"For everything."
At first, Qi Bailu regarded Ruan Qiuji’s apology with cautious skepticism, but the way Ruan Qiuji spoke those words made them sound sincere.
They stared at each other for a long time, and Qi Bailu’s heart gradually steadied. There were moments when he wondered: what if he and Ruan Qiuji had never met at that charity gala? What if Zheng Kunyu were still alive? What if Ruan Qiuji had said "I'm sorry" the moment they reunited? But the past was the past; it was unchangeable.
Qi Bailu gazed at him silently. Ruan Qiuji waited and waited, finally asking, "Do you hate me?"
"Yes." Qi Bailu’s tone was flat, as if he were merely admitting to a trivial matter. He continued, "But it’s all in the past. Let’s just say goodbye."
Ruan Qiuji knew his character well. If he truly let go, Qi Bailu would turn and walk toward anyone else. In that moment, Ruan Qiuji truly understood Zheng Kunyu for the first time—why he had used such methods to coerce him, even at the cost of being hated. Qi Bailu lived too much for himself, like a crescent moon that could never be plucked from the sky. Ruan Qiuji realized he had been looking in the wrong direction all along, trying to fish the moon out of the water; the moment he applied even a little pressure, the moon's reflection would shatter.
Just as Qi Bailu turned to leave, Ruan Qiuji grabbed his wrist, dragging him back with a feverish strength. Qi Bailu winced at the pain of the grip, but seeing the look in Ruan Qiuji’s eyes, he found himself unable to speak. While they were at a standstill, Qi Bailu’s phone suddenly rang.
Qi Bailu tried to pull his hand away. The ringing was insistent, and only then did Ruan Qiuji let go.
The call was from Lin Yuewei. Ruan Qiuji was standing so close that he could see the name on the screen with a single glance. Qi Bailu looked at Ruan Qiuji and answered the phone right where he stood. Lin Yuewei’s voice came through clearly: "I’m at the hospital. Where are you two? Why aren't you in the room?"
After all that effort to get away, they ended up back at the starting point. Lin Yuewei sat on the sofa, looking quite exasperated when she saw them walk in. She was holding a small thermal jar containing rock sugar pear water, meant for Qi Bailu. She rarely lost her temper in private, but she was ruthless when scolding people at work. The moment she saw them, she sneered, "I thought you two had gone on a world tour."
Yesterday, they hadn't been able to reach anyone. The entire crew had ground to a halt, left staring at each other on set.
Qi Bailu remained silent, moving away from Ruan Qiuji’s side. Ruan Qiuji said, "I will make up for the lost funds."
Money talks, so Lin Yuewei didn't say much more to him. However, she glanced at Qi Bailu sitting beside her, and when she saw the suspicious bruises and bite marks on his neck, her anger flared up instantly. Qi Bailu saw the thermal jar and asked, "What is it?"
Lin Yuewei unscrewed the lid halfway before letting him finish it himself. She turned to Ruan Qiuji and said, "President Ruan, if my actor disappears again and can't even answer his phone, I’m calling the police."
It wasn't just because she favored Qi Bailu as a friend; it was also because such incidents disrupted their filming schedule. Moreover, having witnessed many "unspoken rules" in the industry, she knew this could lead to irreparable consequences.
Ruan Qiuji, still in his hospital gown, stood by the bed taking his medicine. His expression didn't flicker at her words. A moment after putting down the water glass, he pressed a fist to his mouth and coughed twice, the sound seeming to be squeezed from his lungs.
Against the background noise of the coughing, Qi Bailu lowered his eyelashes and ate the rock sugar pear water with a small spoon, taking tiny sips. The pear water was clear and sweet, moisturizing his throat, but it couldn't extinguish the heat deep within his chest.
Seeing his sickly complexion, Lin Yuewei had intended to lecture him, but she ultimately held back. "I don't care what you two are fighting about, but you cannot delay the upcoming shoot. After we wrap, you can do whatever you want."
"It won't happen again," Qi Bailu said.
Lin Yuewei realized the atmosphere between them was wrong. It seemed they had fought, or perhaps broken up entirely. From any angle, Ruan Qiuji looked like the one who had been dumped.
She pondered this for a moment until a knock sounded at the door. Just as the nurse was about to push the door open, Ruan Qiuji stepped out. The faint sound of them talking in the hallway drifted in. Lin Yuewei asked, "What’s going on with you two? Did you break up?"
