As I passed through the rear courtyard of the magistrate’s office, I noticed the light was still burning in Feng Tong’s room. I had intended to go straight to my own quarters to rest, but after a moment’s hesitation, I walked over and gave the door a soft knock.
"Come in!" His voice sounded somewhat impatient.
When I pushed the door open, I saw him sitting at the table with his back to me. Without looking up, he said, "Just bring the basin over. You may leave after that."
His tone was cold and agitated, a far cry from his usual composure. My heart skipped a beat as I hurried toward him. Coming closer, I saw that the arm resting on the table was a bloody mess. He was struggling to clean the wound himself. A basin of clear water sat on a nearby chair, already stained a deep, murky red.
I couldn't help but gasp. "What happened?"
Feng Tong’s hand paused for a fraction of a second, but he still did not look up.
I reached out to take the cloth from him, but to my surprise, he gripped it stubbornly, refusing to let go. I held one end while he held the other; for a moment, I could neither pull it away nor bring myself to release it.
The atmosphere turned awkward. It had been a long time since I had seen him lose his temper like this. What was wrong? Before I could ask, the door swung open with a clatter. Feng Pu entered carrying a fresh basin of water. When he saw me, he seemed to breathe a sigh of relief.
"It’s good that you’ve returned safely," he said with a grin, setting the basin on the chair. He reached into his robes and pulled out several small jars and bottles, placing them within Feng Tong’s reach.
"What exactly happened?" I asked, still clutching the half of the cloth, my anxiety rising.
"The Fortress Lord was ambushed outside the city..." Feng Pu began, but he was cut off by a glare from Feng Tong sharp enough to kill.
"What were you doing outside the city anyway?" I couldn't help but grumble as I finally managed to tug the cloth away.
Feng Tong looked up and glanced at me. His emerald eyes were like frozen pools—distant and cold. The look sent a chill through my soul. He had never looked at me that way before, and I suddenly regretted asking such a foolish question.
Feng Pu looked at him, then at me. He scratched his head awkwardly, picked up the basin of bloody water, and beat a hasty retreat.
There were three wounds in total. Though long, they fortunately weren't deep. I carefully applied the medicinal salve and tore a clean cloth to bandage them. Although he no longer resisted my ministrations, he remained silent throughout the entire process, his head bowed.
"Thanks," Feng Tong said coldly, pulling his arm back without so much as lifting his eyelids. "Go back and rest."
I couldn't help but frown.
"Go back," he repeated. Perhaps seeing that I hadn't moved, his tone sharpened with impatience. "I’m tired. I need to sleep."
He was angry because I had slipped away from everyone, including him.
He must have guessed where I had gone. He had likely followed me because he was worried about me leaving the city alone with a stranger...
With his back to me, his slightly bowed posture seemed stubborn, yet it carried a hint of desolate loneliness.
How was I supposed to explain it to him? Especially now, when my own heart was overflowing with bitterness?
I picked up the basin of blood-stained water and walked out wearily. The moment I stepped out of his room, the door slammed shut behind me with a heavy thud.
I could no longer hold it back. The tears I had struggled to suppress all the way home finally spilled over, splashing rhythmically into the basin.
I turned and walked away.
Perhaps, like him, I simply needed to be alone.
***
The night grew deep.
Faint starlight filtered through the pale window gauze, silently illuminating the desolation of the room. Though autumn had only just begun, the night air already carried a bone-deep chill.
I couldn't sleep. I grabbed my outer robe and draped it over my shoulders. The tea on the low table by the bed had long since gone cold. I picked up the cup, took a shallow sip, and set it back down; it was freezing.
After pacing the room several times, I pushed open the door and stepped into the courtyard.
The moon was nowhere to be seen. Only a few cold stars blinked in the sky, their flickering light only adding to my sense of loneliness. A faint scent of osmanthus drifted on the night wind; from this distance, it smelled elegant and refined.
I walked with my head down, and when I looked up, I found myself outside Feng Tong’s door again. I immediately turned to head back. If anyone saw me wandering outside his room in the middle of the night, there was no telling what they might think.
As I neared my own room, I couldn't help but stop. I hesitated, thinking that since he had been angry all evening, he might not be asleep yet. I probably owed him an apology for today. And apologies were the sort of thing that became harder to voice the longer they were delayed...
Before I knew it, I had drifted back to Feng Tong’s door.
Should I try calling out to him? I tilted my head to listen. The room was silent, with no movement at all. It seemed he was already fast asleep.
I couldn't help but sigh. *What on earth am I doing?*
Just as I turned to leave, I heard the soft creak of the door behind me. I spun around to see Feng Tong standing in the doorway. His hair was down, cascading over his shoulders like a dark cloud. Perhaps because of his loosened hair, he looked less sharp than usual—softer than I had ever seen him.
Those emerald eyes gazed at me quietly, like deep, misty pools.
"You..."
Perhaps my long silence made him lose patience, but the moment he uttered that single word, I let out a loud sneeze. Then, following through, I let out two more.
I fumbled with my sleeve, quickly pulling out a handkerchief to wipe the tears and mucus from my face.
Feng Tong seemed to frown as he took a step back. His voice remained icy, devoid of any warmth. "If you have something to say, come inside."
It was indeed much warmer inside. Especially when the candles burned with a warm glow, it gave the illusion of one's body heating up.
Feng Tong looked at me with a complex expression. His gaze fell on the outer robe I had haphazardly thrown over my shoulders, and he frowned slightly again. "Sit over there and wrap yourself in the quilt."
Obediently, I shuffled to the edge of his bed and pulled his thin cotton quilt around me. The quilt, like the man himself, smelled faintly of mint—clean and refreshing.
