Seeing us covered in blood and filth, Ming De’s expression shifted from initial shock to an unfathomable depth.
Behind him, the window stood half-open. The evening glow burned brilliantly in the western sky, plating the tranquil oil-tiled floor of the Imperial Study with a layer of dazzling gold. The screen behind the desk and the pale gold hangings had already receded into heavy shadows. It was not yet time to light the lamps, and the air was thick with a weighted atmosphere.
Beside the imperial desk, Eunuch Wang shifted his feet with slight unease. He cautiously stole a glance at Ming De, who was pacing back and forth, and then—intentionally or not—let his gaze fall upon me. It was that same look that made me deeply uncomfortable: a mixture of scrutiny, helplessness, and an ambiguous sense of detachment. Upon meeting my searching gaze, he quickly looked away, a flicker of unnaturalness crossing his face.
Ming De stopped pacing and spoke in a very calm tone. "Rise. You have all worked hard. Go back and rest well. I shall issue rewards tomorrow. Eunuch Wang, pass on my oral decree: have the Imperial Kitchen send over two banquet tables. Also, send ten jars of the Green Fruit Wine gifted by the Nanwan Island Kingdom."
Eunuch Wang hurriedly complied and withdrew with a bow.
We also performed our kowtows. Just as we stood up, the Emperor spoke again. "Xi Xia, you stay."
This was an interrogation I had fully expected. I saw Shi Yun quickly lift his head to glance at me. His gaze held no warmth; there was no hostility, yet the familiar closeness and trust of the past were gone. It was as if I were an unpardonable liar, allowing him to adopt a high-minded stance: he might forgive my mistake, but he no longer intended to consider me a friend.
Beside him, Zhu Bao, Li Chunjiang, and the others cast comforting looks my way, but their sympathy only made me feel twice as miserable.
Once they had all withdrawn, Ming De handed a cup of hot tea to me and said calmly, "Tell me, what happened?"
I recounted the events in detail. Not wishing to create unnecessary complications, I claimed we only discovered the waist tokens of the Provost of the Nine Gates after the opposing side had fallen in battle. As for the Musk Rat skin map luring the giant lizards, I presented it only as our conjecture.
Ming De frowned, pacing before me without a word. Only when I finished did he stop, closing his eyes slightly and letting out a faint, almost imperceptible sigh.
I didn't know if this counted as lodging a formal complaint. In truth, even if I did, there was little that could be done to Han Gao. Setting aside the fact that both the current Empress and the Empress Dowager were from the Han family, Han Gao himself likely couldn't count how many officials in court bore his surname. Even the Right Chancellor, Shen Qian, had adopted a submissive posture; what could a mere fifth-rank official like me do? I simply couldn't bear to let my brothers suffer such a massive, silent loss.
"Xi Xia," Ming De walked directly to me and said in a low voice, "do not mention this matter again."
I replied tonelessly, "Yes, Your Majesty."
I looked up at him. He had turned his head slightly, his gaze fixed on a point behind me. In his eyes, beyond endurance, there was a roiling anger like dark clouds. I followed his line of sight, but it was merely a pair of translucent jade Thunder Beasts displayed on a bookshelf. Seeing such things in the Forbidden Palace was hardly extraordinary.
Before I could withdraw my gaze from the jade beasts, I heard Ming De speak in a voice as low as a whisper. "Three years. Three years at most. Believe me, I will surely avenge this for you."
I couldn't help but startle. I never expected him to use a word like "avenge." In my view, the Han family's power shouldn't have been a threat to him; after all, the two most powerful women in Yantian were his wife and his mother. Though she wasn't his biological mother, he had been raised by Empress Dowager Han...
Seeing my bewildered expression, a trace of faint bitterness washed through Ming De’s eyes. But it vanished quickly as he lowered his eyelids. When he looked up again, a thin smile had surfaced in his eyes. "Go back and rest. You are tired. Tomorrow is the day of the Ministry of Justice’s martial arts exam; you must attend."
Hearing him mention the martial arts exam, I dithered again. The scene of my own participation in the exam last year flashed before my eyes. A year—had it really passed so quickly?
