One day, Su Shiye took her out for a meal. When he dropped her off outside the school gates, she offered him her thanks—and her farewell.
"So you think all you feel for me is desire..." Su Shiye laughed upon hearing this. "Very well. So in your eyes, I only have this much value? Suitable for a bit of fun in the moment, but not for the long haul—is that it? Have I understood you correctly?"
Fanli remained silent. She didn't want to hurt him, but she was even less willing to lie.
"But what I feel for you isn't just desire. I want a future with you. I know you feel there’s a great gap between us, that you can’t adapt to my lifestyle, but those problems won't exist after we’re married. I’ll be busy with my work; you can simply ignore it and focus on being happy with me."
"Focus on being... happy with you?"
There it was again. This ultimate, irresistible temptation she felt whenever she faced Su Shiye, like seeing a magnificent feast at midnight on an empty stomach.
"Yes."
"There’s something I’ve always been confused about regarding this." Fanli frowned. "I remember reading an interview of yours. You said that after Princess Fengjin died, you no longer wanted to consider marriage. Why now...?"
"Actually, saying this from my position might sound a bit ridiculous, but political marriages make me feel like a courtesan. It was like that with Fengjin, and after she passed, every Suzerain and Archon who proposed a match made me feel the same way. Before I met you, I truly didn't want to marry; I only wanted to focus on my career. But you’re different, Lili. I like you. It has nothing to do with your background; I simply like your personality, your intelligence, and your ambition. Marrying under these circumstances is something I do willingly."
"The intelligence belongs to Sui, not me."
"So what? It’s already a part of you."
"And if Sui and I were to switch back? Wouldn't you feel... split?"
"Then I would find a way to keep her, and stay with the human version of you."
"By then, you would love Sui’s body and wisdom, but my spirit and memory. Wouldn't that feel strange to you? Who would you actually be in love with?"
"You really are a rational woman. I hadn't thought that far ahead."
"Shouldn't one think deeply before making any important decision? Why you love me, what it is you love about me—don't you think about these things carefully?"
"Fine. I’ll tell you what I love about you. This will require me to break a previous promise."
With that, Su Shiye took her hand. Slowly, tentatively, he interlaced his fingers with hers. Then, with a gentle tug, he pulled her into his embrace and lowered his head to kiss her. As they exchanged breaths, her body went numb again. Every limb and bone was flooded with the instinct to be closer to him, to crave more of him...
"Do you know what I love about you now...?" Su Shiye teased the tip of her tongue, his voice tender and muffled. "It’s this. You know what I’m talking about."
Of course she knew what he was talking about.
Su Shiye’s entire being challenged the greediest instincts of her humanity; he was the source of her desire.
His eyes, his lashes, his lips, his voice, his body, his fingers—even every strand of his hair made her heart race. Every time they gazed at each other, she truly understood what it meant to fall at a single glance.
"Lili, I like you." He pressed her against the wall behind them, pinning her hands high above her head. His posture was utterly domineering, yet his voice was so soulful it was heartbreaking. "I really, really like you..."
*I really, really like you.*
That sentence suddenly echoed in her mind. But it wasn't in this charming, lazy, deep, and seductive voice.
It was the clean voice of another youth.
Her eyes snapped open, and she shoved Su Shiye away with all her might!
"No. I can't." She gasped for air, shaking her head violently. "I can't do it. I don't love you."
"Why would you choose him?" The lust in Su Shiye’s eyes dissipated, replaced bit by bit by a cold chill. "In what way is he better than me?"
"He makes me see hope in life. But with you... we have no shared memories, no shared social circle, no shared topics of conversation. To put it bluntly, the only thing I want to do with you is go to bed."
"Fanli, have you ever investigated my background? There are so many things I can give you, and all you can see is sex?"
"I have no interest in the other things you can give. I’m only interested in your body. But life isn't just about sex; there are greater pursuits. Besides, I think it’s the same for you. You don't love me; you just like me."
"I just like you?" Su Shiye laughed. "I see. You have other requirements. Tell me, what must I do to prove that I love you?"
"There’s no need to prove it. Even if you do love me, it doesn't matter."
