The pair of jade pendants lay quietly upon my desk.
Their deep, inky green hue often brought to mind the most profound reaches of the ocean, the most distant forests, and the darkest depths of the midnight sky. As my fingertips brushed over the intricate carvings, a cool, slick sensation instantly seeped into my heart.
They were two halves of a single piece of rare Black Jade, each side bearing a slightly different pattern. When joined together, they formed two Thunder Beasts chasing one another through the clouds, never to be parted.
These were the relics of my mother—the gift she cherished most among all the rewards bestowed by my father, the Emperor.
My memories of my mother, Empress Duanshu, have grown somewhat blurred. Even when facing her portrait, it is difficult to piece together a vivid image of her. What remains most striking in my mind is that she had a pair of beautiful eyes, which sparkled with spirit whenever she looked at someone.
Her origins were a forbidden topic within the palace, yet several different versions circulated in the shadows. The one closest to the truth was this: she came from the common folk of the wilderness. When the Empress Dowager was ambushed during a tour years ago, it was she who saved the royal life. Consequently, the Empress Dowager took her in as an adopted daughter and brought her back to the capital. Her mannerisms, so utterly different from the other women of the court, captivated my father. He built her the most magnificent palace in the imperial complex and titled her "Consort Shu."
Then, I was born.
I believe my father must have loved her; why else would he have named me the heir apparent the moment I was born? Even the mother of Ming Yi, who came from a family of established officials, held a status more prestigious than my mother’s.
In my fourth year, an assassin entered the palace.
Strangely, the target was not my father, but my mother. She and the assassin fought upon the roofs of the Forbidden City for nearly the entire night. As dawn approached, the assassin fled. That assassin was Ming Xia, the eldest disciple of the Ming Sect’s leader.
Half a year later, she returned. This time, she came for something my mother possessed: the pair of jade pendants gifted by the Emperor. My mother, naturally, refused to yield them. The woman used drugs to incapacitate the palace guards and engaged my mother in combat once more. At that time, my mother was three months pregnant. The outcome was inevitable. Before the outer guards could reach the inner palace, my mother was dead.
She was posthumously honored as Empress Duanshu. She was buried as an Empress to the right of my father’s yet-unfinished mausoleum—my father declared that after his hundred years were up, she was the only one he wished to have by his side.
Whenever that old Eunuch Shu told this story, he would wipe away tears and say, "His Majesty watched with his own eyes as Lady Duanshu died before him, but he was powerless. That female assassin had used a drug; no one could move."
It sounded too tragic, and thus I always questioned the truth of the tale. There was another primary reason for my doubt: after my mother’s death, my father took no action against the Ming Sect.
Once I began participating in state affairs as the Crown Prince, I secretly dispatched men to investigate the truth regarding my mother. From the intelligence gathered, the grudge between Ming Xia and my mother was of the typical "you destroyed mine, so I shall destroy yours" nature common in the martial world.
However, the difference was that between her first defeat and her second return, Ming Xia had believed a rumor: that Consort Shu was using imperial influence to unite the great martial sects to exterminate the Ming Sect, and that the token for this operation was that pair of jade pendants.
That my mother possessed those pendants was a fact known only to those within the palace, as was her extraordinary devotion to them. Therefore, I found it difficult not to link this matter to the jealous machinations of the imperial concubines.
The most likely target I could conceive was the woman who later became Empress, the Noble Consort of the Han clan. Before my mother entered the palace, she was said to be the most favored woman at my father’s side. Furthermore, the Han family held great power in court; her eldest brother was the Left Prime Minister, Han Gao.
What I could deduce, my father surely could as well. Perhaps, because he knew the Ming Sect was not the mastermind but merely a tool used against my mother, he showed them mercy?
He showed no outward sign of this, instead granting the woman who climbed to the Empress’s throne enough honor and favor to appease the Han family. He even followed her advice to appoint Han Gao’s eldest daughter, Han Xue, as my primary consort.
I could only endure. Even if I gathered enough evidence now that the events had passed, what could be done? The Han family’s wings were full-grown. To move against them, I had to wait for the right moment.
It all began with the Ministry of Justice’s annual recruitment of new talent.
Unlike previous years, the list of candidates submitted by Luo Jin actually included a woman. I recounted this to my father as a joke. Upon hearing it, he also showed interest, saying, "A woman wants to be a constable? She has courage. Go and investigate her background."
The result of the investigation was this: the woman named Xi Xia was the successor of the Ming Sect, and the chosen new Sect Leader.
Just as my father and I were about to forget that martial sect, her appearance was like an invisible hand, tearing open the blood-colored past buried in our hearts. Suddenly, we realized we had never truly forgotten—though the Ming Sect was not the mastermind, my mother had indeed died at their hands. Thus, our initial thought was to kill her.