"Mm," Qi Bailu hummed vaguely, then added, "It’s not exactly a breakup." After all, they had never truly been together.
"Xue Fang messaged me asking if you have someone you like. What was that about?"
"A misunderstanding."
"He doesn't look like the type to let go easily."
Qi Bailu bent his neck to bite a piece of pear, knowing that the "he" in her sentence referred to Ruan Qiuji.
When they finally left, they saw Ruan Qiuji sitting alone on a chair by the door; the nurse was already gone. Lin Yuewei paused briefly as a way of greeting him. Qi Bailu turned away without looking at him. Lin Yuewei stood before Ruan Qiuji, and he asked, "Are you going back to Beijing?"
Qi Bailu had already reached the elevator. Ruan Qiuji asked, "Are you asking, or is he?"
"Is there a difference?"
Ruan Qiuji paused. "I will attend the wrap party on time."
The wrap was half a month away; Ruan Qiuji’s words were essentially meaningless. As long as he wasn't facing Qi Bailu, he regained his usual composed demeanor.
The elevator doors opened with a *ding*. Ruan Qiuji watched Lin Yuewei leave. Qi Bailu kept his head down, pressing the "open" button without glancing his way. Other people waiting for the elevator stepped forward, blocking Qi Bailu’s profile. After Lin Yuewei entered, Ruan Qiuji saw the figure in the white cashmere cardigan flicker amidst the crowd, swept along and quickly disappearing into the elevator.
Ever since falling ill, Qi Bailu wanted nothing but sleep. Lin Yuewei didn't give him any time off; after leaving the hospital, they went straight to the set. After a full day of filming, he crawled into the production van the moment he finished and fell into a deep sleep. When they reached the hotel, Cheng Wenhui woke him up. Qi Bailu was in a daze, unaware that Lydia had even removed his makeup while he was in the car. Cheng Wenhui handed him his unfinished milk tea and said, "Don't forget to take your medicine!"
Normally, Cheng Wenhui would nag him about not drinking milk tea because it would make him gain weight, but seeing as he was unwell, he grudgingly allowed him a cup with half-sugar. Taking medicine was the thing Qi Bailu was best at; he wouldn't forget. Cheng Wenhui didn't seem convinced, only sighing in relief after watching him swallow the pills, then reminding him to drink plenty of water.
A manager living like an assistant, and a paranoid one at that. Qi Bailu said, "It’s not like I’m going to die."
It would have been better if Qi Bailu hadn't said it; the moment he did, Cheng Wenhui’s expression soured. Ever since the incident with Zheng Kunyu, he had become a bit jumpy. When he couldn't reach Qi Bailu yesterday, he was terrified that he had been kidnapped or had done something drastic. He had even circled the hotel entrance, relieved not to find a body on the pavement.
Cheng Wenhui said, "Don't jinx yourself."
Qi Bailu knew he was a bit superstitious. For instance, he had requested peace talismans for everyone on the team and insisted on hanging one in the van. Every time he went back to his hometown, he went to the temple to burn incense, and he had even offered some for Zheng Kunyu. Cheng Wenhui hadn't told him this directly; Qi Bailu had overheard him telling an assistant while he was resting on set.
Halfway through that story, Cheng Wenhui had suddenly remembered Qi Bailu was napping in the chair nearby and shut his mouth instantly. It was somewhat comical.
Seeing that Qi Bailu seemed to want to sleep, Cheng Wenhui asked, "Aren't you going to do some promotion?"
"Promote what?"
"Today, *How Much Sorrow the West Wind Brings* has aired ten episodes. The view count is rising steadily. You made your appearance yesterday."
Qi Bailu had completely forgotten about it. He had no time to watch the show or go online, so naturally, he hadn't cared about how it was performing. Although Cheng Wenhui had been buzzing in his ear about it, he hadn't taken it to heart, only knowing vaguely that it was airing on satellite TV and Netclouds simultaneously.
Cheng Wenhui found the remote and turned on the hotel television. "Want to watch an episode?"
Qi Bailu hadn't attended the press conference last week. The faces appearing in the drama felt like people he had seen in a previous century. The episode Cheng Wenhui randomly opened happened to be the scene where he confronted Cai Tongyue. Qi Bailu felt a bit dazed; he had short hair back then. He remembered this part. Ruan Qiuji had visited the set at Hengdian, saw that he had hit his forehead on a rock, and promptly took him to the hospital.