"What do you mean?"
"I don't love you. I don't want a future with you."
"What do you mean?" Su Shiye frowned, gripping her chin. A flash of anger appeared between his brows.
"I love Xinghai." Fanli had regained her clarity. She looked at him calmly. " I am certain that the one I love is him, not you. Very certain."
Su Shiye froze. The pressure on her chin grew lighter and lighter until he released her completely.
"I’m sorry." Fanli placed her hand over her heart and bowed deeply to him. "It was my fault for giving you unnecessary expectations."
Fanli turned and swam away. Su Shiye was left alone, staring blankly at the wall.
The sea was silent and still, filled only with the heavy pressure of the water and fragments of light.
After a long time, he turned around. He watched her departing figure grow smaller and smaller, allowing the tiny waves to stir his white hair against his thin cheeks.
No matter how much time passed, his golden eyes remained dim and lifeless.
It was as if he were merely a part of this magnificent city—from the past four hundred million years ago, to this present as fleeting as a firework, to an endless future—he would never move again.
***
After that night, Fanli became even more certain. She wasn't wavering between two men; she was wavering between two different lives.
Now, she had finally made her decision. She would be a woman of resolve and never succumb to desire and instinct.
If her "ideal" didn't want her, she would rather stay single, striding forward alone with a clear heart, waiting for the next "ideal" to arrive.
From that day on, Fanli deleted all of Su Shiye’s contact information and cut off all ties with him.
Just as she expected, desire was a hard habit to break. She dreamed of him countless times—sweet dreams, sad dreams, lustful dreams, fearful dreams... and the sad dreams were always the victors. In the end, they shattered the others and became the dominant mood when she woke, leaving her in a long daze.
She told herself to stay sharp. *You don't love Su Shiye. There’s nothing to be sad about. You’ll be fine after a few days of rest.* Thus, walking side-by-side with her pain in full awareness, she truly conquered herself.
After a while, she returned to a normal, healthy state.
She applied for another job and received an offer letter. She planned to use it as leverage to negotiate with "Sea Tribe Vessels" to allow her to hire an assistant. Things went more smoothly than she expected. Before she even mentioned resigning, her supervisor agreed to her request immediately. He even said, "If you want to hire an assistant, you don't need to go through me. Just submit the application to HR, and I’ll sign off when they arrive."
Soon, the first semester drew to a close, and winter break approached. Two weeks before final exams, following tradition, the school organized a pre-exam relaxation trip to the Emerald Sinkholes.
The Emerald Mountains were also known as "Goddess Mountain" because, when viewed from the upper layers of the ocean, the shape of this underwater range resembled a reclining woman with long hair. "Her" hair was composed of coral and seaweed, seagrass formed her eyelashes, and she was covered by vast swathes of life and ocean currents. Rumor had it that the Emerald Mountains were built by over eight hundred arcanists in ancient times; others said it was a masterpiece of nature, while some claimed it was the remains of the Deep Blue itself...
There were thousands of sinkholes above the Emerald range, about a fifth of which were stalactite caves. The stalactites here looked like noodles dropped into a pot or shredded squid hanging in the water. Since they were submerged, there was no fear of oxidation. Swaying branches and leaves in the water, combined with the beautiful play of light and shadow on the seabed, created a scene straight out of a dream.
In the seawater of the sinkholes, there were no waves. The water was exceptionally clean, so there was no plankton and no fish. Swimming inside felt like soaring through outer space. Because it was a popular tourist destination for the Sea Tribes, there were many outdoor self-service hotels and vendors selling food in the scenic area. Carrying their travel bags, the students followed their instructors, weaving between the sinkholes, swimming, and buying snacks. The bolder boys would swim into the depths of enclosed waters to explore places rarely visited by others.
Though they had said they would remain friends after the breakup, Fanli and Xinghai hadn't actually been in contact. Now that her head was clear, she didn't look away when she saw him in the crowd. Instead, it was Xinghai who avoided her gaze.
Her intuition told her that Xinghai still loved her.
If she had been more persistent about reconciling after the breakup, he probably wouldn't have been so resolute.
They had been apart for so long; both should have thought through whether they ought to be together.
