Xiao Fengtai regretted the invitation the very instant he extended it. Unfortunately, the human voice did not come with an "unsend" feature like an email. As expected, Jiang Tong did not agree immediately. Not only that, but his expression of shocked hesitation made Xiao Fengtai realize he had intruded upon Jiang Tong’s social boundaries.
*Have I exposed myself?* Xiao Fengtai thought despairingly. Jiang Tong might have—no, he definitely must have—sensed something. He had been too reckless, reckless to the point of stupidity. Xiao Fengtai knew very well that, in Jiang Tong’s heart, he was at most a somewhat precocious teenager. He had already drafted a comprehensive plan in his mind: how to gradually draw closer to Jiang Tong, how to permeate his life, and then, just as Jiang Tong opened his heart, how to perform a few innocent yet flirtatious gestures before making a quick getaway. When Jiang Tong was left bewildered by his actions, Xiao Fengtai would remain silent and temporarily vanish from his life—or at least pretend to.
That would be the critical moment. During the time Xiao Fengtai abruptly withdrew, the space he once occupied would become a vacuum that Jiang Tong could not fill. In that vacuum, Jiang Tong would feel Xiao Fengtai’s importance with a sense of panic. With just a little push—Lu She would be perfect for that—Jiang Tong would fall for him in a dizzying whirl.
Growing up, Xiao Fengtai had seen countless women use this exact technique on his father with unfailing success. He was confident he could surpass his teachers. After all, compared to those ambitious women, Xiao Fengtai’s goal was simple. He didn't want Van Cleef & Arpels, an Aston Martin, or a mansion in the Bay Area. He only wanted Jiang Tong. Using such a perfect and complex plan on Jiang Tong was practically—what was the phrase?—"using a heavy cleaver to butcher a chicken."
If only things had gone smoothly.
Now, everything was ruined. All because of his ill-timed recklessness. Those sentences had slipped past his lips like a jaunty tap dance before he could intercept them. Xiao Fengtai knew in his heart that he wanted Jiang Tong to see his performance. He wanted Jiang Tong to see him on stage, to see how others admired and praised him; he wanted to appear better in the man's eyes.
Yet, Jiang Tong’s reaction could now only remain within the realm of his imagination. In a single moment of uncontrollable longing, he had ruined everything.
He wanted to lower his head and avoid Jiang Tong’s gaze, but he found his entire body stiff, unable to move an inch. He watched helplessly as the smile gradually faded from Jiang Tong’s face. His gaze became unfamiliar, somewhat detached, and carried a hint of condescension, just like when they had first met.
He had to do something, anything, before things became irreparable.
"I was just asking casually," Xiao Fengtai squeezed the words through his teeth. "If you don't have time, then forget it."
*Stupid,* he thought. One wrong move led to another. He could imagine how he looked to Jiang Tong right now: a childish, willful teenager with a head full of fantasies, no different from any high schooler on the street.
What reason would Jiang Tong use to reject him? It would likely be that he was too busy with his experiments. He would never know how much Xiao Fengtai loved the way he looked when talking about his research. When speaking of those biological terms that Xiao Fengtai didn't understand at all, Jiang Tong’s eyes seemed to hold two flickering flames. He would unconsciously wear a smile, ignoring Xiao Fengtai’s puzzled expression as he spoke faster and faster, his pitch rising, even using gestures to emphasize his points. In those moments, Xiao Fengtai looked up at Jiang Tong with genuine sincerity, as if a beam of light illuminated the man, making him stand out from the crowd, making it impossible to look away.
Is it true that people only realize the depth of what they have when they are about to lose it? In this moment of waiting for rejection, Xiao Fengtai discovered with a sense of frustration that he liked Jiang Tong even more.
"I certainly have time."
For a moment, Xiao Fengtai couldn't believe his ears. He saw that Jiang Tong’s lips were still moving. The world was real, the burnt aroma of coffee in the air was real—so this scene just now wasn't a hallucination?
Jiang Tong’s mix of awkwardness and pleasant surprise also appeared entirely credible. "I just... I just didn't expect you to invite me."
Xiao Fengtai didn't know how he managed to pull out the envelope and hand it to Jiang Tong. By the time he came to his senses, he was already sitting in the car on the way home. He gently brushed his fingers against his lips, recalling every detail of their meeting today. He still couldn't believe it—Jiang Tong had actually agreed? Even after realizing he might have overstepped, he still agreed?
What did this represent?
No, perhaps it represented nothing at all. Xiao Fengtai lowered his hand, thinking gloomily. Jiang Tong was a good person, the rare kind in Xiao Fengtai’s social circle who truly considered others. And as for himself... even without a mirror in front of him, he could imagine how pathetic he must have looked at that moment.
He couldn't even control his words; how could he possibly have controlled his facial expressions?
Upon returning home, he rode a few laps on his horse, ate dinner alone, played the violin by the window for a while, worked on his thesis, and had a video call with his grandmother. Yet, until the moment he went to bed, Xiao Fengtai still couldn't banish Jiang Tong’s silhouette from his mind.
Before they parted, Jiang Tong’s smile seemed a bit hesitant—he probably still didn't want to go, right?
Would he turn around and write a resignation letter? Xiao Fengtai thought with horror. Withdrawing before things became unmanageable was exactly Jiang Tong’s style.
And so, he sent another utterly stupid message to Jiang Tong, saying that he absolutely must not force himself—as if he cared so much about whether Jiang Tong came to see him play!
The moment it sent, Xiao Fengtai regretted it once more. The agony of clutching his phone and waiting for a reply was far worse than a face-to-face conversation.
Would Jiang Tong ignore his message? Would he act as if he hadn't seen it and then let the whole matter slide?
However, Jiang Tong replied very quickly: "Thank you for the invitation. I'm looking forward to it."
Xiao Fengtai typed and deleted, deleted and typed, but in the end, he sent nothing back.
*That's enough,* Xiao Fengtai warned himself. *Don't be foolish anymore, and don't overthink it. The more said, the more mistakes made; overthinking is useless.*
He sprang up from the bed, ran across the room barefoot, picked up his violin, and played a spirited rondo.