"Um..." I hesitated, deciding it was best to keep it brief. "I want to apologize. For leaving the city alone without telling anyone..."
Feng Tong gave me a sidelong glance from across the room. For some reason, under that gaze, I felt a sudden pang of guilt.
"I..." How was I supposed to tell him?
"Where you go and whom you meet—why should you need to explain that to me?" he said languidly as he sat down. The candlelight caught the side of his face, tracing a handsome silhouette.
I stared blankly for a moment, realizing his words sounded like a child throwing a tantrum.
"I went to see Ming Shao," I said, deciding to tell the truth. "There were things I wanted to hear him explain personally."
Feng Tong didn't move.
But the words Ming Shao had spoken began to wash over my heart, one by one. Even before leaving the capital, I had known that as the eldest son of the Jing Wang Mansion, he would protect his parents and family at all costs. I didn't blame him for that. I never had. If our positions were reversed, I would have done the same.
But he knew they were using our engagement as a trap. Why didn't he tell me? Was it truly because he found no opportunity? Or did he feel that since I would eventually belong to his family, I had no need to know such things?
Perhaps, subconsciously, he didn't fully believe I could help him.
Or perhaps Ming Shao thought that keeping these schemes from me was a way to protect me. Yet his intention to protect me had, within the machinations of others, become the greatest harm of all. As the person at the center of it, what reaction was I supposed to have that would be considered "normal"?
I didn't mind being used by him. But in my love, I could not tolerate concealment and deception.
Looking back now, I had agreed to that bet with Ming De far too readily. I had been blindly confident, and thus I had paid such a devastating price...
A hand brushed against my cheek, coming away wet. I looked up blankly to see Feng Tong standing by the bed, looking down at me with a somber gaze. Then, with a soft sigh, he sat down beside me and pulled me into his arms through the quilt.
His expression was still dark, but since he was willing to sit beside me, his anger must have dissipated.
"Feng Tong?" I leaned my head against him and whispered his name. "Don't be angry anymore. I was wrong today. I promise there won't be a next time."
Feng Tong’s arms tightened. "How am I supposed to know if there will be a next time?" he muttered.
"There won't be." I gritted my teeth, swallowing the bitterness rising in my heart. "If I don't forgive him, he will be miserable. But if I do forgive him, he won't be able to accept it. Do you understand?" I shook my head slightly, a bitter smile touching my lips. "Because he will never bring ruin upon his parents and family for the sake of his own love. In his world, his parents and his duty will always be more important than his own happiness."
"So, when faced with a true choice, the first thing he sacrifices will always be his own happiness." I closed my eyes, feeling utterly exhausted. "Do you think I should tell him where Jing Chi is?"
Feng Tong’s hand moved to my long hair, stroking it gently, over and over. His voice was low, but it sounded much calmer now. "If you tell him, it will only put him in a difficult position."
Feng Tong’s answer was much as I had imagined.
Since Ming Shao had aspired from childhood to be a virtuous prince and serve the imperial court in great endeavors, why should I undermine him? Perhaps cutting all ties as quickly as possible was the best way to fulfill his path.
After all, no one else needed to be responsible for the pain I had endured.
I buried my face deep into the quilt.
*Just let me cry wantonly one last time.*
When I left the capital, I already knew we might never be able to go back, but a part of my heart had still held onto hope, even if I was unwilling to admit it to myself. But when it was all truly, tangibly lost, it still cut to the very soul.
I didn't know how long I cried. It was the first time I had cried so hard since reaching adulthood. And, of course, it would be the last. I cried until every ounce of strength had left my body.
When I opened my eyes again, warm sunlight was streaming through the pale window gauze. I was lying in my own room, still wrapped in Feng Tong’s mint-scented quilt.
I rubbed my sore, swollen eyes, a blurry thought crossing my mind: *On such a cold night, without a quilt, how did he manage?*
***
When I entered the inner hall, Feng Tong and Feng Pu were eating breakfast.
Feng Tong scooped a bowl of porridge for me, looked up with a smile, and handed me a pair of bamboo chopsticks.
I returned his smile, still saying nothing.
Feng Pu looked at him, then at me, a look of realization dawning in his eyes. Just as he was about to ask something, Feng Tong tapped him on the head. "Just eat! Ming Yue is waiting for us!"
The Xi Lu Checkpoint was located behind the Chi Xia Pass, in a valley with complex terrain.
Only two thousand troops were stationed here, primarily to guard against enemies coming through the mountain paths. It took half a day to climb from here to the minefield. By the time we arrived, it was past noon.
As we ascended the mountain, we frequently saw warning signs Ming Yue had posted, bearing messages like "Entry Strictly Prohibited" and "Danger." Ming Yue was already waiting for us on the slope. Two hundred meters ahead of him, the forest floor was a mess of blood and gore. Amidst the scattered iron shrapnel and nails lay the mangled remains of three to five corpses.
"It’s still unclear exactly how many people came up," Ming Yue said, his riding crop habitually tapping against the trunk of a tall cedar. His expression was grim. "They seem to have discovered the caltrops we laid first and cleared them using wooden rollers or something similar. Then, someone accidentally tripped a landmine. But those behind them weren't deterred and kept advancing, which triggered even more mines."
Before I could say anything, he frowned and said, "I would like to request permission to widen the minefield." He turned to me, his eyes filled with worry. "It seems they have indeed set their sights on this route. I fear they will continue to test it in the days to come."
While widening it might not necessarily be effective, there was no better way to defend the area for the time being.
This was neither the first probe, nor would it be the last. Since this small path leading directly to the rear of Chi Xia Pass was being repeatedly tested, the only explanation was that Chu De had likely resolved to take the pass by force.
***
**Glossary**
