In the long river of human history, the second greatest philosophical question—surpassed only by life and death—is whether or not to go to the bathroom when you are jolted awake by a full bladder in the middle of the night.
First, Tan Junzi spent a minute lying to her own bladder: *No, you aren't full.*
Then, she spent another minute cursing that slice of watermelon Chang Ying had given her. She wasn't cursing Chang Ying himself, of course; she was cursing the watermelon.
Finally, struggling and melancholy, she sat up. She looked around, but everyone was fast asleep; there was no companion to join her on this quest. She slowly climbed down from her top bunk and stepped out of the dormitory. The girls were on the third floor and the boys were on the second. As she walked down the long corridor, the ending theme song of *The Eloquent Ji Xiaolan* played on a loop in her head.
The song was originally sung by Dai Rao. It had a very high key, but she had reached those notes effortlessly with her signature smoky voice. Both the melody and the lyrics were excellent. Back when it aired on TV, Tan Junzi never changed the channel during the credits; she always sang along until the very end.
Passing through the second and third floors, knowing everyone was asleep, Tan Junzi kept her pace slow and light, singing silently in her heart:
“Two rows of autumn geese, rain upon the river... People from all corners of the earth... Those who speak with reason are kindred spirits...” She finished the third floor.
“The monarch on the throne, the ministers in the hall... Those who keep the people in their hearts... The people will surely keep you in theirs...” She finished the second floor.
The moment she hit the first floor and saw no one was around, she bolted toward the bathroom at the end of the corridor. She sprinted past the boiler room and the men’s room, finally bursting into the ladies’ room. Now, she actually dared to sing out loud.
“Everything said is reason! ...OH~ Everything sung is a tune! With iron teeth and bronze fangs, two lips move! Eating the rice from the pot! ...”
She was panting from the run, her singing coming in fits and starts, but she kept going even as she sat there relieving her bladder.
Once finished, Tan Junzi pumped herself up: *The revolution is half-won. Next is the walk back to the third floor. Wait, where did I leave off?*
“With iron teeth and bronze fangs, two lips move! The people keep you in their hearts!” Just as Tan Junzi was about to start her sprint back, she heard a noise coming from the boiler room—a soft, low chuckle. In this empty, silent night, the sound was exceptionally eerie.
She felt the hair on the back of her neck stand up. Her legs began to tremble, and without thinking, she blurted out, “Who is it?” The moment the words left her mouth, her brain buzzed. *Pah, pah, pah! Don't jinx it!*
However, the "ghost" in the boiler room didn't answer with "Guess who?" like in the horror stories.
Instead, a deep voice replied, “Ji Xiaolan.”
The owner of the voice, Qin Ke, stepped out of the boiler room. He leaned against the doorframe with a cigarette dangling from his lips. One hand held it lazily while the other was shoved in his pocket. He watched Tan Junzi, whose body was stiff with fright and whose feet were turned inward like a pigeon-toed toddler, and slowly exhaled a cloud of smoke.
Tan Junzi’s scream died in her throat. She had already clenched her fists, but hearing "Ji Xiaolan" stopped her. *Wait, answering with "Ji Xiaolan"—is that even allowed?*
“Oh, it’s you...” Tan Junzi let out a long sigh of relief, then gave him a strange look. “Have you been here this whole time?”
She realized that in her high-speed, high-volume charge to the bathroom, she hadn't noticed any movement in the boiler room at all.
Qin Ke had always given Tan Junzi the impression of being—to put it nicely—stoic and grave, or—to put it bluntly—gloomy. He usually wore a scowl that screamed, "I'm unhappy, I'm trouble, don't provoke me."
But tonight was different. Tan Junzi couldn't quite put her finger on why. Perhaps it was the gentle moonlight, the silence of the summer night, or perhaps it was the cigarette. Smoking seemed to make him relaxed; at this moment, Qin Ke’s face was devoid of its usual guard, even carrying a hint of a smile.
“A song about Ji Xiaolan, yet you sang it like Heshen. Has anyone ever told you that you sing out of tune?” Qin Ke’s comment was an indirect answer to her question. He had been there the whole time, hearing her hundred-meter dash and her singing to bolster her courage.
Seeing Tan Junzi fall silent, Qin Ke was reminded of a rabbit. If she were a rabbit, her ears would definitely be drooping right now.
Qin Ke felt inexplicably good. He even took the initiative to ask, “What are you afraid of? The dark?”
“There are rumors that this building is haunted,” Tan Junzi said, lowering her voice. “This place used to be a graveyard.” She had intended to scare Qin Ke to save some face. But on second thought, a guy who came to the boiler room alone at night to smoke probably wasn't afraid of ghosts.
Qin Ke looked the girl over as she tried to scare him. He smiled, exhaled another puff of smoke, and then beckoned her. “Come here. I’ll show you something.” He stepped back into the boiler room.
Tan Junzi followed him in. As she passed through the smoke ring he’d blown, she happened to cough—not because of the smoke, but because of her earlier sprint. Qin Ke stood by the window, which was half-open. After a moment's thought, he crushed his cigarette against the edge of the sink and rinsed the ashes away.
