensory organs are no longer accurate. To distance themselves from anything that might trigger traumatic memories, the victim will actively stifle their own soul, giving up all autonomy and resistance—much like a rabbit freezing in place when facing a life-or-death crisis."*
*"The greatest characteristic of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder is the oscillation between the tearing sensation of trauma and a state of self-abandoning numbness. The instability produced by this periodic alternation exacerbates the victim's sense of loss of control and helplessness."*
*"A severe traumatic event is enough to destroy a person who was originally brave and talented. Because they once used all their strength and still failed to escape or overcome the disaster. After being traumatized, victims develop deep feelings of inferiority and guilt, even though they are the ones who were victimized. Because regretting that they didn't take better measures is easier to bear than admitting the reality of being completely defeated. Some people interpret this as 'weakness,' but on the contrary, it is the victim's self-protection system trying to learn a lesson from the harm and regain strength and a sense of control."*
That had been a very good doctor.
Although Wei Zhi no longer remembered her face, she remembered her gentle and calm expression, the faint scent of laundry detergent emanating from her clean white coat, and that indifferent temperament that seemed as vast and inclusive as the sky.
There were no suitable words to express the gratitude in Wei Zhi’s heart toward her, so she could only encapsulate it with the word "good."
Wei Zhi was grateful to her because she was the first person to truly see her pain.
Once upon a time, her body had been covered in the purple-and-blue welts of a belt. Year after year, she walked from one place to another, brushing past countless people—
And no one had ever seen her.
The sound of a kicked-over seasoning jar interrupted her memories. Wei Zhi lifted her tear-streaked face and, through her blurred vision, saw Zhang Kaiyang’s tall, thin figure in his police uniform.
There was a complex look in his eyes.
Wei Zhi wiped her tears with her sleeve and stood up with a smile, as if she had donned the strong mask of an adult in the blink of an eye.
"Officer Zhang, what brings you here?" she asked in a slightly raspy voice.
"...I was on duty nearby and thought I’d come by to take a look. What happened here?" He looked at the mess at his feet. "Did someone come looking for trouble?"
"It was my dad’s creditors. It’s fine. It was our fault for not paying back the money we owed," she said with a smile.
"I heard this place is going to be sold?" Zhang Kaiyang asked.
"Yes, the bank took it. I came back today to pack some things."
"Do you need help?"
"No need," Wei Zhi scanned the surroundings and gave a bitter smile. "There’s not much left to take. I’ll be leaving in a bit."
Zhang Kaiyang fell silent. His expression made it hard for Wei Zhi to shut him out, so she took the initiative to speak:
"Since you’re here, Officer Zhang, why don't I show you around where I used to live?"
"...Is that okay?" Zhang Kaiyang looked up, his eyes showing surprise.
"I know you suspect that the things happening in my family are too coincidental. I understand you, Officer Zhang. Even I think it’s too coincidental," she said with a bitter smile. "But I have a clear conscience, so you can investigate however you like."
"...I'm sorry."
"It’s your duty. You don't need to say sorry," Wei Zhi said.
She openly led him on a tour of the Wei house—the tiny living room, the overturned tables and chairs. Her family of four had once squeezed in there, picking food from a single bowl. In all that time, it wasn't as if there hadn't been a single day of harmony.
"This is..."
Zhang Kaiyang suddenly crouched down, carefully tracing the carvings under the dining table.
Wei Zhi stood where she was, watching him with a smile.
"I carved those."
Zhang Kaiyang touched the clearly etched word "Die" (死), his expression indescribable.
Under the entire wooden dining table, it was covered in vicious curses.
*Why aren't you dead yet?*
*Go die.*
*Die die die die die.*
*It would be better if you were dead.*
Wei Zhi observed his expression and said softly, "Who do you think those are about?"
She didn't call him Officer Zhang. At first, he wasn't used to it, but he immediately realized that at this moment, the conversation was between Zhang Kaiyang and Wei Zhi, not Officer Zhang and the victim's family member, Wei Zhi.
"Who?" he asked back.
"Would you believe me?"
"...If you say it, I’ll believe it," he blurted out, his eyes full of sincerity.