And so, the chaotic memories of the past came rushing back—the never-ending gossip and scandals, the endless rounds of banquets and social drinking, the cookie-cutter faces on billboards, and the luxury life of a caged canary. It all felt like a very long time ago.
The two of them watched the episode in silence. When the ending theme began to play, Cheng Wenhui said, "Your character is good. After a few more episodes, it’s bound to cause a stir. A few brands have shown me endorsement contracts; two of them are ones we’ve worked with before."
"You decide."
Cheng Wenhui couldn't tell if he looked happy or unhappy, but at least he wasn't foolish enough to refuse. He wasn't young enough anymore; if he wanted to go further, he had to seize every opportunity. Who would have thought that *How Much Sorrow the West Wind Brings*, filmed two years ago, would become his chance for a comeback?
Speaking of which, the screenwriter’s original title was *Shadows over the Huangpu River*. The later title, *How Much Sorrow the West Wind Brings*, was a change made by Zheng Kunyu.
"Do you remember that beauty brand? If we finalize it, we’ll go to Paris this winter to shoot two commercials."
Qi Bailu paused, then said, "Okay."
Since he was being so agreeable, Cheng Wenhui pushed his luck: "A variety show wants to invite you and Director Lin to appear together."
"Ask her. If she wants to go, I have no objection."
Cheng Wenhui immediately made a face that said *you might as well have said nothing*. Seeing him thwarted, Qi Bailu couldn't help but smile slightly, taking out his cigarette case to light one.
The ending theme finished, and the next episode skipped automatically. During the brief commercial break, which was filmed in a very festive style, Qi Bailu suddenly asked, "Brother Cheng, are you happy?"
Though the question was a bit out of nowhere and strange—strange like a New Year's interview on CCTV—Cheng Wenhui still took a careful look at Qi Bailu. He hadn't expected Qi Bailu to suddenly talk about life with him. He thought for a moment before saying, "I'm doing alright."
The more he thought about it, the more satisfied he felt. He nodded, then mentally calculated if there were any moments he wasn't happy. He said, "I'm not being called 'Hey' today?"
Qi Bailu blinked, his expression looking tired, but he still managed a smile.
"Xiao Qi, the future is still very long. You’re not like me; this is all I can do in this life. You’re a good actor. You can still make a lot of money, and someone will truly love you."
Qi Bailu flicked his ash. "I know."
Cheng Wenhui felt a surge of emotion—partly touched, partly guilty—but he couldn't say much more. They watched another half-episode before Cheng Wenhui took a work call and headed back to his own room, telling Qi Bailu to get some rest before he left.
The smell of red wine still lingered on the floor. The empty wine bottle lay in the corner of the room, and the blanket Ruan Qiuji had used was still tossed on the sofa. Qi Bailu couldn't be bothered to tidy up. He stubbed out his cigarette, turned off the TV, and carried a pile of sedative bottles to the toilet. He poured the pills inside and threw the empty bottles into the trash. After doing this, he went to the bathroom to shower. Halfway through, tears began to fall, turning into almost uncontrollable sobs.
He stood under the shower, leaning against the tiles behind him. When he finished, he took a towel and wiped his face clean. No one would ever know he had cried.
The consequence of not looking at his phone all day was waking up to a mountain of unread messages. Qi Bailu felt like he had slept for a long time, but when he checked his phone, it had only been six hours.
The sky was just beginning to lighten. He rolled over, and his phone unlocked, jumping to the accumulated WeChat messages. When he saw the name Ruan Qiuji, he didn't want to click it for a moment, but he eventually did through his headache.
Judging by the time, it had been sent last night before he went to sleep. It was just a few short sentences. After reading them, Qi Bailu was wide awake.
"Perhaps I should have told you sooner: I have been waiting for you to forget him. Don't you know that I am jealous? Even seeing a shadow of the past on you makes me feel like I could die of jealousy. When we were in Shanghai, I wanted to be with you, but you looked so unwilling. I knew that if I said it, you would definitely refuse. Your pride wouldn't allow you to bow to me, and I wasn't content with having someone who didn't love me. Did you ever love me?"
***
