Sometimes, Sima Qiuyun would stare out the window in a daze while sitting in front of her computer screen. When she first started at the Provincial Museum, she found it incredibly difficult to adjust. Her daily routine consisted of clerical tasks, such as logging Excel entries like "Blue and White Porcelain—Qing Dynasty, Qianlong Period, Height 20.3cm, Rim Diameter..." or serving as the lead hostess for visiting provincial officials because of her striking looks. Tasks actually related to her fine arts major occurred perhaps once a month, and even then, they were usually along the lines of, "Hey, Xiao Yun, come tell me if this is date-red or purplish-red," or "Hey, Xiao Yun, is the 'Van' in Van Gogh pronounced with the second or fourth tone?"
Scrolling through her social media feed, she saw her former classmates either visiting art exhibitions, holding their own, or selling a fine piece of work. Her heart would itch with a restless, helpless longing. Eventually, she simply blocked a few friends who loved to show off, only to feel ridiculous afterward—like an ostrich burying its head in the sand.
At such moments, she would click on the clock in the bottom right corner of her screen to check the date, counting how many years, days, and minutes had passed since she had bid farewell to the old Sima Qiuyun.
Sometimes, she had the illusion that her soul had left her body. She watched herself from the perspective of a cold, detached bystander, observing her own life without a ripple of emotion. She watched herself work a tedious, flavorless job; she watched herself go on half-hearted dates with Lin Shaohua; she watched herself return to a home with dark, empty windows. The Sima Qiuyun from before she was eighteen—that loud, high-profile, self-righteous, and arrogant girl who walked with her nose in the air—had vanished into the sky like the autumn clouds above, silent and dissipated.
At eighteen, time had taken a sharp, ninety-degree turn.
That summer, after her high school graduation party, Sima Qiuyun was nearly assaulted by a few local thugs who had been eyeing her for a long time. Her father, Sima Feng, discovered them just in time and shouted at them. To his surprise, the thugs were drunk and refused to back down. In the ensuing struggle, one of the thugs hit his head against a sharp concrete edge and died from his injuries.
Sima Feng was sent to prison with a ten-year sentence.
From that summer onward, Qiuyun felt as though her life was covered in a layer of gray dust.
For a time, she believed her own appearance was the culprit, even going so far as to carve the words "Source of Calamity" into her own arm with a knife. Throughout university, she only associated with her female classmates and ignored all men. Chen Liping had taken her to see a psychologist several times, and she had slowly improved. She no longer rejected the opposite sex entirely, but she had never been in a relationship.
During that period, Sima Qiuyun felt as if she were encased in a shell. On the outside, she still looked youthful and green, but the kernel within was maturing at an incredible speed. It wasn't that she didn't understand the world; she just suddenly felt that nothing had any meaning.
*"Then what is meaningful?"* she had written in her diary.
She didn't know. Perhaps things would get better in a few years when her father was released.
Life continued in this quiet, rippleless fashion for two weeks until it was shattered by a phone call from Wu Liu.
"Qiuyun! I think it’s true!" Wu Liu screamed on the other end of the line.
"What is it?" Qiuyun moved the phone slightly away from her ear.
"Where are you? I’m coming to find you!"
"I’m at work."
"Fine!"
"..."
By the time Wu Liu rushed to the city museum, Qiuyun still had half an hour before her shift ended.
"I can't leave yet," Qiuyun said, settling her in a conference room.
"Then I'll tell you right here," Wu Liu said, her face flushed with excitement. "Don't be too shocked."
"What is it?" Qiuyun turned to close the door. "Did you win the lottery?"
"I'm happier than if I'd won the lottery!" Wu Liu couldn't sit still. "Do you remember Liang He’s wife’s memorial service? Remember what I said?"
"You say so much, how could I remember it all?"
"About why Liang He never had children, and if he had a bad relationship with his wife?"
Qiuyun felt a headache coming on. She thought something serious had happened, but it was about Liang He again.
Wu Liu didn't notice Qiuyun's expression at all. Her eyes were wide and round, and her words tumbled out like beans from a jar: "His wife was a lesbian! They had a—marriage—of—convenience!"
Qiuyun froze.
"Right?" Wu Liu grew even more excited. "Isn't that explosive? Didn't see that coming, did you?!"
She truly hadn't. Qiuyun could hardly believe it.
"No wonder Teacher Liang looks so young, and his wife did too—because it was a formal marriage! Marriages of convenience are basically celibate, and celibate people always look younger than their peers! Look at... yeah, that singer Fei Yu-ching, he's the perfect example..."
"Wait..." Qiuyun slowly regained her senses. "How do you know all this? Teacher Liang’s wife just passed away; it’s very disrespectful to talk like this..."
"I am one hundred percent certain, absolutely!" Wu Liu’s eyes were shining.
"Are you... investigating Liang He?" was Qiuyun's first reaction.
"Don't worry about that; the point is, it's true." Wu Liu grabbed Qiuyun in a hug. "I was so thrilled when I got the news. I'm sharing it with you first! You have to keep it a secret for me until I successfully win Teacher Liang over!"
"Hold on..." Qiuyun pushed Wu Liu away. "What do you mean, 'win Teacher Liang over'? What about your He Qingyong?"
"Broken up! Ten minutes ago!" Wu Liu waved her hand dismissively.
Sima Qiuyun looked at the woman before her, thinking she had gone a bit mad.
"If what you're saying is true, then Teacher Liang might be gay too," she said, trying to dampen Wu Liu's spirits.
"Haha!" Wu Liu laughed loudly. "That’s exactly why I decided to dump He Qingyong and pursue Teacher Liang. Do you know? I can't believe Teacher Liang is such a devoted man!"
Sima Qiuyun didn't know how to respond. She handed her a cup of water, hoping she would calm down.