“Come here,” Qin Ke called. His tone was like he was calling to a small animal—a wild one, at that.
“Look at this.” He pointed to the groove of the window frame. Tan Junzi leaned down, squinting in the moonlight. There was a cricket there; its two hind legs were crushed, but it was still moving, still alive.
“Did you do that?” Tan Junzi was shocked. She didn't understand his intention. *Why show me this?*
Their relationship was awkward. They knew each other, but they weren't exactly friends, and Tan Junzi had always felt that Qin Ke disliked her. Now, under the magical atmosphere of the night, it was rare for two people who weren't close to converse so naturally.
“I’m not that bored.” Qin Ke carefully lifted the cricket. Its legs had been caught when the window was closed. “Are you afraid of bugs?” he asked.
“No.”
“Then open your hand.” Qin Ke placed the cricket in Tan Junzi’s palm.
“Take it upstairs with you. Ghosts are afraid of crickets.” Qin Ke felt he was standing a bit too close to her, so after handing over the cricket, he stepped back, intentionally widening the distance between them. Tan Junzi caught the faint scent of tobacco on him. It wasn't foul, but it wasn't exactly pleasant either. It was a cheap brand.
“Why are ghosts afraid of crickets?” Tan Junzi also took half a step back.
“I made it up,” Qin Ke said without a hint of guilt.
“...” Tan Junzi was speechless. After a moment of thought, she gently tossed the cricket through the window into the grass outside. “Forget it. Even if I take it up, I have nowhere to keep it.”
Qin Ke didn't insist. He started walking out of the boiler room. “Let’s go then. I’ll walk you to the second floor.”
The two walked through the corridor in silence. Qin Ke stayed slightly behind Tan Junzi, trailing by half a step.
At the landing between the second and third floors, Qin Ke stopped. “I’ll leave you here. You can make it up yourself, right?”
Tan Junzi nodded. In truth, she wasn't afraid anymore. Just as she turned to head up, Qin Ke called out to her again.
“Thanks for today,” he said.
“Thanks for what?”
“Yuan Guo doesn't have many friends. Thank you for being her friend.”
“Friendship is mutual. Why thank me for that?” Tan Junzi was genuinely puzzled.
“...” Qin Ke smiled again. “You’re right.”
He waved her off. “Go on. I’ll wait here until I hear you close the door.”
Tan Junzi looked at him, feeling a strange sensation. Today’s Qin Ke was so friendly it made her uncomfortable, but she said nothing and turned to head upstairs.
Back in the dorm, Tan Junzi quietly climbed toward her top bunk. Suddenly, Qin Ruanshu, who slept below her, reached out and grabbed her ankle. “Tan Junzi, where did you go?”
The scream Tan Junzi had been holding back finally erupted. The fright she hadn't given Qin Ke, she now gave to Qin Ruanshu. She nearly fell off the ladder.
Following her scream, a sharp whistle blew from outside. A loudspeaker blared across the grounds: “Everyone, fall in! Assemble on the parade square!” Talk about a coincidence.
As everyone gathered downstairs, bleary-eyed, the girls in the dorm actually thanked Tan Junzi. “Good thing you screamed and woke us all up.”
Tan Junzi: “...”
It was a midnight field exercise—an eight-kilometer march.
The outskirts of the city were full of winding mountain roads. The students walked along the roadside in pairs. With hundreds of people in the column, it was a grand sight.
Tan Junzi’s exhaustion finally hit her. She was the type of person who slept and woke up on a strict schedule; she was very regular. Once her biological clock was disrupted, she became incredibly sleepy. She walked like Tom the cat chasing Jerry—like a wandering soul, ready to collapse and sleep on the ground at any moment.
In her daze, someone gently grabbed her arm and pulled her toward the inside of the path.
Tan Junzi forced her eyelids open and looked sluggishly to her side. She smelled a pleasant woody scent before realizing the person was Chang Ying. Her brain had stopped functioning. At some point, Chang Ying had moved to her side. He let go of her arm. “You almost stepped in dog poop by the road.”
Chang Ying looked energetic, not sleepy at all, though his hair was a bit messy and his face was still flushed from the sunburn cream. Most of his roommates had only scrambled up after the second whistle, but he had woken up before the first. He’d had a dream where Tan Junzi was kicking him, shouting, “It’s all because of your slice of watermelon!” He had felt confused and a bit hurt in the dream, which woke him up.
Seeing Tan Junzi acting like a walking corpse, completely out of it, Chang Ying worried she might trip. After a thought, he said, “Let’s play a game.”
Luo Zihan turned around. “A game? Sure!” He patted Zhang Da. “Chang Ying says we’re playing a game.”
Qin Ruanshu, behind Tan Junzi, leaned in as well. “Count me in!”
“...” Chang Ying rubbed his temples, waiting a moment before speaking. “The game is: Tan Junzi sings, and we guess the song.”
The group huddled close, sandwiching Tan Junzi in the middle. An "Out-of-Tune Golden Oldies Concert" began.
