Over the next few days, Tan Junzi found herself squarely in the instructor’s crosshairs, becoming the primary target of his "special attention." If she moved the same arm and leg together while goose-stepping, she was punished with extra standing; if she turned the wrong way during drills, she stood; if she made a small movement in the ranks, she stood; even singing military songs out of tune earned her a solo call-out. It got to the point where, in her deep sleep at night, she would suffer auditory hallucinations: *Tan Junzi! Ten minutes of military posture!* Then, in her dreams, her legs would kick out as she reflexively snapped from "at ease" to "attention."
Whenever Tan Junzi was punished with standing, Chang Ying, Qin Ruanshu, Liu Kan, and even Yuan Guo from the other class would take advantage of the breaks to come over and tease her. Tan Junzi didn't get angry, mostly because Instructor Liu always let her stand in the shade, usually for only fifteen or twenty minutes at a time. There was a sense of "no discord, no concord" between them; sometimes while she stood, Instructor Liu would even linger nearby to shoot the breeze, telling her stories about his early days in the army.
Tan Junzi had just messed up those four steps again when stopping from a run. The instructor had repeatedly emphasized that the final step required the right foot to snap against the left, but she could never get the rhythm right. Consequently, during the break, she was called out to stand at attention—hands pressed against her trouser seams, feet at a forty-five-degree angle, chest out, head up, stomach in, eyes focused inward.
A small pebble was kicked by someone and rolled to a stop by her feet, lightly tapping the toe of her training shoe.
Tan Junzi’s eyes scanned the area to see who had kicked it. She saw Chang Ying and Liu Kan sitting together. The two boys were perched on small folding stools, their short sleeves rolled up to their shoulders, exposing their entire arms. Chang Ying held a leaf in his hand while Liu Kan held a pebble; they had scratched a grid into the dirt to play a game of Five-in-a-Row.
Fifteen- or sixteen-year-old boys who exercised every day had beautifully defined arm muscles. Chang Ying sat with his elbows propped on his knees, his long legs sprawled out casually. The stool was so low that it looked like it might collapse under him at any moment.
Tan Junzi looked at Chang Ying, and he happened to be looking at her too. One was standing, one was sitting; one was feigning solemnity, the other was squinting with a smile. Then, Chang Ying stood up and walked toward her.
Stopping in front of her, Chang Ying pointed at the pebble by her foot and pretended to greet it: "Oh, you're here too? I kicked you over here to keep Tan Junzi company, so why are you playing dead?" This pebble was actually Liu Kan’s piece; Liu Kan had just won, so Chang Ying had kicked away the fifth stone that completed the row.
The pebble remained motionless.
Tan Junzi didn't dare laugh out loud, but the corners of her mouth curled up, forcing her dimples to appear.
Chang Ying held his thumb and index finger in a 'V' shape, hovering them over her two dimples as if measuring them like a tailor. "About six centimeters."
"What’s six centimeters?" Tan Junzi looked up at him. In that moment, as she looked up and her eyelashes fluttered, Chang Ying’s gaze deepened, and his Adam's apple bobbed.
His voice remained steady. "The distance between your two dimples." As he spoke, he flattened his hand into a palm and gestured toward her face, momentarily blocking her line of sight. "Your face is so small. Look, one of my hands could cover the whole thing."
With the boy’s palm right in front of her, Tan Junzi puffed out her cheeks and blew a puff of air into his hand. "Go away, or the instructor will punish me again."
"I'm going. I filled your canteen for you." Chang Ying crouched down, placed the leaf he was holding on the ground, and then carefully set the small pebble in the center of the leaf.
"What are you doing?" Tan Junzi asked.
"Letting it keep you company while you stand. I put a leaf down so its feet won't hurt," Chang Ying said with a perfectly straight face.
