I did not truly need to attend the ancestral sacrifices in the capital’s outskirts. It was only because she had looked at me with those pleading, blinking eyes before the trip that I decided to move up my planned investigation of the official tombs to the days before the Qingming Festival. I wanted to use the holiday’s customs as an excuse to invite her for a spring outing by the river at the foot of the mountain. Because of this sudden change in plans, I had to offer Senior Brother Qiu and the others some gifts as an apology for the disruption.
As I kowtowed to the generations of the Wei ancestors, I prayed: *Please, ancestors, forgive Wei Qi for her devious actions and many sins. I have brought shame upon our name and failed our clan. You may sentence me to the harshest tortures of hell after my death, but I only beg that while I am alive, I may see her often and keep the smile upon her face.*
Clutching the broken gold bell that matched Yangyang’s, my only thought was to find her quickly. I feared she might be lured away by the honeyed words of some profligate, or worse, that she might meet someone who would capture her heart at first sight, leaving her willing to walk through life hand-in-hand with them. Fortunately, she truly knew little of the capital’s customs and was utterly unprepared. She stood there dazed, unsure of what to do, but upon seeing me, her eyes crinkled with such joy that she lunged toward me like a startled rabbit. Then, remembering my "heavy injuries," she hesitated, not daring to embrace me. In truth, those external wounds had long been healed by Senior Uncle Zhong, and my internal injuries only required a few more days of regulation to be fully uprooted. I found it a bit of a pity that she was so considerate; I wished she had actually hugged me.
Only after spending more time together did I realize how brave she truly was. Her fear of insects was merely a loathing for things she found filthy; she didn't even flinch when entering the complex secret passages of Chunan Tower. Ling Chunan was a man of exquisite schemes and deep cunning. That entire building was his personal design, with secret tunnels connecting to every corner of the city. Not only did they allow for massive amounts of eavesdropping, but they also contained countless entrances to the black market and hidden mechanisms for secret guards. If they had accidentally stumbled upon a private transaction, a robbery, or a murder, or if they had encountered a thug emerging from the black market, it would have been a disaster.
I had ears within the Wen household, and Chunan’s quarterly night banquets were a top priority for the Temple’s surveillance. I had received word the moment their group entered the tower, but I hadn't paid it much mind. I never expected A-Zhi to be so sharp and intelligent; based solely on the minor incident of Wen Shu losing her clothes, she had easily seen through President Ling’s secrets. If the people of Chunan Tower found out, they might have used unspeakable means against those naive young ladies—at the very least, they would have been humiliated and threatened—to say nothing of the fact that they had recklessly crawled into the secret passages.
I had arrived in a state of urgent anger, but the moment I saw her, my heart settled. She was hiding behind a peephole. Before she saw me, her face was clouded with indignation, her lips pursed and teeth clenched in obvious displeasure. But the moment her eyes met mine, her expression instinctively softened, becoming tender and sweet. In her wide eyes, there was pleasant surprise and a trace of longing, as if she were asking me why I hadn't come to see her for half a month, or why I hadn't asked how she was faring.
On the surface, Yindeng was all smiles and gentle charm, but her words were laced with mockery: "What kind of divine being could make the always-composed Lord Emissary lose her footing and come rushing here like the wind?" She clearly thought I had a lover hidden behind the private room and was intentionally acting intimate with me, pouring tea and wine with excessive diligence to make it look like a passionate affair. I could have refused her, but I wanted to see if A-Zhi would... care, even just a little.
I saw her frantic pacing inside the secret passage because she couldn't understand the drinking games; I heard her curses calling me a lecherous seeker of pleasure; I even took her punch delivered in a fit of rage. Yet, my heart felt a joy and relief I had never known. Even in her fury, that "cat" was adorable, baring her claws and teeth simply because the exclusive favor she enjoyed had been spread thin. A little bit of "stroking her fur" in the right direction calmed her down, and in the blink of an eye, she was tender and clingy again, worrying that I was overworked and mentally strained. She truly was a kind and observant girl.
She spoke bluntly, without disguise. If she admired you, she would praise you as if you were peerless under heaven; if she missed you, she said so plainly; and she confessed her likes with total candor. I had wondered if I should suspect her of using these charms just to coax me into taking her out of her sheltered manor to play, but for some reason, I preferred to trust her—to believe, with all my heart, that everything she said was the truth.