As if guessing my thoughts, Ming De said with a slight smile, "Speaking of the martial arts exam, I remember when you participated last year, looking so fearless. When I saw you enter, I thought to myself: such a delicate girl, I wonder if she’ll cry if she loses. Ming Yi leaned over and said to me: 'Heavens, isn't that Ming Shao’s little brother? How did he turn into a young lady?'" He chuckled. "I didn't expect that in just one year, you would go from a constable to the Deputy Commander of the Imperial Guard."
I didn't smile. Since he had brought up Ming Shao first, I couldn't let the opportunity slip. I took a deep breath, looked up at him, and said, "Your Majesty once promised me that after the exercise, I would be allowed to see someone."
Ming De’s gaze flickered. "Are you not very tired?"
I remained silent.
Ming De thought for a moment, then gave a free and easy smile. "Very well. Go. This has been delayed long enough. Go back and rest first. In a while, I will have Eunuch Wang escort you out."
***
The carriage traveled smoothly along the broad streets of the Central Capital. Through the gaps in the bamboo curtains, I could vaguely see the bustling night market outside. The Summer Festival was approaching, and early merchants had already hung out various lanterns. They glowed against the yellowish horn lamps of the food stalls, creating a festive atmosphere.
When I was little, I would curiously watch Auntie Fu lead the servants in making colorful lanterns. As I grew older and traveled to many places with my master, my heart grew wilder, and I stopped caring for such childish things. I wondered if Auntie Fu was still making lanterns this year.
As my mind wandered, the carriage slowed to a stop in front of Fuyan Tower. The lights were just beginning to shine, and it was the busiest time for the establishment. Even before entering, I could hear the bursts of clamor from within. Eunuch Wang, sitting opposite me, completely ignored my questioning look. He jumped down from the carriage and held the curtain for me.
Looking at the grand entrance of Fuyan Tower, I couldn't help but remember my chance encounter with Ming Shao here last year. Meeting Ming De had happened that same day; it seemed our entanglements had begun then. If time could flow backward, would I be willing to avoid such an acquaintance?
I shook my head, casting aside useless sentiments, and followed Eunuch Wang deep into the hall. A smiling waiter approached, bowing to Eunuch Wang as if they had a prior understanding, and led us to the second floor without a word.
The second floor was far quieter than below. From the end of the corridor came the faint sound of strings and flutes; a soft female voice was singing a popular birthday song. The air, mixed with the scent of wine, flowed with an aura of pleasure. It seemed I was the only one walking through this gentle land of wealth with such a trepidatious heart.
When the waiter led us to a private room, I suddenly became nervous, my heart beating so fast I could hardly breathe. I reached out to steady myself against the doorframe. Before I could catch my breath, the closed carved door slid open with a clatter. I instinctively looked up, meeting a pair of black eyes bloodshot with exhaustion.
In my memory, Ming Shao’s eyes were always clear and bright, full of spirit; I had never seen such weariness in them. Yet that weariness instantly ignited into a blaze of stunned joy.
Eunuch Wang seemed to say a few words, but I didn't hear a single one. I stepped past him toward Ming Shao. Ming Shao took a step back and pulled the door shut behind me with a thud.
In the next second, my arms were wrapped around his waist. I buried myself deep into that familiar embrace, letting him hold me with all his might. He held me so tightly, as if he wanted to embed me into his chest. My tense heart miraculously relaxed. My Ming Shao—he had truly returned. Then, everything would be alright.
"Xi Xia," he murmured into my ear, his voice low and soft. "Xi Xia... Xi Xia..."
I lifted my head and reached out to touch his sun-browned cheek. Before I could clearly see his expression, a passionate kiss descended upon me like an overwhelming tide.
I clung to his neck, feeling like a vine that had grown tired of climbing and had finally found a great tree to lean against. A profound exhaustion welled up from the depths of my heart, and my entire body began to ache uncontrollably.
Ming Shao held me as he sat down in a chair. His fingers gently brushed a scrape on my cheek, his eyes filling with pained tenderness. I smiled and shook my head. "It’s not a major injury."
A flash of suppressed rage flickered through Ming Shao’s eyes, and his arms tightened around me.
I pressed my forehead against his and smiled silently.
On the table beside us, a full spread of food and wine had been laid out. I reached out, picked up a piece of sugar cake, and held it to Ming Shao’s lips. I knew he didn't like sweets, but he obediently opened his mouth and took a bite.
I couldn't help but laugh.
Ming Shao lifted his eyes, staring blankly at my smile. From the depths of his pupils, a trace of unhideable agony slowly surfaced.