***
Military training had a way of rapidly closing the distance between classmates who were previously unfamiliar. Eating, training, showering, and sleeping together every day in the sweltering tail-end of summer turned Tan Junzi, Qin Ruanshu, and Yuan Guo into a boisterous trio of friends. Their small circle had gained a new partner. Qin Ruanshu bickered with Yuan Guo every day, ending up fuming each time. As an invincible "study god," she had never encountered such frustration before (except for Yu Mou).
When they went to the bathhouse—a large, open-plan facility with two long rows of showerheads and no partitions in between—everyone saw each other completely naked.
As Qin Ruanshu and Tan Junzi stripped, Yuan Guo couldn't help but marvel, "You both have such big chests. And they're so... dazzlingly white." She had asked around; both of them were C-cups, while Yuan Guo was an A-minus, looking like an elementary schooler next to them.
Qin Ruanshu stood under the showerhead, stepping on the water pedal and rubbing shampoo into her hair. "Can you not be so disgusting? What do you mean 'dazzlingly white'..."
Tan Junzi let out a laugh that sounded like a honking goose, which resulted in water getting into her ear. She started hopping on one foot to drain it. "You should drink more soy milk. I heard fermented rice with poached eggs is good for breast enhancement too."
Yuan Guo leaned in. "Does it really work? Have you tried it?" She watched Tan Junzi hopping, her chest bouncing with the movement. It was quite a sight. For some reason, she suddenly thought of Chang Ying and silently remarked to herself that that dog Chang Ying was certainly going to be a lucky man in the future.
"I read it in the health section of the newspaper. I haven't tried it," Tan Junzi said, bending over to dry her hair. Once it was mostly dry, she began to dress.
"Saying that makes it even more annoying. You're basically saying you rely on genetics," Yuan Guo commented.
"Exactly! Hahahaha!" Having finished her shower, Tan Junzi said, "I'll wait for you two outside. It's a bit stuffy in here."
Tan Junzi stood at the bathhouse entrance clutching her toiletry bag, occasionally slapping at the mosquitoes on her legs.
The evening breeze was pleasant. The dormitory area was filled with students walking about, many returning from the commissary with snacks. Chang Ying and Liu Kan, looking like two "old cadres" in their flip-flops, strolled over to take their showers.
As they passed Tan Junzi, Chang Ying stopped and held out his hand. "Lend me your body wash."
"Oh, here." Tan Junzi reached into her bag and pulled it out. "Where's yours?"
"I ran out," Chang Ying said without blinking.
As the two boys walked toward the men's entrance, Liu Kan said to Chang Ying before the door closed, "I didn't bring any at all, let me use some too. I want to smell nice and fragrant."
The door to the men's bathhouse swung shut. Chang Ying’s voice drifted out: "No."
***
One night, just as Tan Junzi had fallen into a deep sleep, she was shaken awake. Opening her eyes, she saw Yuan Guo clinging to the ladder of the top bunk, shaking her arm.
Tan Junzi lowered her voice. "You scared me! What is it?"
With only her head visible over the edge of the bunk, Yuan Guo said, "I need to use the bathroom! Come with me?"
Tan Junzi gathered her senses and struggled to roll over and sit up. "Get down the ladder then, I need to get off."
As they walked down the unlit corridor, Yuan Guo rubbed her stomach. "I think my period is coming."
Tan Junzi looked at her. "How do you know?"
"I just know," Yuan Guo said. Seeing Tan Junzi’s worried expression, she explained, "My cycle is irregular. Sometimes it comes twice a month, sometimes once every six months. But every time before it starts, it hurts like hell."
Tan Junzi let out an "Ah." "How can it be like that? I usually have cramps on the second day, but it's fine after that."
Yuan Guo shook her head. "Mine is much worse than yours. It's the kind of pain that makes you roll around on the floor."
Tan Junzi took her arm. Yuan Guo was thin and small; her arm felt like a little wooden stick. "Have you been to a hospital for it?"
Yuan Guo didn't speak. Tan Junzi nudged her. "I'm asking you. You need to see a doctor for something like this." Most of Tan Junzi’s health knowledge came from the newspaper columns she’d read since childhood, and occasionally Chang Ying’s mother would explain things to her.