At Fengle Tower, she proved to be a total devotee of beauty, staring foolishly at the manor's beautiful courtesans. Her favorite was actually Yindeng... I knew, of course, that Yindeng, Wen Jiang, and Wen Shu were rare beauties. Having traveled through the fourteen provinces, I had seen many stunning women, yet none could compare to A-Zhi. I had always viewed beauty with cold suspicion, knowing too well the calculations and dangers hidden behind it. But when I pictured A-Zhi’s true form in my mind, I often mocked myself for falling into the trap, losing all resistance to the race that stood at the pinnacle of the Yao tribe's beauty. It wasn't entirely about her looks; throughout our time together, for various reasons, I mostly faced her illusions. Her true face was a rare sight. I couldn't say if it was that snow-like fragility and innocence that made me ache for her, or if her concern and attachment to me were simply moving enough on their own.
But hearing her praise Yindeng with my own ears made me lose my temper. A sense of frustration rose within me—what kind of person did she actually love? I knew that young girls often felt an attraction toward mature, charming women a few years older than themselves, but that was usually just a subconscious desire to possess that same beauty and grace; it didn't mean they truly liked women. But what if she was like millions of other ordinary girls, and could only ever love a man? Given my absurd identity, I truly didn't know which side I should hope she preferred.
It was the first time I had seen her wail so uncontrollably. Before, even when facing a desperate situation, she had remained strong and brave, crying only briefly before stopping. She was crying now because she missed her sect.
I suddenly had a sobering realization: she did not belong to me. She did not belong to this artificial, filthy city. She belonged to that distant place of bright mountains and clear waters, where there were people she loved and who loved her in return—a place of safety and tranquility that I could never obtain nor provide. She belonged to a bright and translucent future.
A thousand words swirled in my throat, but in the end, I could only endure the pain and say that I would send her back. Perhaps I would be personally delivering her to a place where I would never see her again.
Riding together on the same horse was entirely born of my own selfish desire, yet I didn't dare to truly take her in my arms, feigning a polite distance. But sleep came upon me without warning, just as my insomnia had arrived years ago without a sign.
Looking back now, the days when I first entered the sect feel dim and distant, but that hurdle of my youth was indeed a painful one to cross. My parents had been missing for nearly three years. I thought I was used to cold stares, and having no money to grease the wheels, I had anticipated what life in the sect would be like. Yet, I hadn't expected the bullying and malice between youths to exceed all of that. Even when I knew a situation was a trap, my lack of worldly knowledge compared to the sect-born disciples made it hard to avoid them entirely. My physical disadvantage was my greatest "mistake," leading to repeated insults and violations. If not for Hong Lu’s natural strength and his desperate protection of me time and again, I might not have even been able to keep my disguised identity a secret.
That night, he and I lay in a deserted valley under a summer breeze. My clothes were so tattered they were unwearable. I simply tore off my outer robes, tossed them aside, and struggled to apply medicine to Hong Lu. His face was swollen and bleeding. We cursed under our breaths as we tended to each other's wounds.
I helped him wrap the deepest gash on his leg, which had been pierced by a sword held by a boy named Wu Feizhang. The Wu family was merely a minor faction clinging to the Wujing Sect, yet they were so overbearing. The pills and spiritual tools he used were things we, in our poverty, could never obtain. The medicine provided by the sect was of average quality, and because the steward was a snob, he gave me the lowest grade. Otherwise, such a small wound would have been healed instantly.
I never intended to endure everything forever; I was simply limited by the gap in our strength. If I could stab an opponent once, I wouldn't settle for less. That Wu Feizhang had been careless while trying to forcibly strip my clothes; I had wounded his abdomen, and he had fled crying for his parents. He was the true coward. He carried so many precious medicines on him; if it had been me, I would have healed myself and then gone back to kill.
For the first time in my life, I used foul language and threw things, all because I blamed my own incompetence for dragging Hong Lu into such suffering. But Hong Lu said, "Master, none of them can compare to you. In less than a year, once we reach the mid-stage of Qi Refining, I’ll definitely beat that son of a bitch into the ground."
At that time, I had only been in the sect for three months and had just entered the Qi Refining stage—actually close to the sect's fastest record. Their inability to stand me was likely because they felt threatened, dissatisfied that a "girlish" figure like me was constantly stealing the spotlight. The impulsive act of stripping someone's clothes was simply one of many ways youths humiliated each other. Perhaps it was mixed with lust; men, regardless of age, always carry some inherent vices, though they might not even understand them themselves.