Under such a gaze, Wei Zhi found it impossible to lie.
Her heart constricted in a pang of pain. At this moment, how she wished that back when she was curled up under this wooden table, she could have met a law enforcer like Zhang Kaiyang—or rather, met Zhang Kaiyang himself in his police uniform.
The trajectory of her life would surely have been entirely different.
"It was me," she said.
Zhang Kaiyang showed a look of confusion.
"The one I hated was myself," Wei Zhi said in a voice lighter than a dandelion seed, like a ghost. "I wished I would die. I wished I didn't exist at all. I wished I were a bird, a weed. I hated being human, I hated having joys and sorrows, I hated that I existed in this world."
As a young girl, she had cursed herself with the most vicious sentences.
She couldn't fight against those who were more powerful than her, so she could only point the blade at her own heart. As long as she died, all the pain would end.
She wished she didn't exist.
She hated her own life that much.
"Xiao Zhi, did you... engage in self-harm?"
The boomerang thrown ten years ago was only caught by Wei Zhi today.
"When my brother was little, he kept a dog. Later, my dad kicked the dog to death, but the stainless steel dog chain was left behind." She gazed at Zhang Kaiyang’s stunned face, her eyes curving into shimmering crescents. "I would use it to punish myself, just like my father did to me."
"Only when my whip marks covered his did my body belong to me again."
She laughed brightly, completely ignoring the tears that were flowing uncontrollably.
"That’s where I used to sleep, that little balcony. There used to be a folding bed, but it’s gone now. My dad probably sold it. I used to hide that dog chain under the bed. Later, after I started high school, I threw it away with the encouragement of a friend."
"I swore I would never punish myself for other people's mistakes again," she said with a smile.
"You..." Zhang Kaiyang’s voice was incredibly raspy, making it seem as if he were the one who had been hurt. "Did you ever ask a teacher or the police for help?"
"Do you think it would have been useful?"
He had no answer.
And because of that, his heart ached even more.
"...Then, how are you doing now?" he whispered. "Is Ji Qikun good to you?"
"He treats me very well." Wei Zhi stroked the diamond ring on her left ring finger and said with a smile, "Right now, I feel very happy."
Zhang Kaiyang didn't know how to describe the feeling in his heart at this moment. He both hoped that Wei Zhi, having gone through so much hardship, could live well, and hoped that the person wasn't Ji Qikun.
"...That’s good, then."
In the end, that was all he could say.
Zhang Kaiyang left, and the Wei house was once again left with only her. Every corner here held her memories—memories of how she was hurt, shattered, and completely destroyed, always floating above happiness and joy. They were more enduring than any other emotion.
Wei Zhi slowly cleaned up the mess on the floor. Although this home would soon no longer belong to her, she still wanted to do something for these remains.
While tidying Wei Lai’s room, she found a small locked drawer in the middle of the wardrobe.
Wei Lai liked to hide important things in the most inconspicuous places. This time was no different; the key to the drawer was hidden inside a paper bag of soft candies. Wei Zhi opened the small drawer and took out an old mobile phone.
After Wei Lai had begged Ji Qikun to buy him a new phone, this one had been phased out. She had thought Wei Lai had sold it long ago, but she hadn't expected it to still be in the house.
She sat on the edge of the bed and tried to turn it on. All of Wei Lai’s passwords were the last six digits of his QQ number; Wei Zhi knew them by heart.
After turning on, the phone automatically connected to the home Wi-Fi, which hadn't been disconnected yet.
A long string of message notifications popped up, making Wei Zhi’s eyes dizzy.
After a brief moment of adjustment, the final message appeared on the phone screen:
"You have been removed from the 'Dolphin House' group chat by the administrator."
***
Chinese | English | Notes/Explanation
---|---|---
灾星 | Jinx / Star of Calamity | Literally "calamity star," used to describe someone who brings bad luck.
天煞孤命 | Lone star of ill omen / Cursed to be alone | A fate in Chinese astrology where one is destined to be alone and bring misfortune to those close to them.
海豚之家 | Dolphin House | The name of a mysterious group chat found on Wei Lai's phone.
QQ号 | QQ number | A unique identification number for the popular Chinese instant messaging service, QQ.