"I'll tell you a secret, but don't tell anyone else." Yuan Guo thought for a moment, then leaned in and whispered a sentence into Tan Junzi’s ear.
The words made Tan Junzi stop in her tracks. After speaking, Yuan Guo continued walking as if nothing had happened. Seeing Tan Junzi standing motionless in the middle of the hallway, Yuan Guo walked back and pulled her. "Let's go."
Tan Junzi frowned. "And what about your father now? You should go to the police!"
Yuan Guo acted as if it were nothing. "That was before I was ten. He died a few years ago."
Tan Junzi was stunned by the twist, her eyes widening. "Did... you do it?"
Yuan Guo laughed so hard she doubled over. "How could I! How would I have that kind of power? This isn't a TV show. Let's just say the heavens have eyes. He died of alcohol poisoning."
"Oh." Tan Junzi’s voice was muffled. She had never encountered anything like this and didn't know what to say. What confused her even more was Yuan Guo’s attitude; she was so casual about it, speaking of these events as if they had happened to someone else.
Yuan Guo looked at Tan Junzi. The corridor was lit only by moonlight. Tan Junzi’s eyes were dark but very bright; she was truly worried for her.
Just now, Yuan Guo had told Tan Junzi her story on a sudden impulse. These were things she had never intended to tell anyone. But she felt an aura about Tan Junzi—a quality that made people trust her for no reason, made them want to be near her, to become her friend and be cared for by her.
"Do you want me to give you a hug?" After a long silence, Tan Junzi opened her arms.
Yuan Guo leaned in like a cat. "Okay."
The two girls hugged silently in the quiet corridor, Tan Junzi patting Yuan Guo’s back.
Tan Junzi’s embrace was soft and smelled sweet. *This embrace should be saved for Chang Ying,* Yuan Guo thought, so she pulled away after only a few seconds.
"Aren't you curious about me and Qin Ke? Like, whether we're a couple?" Yuan Guo asked mysteriously.
"No." Tan Junzi shook her head, waiting for her at the bathroom door.
"Tch, how boring. You're not telling the truth." Yuan Guo came out and washed her hands at the door, then flicked water onto Tan Junzi’s face. Seeing her serious expression made Yuan Guo want to tease her even more.
Tan Junzi wiped her face. "I'm really not." She added, "It's obvious you two aren't a couple."
Yuan Guo felt a bit defeated. Was the fact that Qin Ke didn't like her really that obvious?
"Do you know what the girls in my middle school class used to call me?" Yuan Guo asked.
"What?"
"They called me a slut."
"Why?"
"Because I changed boyfriends all the time. And I lived with a boy—Qin Ke." Yuan Guo shrugged.
"Then why did you change boyfriends so often?"
"You sure have a lot of 'whys'." Yuan Guo looked at Tan Junzi’s serious face and found it funny. "No one else ever asks me that, because they all think they already know the answer."
Tan Junzi didn't know how to continue the conversation. She asked cautiously, "But why do you and Qin Ke live together? I heard about you two living together from... someone." That "someone" was Liu Kan.
"Hey, you don't have to be so careful, it's nothing. Technically, my current guardian is my uncle. My uncle is a small-time thug who 'washed his hands' of that life. Now he runs a noodle shop—Old Yuan’s Noodles, have you heard of it? It even made the papers once because of poor management."
"Then why don't you live with your uncle?" Tan Junzi stopped, her face full of disbelief. "Don't tell me your uncle also—?"
"No, no, my uncle is a wonderful person. Even though he’s never had a proper job, he’s very good to me." Yuan Guo sighed. "Isn't it ridiculous? My biological father, a great professor, did those things to his own daughter. He always looked down on my uncle, but what right did he have?"
"I don't live with my uncle because—like I said—he used to be a thug. He has a lot of shady friends, and he was afraid they’d be a bad influence on me, so he doesn't live with me. Oh, and Qin Ke is basically my uncle’s foster son. When Qin Ke’s mother was sick, my uncle helped take care of her for a while."