“Ah~ I finally lost yooou~ In the crowded thronnnng~” “Jonathan Lee’s *I Finally Lost You*!”
“The initially careless you, and the young, inexperienced me~” “*Rolling Red Dust*!”
“Long ago I knew that heartbreak is inevitable~” “Hey, that’s *The Awakening*!”
“Let youth blow through your long hair...” “*Dream Chaser*!”
...
“Ah~ Seven o’clock! You said seven o’clock! Good! Good! Good! I’ll definitely be early~” Just as Tan Junzi was singing, the people around her suddenly scattered. Instructor Liu’s face appeared beside her, giving her a violent start.
“You again,” Instructor Liu said, his voice sounding like he was grinding his teeth.
After the instructor moved to the front of the column, the group swarmed back. “Keep going, keep going!”
The eight-kilometer march seemed to shorten instantly. The moon was so round that night, and the youths were full of excitement. When they finally returned to the dorm, Tan Junzi slept until broad daylight.
***
The main content of the second day was learning military boxing.
Instructor Liu taught them move by move, then patrolled the ranks. He stood back at the front, frowning, his gaze landing on the girl at the head of the second row.
Chang Ying, Zhang Da, and Luo Zihan, standing in the back row, counted silently in their hearts: *Three, two, one. Tan Junzi.*
Sure enough, Instructor Liu spoke: “Tan Junzi! Come to the front and demonstrate for everyone.” He pointed to his spot and stepped aside to make room.
Tan Junzi walked up with immense confidence. She performed a set of military boxing with fierce momentum, even adding her own "Ha!" and "He!" based on her personal interpretation. She felt her movements were as fluid as Yang Yuqian, the youth in white played by Wu Jing in *Tai Chi Master*.
After she finished the set, Instructor Liu asked expressionlessly, “Does everyone think she did well?”
The boys in the back row were shaking from trying to suppress their laughter. The whole class remained silent.
The instructor turned to Tan Junzi. “How do you think you did?”
Tan Junzi acted humble. “Report, Instructor! I think I did alright.”
“...” Instructor Liu was silent for a long time, gathering his words and his authority. “Do exactly what I teach you! Don't add your own moves!”
“And get rid of all those 'Hmph' and 'Ha' noises!”
“Ten minutes of standing at attention!”
During the break, Tan Junzi sat on her small folding stool, dazed.
Instructor Liu walked over and crouched in front of her. “Are you angry?” Tan Junzi shook her head and tried to offer him her stool, but he waved her off, letting her stay seated.
“Late yesterday, singing during the march last night, and now military boxing today. I’ve remembered you, Tan Junzi. You’re quite something, little girl.”
Tan Junzi opened her mouth to argue, but no words came out. she felt a bit dejected.
“Guess how old I am?” The instructor didn't continue comforting her, instead changing the subject.
“Twenty-seven or twenty-eight?”
“...I’m twenty-one this year.” Young Instructor Liu rubbed his face. “Do I really look that old?”
“Ah, so young.” Tan Junzi was surprised; he was only five or six years older than her.
“Yeah, I was eighteen when I enlisted. When I first joined the army, I was just like you—didn't like being told what to do, didn't like following rules.”
“I wasn't being defiant.” Tan Junzi lowered her head to watch the ants on the ground. They were lined up, carrying a leaf.
The instructor stood up and smiled. “Want some mung bean soup?” He pointed to the large tin barrels the logistics team had just brought to the edge of the field. “There’s some over there. Go get your canteen and fill it up.”
After the ten-minute break, they began practicing the goose-step.
They marched row by row as the instructor corrected their form. Tan Junzi was next to Qin Ruanshu. As soon as Qin Ruanshu started walking, she began "pace-walking"—moving her arm and leg on the same side simultaneously. Tan Junzi was immediately thrown off and started doing the same. But Qin Ruanshu was clever; she could fix it with a quick little skip-step. Tan Junzi, however, had to stumble several times before she could get back in sync.
Instructor Liu closed his eyes.
“Tan Junzi! Fall out!”
***
**Glossary**
| Chinese | English | Notes/Explanation |
| :--- | :--- | :--- |
| 铁齿铜牙纪晓岚 | The Eloquent Ji Xiaolan | A popular Chinese historical dramedy series about the Qing Dynasty official Ji Xiaolan. |
| 戴娆 | Dai Rao | A Chinese singer known for performing theme songs for TV dramas. |
| 和珅 | Heshen | A corrupt Qing Dynasty official and the historical rival of Ji Xiaolan. |
| 军体拳 | Military Boxing | A standardized set of martial arts moves used for physical training in the Chinese military. |
| 太极宗师 | Tai Chi Master | A 1997 martial arts TV series starring Wu Jing. |
| 杨昱乾 | Yang Yuqian | The protagonist of the TV series *Tai Chi Master*. |
| 顺拐 | Pace-walking / Homolateral walking | A common mistake in marching where the arm and leg on the same side move forward together. |
| 拉练 | Field Training / March | A military training exercise involving long-distance hiking or marching, often at night. |