I carefully cupped his face. His expression made me feel a faint unease; something was stirring in the depths of my consciousness, but I forced it back down.
"Ming Shao," I whispered, pressing a light kiss to the space between his brows, "let’s go to the grasslands. Let’s never come back. Alright?" It was a sudden thought, but saying it aloud brought a sense of relief I hadn't felt in a long time. In my mind, a vast expanse of green instantly unfolded.
Ming Shao didn't speak; he only held me tighter. I looked down at him and discovered that beneath his lowered eyelids, there was a glimmer of tears.
Could I have seen it wrong?
But a distinct chill radiated from those tiny glimmers, gradually enveloping me. The fear I had suppressed deep inside began to crack like ice, spreading uncontrollably. My hands began to shake for some reason, and the trembling soon took over my whole body. Even my voice wavered. "You... you wouldn't... you wouldn't..."
I looked at his face uncertainly, searching for the answer I wanted.
Ming Shao abruptly squeezed his eyes shut, as if my gaze burned him. At his temple, a thick vein throbbed violently. He slowly leaned his head against my chest, and I clearly felt his body trembling uncontrollably as well.
I shakily tried to lift his face, but he held his position so firmly that my hands could only wander aimlessly through his hair and fall upon his shivering shoulders. I suddenly realized that since we met, he had said almost nothing. But his desperate embrace was exactly like the way he had said goodbye before going to war.
Between us, what had happened that I didn't know about?
Ming De’s words flashed through my mind like a wicked curse. That bet—the bet where I had used myself as the stake... I had actually gambled with myself...
Could all of this be true?
But Ming Shao was clearly in my arms, his suppressed agony seeming even deeper than my own pain. He looked like a lost, helpless child.
Something in my heart slowly shattered, stirring a sharp pang of grief. His head was still nestled against my chest, my hand still stroking his shoulder, our bodies still intimately entwined, yet everything—everything—had changed. Why?
I wanted to ask calmly, but my voice shook like a tattered rag in the wind. "You should at least give me a reason."
Ming Shao looked up, a sorrowful smile touching his lips. "A reason? A reason for me to betray you?"
Hot tears welled in my eyes, but I forced them back.
Ming Shao gently tucked a lock of hair behind my ear and said calmly, "To invite auspicious healing. My father is ill..."
I quickly cut him off. "I want to hear the *real* reason."
The sorrow returned to Ming Shao’s face. He looked away, his spirit flagging. "What do you mean by a real reason? Things have already come to this..."
"For Prince Liu?" I asked quietly.
Ming Shao turned his head sharply, and a strange look of comfort flickered in his eyes as he met mine.
My heart ached again. "The Emperor... how... how exactly did he coerce you?"
Ming Shao lowered his head and remained silent.
My heart felt heavier and heavier. I struggled to lift my head, trying my best to maintain a calm posture as I asked him, "Then... your wedding date..."
Ming Shao’s expression was hollow. He said with great effort, "In three days."
Three days? I stared at him blankly. This unexpected answer shattered my fragile composure once more. If he was a man who was to be married in three days, what did it mean for me to be sitting in his lap right now?
I gently withdrew my hand and stood up from his embrace with difficulty. My heart felt exhausted and numb.
"Xi Xia!" Ming Shao threw his arms around me from behind, saying urgently, "Xi Xia, he is my father. His body can no longer withstand any more blows. Only my own happiness can buy him a chance to live..."
His own happiness? Then what about mine?
A dull ache slowly rose from my numb heart, and two lines of hot tears slid down my cheeks.
I gently pried his fingers away and placed my hand on the door handle.
"Do you hate me?" Ming Shao’s voice cried out from behind me, filled with infinite tragedy.
I shook my head. "I will only love you more."
***
I walked aimlessly through the deep night on the streets. Around me was the bustling crowd of the night market, but they were clearly separated from me by some invisible barrier. I could neither hear their voices nor see their faces clearly; even their existence felt unreal. I seemed to be drifting through a dream, which brought a loneliness I had never felt before.
Above me, the full moon rose higher and higher. Seeing it, I suddenly remembered something very important: I had forgotten to tell him that I was carrying our child—a child that belonged to him and me.
But even if I told him, what then? My hand gently brushed over my flat belly, and a wave of bitterness washed through my numb heart.