Seeing Xinghai emerge from the water with three other boys to take photos behind a giant rock, Fanli followed them, floating quietly on the surface to wait. When they finished, the three boys saw Fanli. They looked at each other for a moment and then tactfully swam away, leaving space for the two of them. Xinghai also wanted to swim away, but Fanli called out to him.
"Xinghai, wait."
Xinghai stopped, but he stayed behind the rock, out of her sight. "What is it?"
Hearing his voice, her eyes immediately grew moist. It was familiar because it was Xinghai’s voice, yet strange because he had never spoken to her in such a distant tone.
"During the time we’ve been apart, not a single day has passed that I haven't thought of you." Fanli held onto the rock, summoning her courage and trying her best to stay calm. "Perhaps in your eyes, or in the eyes of the world, you aren't my best choice. But to me, you are the best. I love everything about you so, so much. Only when I’m with you do I feel my life has meaning."
Xinghai didn't speak.
Fanli didn't swim forward either. Instead, she pressed herself against the rock wall and continued, "Are you willing to become that brave Xinghai for me again? To ignore the rumors and charge forward? Even if I have overbearing tendencies, will you boldly say 'wait until I surpass you' and then work hard alongside me?"
The water rippled. She heard a heavy breath from the other side. But Xinghai still didn't speak.
"Even now, I still love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I don't want to consider anyone else. If you don't want me, then I’ll just be alone." At this point, Fanli’s fingers were trembling, yet her voice remained steady. "Are you willing to try starting over with me?"
She waited for over ten seconds, but no answer came. She could only let out a long sigh, wipe away the tears about to overflow from the corners of her eyes, and silently turn to swim away.
She hadn't swum far when a loud splash sounded. She stopped but didn't turn around. Then, a pair of slender arms reached out from behind and pulled her into a tight embrace.
"It was my own lack of confidence. I’m sorry." Xinghai buried his head in the crook of her shoulder. "Lili, I love you too."
Fanli froze for a few seconds before her tear ducts suddenly gave way. She turned around and threw her arms around his neck, holding him tightly.
This was the feeling. This was right.
This was the boy she loved—his familiar, comforting embrace. Even after all this time, even after being apart, he couldn't say many flowery words, but she knew their hearts were closely linked.
From the past to the present, she had never been more certain or more determined than she was now: this was the person she wanted to grow old with.
"I thought you would be better off without me, but I didn't realize you would be in so much pain." Xinghai’s eyes were also red. "I’m sorry. I’ll never waver again."
"I’m only the best version of myself when I’m with you." She laughed through her tears.
In the mist, Fanli’s face was clear and bright, her eyes like deep blue crystal glass reflecting the light of the water. Perhaps the scenery was too beautiful, too moving; Xinghai gripped her lower back tightly, lifting her up to press her against his chest, and then kissed her deeply without any hesitation. She gave a soft sigh and hugged his neck with equal force, returning his lingering, passionate kiss. Every time she responded, he intensified his efforts.
From this kiss, she knew that the Xinghai of the past—that brave, "ideal" boy—had truly returned. Not only that, but he quite boldly slid his hand beneath her clothes, resting it on her waist before slowly moving upward. Fanli sighed softly again, her breathing growing heavier with each of his gentle movements.
Then, she was pushed down onto the grass beside the rocks, her tail still submerged in the water. He pinned her wrists down, kissing the skin beneath her ear fins, then her collarbone...
All that talk about saving the first time for after marriage was just empty formalism.
Overflowing love makes one lose themselves, leaving only the instinct to possess the other.
She loved this boy so deeply that she was willing to give him the best of everything she had. And she believed he loved her just as much.
"Lili, is it okay?" he whispered as his claspers aligned with her cloaca.
Fanli closed her eyes and nodded. As if sensing her fear, he smoothed her short hair. "It’s me, not anyone else. Don't be afraid..."
"Okay..."
Although she had learned the specific process from books long ago, she only realized after actually doing it that many things aren't clear just from reading.