"Did you know? Teacher Liang was a student at our school, and he stayed on as faculty after graduation. When he was young, he was in a relationship with the daughter of the Dean of the College of Humanities. Back then, girls were falling over themselves for him, but it was the Dean's daughter who pursued him. Once they were together, everyone thought they were a match made in heaven. But for some reason, she suddenly cheated on him and went abroad with a new boyfriend. After going abroad, she contracted some terminal illness and died young. Before she passed, she wrote Teacher Liang a long letter. He was devastated and never truly recovered; he locked his heart away. But his family kept pressuring him—back then, things weren't as open and liberal as they are now. Then he met his wife, they hit it off, and they stayed together until now."
After finishing this long explanation, Wu Liu took a large gulp of water.
Qiuyun stared blankly at Wu Liu, then slowly reached out a hand to touch her forehead.
It wasn't hot.
"What are you doing?" Wu Liu slapped her hand away. "Everything I said is true!"
"Wu Liu," Qiuyun said, taking her hand. "Where are you getting this information? Have you not been sleeping lately?"
"I haven't been sleeping well," Wu Liu admitted freely, her expression still manic. "But don't look at me like that. I'm perfectly sane... I'm just a little lightheaded from the prospect of impending love..."
"..." Qiuyun had finally witnessed what it meant to "talk nonsense with total conviction." "Where did this news come from? Who would believe this?"
"I didn't believe it at first either. A couple who treated each other with such mutual respect turned out to be 'brothers sharing a bunk bed,'" Wu Liu chuckled.
"That's enough," Qiuyun interrupted her. "He is our teacher, and his wife just passed away."
"But it's the truth."
"Did you see it with your own eyes?"
"I..." Wu Liu finally came clean. "I hired a private investigator."
Qiuyun was stunned. She pushed back her chair and stood up abruptly.
"What's the matter?" Wu Liu asked dismissively.
Qiuyun felt a deep aversion to her actions, even a hint of disgust. She instinctively stood up, wanting to distance herself.
"How could you do that?"
"What's wrong with it? I didn't infringe on anyone's interests," Wu Liu said with an air of indifference. "Alright, don't give me a lecture on ethics or play the moral guardian. Go clock out; let's go grab a big dinner tonight to celebrate."
Sima Qiuyun did not have dinner with Wu Liu. The afternoon had left her feeling profoundly uncomfortable. Instead, she went against her usual habits and quietly messaged Lin Shaohua to arrange dinner. At that moment, she felt—somewhat hypocritically—that Lin Shaohua was a comforting presence.
When she returned home that evening, she was surprised to see Chen Liping sitting on the sofa watching television.
"There's chicken soup on the table," she said to Qiuyun, her eyes fixed on the screen.
Qiuyun was taken aback. It was surprising enough that she wasn't out playing mahjong, but she had actually stewed chicken soup for her.
Had the sun risen in the west?
"You're visiting your father tomorrow. Remember to bring him a couple of extra layers. He always catches a cold when the seasons change." Chen Liping stood up to help her heat the soup. "Get some rest early. I'm going to bed."
The TV was turned off, and the house fell silent.
Yes, time flew. Tomorrow she could visit her father again.
After Sima Feng went to prison, no one had come to visit him for a long time. Qiuyun had been like a hedgehog with all its quills raised, unable to accept the reality herself. Moreover, she had just started university, and Chen Liping feared the negative social impact, so she wouldn't let Qiuyun visit.
But Chen Liping didn't visit him either. She had once let it slip that Qiuyun had ruined the family.
An outsider would surely find it shocking—how could a mother say such a thing to her daughter?
Only Qiuyun knew that she had no right to blame Chen Liping.
Because Chen Liping was not her biological mother.
Qiuyun's biological mother had passed away when she was just over a year old. Chen Liping was her stepmother. Chen Liping was infertile, and her previous husband would drunkenly abuse and berate her. She had fled from City B to City A, where she used her skills to set up a *suanlafen* stall outside Qiuyun's school. At that time, Sima Feng was a top technical lead at a factory. After school, Qiuyun loved eating Chen Liping's hot and sour noodles. Over time, she became familiar with both Sima Feng and Sima Qiuyun. Four months later, Chen Liping's ex-husband tracked her down to City A, overturned her stall, and began beating her in public. Sima Feng happened upon the scene and stepped in to save her. Later, Sima Feng helped her win her divorce case, and she became Qiuyun's stepmother.
Chen Liping had indeed been a virtuous wife and mother, treating Qiuyun as her own. After marrying Sima Feng, her noodle stall moved into a small storefront, and business flourished. When Qiuyun was in her second year of high school, Chen Liping suggested they try for a child again, noting that medical technology had advanced. For one, the house would feel empty once Qiuyun left for university; for another, Chen Liping hadn't quite given up hope, as she was eight years younger than Sima Feng. Sima Feng asked for Qiuyun's opinion. Though surprised, Qiuyun found it understandable; having a younger brother or sister to keep them company seemed like a good thing.
Everything had been arranged, and Chen Liping was actively preparing her body. But then Sima Feng was suddenly imprisoned, and Chen Liping's world was struck by a bolt from the blue.
She had been despondent for a long time. Qiuyun watched as the light in her eyes slowly faded, never to return. It wasn't until two years ago, when she started playing mahjong with a group of friends, that she changed. The smile returned to her eyes, and she began to dress up and groom herself again, but she no longer cared for the home as she once had.
Her relationship with Chen Liping had also undergone a subtle, silent shift.
Qiuyun understood it clearly in her heart. The fact that Chen Liping hadn't left was already more than anyone could ask for.
Perhaps, once she saw Qiuyun married off, she would feel she owed this family nothing more.
***
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