What could telling him possibly change?
I leaned against a wall and slowly sat down on the curb.
My mind was a blank; I could think of nothing, and I wanted to think of nothing. I just stared vacantly at the pairs of legs and feet passing before me. At this moment, I didn't know where else I could go.
The moon rose higher, its light as soft as water. There were no legends of Chang'e or Hou Yi here, yet there was still a shadow of an osmanthus tree on the moon. Chang'e must be standing under that tree, guarding an endless loneliness...
The pedestrians on the street gradually thinned. A carriage drove past me at a leisurely pace and stopped not far ahead. The door opened, and a person leaned out, calling tentatively, "Xi Xia?"
I didn't answer. But the person jumped down and walked over quickly. Dark soft boots, a dark robe—and looking up, a pair of emerald eyes like spirits appearing in the night.
"Are you... crying?" He knelt down and asked cautiously.
I shook my head.
Feng Tong sat down beside me. He smelled of wine and the rouge of women. I frowned but truly lacked the strength to move further away from him.
From the open carriage, another woman leaned out to peer our way. Under the bright moonlight, she looked somewhat familiar...
"Go back," I reminded him tonelessly.
Feng Tong didn't seem to mind. He shook his head, pulled a silver flask from his robe, uncorked it, and took a swig. He turned to me. "Did you see Ming Shao?"
A sudden pang hit my heart. I didn't care how he knew. Perhaps, as he said, he had his own informants.
Feng Tong held the flask out to me. "Have a few sips."
I shook my head. If I could truly get drunk, would this long night become easier to bear?
Feng Tong gave a meaningful sigh. "Actually, I’ve been looking forward to this day for a long time. But seeing you like this, I really can't feel happy at all." He held the flask out again. "Drink. No one is watching. You’ll feel a bit better."
I looked at the flask but said nothing.
Feng Tong’s gaze moved from the flask to my face. He asked in surprise, "You won't even drink? Why?"
Why?
A surging tide instantly rushed into my eyes. Before I could hold it back, it turned into hot liquid pouring down from the corners of my eyes.
I quickly turned my face away, trying my best to answer in a nonchalant tone. "Because pregnant women shouldn't touch alcohol."
I heard the flask hit the ground with a "clang."
I didn't look back. The tears made my face wet and uncomfortable, but I couldn't reach out to wipe them. I didn't want him to see me crying.
The woman in the carriage was peering out again. I hoped Feng Tong would say something like "my condolences" and return to his carriage. But he just sat silently beside me.
"Go," I said. "I want to sit by myself."
Feng Tong took a deep breath. He ignored my words and, after a long silence, asked in a restrained tone, "What... are you planning to do?"
"Nothing," I said. "I just want to sit alone."
"Sixty li west of the city, at Tongjia Village, there is a canyon called 'Jade Canyon,'" Feng Tong said slowly. "I have an estate there. If you can leave the Central Capital, you can go and stay there anytime. It’s very quiet, and the scenery is beautiful. It’s very suitable... very suitable for..." He didn't finish.
"Thank you."
"No need." He sighed softly.
I didn't know when Feng Tong left. I only knew that when the sound of disciplined footsteps echoed from the end of the mist-covered street, he and his carriage of beauties were gone.
In the thin morning light, many Imperial Guards were closing in on me from both ends of the street. At the front of the group on the left was that short, stout Eunuch Wang. He was likely still fuming over me striking his acupoints in the corridor of Fuyan Tower last night. Even though a whole night had passed, his expression remained one of exasperated rage.
The two squads of guards quickly converged, forming a tight semi-circle in front of me. Eunuch Wang stepped forward, seemingly trying to shift his expression into a more appropriate solemnity, though he wasn't very successful. He cleared his throat and said stiffly, "By the Emperor's oral decree, Deputy Commander Xi Xia of the Imperial Guard is to enter the palace immediately for an audience."
I didn't move. I just stared blankly as the first ray of sunlight slowly hit the high wall across the street. The pale blue morning mist grew thinner. In the golden light, tiny dust motes floated, carrying a hint of warmth.
The sounds of the city waking up came from afar.
Eunuch Wang coughed twice and stepped closer. "Officer Xi, the Emperor..."