A male shark-kin’s tail would reflexively wrap around the female’s, making it impossible for her to pull away. Then, as the claspers entered, the tail coiled even tighter, creating the illusion of being constricted by a giant python, as if she were about to be hunted and devoured. As the claspers pushed deeper, she was so frightened she didn't dare move.
She finally understood why male shark-kin had barbs; in this situation, it was truly hard not to want to flee... No one had told her that the depth of the claspers' exploration would be so staggering, as if her very throat were about to be pierced.
Xinghai seemed to have become two people: his upper body was the pure youth who loved and comforted her, while his lower body was the fiercest predator in the ocean. His gaze was the same—half tender love, half animal instinct.
Fanli gripped his shoulders, trembling as she asked, "Xinghai, am... am I still alive?"
Xinghai had been frowning seriously, but he was moved to laughter by her reaction. After a while, he sighed. "You’re alive. I’m the one who’s dead."
His words were as soft as water, but his actions were a sweeping tsunami.
To call it earth-shattering would not be an exaggeration.
As her entire world collapsed, she heard him whisper in a deep voice against her ear, "To be this happy until death... is enough."
It truly felt like dying once. The occasional cry of a bird reminded them that this was not a lifeless, deserted island.
Other than that, the world was small enough to contain only the two of them.
Because Fanli’s body couldn't quite take it, they only mated once before resting. Her whole body ached, and she hung off Xinghai’s neck, hissing in pain. "It hurts."
Xinghai was filled with regret. He had no experience; everything he had just done was driven by instinct, and he had made many mistakes. By the time he realized it, he had practically broken Fanli.
"I’m sorry for making our Lili suffer." Xinghai awkwardly kissed her forehead. "Next year we’ll learn the arcane art of land-transformation. Then, even in the sea, we can mate in the land-dweller way. It won't hurt as much."
"Next year?!" Fanli’s face paled. "Forget it. I’ll learn it and teach you. I’m terrified of sea-mating now."
"Alright. Land-style next time." Xinghai began to smile sweetly, pulling her tight into his arms. "Land-style is even more intimate. I’m looking forward to it."
Listening to his quickened heartbeat, Fanli suddenly realized what "land-style" implied. She reached out and buried her face in her hands. "Ahhh, stop talking! It’s too embarrassing!"
They ended up falling behind, failing to return with the school group. Instead, they stayed in the sinkhole, being affectionate until midnight. They even found a coin-operated field hotel in the waters below: a hollow protected by an arcane halo that prevented entry. After dropping a 10-float coin into the machine next to the light-wall, the barrier vanished. Five minutes after a person entered, the light-wall reappeared, but from the outside, it looked as if no one was inside.
Starlight was the poet’s script, and seawater the paper; they permeated each other, casting a sheet of silver-white into the hotel hollow.
"There’s something we need to talk about," Fanli said, leaning into Xinghai’s embrace.
"Hmm?"
"I’ve secured an opportunity to hire an assistant at 'Sea Tribe Vessels.' Quit your other jobs and come be my assistant." Fearing he would refuse, she quickly added, "Once you’re settled as an assistant, I’ll find a way to give my position to you and find a job I actually like."
Xinghai blinked, seemingly failing to react for a moment.
"Don't say no!" Fanli sat up, looking him in the eye solemnly. "Since you’ve accepted me again, you have to accept the reality that I’m a workaholic and might earn more than you. In the future, the gap in our careers might widen—I might be stronger than you, or you might be stronger than me—but that has nothing to do with our feelings. If we break up just because we’re out of sync in the short term, it would be such a waste."
"What if it’s long-term?" Xinghai asked hesitantly.
"If you were stronger than me in the long run, would you abandon me?"
"Of course not!"
"Then I’m the same. No matter what you become, even if you go to haul bricks, I won't abandon you."
Xinghai looked at her in surprise. "You... you know."
"Even if you don't have a job and are at a low point in your life, it doesn't matter. We have savings; it’s enough for us to live on for a long time. I’ll stay with you as you slowly climb out of that low point, and then I’ll help you find a better job. For now, you really can't keep doing those terrible jobs. As for the work at 'Sea Tribe Vessels,' I won't force you, but I’ve been working so hard lately just so they would have a chance to see you. If you want to join that company, don't be polite with me."