Hong Lu said it would take a year to advance, which was a conservative estimate. Because I had spent that night in the valley with my eyes wide open, unable to fall asleep ever again, I simply began to cultivate through every night. Eight months later, my progression was stable. Within eleven months, I had entered the Dao and reached the mid-stage of Qi Refining, beating the previous sect record by seven or eight days. Moreover, I had entered the Dao very late; my speed was incomparable to the former record-holder who had begun at age six.
Without waiting for the Wu boy to make another move, I requested to go to Zhuoxue Peak to comprehend sword intent in solitude.
Before the Little Heavenly Mountain competition, I had only one martial arts instructor, a man named Yang Tianze. I suspected he was the only teacher Master Feng had secretly bribed for me within the sect. Likely because teaching sword arts involved a lot of physical contact, it was hard to keep my secret hidden. Instead, it made him—a man who despised women—even more disgusted, and his punishments were particularly cruel. I didn't hate him, though. Thanks to those harsh and heartless physical punishments, I was able to solidify my foundation to the maximum during the early stages of body tempering despite limited resources.
Going to Zhuoxue Peak was the best solution I could think of at the time. I borrowed books on martial techniques, mental methods, and formations from the Lingxian Pavilion to study and comprehend on my own. Food and supplies were delivered once every half month, and I was often short on clothes and food, so I simply practiced inedia. I didn't have to find ways to circumvent the mandatory sleep schedule to cultivate; I was free to follow my heart.
A month before the Little Heavenly Mountain competition, I had reached the perfection of the Rising Smoke Realm. My sword intent could cut two feet deep into the snow of Zhuoxue Peak, double what the instructors required. The competition held no suspense. I defeated Wu Feizhang in just three moves. He hadn't been among the truly talented ones to begin with; otherwise, why would he have focused his bullying on an unknown nobody like me? The true "favored children of heaven" with high ambitions wouldn't have wasted their time on such trivial matters.
Three strikes landed on his vital points. I had intended to humiliate him further, but as I pressed the tip of my sword against him again, I suddenly felt it was utterly boring. That mediocre and cowardly face made revenge taste like nothing.
Senior Zhai’s real surname was actually Ni; he was a direct descendant of the founder, Ni Tian. The descendants of Founder Ni were all low-key and followed an unwritten rule of using their mother’s surname in public. I stayed on his mountain for half a year, still not sleeping day or night. Combined with the effects of the Soft-Bone Body Tempering Pill, I suddenly fainted one day, nearly dying of exhaustion. Senior Zhai had seen everything but said nothing, only silently placing a protective spell on me to save my life. I lay unconscious in a deserted spot on the mountain for a day and a night. When I woke the next day, carrion-eating beasts were already surrounding me, waiting to devour my corpse.
It was the height of summer, yet my body had lost its warmth, feeling as cold as an ice cellar. I barely managed to crawl back to the door of Senior Zhai’s wooden hut. He only said faintly, "Eating and sleeping are natural instincts. You are fighting against nature; sooner or later, it will recoil upon you."
"I am not fighting against nature, I am fighting for my life against heaven," I said. "When the retribution comes, I shall bear it myself."
Senior Zhai shook his head and smiled. "You are practicing both the upper and lower volumes of the Spirit-Illumination Art—is that also fighting for your life? Even I cannot say for sure what the consequences will be."
I knew I had acted on my own and violated the rules of instruction, so I knelt and kowtowed. Senior Zhai was silent for a moment, then said, "You and I were never meant to be master and disciple; I have no right to stop you. I only ask that you remember to sleep, and do not be too harsh with your inedia. Whether you listen or not is entirely up to you. Since you have practiced that Spirit-Illumination Art, then make something of it. Whether it leads to your death or your fame, let us see what result you can wrest from the heavens."
I sensed A-Zhi’s scent growing very strong, and felt a soft, warm touch on my face. I opened my eyes to see her with her lashes lowered, gently touching the tip of her nose to my right cheek. I was suddenly struck by the realization that for the first time in six or seven years, I had slept for a moment, deeply and without consciousness.
She was likely worried about our safety and didn't dare let go of the reins of the galloping Pegasus to touch me with her hands, so she used her nose instead. Her eyes were closed, her expression devout and peaceful, pure and flawless. It was truly just an unguarded, harmless touch—a touch between friends.
Yet my heart began to throb with unbearable longing. It was so much like a kiss. If I had feigned sleep and tilted my face just a fraction, I could have touched those tender, fragrant lips that were like flower petals.
***