But in the end, we restrained ourselves.
Her father was Ji Wenze, a man said to possess great integrity. He had been wrongly accused by my father and demoted to Xiping Prefecture for nearly ten years before being recalled to the capital. When Master Ji left Xiping, the local people presented him with a "Ten-Thousand-Name Umbrella." He was a rare, clean official in the court.
She could not be killed, yet she could not be left alone. My father suffered a great headache over this woman for some time. There was no precedent in Yantian for a woman to serve as an official, but if she were allowed to return to the Ming Sect, the consequences might be even more unpredictable.
After much hesitation, my father said, "Keep her for now. At the first sign of any suspicious movement—kill her!"
On the day of the Ministry of Justice’s martial examinations, both my father and I attended. Our attention was primarily on Xi Xia—we were curious to see just how skilled a woman could be.
It was only when she appeared that I realized with a start that Xi Xia was none other than Ming Shao’s "little brother." This realization immediately sparked suspicion toward Ming Shao. Xi Xia was Ji Wuchao, and Ji Wuchao was Ming Shao’s betrothed. There was no way he didn't know—what were his intentions?
Could it be that he, too, was after the martial world influence behind her?
I watched her figure weave and flash amidst the glint of blades and shadows of swords. In my memory, I had never observed a woman so intently.
She was likely not considered a beauty. By the traditional standards of Yantian, a beautiful woman should be like Wu Xiu—gentle, quiet, like swaying water lilies in a pond. Yet this woman... the vibrant vitality she radiated, the brilliant spirit in her eyes when she looked about, were almost too dazzling. It was like someone who had woken up late and pulled back heavy curtains, only to be caught off guard by the sunlight piercing their eyes—it stung slightly, yet was laced with a trace of pleasant surprise.
To me, it was an entirely foreign sensation—so foreign it was indescribable, impossible to categorize.
The next time I saw Xi Xia was in my father’s imperial study. Because of the conflicting opinions regarding the case of Lady Changping over the past few days, he was indeed quite agitated.
That Changping... I had encountered her twice in the Empress Dowager’s palace. She was not beautiful, but she was a woman of immense charm. I had once speculated whether there was some ambiguity between her and my father. However, speculation was merely speculation. Even the Grand Tutor could not say for certain what my father intended.
Xi Xia was but a seventh-rank military official. Whether she was stubborn or foolish, her unyielding, direct manner of speaking truly made me look at her in a new light. Thinking of the cowering, timid faces of the officials in court, I couldn't help but feel a sense of admiration: for an ordinary seventh-rank official to have such mettle was truly rare!
Though I dare not claim to be wiser than my father, I understood the principle that "honest advice grates on the ear." If I were the one to decide, such an official would be put to great use. Thus, I intended to go and comfort her personally. To this day, I do not know if it was because my desire to see her was revealed too urgently that the Grand Tutor risked everything to stop me.
His dark, piercing eyes seemed to look straight into my heart, seeing things buried so deep that even I had not discovered them. I did not like the feeling of being seen through—even if he was the Grand Tutor.
My gaze shifted away from him unnaturally. He said, "Your Highness’s status is noble. If it were known that Your Highness visited Master Xi late at night, it would only bring her more trouble. Let this old man handle the task instead."
Was this old fellow intentionally crossing me?
My anger was met only with his even more composed gaze. I turned and left in a huff.
I heard him muttering behind my back, "That little girl, she certainly has a fiery temper."
I knew he admired people like that.
Although I had known from the start that my marriage would be a monstrosity born of political calculation, the fact that my father actually agreed to the Empress’s proposal to name Han Xue as the Crown Princess still filled me with rage.
My mother’s death was the first matter; appointing a Crown Princess to consolidate the Han family’s power was the second. How was I to repay all of this to the woman I was forced to call "Mother Empress"?
I overturned the tray of lots they brought from the Empress’s palace, trampling the bamboo slips bearing the names of women under my feet. Rather than letting me choose a side consort I liked, it was more accurate to say that because their desires had been fulfilled, they were grandiosely tossing me a bone to appease my fury. I did not know what else I could do besides desperately trample those bamboo slips.
The Ming De people saw was the Crown Prince, above all but one, the heir with the power of life and death. But only I knew how laughably impoverished my life truly was.
I drove everyone out. Like a madman, I vented the anger I had suppressed for years upon those small bamboo slips. I smashed everything in the study that could be broken—and it was then that the slip bearing Wu Xiu’s name unexpectedly caught my eye.
I never told anyone that when I saw Ji Wu Xiu’s name, what flashed through my mind was the woman on the martial grounds, blade in hand, heroic and spirited; the stubborn woman in the imperial study, speaking her mind with passion; the woman who stung my eyes like sunlight.
