As night fell and the borders of Mount Cuiwei came into view, Fan Shaohuang did not return directly to the sect. Many cultivators resided at the foot of the mountain, which naturally meant there were countless stalls and curiosity shops selling magical artifacts.
Familiar with the area, Fan Shaohuang sought out an antique shop. He reached into his satchel and pulled out a pair of shimmering, golden birds. Without a word, he handed them over.
The shopkeeper clearly recognized him; from the moment Fan Shaohuang stepped through the door, the man had been grinning like he’d just collided with the God of Wealth. Sure enough, the moment the birds appeared, a sharp glint flashed in the shopkeeper’s cloudy old eyes. He snatched them up, gave Fan Shaohuang a quick bow to signal him to wait, and ducked into the back room.
The green-eyed zombie recognized those treasures. Legend spoke of the Golden Birds that brought tidings of joy—these were the Lucky Birds. They were creatures of myth, worth more than their weight in gold.
Fan Shaohuang didn’t even have to speak. When the shopkeeper emerged, his face was beaming with delight. He held up two fingers to indicate the price. The green-eyed zombie didn’t know exactly how much that represented, but Fan Shaohuang gave a slight nod, sealing the deal.
Once they ascended Mount Cuiwei, the second senior brother, Fan Shaohuang, went sullenly to kneel before the ancestral tablets. The old man, Fan Fuqing, was thundering with rage, but the rest of the sect was long used to it—the prayer mat beneath the ancestral tablets had been the second senior brother’s "reserved seat" since the day they joined the sect.
Later that evening, Fan Shaojing secretly ordered his own corpse fiend to deliver dinner. Fan Shaohuang, humiliated and angry, swept his sleeve across the table, sending the tray and the corpse fiend tumbling to the floor.
That corpse fiend was a truly honest and simple soul. It climbed back up without a hint of anger, meticulously gathered the broken shards, wiped the floor clean, and returned a short while later with a fresh tray of food.
The veins on Fan Shaohuang’s forehead throbbed. He knocked it down again. Once more, it cleaned up the shards, mopped the floor, and returned shortly after with a tray, persistent as ever.
After this repeated five times, Fan Shaohuang didn’t even have the energy to be angry. With trembling hands, he took the bowl and finally began to eat. The green-eyed zombie finally understood why Fan Shaojing had sent his own corpse fiend—in the entire Cuiwei Sect, it was likely the only one capable of handling Fan Shaohuang’s foul temper.
When the green-eyed zombie returned to the small wooden hut, Qiao’er was still awake. Guiche had gone out to forage, and the red-eyed zombie was leading a group of smaller zombies on a patrol around the perimeter.
The moment the green-eyed zombie entered the room, it grew agitated. There were several unfamiliar fish in Qiao’er’s water vat! It reached into the vat suspiciously, fishing them out one by one to inspect them.
The commotion finally drew Qiao’er out. Seeing it had returned, her eyes crinkled with a smile. "Why are you fishing?"
The green-eyed zombie couldn't understand her words, but even a dullard would grasp the intent. It pulled out all the fish of "unknown origin" and held them out to Qiao’er. When she reached out in confusion to take them, it gave her hand a sharp *smack*.
Qiao’er pulled her hand back and cried out. The strike had been light, but it still stung. Blowing on her hand, she grumbled, "What was that for?"
Ignoring her, it held the fish out again. When Qiao’er tried to take them, it smacked her again. After several rounds of this, Qiao’er grew angry. When it offered the fish once more, she gave a huff and retreated back into the hut.
The green-eyed zombie was delighted. It promptly hurled the dozen or so mysterious fish far out into the sea. Only then did Qiao’er realize—it was teaching her not to accept things from strangers.
Then there was the matter of Guiche. Aside from its beak, the bird didn't have much in the way of offensive power, but it was incredibly fast. It was simply its rotten luck to have encountered a Flying Corpse with the speed of the green-eyed zombie. If it had been those old Taoists from Mount Cuiwei, they might have been able to drive it away, but no matter how high their cultivation, they would never have caught it.
All things considered, the bird wasn't bad... it was just exceptionally unlucky. For instance, this time, it returned from foraging neither early nor late, but exactly when the green-eyed zombie had finished throwing away the "unidentified" fish and was worrying that its toy’s food supply might be insufficient!
The green-eyed zombie grabbed one of the bird's necks (the one without a head, coincidentally) and dragged it all the way to the shore, gesturing for it to watch and learn.
Guiche stood on the beach, staring with its eighteen eyes for a long time, thinking the zombie was about to teach it some profound technique. Instead, after a long silence, the green-eyed zombie emerged from the sea clutching two fish in its hands.
