Fan Shaojing had not visited Mount Guantian to see Fan Shaohuang for about eleven days. While Fan Shaohuang did not mention it, he felt a growing sense of unease. Skilled in the art of divination, he knew his senior brother’s "Great Tribulation" was imminent. He had considered warning him, but then he realized that if a catastrophe could be avoided simply by knowing of it in advance, it could hardly be called a Great Tribulation.
On the eleventh day, when Qiao’er arrived to deliver wine, he finally lost his composure. "What has happened to my senior brother?"
He asked with certainty; if Fan Shaojing were well, he would never have stayed away for over ten days.
Qiao’er answered nonchalantly, "I heard some commoners gossiping. It seems the Sect Leader of Mount Cuiwei was bitten by a zombie."
"What?" Fan Shaohuang’s brows shot up, but after a moment, the realization dawned on him. "Was it Hou’s doing?"
Given Fan Shaojing’s cultivation, who else but Hou himself could have managed to bite him?
Qiao’er shook her head. "It had nothing to do with Hou. Daoist Fan Shaohuang, I have more bad news, but please, try to remain calm. Not only was Daoist Fan Shaojing bitten, but his body has also been seized by Tu Su, the King of the Underworld."
Fan Shaohuang did not lose his temper. He had lived far too long and witnessed too much. His mind remained preternaturally clear. "First, infect him with zombie poison, then seize his body while his primordial spirit is busy contending with the toxin. The poison and his own soul would keep each other in check, leaving him with no strength to repel a sudden intrusion of a foreign spirit. A brilliant stratagem. Was this your handiwork?"
Qiao’er did not answer directly. "You want to save Daoist Fan Shaojing, and I want to save Hou. Right now, Fan Shaojing’s body is occupied by Tu Su, and he is riddled with zombie poison. If the Heavens decide to exterminate them, Tu Su will be the first target. The inhabitants of the Divine Realm likely won't care about Fan Shaojing’s fate. If even he can survive this, then Hou will naturally be safe as well. For once, it seems we finally have a common goal."
Fan Shaohuang knit his brows. After a long silence, he said in a low voice, "Immediately send someone to the Western Paradise. Inform them that the demons are revolting and the Divine Realm intends to launch a campaign. But remember—do not mention a word about my senior brother. Go, quickly."
Qiao’er didn't understand his motive, but since it concerned Fan Shaojing’s life, she trusted that Fan Shaohuang wouldn't act recklessly. She immediately dispatched a shrimp spirit with decent magical skills to the Western Paradise to report the situation to Guanyin.
Having seized the divine body of Bingyi’s reincarnation, Tu Su began to gather the dark forces in earnest. The gods of the Divine Realm, who had been idle for many years, were now itching for a fight, proactively petitioning the Celestial Emperor to take down this group of insolent demons. During the divine council, a Bodhisattva like Guanyin—who lived for a bit of chaos—was naturally in attendance.
The Celestial Emperor’s concern was not how to capture the demons, but how to handle them afterward. One deity suggested tossing them all onto the Immortal-Slaying Stage to be executed. The Emperor considered this, but since these creatures were tainted by turbid miasma, execution seemed rather... environmentally unfriendly. Another Bodhisattva suggested casting them into the Eighteen Levels of Hell to climb mountains of knives and plunge into vats of boiling oil, after which they could be fed to the divine beast, Diting.
Ksitigarbha Bodhisattva disagreed—these fellows were contaminated; what if Diting got an upset stomach?
Finally, Guanyin Bodhisattva proposed the ultimate solution: "Heaven cherishes all life. The suggestions of my fellow immortals are perhaps a bit too bloody. In my humble opinion, why not capture the demons and imprison them in the Lecture Pavilion? There, my master, the Lord Buddha, can chant sutras daily to reform them. Wouldn't that be delightful?"
As soon as she finished, every immortal present looked at her and gave a thumbs-up. "Ruthless!"