Wu Xiu was merely Wu Xiu.
She was born beautiful, well-educated, and possessed every quality a lady of a great house should have. She met every requirement I had once held for a woman. But when she bloomed with a sweet smile for me, when she leaned into my embrace as if she had no bones, my heart remained empty.
Using the jade pendant to test her was originally the Grand Tutor’s idea.
At that time, because the war with Great Chu had broken out early, the elite forces of Yantian were concentrated at the front. Yet at this critical juncture, that old woman of the Ming Sect began a new round of troublemaking. She was nearing death, yet she stubbornly and frequently sent her subordinates to the various great sects, seemingly seeking verification regarding the non-existent extermination campaign signaled by the jade pendants years ago.
Was she doing this out of guilt for being a tool of murder, wanting to uncover the truth? Or did she merely wish to eliminate all potential threats to the Ming Sect?
Regardless of the reason, I could no longer tolerate this woman. My suspicions toward Xi Xia also grew heavier. Although she had never had contact with the people of Heavenly Ming Peak, she was, after all, the nominal Sect Leader. Even the Grand Tutor whispered in my ear, "Though Xi Xia is an official, if she were to collude with those martial world people and act from within..." He shook his head, then stroked his beard and said, "I have a plan to test her. However, Your Highness must be willing to part with something."
The "something" he spoke of was the pair of jade pendants left by my mother, for Ming Xia had spent years trying to obtain them to argue with or seek proof from the great sects.
Those who knew of the pendants knew they were the tokens of love between my father and mother. After Han Xue entered the palace, she had also subtly asked for them, but they had only heard of them. I always wore the pendants close to my person and rarely let outsiders see them; even Wu Xiu had only heard of such things.
The Grand Tutor had originally worried I would be unwilling. Seeing me hand over the jade so freely, he was the one who was stunned. I avoided his searching gaze, maintaining a strictly businesslike attitude. I said, "What is a piece of jade? If it can truly settle the matter of the Ming Sect, it will remove a thorn from my side."
In the days that followed, I waited restlessly for every piece of news from outside the palace: she went to the office as usual, she didn't do this, she didn't do that...
Finally, the Grand Tutor nodded. "It seems she truly intended to return it to me. This girl has extraordinary skill; since she has no ties to the martial sects, Your Highness can safely take her under your wing and put her to great use. Shall the jade be reclaimed?"
I shook my head. Let it stay in her hands. Isn't that fine? I guessed she felt some doubt about such an unusual reward; perhaps I should give her an explanation?
On the night before Ming Rui returned to Bingzhou, there was a heavy snowfall. I took a long detour to the Pavilion of Superior Officials to see him off. After all, he had lived in the capital for many years, and we shared some personal friendship.
The distant hills and fields were covered in a thin layer of snow. In the grey sky, even the sun was pale. Amidst that dazzling silver-white, I saw Xi Xia once again. It was hard to say who was more surprised. I simply hadn't expected her to have a private friendship with Ming Rui.
This was the first time she and I were alone together. Although I had decided to trust her, I couldn't help but begin to test her—perhaps because I had never truly trusted anyone.
In truth, all the questions and answers that day were merely a process of reassuring myself once more. And because I could finally trust her completely, the sudden thought occurred to me to transfer her to my side.
I rarely made such impulsive decisions, yet she refused me. She said being a constable in the Ministry of Justice was her ideal.
Was it truly that simple?
Though it was hard to doubt the truth of her words when looking into her eyes, I still began to wonder if there was some other motive.
I desperately wanted to find a flaw in her, yet at the same time, I desperately wanted to find evidence of her absolute loyalty to the court. These two conflicting desires were almost equally urgent. But the two forces that left me struggling in the vortex shattered completely the moment I looked back and saw her and Ming Rui exchange a high-five. I fell into a state of pure jealousy.
I was jealous.
I was actually jealous.
Simply because I saw her give Ming Rui a bright smile, I was jealous.
My hand nearly crushed the tree trunk beside me.
The snow on the branches was shaken loose by my movement, icy flakes scattering and landing on my forehead. It was very cold.
Suddenly, I felt that Xi Xia was to me like a fire seen by a lost hunter in the midnight forest—I wanted to approach it regardless of the cost, yet I harbored profound doubts.
I fell into this entanglement, unable to extricate myself.
I began to make all sorts of assumptions. What if she had no connection to the Ming Sect? What if she weren't Wu Xiu’s sister? What if she weren't Ming Shao’s betrothed? What if...
It was supposed to be a quiet night of fasting, yet my restlessness made it exceptionally turbulent. This place housed my mother’s portrait; it was the most tranquil of places. Aside from my father, not even Han Xue or Wu Xiu had ever entered. I paced back and forth in Yimeng Pavilion. The deeper the night grew, the more agitated I became.
