After parting ways with Xiao Fengtai, the first thing Jiang Tong did upon returning home was open his laptop to check his online bank account. The Xiao family were generous employers; his relatively short stint of part-time work had allowed him to save a modest sum of money after covering his household expenses.
But it wasn't enough. His mother’s follow-up treatments, his sister’s tuition, and his own plans for further study abroad—every single item required money. Jiang Tong stared at the balance, calculating mentally for a while, before deciding to take advantage of the end-of-term period to find another part-time job while he revised for exams.
Emotions could be ambiguous and chaotic, but material scarcity was a cold, hard reality. Jiang Tong became busier than ever, occupied with classes, staying late in the lab, and interviewing for new part-time positions. Only in the dead of night, when he dragged his exhausted body home and threw himself onto the bed like a heavy sack of flour, did he find a moment of respite. In the lonely, cramped silence of his small apartment—during the only fifteen minutes of the day that truly belonged to him—he would think of Xiao Fengtai. It turned out that regret cut far deeper than sorrow.
The notice from the Xiao family came slower than expected. It was so delayed that Jiang Tong almost thought Xiao Fengtai was deluding himself, using a passive method to preserve the only connection left between them. When the representative finally called, they acted with professional decisiveness, explaining in fluent, standard English that Xiao Fengtai wished to unilaterally terminate the contract early and would pay the liquidated damages according to the terms.
The breach of contract penalty was a significant amount for Jiang Tong, and he accepted it readily. Why wouldn't he? He had sacrificed his own emotions and desires to save a teenage boy’s bright future; Jiang Tong decided to let himself off the hook and treat this money as a reward from life itself.
The night the money hit his account, he went to a bar again. Jiang Tong had intended to follow the example of his heartbroken friends and drink until he was senseless. But after only a few glasses of whiskey, the mental scroll of his bill—including tax and tips—and the next day’s schedule began to play on a loop in his mind. When he walked out of the bar, he was filled with a sense of defeat, realizing for the first time that unrestrained misery was also a luxury.
Back home, he collapsed onto the bed fully clothed and fell straight into a dream. His sleep was fitful; he dreamed he was back in mainland China, taking the selection exam for the Singaporean school. As the deadline for handing in the paper drew closer second by second, Jiang Tong found he couldn't answer a single question. He gripped his pen, scribbling fruitlessly on the paper, his palms slick with cold sweat.
Time was up. The bell signaling the end of the exam rang shrill and piercing, as if coming from deep within his own body. Jiang Tong jolted, sitting bolt upright.
It was his ringtone. He dug his phone out from the messy bedsheets, his mind still hazy.
"Hello, who is this?" he mumbled, his voice thick with sleep.
No one spoke on the other end. In the dead of night, sitting in a room without lights, Jiang Tong’s hearing became exceptionally sharp in the darkness. He listened to the deep, shallow, and erratic breaths on the line, and his consciousness gradually cleared.
In a contest of patience between the two of them, Xiao Fengtai had never won. Hearing his voice again felt like a lifetime ago; Jiang Tong had thought he would never have the chance to cross paths with Xiao Fengtai again for the rest of his life.
"They contacted you," Xiao Fengtai said softly.
"Yes."
Another silence followed.
"Do you have nothing to say?"
Jiang Tong took a deep breath. "I’m very grateful for the opportunity you provided. I hope these few lessons have sparked an interest in Chinese for you. I wish you—"
"Jiang Tong," Xiao Fengtai suddenly interrupted him. "I just dreamed of my mother."
"I miss her very much."
His voice was light and thin, suspended in the night air like a frail, wandering ghost.
"Xiao Zhizhong took away the violin she left me. Do you remember? The one Paganini played."
"I don't even dare tell my grandmother—she won't take my side on this. It’s all my fault. I shouldn't have let romantic fantasies go to my head and acted so recklessly. I always comforted her by saying I wasn't like my mother, but it’s true—I’m far worse than she was."
"If my mother saw me today, she would be very disappointed too."
"Do you think I'm childish? Ridiculous?" He gave a light laugh, one that carried a sob. "Clearly just a brat who’s barely lost his baby teeth, yet so full of himself, thinking he’s the center of the world."
Jiang Tong felt as if his heart were being squeezed tightly by a giant hand.
"Don't belittle yourself," he said with difficulty. "You... you are very lovely."
"Forget it. We’re no longer in an employer-employee relationship. You can tell the truth; I won't do anything to you." Xiao Fengtai’s voice sounded weary beyond his years. "Just admit freely that you were flattering me for the money. I’m used to it anyway."
"I once thought you were different—it’s not your fault. I always overestimate myself."
"I’m not just comforting you," Jiang Tong said in a low voice. "You are smart, perceptive, and brilliant. You have a limitless future. You are better than you think."
"About what happened that day..." He paused. "Don't dwell on it. When you grow up a bit and see the world outside, you’ll be glad nothing happened between us."
He was beginning to lose track of whether he was trying to convince Xiao Fengtai or himself.
"Stopping here is for the best, for both of us."
"It’s me who isn't good enough for you."
However, Xiao Fengtai seemed provoked by his words.
"I swear this is the last time I’ll contact you," the boy said coldly. "Teacher Jiang, do you have to be so perfunctory with me until the very last moment?"
"I am not being perfunctory!" Jiang Tong blurted out, startled by his own volume.
"You want the truth? Fine, no problem. Remember, you asked for this."
"I like you, Xiao Fengtai. I might even love you."
"I rejected you because it is impossible for us to be together. If we were discovered, the people around me would think I’m morally corrupt. Your father would want me to vanish from the face of the earth. Even you—I’ve already said it—once you go to university and experience the adult world, you will quickly grow tired of me, and perhaps even tired of the version of yourself that once pursued me."
By the end, he even let out a short laugh. It turned out that speaking plainly felt incredibly liberating.
"Are you satisfied now, Young Master Xiao?" he said softly. "Yes, I like you. I’ve never been this infatuated with someone in my life—and I probably never will be again."
"I’m very tired."
"Please, just let me go."
***