Amidst the starlight and the shimmer of the water, Xinghai’s eyes seemed to flicker with a blue light. He smiled, deeply moved, and patted Fanli’s shoulder with an air of mock-righteousness. "Alright, Boss. From now on, I’ll be learning from the Boss."
"I’m a very difficult Boss to deal with. I have high standards at the office and even higher standards at home." Fanli lifted her small head proudly. "You have to love me, cherish me, and have eyes only for me, understood?"
"You really are hard to serve." Despite his words, Xinghai held her tight, unable to stop stroking her hair.
She desperately tried to protect her hair, and they poked each other's waists playfully for a while. Then she stretched, her tail intertwining with his, and fell asleep not long after.
This night was very short, yet very long.
*The drowsy dawn illuminates the deep blue,*
*Everywhere I look are the eyes of my beloved.*
*Now you are so close,*
*Right before me, within my reach.*
*In this year of the Burning Era where nothing happens,*
*An inconspicuous drama begins to play.*
*A beautiful girl swims over,*
*And an ordinary boy falls in love.*
*To embrace her is to embrace honeyed sweetness,*
*How I wish nothing would ever change.*
*The Sea of Light is dappled with the sun,*
*While the call of the Lord of Darkness is far away.*
*Two ordinary lovers,*
*Simply in love, speaking their vows.*
*Shedding the brilliance of a mission’s robes,*
*We, the lucky ones, were never far apart.*
*If one day this love falls into the abyss,*
*To sleep forever with the sperm whales,*
*I have one wish:*
*When the silver curtain is drawn across my temples,*
*I can still cherish the memory of this summer with you;*
*When the blade of time carves wrinkles upon my face,*
*The great sea can still hum my longing...*
At dawn, Fanli half-opened her eyes in a daze and called out Xinghai’s name.
"Hmm?" Xinghai hadn't slept at all.
"Listen... the sound of the sea is like a poem, a little bit sad..." Thinking of the sorrow of their recent breakup, Fanli hugged his waist tightly, a hint of fear in her voice. "I feel so happy right now. I don't want anything to change. I’m so afraid this happiness will run away."
"It’s rare to see you so sentimental."
"Will you always love me?"
"I will."
"Will we be together forever?"
"As long as you don't leave me," Xinghai looked down and gave her a slight smile, "forever."
For some reason, Fanli felt very uneasy. She felt as if the moment she looked away, Xinghai would disappear... She shook her head to clear her thoughts, but she couldn't shake the feeling.
She remembered talking to Feisi before about the standards for determining a Sea Tribe female’s virginity.
In principle, as long as one had mated, they were no longer a virgin, but sea-mating left no physical trace. There was no hymen in the cloaca. But land-style mating was different; the first time involved bleeding, just like with humans. Many chauvinistic men used this to judge whether a Sea Tribe woman had sexual experience. Therefore, for many tribes that valued female chastity, as long as they didn't engage in land-mating, they could pretend to be virgins even if they had already borne children.
"Xinghai, let’s not wait. Let’s go ashore this afternoon... and, you know, can we?"
"What?" Xinghai was stunned for a moment, but he quickly realized what she meant. "Do we really not need to wait until after the wedding?"
***
**Glossary**
Chinese | English | Notes/Explanation
--- | --- | ---
翡翠山脉 | Emerald Mountains | Also known as Goddess Mountain (女神山).
翡翠天坑 | Emerald Sinkholes | A scenic area within the Emerald Mountains.
鳍脚 | Claspers | Biological term (pterygopodia) for the male shark reproductive organ.
腔孔 | Cloaca / Cavity | Biological term for the reproductive/excretory opening in shark-kin.
海族舰艇 | Sea Tribe Vessels | The company where Fanli works.
浮 | Float | A unit of currency in the underwater world.
交尾 | Mating | Specifically refers to the biological act of mating in their aquatic forms.
陆生 | Land-dweller / Land-form | Refers to the arcane transformation into a human-like form for living on land.
海生 | Sea-dweller / Sea-form | Refers to their natural aquatic forms.
燃尽时代 | Burning Era | The current chronological era in the novel's setting.