The Grand Tutor’s eyes, which saw through human hearts, clearly signaled his disapproval. But because he had seen through my thoughts, I instead made up my mind.
"I want to see Xi Xia," I commanded, brooking no argument.
The old fox shook his head and sighed, trying to dissuade me. "Though she is an official of the court, she is, after all, the person the Sixth Prince has claimed. The Sixth Prince has assisted in governance for many years; his influence in court... Your Highness, pray reconsider."
"I must see Xi Xia." I brushed past him. His sigh drifted into my ears from behind, sounding exceptionally grating.
The carriage sped toward the Ministry of Justice at maximum speed.
Seeing the blurred glow of the lanterns at the Ministry’s gates through the curtains, my heart suddenly became calm.
It turned out all I wanted to do was look at her.
The space that had always been mine alone took on a different character because of Xi Xia’s sudden presence. Even the air seemed to hold a strange, comforting quality. Perhaps it was because she had such good skills—I couldn't help but think: what if I could keep her by my side forever?
She looked exhausted and a bit lost. She ate with great tension, and then she opened those eyes and asked what mission I had for her. My heart felt a needle-like prick of pain at her question. In her mind, was I merely someone who gave her orders?
Without thinking, I told her to go and kill Ming Xia. I expected her to refuse, but I hadn't expected her to refuse so directly. No one had ever spoken to me with such an attitude.
I should have been angry. But I only felt weary. Moreover, her refusal actually moved me in some inexplicable way. People usually use the term "pure heart" to describe someone like her. Her loyalty to something like the law was something I couldn't understand. The law—that was something used to restrain the common people. I and those around me, we believed in only one thing: power.
There was a trace of sorrow and... pain in her clear gaze. It was because I had struck at her ideals, I suppose. But how could I explain it to her? How could I tell her that the law was not the kind of thing she should hold onto in her ideals? Or did she already know, and was simply too stubborn to admit it?
Before me, for the first time, she revealed a hint of vulnerability.
The outcome I could predict was that Xi Xia would surely be chosen by Shen Pei.
The outcome I did not predict was that she would be injured again.
I should have withdrawn during the surgery, but I did not. The imperial physician’s expression suggested he wanted me to leave, but after much deliberation, he ultimately said nothing.
It wasn't that I lacked faith in the physician’s skill; I simply found it hard to imagine letting her lie there alone to endure it all. Thus, I naturally saw the shocking scar on her left shoulder—my heart instantly throbbed with pain.
"A martial artist’s will is firmer than an ordinary person’s; I have already administered a double dose of anesthetic," the physician said, trembling as he saw my expression. "The old wound on the left shoulder was very severe. To add a new injury before it had fully recovered..."
Even under the anesthetic, her brows were tightly knit. My hand instinctively brushed her cheek, clearly feeling the suppressed tremors radiating from her. In her deep sleep, Xi Xia was as fragile as a child, making me want to pull her tightly into my embrace and never let go.
Sensing my touch, she seemed to relax slightly, murmuring, "Ming Shao... it hurts..."
That name stabbed deep into my heart like a blade when I was least prepared.
Ming Shao. How could I have forgotten Ming Shao?
Just as I had forgotten Han Xue, forgotten Wu Xiu, forgotten that my first child was about to be born. I had forgotten that for an heir to the throne, personal feelings can never be held in the heart—especially when the thing I want is something I am destined never to touch...
I never thought that Ming Shao would one day become my nightmare.
I watched him, heroic and spirited, following Marshal Chu up the broad white jade steps of the Golden Hall. I watched his armor shine like silver, and suddenly felt that the dazzling quality about him was exactly like Xi Xia—radiant. The light smile on his face was as warm as a spring breeze. The palace maids behind the bead curtains were all stealing admiring glances at him.
At the thought that Xi Xia would also look at the man before me in such a way, the hidden rage in my heart became uncontrollable—the person in her heart was actually Ming Shao!
The way she and Ming Shao stood together was harmonious and natural, as if they had stood that way since the world began. And when she looked at him, there was a singular brilliance in her eyes, a beauty I had never witnessed. Under that brilliance, a sudden fear rose in my heart, a feeling that I was about to lose something vital to my life.
I gazed in the direction where the wedding procession had disappeared, my fingernails digging deep into my palms.
Behind me came the Grand Tutor’s deep sigh.
That sigh was like a key, instantly unlocking the panicked, helpless pain my young heart had felt when I lost my mother. I had lost the ultimate beauty of my life—and I could do nothing but endure.
My life shall never endure a second loss!
I turned around. The Grand Tutor, seeing the ferocity in my eyes, was so startled he could not speak. I looked at him and said, word by word: "I will never let go!"
"This time, I will absolutely never let go!"
***
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