Tu Su had already rallied enough dark forces and secured Fan Shaojing’s reincarnated divine body. He was now planning to break the seal on the Demon Path. The first person he thought of for this task was Qiao’er; when it came to breaking complex formations and mystical seals, Qiao’er was far superior to his subordinates or even Hou.
Once the plan was set, he immediately sent several skeleton soldiers to invite Qiao’er over.
Qiao’er accepted his request and spent the night lingering with him in his cavern deep within the mountain. As dawn approached, the Green-Eyed Zombie returned. Seeing Qiao’er, it was quite angry. "Didn't I tell you not to come?"
Qiao’er followed behind it with a grin. "I'm exhausted. I'm going to sleep in your coffin in a bit."
The Green-Eyed Zombie ignored her, huffing as it climbed into the coffin. Qiao’er shamelessly squeezed in beside it. Its stone chamber was a private room containing a large coffin made of Phoebe zhennan wood; there was plenty of space for Qiao’er.
The coffin lid slid shut. The Green-Eyed Zombie crossed its arms, pretending to sleep. Qiao’er rolled over and lay on top of it, resting her head on its folded arms. It remained still and silent. After a while, seeing that Qiao’er hadn't moved, it stealthily pulled out its left arm, then its right, until Qiao’er’s face was pressed against its chest.
It gently stroked her cheek with its fingertips. Seeing no reaction, it slowly lowered its head to kiss her forehead. Suddenly, Qiao’er looked up. "Hey, you're not angry anymore?"
The Green-Eyed Zombie immediately looked away, feigning indifference. "Who said that?"
Having said that, it turned its head back to continue its act of being upset.
Qiao’er smiled and kissed its lips. It resisted at first, but when her tongue lightly brushed against its fangs, it surrendered. Qiao’er felt it tremble slightly. Fangs were a zombie’s most sensitive and vulnerable spot. It gripped Qiao’er’s waist, enduring for a moment before finally whispering hoarsely, "Let’s mate."
Qiao’er suddenly stopped. "Aren't you angry?"
The Green-Eyed Zombie tilted its head, thinking for a moment before making its choice. "Didn't you teach me to prioritize urgent matters? Right now, mating is more important."
Inside the Phoebe zhennan coffin, spring was in full bloom.
As dusk approached, Qiao’er rose to leave. The Green-Eyed Zombie held her for a while before finally letting go. "Don't go looking for Tu Su again."
Qiao’er gave a soft affirmation. Once she was dressed, she leaned back into the coffin to give it a gentle kiss. "I'm going."
"Mm." The Green-Eyed Zombie watched her leave. In many beautiful legends, stunning female ghosts always visit scholars at night and depart as dawn breaks. Many say it is because ghosts can only move in the dark, but they do not realize it is because night is when humans are at their most lonely.
They appear at the most desolate moments and vanish when the bustle of life returns.
For a zombie, the daylight hours were the most tedious and unbearable of all.
Half a month later, Tu Su led a grand procession of dark races toward the seal of the Demon Path. However, upon arrival, they were stunned—a host of heavenly soldiers from the Divine Realm had been waiting at the seal for a long time. To bolster their prestige, they had even rolled out war chariots that hadn't been used in a thousand years.
However, a conflict had broken out among the gods while they were forming their ranks. Some thought they should stand in the shape of the character for "God," while others argued for the character for "Victory." Without the Celestial Emperor there to decide, the group bickered incessantly. Finally, they reached a consensus—they would stand in the shape of the character for "Heaven" (天).
Regrettably, they had argued for so long that by the time Tu Su and his followers arrived, they hadn't even finished the first two strokes. Consequently, the entire formation looked like the character for "Two" (二).
By the time Qiao’er arrived, the heavenly army and Tu Su’s forces were already locked in combat. Tu Su, using Fan Shaojing’s body, possessed power far greater than before. The Green-Eyed Zombie had always thought Tu Su’s strength was decent, but now it realized it had consistently underestimated the power of the Divine Realm.
