Qiao’er spent the night waking and sleeping fitfully; she grew full quickly and hungry just as fast. Fortunately, Sister-in-law Wu, having just lost her own daughter, grew more fond of the babe the more she looked at her. She didn't mind the exhaustion of the night, repeatedly feeding her, changing her diapers, and bathing her.
The green-eyed zombie sat by a table downstairs drinking tea all night. The next morning, Sister-in-law Wu finally spoke to him with some hesitation. "Young Master, it is truly inconvenient for a grown man like you to be traveling with such a small child. Why not give her to me? I swear I will treat her as my own..."
The green-eyed zombie finally grew annoyed. "I told you, she wasn't just picked up off the street. It took a great deal of effort to find her. I won't give her away—not even if I die!"
Sister-in-law Wu truly couldn't bear to let the child go. "But she is so small; how can she endure the wind and dew of the road? Or perhaps... Brother, why don't you stay here for a while? It won't be too late to leave once she is weaned."
The green-eyed zombie felt a stir of interest. He had heard from the waiter that milk could only be stored in a woman’s breast; at the very least, his own chest could not hold it.
With this in mind, he decided to rent a small courtyard near Sister-in-law Wu’s home. She was truly good to Qiao’er, feeding, bathing, and washing her clothes every day, caring for her as if she were her own flesh and blood. The green-eyed zombie did not stay idle either; he helped her with manual labor. He had chopped wood for Qiao’er in the past, so he knew what he could contribute.
Life in the mortal world was vastly different from that of cultivators. The green-eyed zombie felt that mortals lived with a peculiar sense of reality. Cultivators spent their days meditating on the Dao, neither eating nor drinking, oblivious to the passage of time. But mortals? They ate three meals a day at set times, rising at dawn to toil for their livelihood. Clothing, food, shelter, and travel—every aspect was essential, and none could be neglected.
Then, at sunset, they would return home for a night of sweet dreams, only for the same cycle to repeat the next day.
The green-eyed zombie began to emulate them. He rose at the crack of dawn every day, first helping Sister-in-law Wu carry vegetables to the market to sell to the vendors. By the time he returned, she would have breakfast ready. Qiao’er was fed by her, and the green-eyed zombie would often stroke the infant's head, wondering when this tiny thing would finally grow up.
In the mornings, he usually took Qiao’er out for a stroll. He didn't actually need to worry about money—he had long ago mastered the art of turning stone into gold—but he rarely used that method now.
The town was small and sparsely populated. He opened a coffin shop in the town, which initially had no reputation because the place was simply too poor. Later, a wealthy man passing through fell ill and died. His servants couldn't find another shop, so they had to settle for a coffin from him for the time being, planning to replace it later. Unexpectedly, when the man's descendants tried to move him to a new coffin, the old gentleman was displeased. That night, he appeared in his grandson's dream, scolding him with a fierce glare: "You unfilial brat! Hurry up and bring back that coffin I was using before! This new one makes my backside ache and my back feel like it's resting on jagged rocks!"
Thus, Hou’s Coffin Shop became famous far and wide. Everyone knew that the coffins he made were impeccable in both quality and price. Even wealthy families from the city would often come to him to commission coffins for funerals. Consequently, the green-eyed zombie became quite busy.
The green-eyed zombie was skilled in woodworking, and his understanding of coffins was professional to the extreme. People of the world placed great importance on the feng shui of ancestral graves, knowing it accounted for seventy percent of the influence on future generations. Yet they failed to realize that no matter how large the tomb or how auspicious the location, the thing closest to the body was always the coffin. Some wealthy families, for the sake of prestige, would buy a massive coffin for a petite ancestor. They didn't realize that once the coffin was lifted—and without safety belts inside—the ancestor would roll and tumble within, leaving their freshly donned burial clothes in a disheveled mess. It was like a shoe that didn't fit; where was the comfort in that? Therefore, a coffin had to be a perfect fit.