Yuan Guo watched Tan Junzi as she spoke. "Hey, don't look at me with that look."
"What look?" Tan Junzi asked.
"The look you have right now." Yuan Guo pointed at her eyes. "I'm doing quite well now."
"Why are you telling me all this?" Tan Junzi asked. She didn't know what her "look" was, so she simply closed her eyes. This was a massive secret; Yuan Guo’s trust made her feel a bit overwhelmed.
"Because I want to be your friend," Yuan Guo said with a grin. "Even though you might not lack for friends, I do."
"Hey, you'd better open your eyes. It's creepy in the middle of the night."
"Do I still have that look now?"
"You do."
"Ah." Tan Junzi closed them again.
"Open them!"
***
The bus back to the city wound along the mountain roads. It had arrived carrying a busload of pale middle schoolers; it was leaving with a busload of "black coal."
Ten classes were split among seven buses. Yuan Guo’s class shared a bus with Class One. When Tan Junzi boarded, the only seat left was next to Chang Ying. Yuan Guo was sitting next to Qin Ruanshu. When Tan Junzi walked past them, Yuan Guo was gripping Qin Ruanshu’s arm tightly, saying, "I want to sit here," while Qin Ruanshu tried to pry her off with a look of utter disgust.
So Tan Junzi walked over to Chang Ying. He stood up to help her put her bag in the overhead rack.
It was afternoon on the return trip. The bus cabin was stuffy and hot.
Not long after the bus started moving, Tan Junzi fell asleep. Her head bobbed back and forth with the jolts of the bus.
Chang Ying reached out, using his index finger to steady her forehead, then quietly and gently pushed her head onto his shoulder. In her sleep, Tan Junzi seemed to have finally found a support; she even nuzzled into the crook of his shoulder, finding a comfortable angle before settling still. The corners of Chang Ying’s mouth turned up.
A few times when the driver braked suddenly, Chang Ying reached out just in time to cradle her forehead, afraid she would slide down and wake up.
The bus air conditioning was weak, and almost everyone on board was asleep. Chang Ying stayed awake, drenched in sweat. He kept the right side of his body perfectly still, while his left hand slowly reached for the backpack at his feet, pulling a bottle of mineral water from the side pocket.
The cap was screwed on tight, but he didn't want to use his right hand to turn it. If his right hand moved, his shoulder would inevitably move, and he wanted Tan Junzi to keep sleeping.
So, he held the bottle with his left hand and gripped the cap with his teeth, twisting the bottle in the opposite direction until the seal broke.
He then drank from the bottle in a strange, stiff posture. Because his head was tilted toward Tan Junzi to keep her head from wobbling, he couldn't hold the bottle straight.
As a result, a good portion of the water spilled down his neck, soaking a large patch of his T-shirt collar.
As the bus entered the city and stopped at a red light, Tan Junzi woke up. She realized she was leaning on Chang Ying’s shoulder, while he was looking out the window. She rubbed her eyes and looked at him. "Are we there?"
Chang Ying turned his head. "Almost."
Tan Junzi noticed his wet collar. "What happened here?"
Chang Ying smiled. "Spilled some water while drinking."
"How clumsy. How do you even spill water while drinking?"
As she spoke, she looked for her own water. Chang Ying picked up a bottle from his feet, unscrewed it, and handed it to her. "I guess I am pretty clumsy."
***
| Chinese | English | Notes/Explanation |
| :--- | :--- | :--- |
| 顺拐 | same-side walking | Moving the arm and leg on the same side of the body simultaneously while walking. |
| 五子棋 | Five-in-a-Row / Gomoku | A traditional strategy board game. |
| 老干部 | old cadre | Slang for someone who acts or dresses in a very traditional, serious, or old-fashioned way. |
| 酒酿卧蛋 | fermented rice with poached eggs | A traditional Chinese dish often believed to have health benefits for women. |
| 义子 | foster son / godson | A son not related by blood but taken in as family. |