The gods did not take this motley crew seriously. Most of the high deities present were simply standing by, watching the spectacle. Guanyin had taken on a female form today, dressed in white, seated high upon a lotus throne. Her left hand held an ancient mudra while her right held a Pure Vase, looking every bit the picture of solemn dignity. Her gaze, however, was fixed on the Green-Eyed Zombie. Her meaning was clear—*Want to play again?*
The Green-Eyed Zombie exchanged a few blows with her. After all, everyone else was fighting hard; it would be embarrassing to just stand aside. Guanyin had experienced the zombie’s skills before, but after their time apart, its cultivation had improved significantly. However, she had no intention of actually capturing it. "Hey, where’s your Qiao’er?"
As soon as Guanyin spoke, the Green-Eyed Zombie’s eyes widened, and its strikes grew fiercer. "What does my Qiao’er have to do with you!"
Guanyin could no longer easily handle the current Hou. The Green-Eyed Zombie had fully absorbed the power of the Drought Demon Ba, and combined with its diligent cultivation, even the original Ba in her prime might not have stood much of a chance. Besides, she had no reason to truly fight it. "Amitabha... damn, why are you so angry? I didn't say I was going to do anything to her."
The Green-Eyed Zombie grew relentless. "If you dare do anything to her, I’ll bite you and turn you into a zombie. I only promised her I wouldn't bite humans; she never said I couldn't bite gods."
Guanyin led it away, fighting as they retreated toward a corner. "Tu Su won't last long. With three high deities surrounding him, he’ll fall soon. What will you do then?"
Even as she spoke, Tu Su was indeed captured. He had been trapped in the Demon Path for too long; even with Bingyi’s reincarnated divine body, the wear and tear on his primordial spirit could not be repaired so quickly. Furthermore, the heavenly soldiers had brought the Soul-Severing Hook from the Underworld. He was an interloping soul inhabiting Fan Shaojing’s body, and the hook was a specialized tool for dealing with spirits. He was instantly pinned down by the Thirty-Six Heavenly Generals, and with one swift motion, his soul was hooked out of Fan Shaojing’s body.
The heavenly soldiers bound his soul tightly and tethered it to a war chariot. Seeing Guanyin and the Green-Eyed Zombie still clashing, they prepared to come over and assist. Seeing this, Guanyin immediately grabbed the Green-Eyed Zombie and hissed, "Are you crazy!"
The Green-Eyed Zombie looked at her and replied with total honesty, "I'm not crazy!"
Approaching them was Gao Ke, one of the Thirty-Six Heavenly Generals. Guanyin turned and gave him a smile. "This Zombie Progenitor has gone mad. Since he's insane, he won't be able to understand my master’s lectures."
The Green-Eyed Zombie was quite offended and argued, "I'm not crazy!"
Its voice was so loud it drew the attention of all the Thirty-Six Heavenly Generals. The common soldiers were busy rounding up the minor demons and monsters under Tu Su’s command and had no time to watch. Guanyin threw up her hands helplessly. "You see? Usually, people who are crazy never admit they're crazy."
The Thirty-Six Heavenly Generals all nodded in agreement. The Green-Eyed Zombie grew anxious. "I'm really not crazy!!"
Guanyin shrugged. "See? It still won't admit it."
The Green-Eyed Zombie was fuming. "Fine! I'm crazy! I'm crazy!"
Guanyin beamed. "Look, it admitted it itself. I certainly can't bring a madman to disturb the peace of the Lecture Pavilion."
The Green-Eyed Zombie opened its mouth to argue further, but Guanyin’s left hand suddenly formed an ancient seal. A burst of dim yellow light merged into the back of its neck. Caught completely off guard, it was instantly struck by the spell. When it looked up again, its eyes were glazed and unfocused—it had truly become "insane."
The Thirty-Six Heavenly Generals were at a loss. "Now what should we do?"
