While the method of pulling a zombie's fangs had been proposed, it wasn't as if one could simply grab any zombie and start yanking. If the Guiche bird valued its feathers above all else, then without a doubt, a zombie’s most prized possessions were its two fangs.
As is common knowledge, how do zombies come to be? One way is through the accumulation of resentment in a corpse, a form of evolution—much like how humans evolved from apes. However, this clearly cannot be the primary method of reproduction for zombies, just as it is impossible for every human to be a direct evolution from an ape. If that were the case, humanity would have gone extinct long ago; evolution is a glacial process that marks the origin of a species, not its means of propagation.
So, what is the zombie’s method of reproduction? Everyone knows this: if you are bitten by a zombie, you become one. In other words, their primary means of reproduction is through their teeth and the act of biting.
Thus, what role do the teeth play in the zombie race? To put it bluntly: they are the genitals.
Perhaps those words have become somewhat taboo in the modern human world, but in the early days of humanity, the organs representing the continuation of the race were objects of awe and worship, seen as symbols of life’s legacy. Even many years later, men still view them as the seat of power and charisma.
A person without genitals is not a complete person; likewise, is a zombie without its fangs still a complete zombie?
Therefore, the Hao family was not actually stupid. They didn't truly intend to capture every zombie and pull their teeth—the scale of such a project was too vast. Moreover, if you tried to remove someone's "genitals" for no reason, they would surely fight you to the death.
One only needed to symbolically pull the fangs of a few blood-drinking zombies to "kill the chicken to scare the monkeys." The logic was similar to anti-vice campaigns; while certain illicit activities are hard to eradicate, if the law stated that "all patrons shall have their genitals removed," the situation would undoubtedly see a massive improvement.
Teaching the zombies was a troublesome affair. Most of them were restless and refused to listen seriously, constantly engaging in "small movements" behind the backs of the Hao family Daoists. The Hao family found it difficult to discipline them—after all, these zombies were the classmates of their own ancestor. Strictly speaking, they were all of the "ancestor" generation.
Consequently, they had to explain the lessons to Qiao’er, who would then relay the teachings. The Hao family members would merely observe from the side, pointing out any errors. Qiao’er was happy to do it. One day, when the topic of "Immortal Affinity" came up, she found herself quite interested. Seeing her listening so intently, the elder Daoist Hao felt rather proud of himself.
"Generally speaking, if a cultivator wishes to become an immortal, they must establish Immortal Affinity. This so-called 'Immortal Affinity' sounds simple, but it is actually the broad practice of good deeds. Although our Daoist sects do not emphasize the universal salvation of all living beings as much as others, one must accumulate Immortal Affinity to ascend."
As Qiao’er took notes, he pointed toward the Guantian Court. "Why else do you think that boy surnamed Fan built this place? If one relied solely on small favors like returning lost gold to build Immortal Affinity, they wouldn't accumulate even a hair's worth of merit by the time they died."
Qiao’er didn't quite understand. "Then how many good deeds are required to establish Immortal Affinity?"
Old Daoist Hao stroked his beard, adopting the air of a transcendent master. "If one performs deeds of great merit for Heaven and Earth, then not many are needed. For instance, Great Yu taming the floods or the Foolish Old Man moving the mountains—perhaps a hundred such deeds would suffice for one's merit to be complete. But not everyone gets such opportunities, and even if they do, they might not have the ability. Otherwise, building bridges, paving roads, digging wells, and repairing canals are all considered great merits."
Qiao’er recorded this meticulously. These things would be very useful for the zombies who wished to cultivate in the future, so she asked in great detail, "Does slaying demons and monsters count as well?"
Daoist Hao shook his head slightly. "Even demons and monsters are creatures born of Heaven and Earth. Unless they are exceptionally cruel and evil, slaying them actually damages one's merit; it is merely creating more slaughter. If you can turn them from evil to good, however, that is a true deed of merit."
Once she had organized the materials, she went to the evening class, only to find that of the one hundred and two zombies, only one hundred and one were present—the Red-Eyed Zombie was missing.
The Hao family Daoists and Qiao’er called out by the sea for a long time, but it didn't appear. The Hao family members were frantic, terrified that their ancestor had been kidnapped again. Qiao’er sent a zombie down to the seabed to check. After a while, the zombie returned and told Qiao’er that the Red-Eyed Zombie was currently engrossed in a game of Rock-Paper-Scissors with two lobsters and refused to come up.
Qiao’er knew why it liked playing with lobsters—the lobsters could only throw "scissors," so the zombie won every time! After several failed prompts, she lost her patience and sent five zombies down to forcibly carry the Red-Eyed Zombie up. The Red-Eyed Zombie was still struggling, and the Hao family members could only coax it gently.
"Ancestor, you must learn these things. You can't be just a zombie forever."