Comrade Guiche was stunned for a good while before it realized this zombie wanted to teach it how to catch fish.
"Motherf*cker!!" It collapsed onto the sand, all nine heads foaming at the mouth simultaneously. "You're the fisherman! Your whole family are fishermen! Your whole damn household registry are fishermen!"
As it turned out, having nine heads was quite useful; in an instant, the green-eyed zombie’s entire ancestry had been cursed. But the zombie didn't react—Guiche had forgotten to translate, and it couldn't understand a word.
The zombie and the bird tangled on the beach for a while. In the end, Guiche decisively chose a loss of dignity over a loss of feathers and dove into the sea to catch fish.
It was far more professional at fishing than the green-eyed zombie. Those nine heads weren't just for show; catching one fish per head provided enough for several of Qiao’er’s meals.
The green-eyed zombie was satisfied, and Qiao’er was happy, constantly praising the bird for being like a cormorant. At first, Guiche was quite proud, until the day it saw an actual cormorant...
From then on, Guiche had a new function: professional fisherman.
The green-eyed zombie stayed with Qiao’er while she slept for a bit. She was still pouting over the way it had smacked her hand, but the zombie was entirely oblivious. It hopped into the coffin and pulled her onto its chest as usual. Qiao’er turned her face away, ignoring it, so it wiggled a finger in front of her eyes to tease her.
Eventually, Qiao’er couldn't help herself and began writing on its chest. They didn't have much of importance to discuss; their "conversations" were mostly about trivialities. For example, how the roof of the hut leaked when it rained, which fish had the fewest bones and tasted best, or how it needed to take care of the new embroidered pouch she’d made and not lose it again.
It waited for her to finish writing before nodding in agreement. It didn't seem to pay much attention, but the very next night, it returned with a pile of thatch to re-thatch the roof. The water vat began to fill with the specific fish she liked, and it never lost the embroidered pouch again.
Not long after returning to Mount Cuiwei, Fan Shaohuang avoided his fellow disciples and secretly led the zombie out. The zombie found this amusing and mimicked his cautious, tiptoeing movements as they left the mountain.
It was only the second watch of the night. Although Fan Shaohuang was fast, he was sluggish compared to the zombie. Thus, he didn't stand on ceremony and gestured: *The destination is far. Carry me!*
The green-eyed zombie stared back at him. It didn't mind being a mode of transport, but riding on its neck was absolutely out of the question. Carrying him on its back was an option, but Fan Shaohuang refused—it looked too much like he was an injured man, which would ruin his image as a Taoist. Furthermore, he couldn't stand the thought that if he were on its back, the zombie’s hands would inevitably be propping up his backside.
The man and the corpse couldn't reach an agreement until the green-eyed zombie finally suggested: "How about I just hold you?"
Fan Shaohuang almost reached for his sword, but he decided that the mission was more important. He allowed the green-eyed zombie to scoop him up, and they set off toward their destination as if riding on the clouds.
This was his first time being "air-shipped." While one hand gripped his sword, the other clutched the green-eyed zombie’s collar. Although the zombie wasn't naturally fond of cleanliness, Qiao’er practically forced it to bathe and change clothes every day; it currently smelled faintly of soapnut. In terms of hygiene, it could undoubtedly be named the "Model Corpse Fiend of Mount Cuiwei."
This eased Fan Shaohuang’s psychological burden slightly. If it had been the old man’s corpse fiend, he would have preferred to crawl the whole way rather than let it touch him.
The green-eyed zombie held Fan Shaohuang in a princess carry, moving with incredible speed. As they neared their destination, Fan Shaohuang’s gaze sharpened with an indescribable excitement. "We're here."
Upon hearing this, the green-eyed zombie immediately let go. The space in its arms suddenly went empty, and only then did it realize they hadn't actually landed. Thus, the air-shipment became an airdrop.
Fan Shaohuang experienced a sudden bout of bungee jumping. Just as he was about to hit the ground face-first, the green-eyed zombie snatched him out of the air, allowing for a narrow but successful landing.
Fan Shaohuang’s face was now as black as the bottom of a soot-covered pot.
***
| Chinese | English | Notes/Explanation |
| :--- | :--- | :--- |
| 金鸟 (Jīn Niǎo) | Golden Bird | A mythical bird of good omen. |
| 福鸟 (Fú Niǎo) | Lucky Bird / Fortune Bird | Another name for the Golden Bird. |
| 水老鸦 (Shuǐ Lǎoyā) | Cormorant | Literally "water old crow," a bird used for fishing. |
| 公主抱 (Gōngzhǔ bào) | Princess carry | Carrying someone in one's arms. |
| 皂角 (Zàojiǎo) | Soapnut | A natural cleaning agent used as soap. |