I wanted to say that my leaving the palace was also by the Emperor's oral decree, but for some reason, their appearance made me suddenly irritable. I simply closed my eyes. Him, the Imperial Guard, and the street that was becoming increasingly bright—these were all things I didn't want to see right now.
"Officer Xi, you had better..." a man’s crude voice said with an impatient tone. I seemed to have heard this voice somewhere before.
"Captain Li!" Eunuch Wang’s voice timely cut off the rest of his sentence. The two seemed to move further away to whisper. When Captain Li’s voice rose again, his tone was noticeably more polite, but his wording was sharper. "Officer Xi, we are here on imperial orders to invite you into the palace. Does Officer Xi intend to defy the decree? If so, don't blame us for..."
Eunuch Wang gave a forced chuckle. "How could she? How could Officer Xi..."
I unfastened the silver blade from my waist and laid it flat across my knees. The sound of weapons unsheathing immediately rang in my ears. In the faint morning light, a sense of lethal tension instantly intensified.
Several fast horses suddenly galloped from a distance, and a familiar voice shouted from afar, "Captain!"
I opened my eyes and saw Zhu Bao, Shi Yun, and the others rushing toward me through a path cleared by the guards. They were all wearing brand-new armor, with shining blades at their waists, looking valiant and heroic.
I smiled and looked up at Zhu Bao. "Here to take me in?"
When I looked up, the expressions on their faces turned very strange. There was surprise mixed with a hint of fear, as if I had suddenly grown horns.
Shi Yun sized me up and down without emotion. "The Emperor requests the Captain to enter the palace immediately to discuss official business."
Zhu Bao pushed him aside, stepped closer, and crouched down, whispering, "Captain, what on earth happened? You..."
I shook my head. To others, nothing had happened. I was just suddenly sick of living a life of submissive endurance. I just couldn't understand: if someone slaps my left cheek, must I really offer the right one as well?
Zhu Bao quickly scanned the surrounding semi-circular encirclement and lowered his voice. "The entire street has been sealed off. Captain, you can't escape even if you had wings. Outside..."
Shi Yun coldly interrupted him. "What nonsense are you talking? The Emperor has invited the Captain to the palace to discuss matters regarding today’s Ministry of Justice martial arts exam."
My gaze swept over Zhu Bao, Li Chunjiang, and the others, finally landing on Shi Yun’s face. A spark of anger rose from my heart, but I suppressed it.
"The Emperor gave the order personally?"
Hearing my own voice, I couldn't help but be startled. Only when I spoke did I realize that my voice had somehow become exceptionally low and raspy. But now was clearly not the time to worry about such trifles.
Zhu Bao and the others looked at each other, their faces showing surprise at the sound of my voice. Shi Yun was the first to recover, answering lowly, "Yes."
I asked again, "If you don't bring me back, what will happen?"
Zhu Bao said blankly, "The Emperor said if we don't return with the Captain... Ouch!"
I saw Shi Yun give him a heavy kick from behind. Zhu Bao jumped up and glared at him, but he said nothing more.
I gripped the hilt of my blade, squeezing it hard.
Shi Yun looked wary, while Zhu Bao and the others looked deeply worried.
I nodded. "I will go with you."
On the way back, I repeatedly pondered the second half of the sentence that Shi Yun had kicked into silence. What was it? Would they be demoted? Fined? Or...
Regardless, for me, this was the last time. No matter who was used as a pawn, this was the last time.
I swore it.
***
| Chinese | English | Notes/Explanation |
| :--- | :--- | :--- |
| 御书房 | Imperial Study | The Emperor's private study/office. |
| 九门提督 | Provost of the Nine Gates | A high-ranking military official in charge of the capital's security. |
| 雷兽 | Thunder Beast | A mythical creature, here referring to jade carvings. |
| 南丸岛国 | Nanwan Island Kingdom | A fictional island nation. |
| 青果酒 | Green Fruit Wine | A specific type of tribute wine. |
| 刑部武试 | Ministry of Justice Martial Arts Exam | An official examination for martial positions. |
| 福烟楼 | Fuyan Tower | A high-end restaurant/pavilion in the capital. |
| 冲喜 | To invite auspicious healing | A traditional custom of arranging a wedding to ward off bad luck or illness for a family member. |
| 翠玉峡 | Jade Canyon | A scenic location mentioned by Feng Tong. |
| 童家集 | Tongjia Village | A settlement near the capital. |