The Red-Eyed Zombie still refused, struggling to get back into the sea to continue its game. Finally, the Green-Eyed Zombie spoke: "From now on, the Guantian Court will periodically clear out those who lurk underwater, skip class, or don't listen seriously. On the fifth of every month, they will all be caught and eaten!"
The Red-Eyed Zombie asked Hao Ren what day it was, then rushed to class in a state of sheer terror.
The Green-Eyed Zombie, on the other hand, was very interested in these courses. Its cultivation was high, it was smarter than the other hundred-odd zombies, and it learned quickly. The Hao family also preferred it to be present; when it was there, the Red-Eyed Zombie didn't dare to slack off.
Though the Red-Eyed Zombie was a source of embarrassment, the Hao family didn't skimp on spending money on their ancestor. They truly had over a hundred sets of clothes made and delivered, so every zombie had new attire. However, new troubles soon followed—they couldn't tell which set was theirs, and if theirs got torn, they would simply snatch someone else's.
Left with no choice, Qiao’er had to embroider a number on every garment and make each zombie remember its own number.
Everything was normal in the Guantian Court for those few days. The zombies continued their rowdy classes, the Hao family Daoists and Qiao’er were busy preparing materials, and the Green-Eyed Zombie was busy keeping Qiao’er company. The Guiche bird, however, found itself with free time. Being a "day-blind" bird, it couldn't see anything during the day, so it loved to peer around at night.
And often, the night was more interesting than the day. For example, the young Daoists from Mount Cuiwei all bathed at night.
Perhaps because there wasn't much its eyes could see, the Guiche had a lifelong hobby of spying on people's privacy. But in the Guantian Court, there were only a few people to watch. It didn't dare spy on Qiao’er; it feared the Green-Eyed Zombie might one day poke out all eighteen of its eyes. But it still dared to take a peek at Fan Shaohuang.
Driven by its love for the unknown, it even missed the chance to watch the young Daoists bathe, choosing instead to crouch persistently at the base of Fan Shaohuang’s wall for two nights.
During those two nights, it discovered that Fan Shaohuang was a very boring person. Every day, he stayed in his room guarding a Daoist altar. On the altar was a small straw effigy with a strip of talisman paper attached, upon which a string of birth characters was written in cinnabar.
He sat by the altar, his hand forming a mudra, muttering something unknown.
If Fan Shaojing had been there, he likely would have known what his brother was doing—he was attempting to forcibly invade Fan Fuqing’s divine sense. It was much like trying to remotely control a computer; he wanted to see what was stored on the old man’s "hard drive."
But Fan Fuqing, as the leader of Mount Cuiwei and the head of the world's Daoist sects, was no ordinary man. This was, in fact, a perilously dangerous battle of magic. Fan Fuqing couldn't possibly know that the person attacking him was his own unfilial son; being provoked in such a manner, he would surely exert his full strength in retaliation.
Thus, Fan Shaohuang had made no other moves for several days. This was the mystery of Daoist arts: on the surface, both parties sat in silent, motionless meditation, but in the shadows—with a single altar and a few incantations—they had already brushed against the gates of hell several times beneath a calm exterior.
On the third day, the Sect Leader of Mount Cuiwei, Fan Fuqing, was mysteriously and severely injured and went into secluded meditation to recover. Fan Shaohuang rested for a day and then left his room, appearing perfectly fine. Only then did the Guiche realize what he had been doing. It was secretly alarmed and immediately reported the matter to the Green-Eyed Zombie.
The Green-Eyed Zombie rewarded it with a low-level zombie, which the bird happily snatched up before flying away. The Green-Eyed Zombie stood there, watching the nine heads swaying as they disappeared down the beach, its expression solemn. It knew the extent of Fan Fuqing’s cultivation; it seemed this Fan Shaohuang had been hiding at least sixty percent of his true strength.
It fell into deep thought.
In the evening, the zombies were learning spells, practicing telekinesis on the beach. Across the entire shore, one could see over a hundred fist-sized stones rising and falling, flying back and forth in a lively display. The Green-Eyed Zombie stood beside Qiao’er. To it, these were child's play; it stayed only because it wanted to watch Qiao’er play.
Qiao’er could already do it quite well, her control of force being just right. It would clap for her from time to time. Sometimes Qiao’er would throw a stone toward it, and it would control the stone to throw it back. The two of them were like children playing with a ball, never tiring of it until Qiao’er was drenched in sweat.
The situation on the Hao family's side, however, was not good. They were giving private tutoring to the Red-Eyed Zombie, but currently, the descendant-turned-tutor was covered in bumps from being hit on the head, and the tragedy was ongoing.
The other zombies had already become quite proficient, to the point that the Hao family Daoists were feeling utterly dejected. Why is it that everyone else’s ancestors are making progress every day, while our ancestor is just messing around?
***