Furthermore, a coffin required a sense of taste. Think about it: beautiful ladies and young misses fear wearing the same dress as another in daily life, so how much more so for a coffin—a choice one only makes once in a lifetime? Thus, the coffins the green-eyed zombie made for women were more delicate, crafted in the shapes of lotuses or lily pads and painted with various pigments, making them absolutely beautiful and novel.
Thirdly, there was the matter of safety. The green-eyed zombie never nailed his coffins shut. For one, nails were unsightly. Secondly, if a "comrade" was merely taking a temporary nap and woke up inside only to find the coffin nailed shut, how desperate would they feel? Of course, it couldn't be something that could be opened casually either, or else the person lying inside would have no privacy.
Therefore, the coffins designed by the green-eyed zombie opened from the inside out. They were fitted with "Prosperity Locks" designed by a famous goldsmith, with keys encrusted with gemstones that could prevent decay if held in the mouth. The end of the key was connected to the lock by a fine gold thread. When the body was laid to rest, the key would be placed in the deceased's mouth. This design had its own cleverness: if not for the gold thread, should the occupant suddenly wake up and feel a bit thirsty, they might swallow, and the key would go *glug*...
With such a design, if the master inside ever wanted to come out, they only needed to take the key from their mouth and open the coffin directly, ensuring they could come and go as they pleased.
As one might imagine, it was hard for such coffins not to become famous. Thus, the name of Hou’s Coffin Shop spread throughout the industry.
When Qiao’er was ten months old, she began to be weaned. She cried every day during the process. The green-eyed zombie’s shop was doing a roaring trade at the time, but he naturally prioritized Qiao’er, putting all business on hold. When a wealthy family’s patriarch was on his deathbed and sent people to urge him to hurry, he even found it bothersome: "Tell your old master to wait a bit longer. Can't you see my Qiao’er is crying?"
He spent every day pacing the courtyard with Qiao’er in his arms. Since she wasn't drinking milk, she had to eat other foods. Sister-in-law Wu would cook fish soup one day and grind rice paste the next to feed her. She grew plump and fair, her little arms looking as delightful as segments of lotus root.
When Guanyin arrived, the zombie was busy with woodworking. Qiao’er had been placed in a baby basket nearby. As the weather had turned cold, the basket was lined with thick padding. A layer of translucent gauze covered the opening. Guanyin could see that a small isolation spell had been cast on the gauze to prevent wood shavings and dust from getting near her.
The green-eyed zombie pushed a plane across a coffin board, frequently turning back to amuse her. He hummed a song he had learned from Sister-in-law Wu, making the child giggle incessantly. Guanyin walked straight over and picked up the little thing from the basket. She was so small, her watery eyes darting around as if wondering who this was.
Guanyin smiled and wiped a milk stain from the corner of her mouth. "She has grown quite beautiful."
The green-eyed zombie was dismissive. "No matter what Qiao’er looks like, she is the most beautiful."
Guanyin then turned to inspect the coffins. He took a particular liking to one that resembled a crystal ball, so he climbed in with Qiao’er and lay down. After a while, he offered his review: "Dear beast, the Bodhisattva likes this coffin!"
The green-eyed zombie only worried he might bump Qiao’er. "Be careful. That coffin has already been reserved."
Guanyin was not discouraged. "Then when you have time, build another for the Bodhisattva. It doesn't need to be practical, just good-looking."
The green-eyed zombie agreed. Guanyin then took Qiao’er to try out the lotus-shaped coffin. "Ah, this one is even prettier! Dear beast, you are becoming more and more like a human."
The green-eyed zombie continued with his plane, sweat on his brow sticking to his silver hair. He gave a faint, shallow smile. "Mmm. I am undergoing reincarnation alongside her. Actually, Bingyi was right: leaving home settles the nature, but entering the world is the true cultivation. The flavor of this red dust cannot be understood without experiencing it firsthand."
Guanyin chuckled and lowered his head to play with Qiao’er. Seeing her pink, adorable cheeks, he couldn't help but reach out to pinch them. The green-eyed zombie was immediately displeased, saying gloomily, "You can look, but no touching!"
Guanyin muttered, "Are you a relative of that Stingy Dragon...?"
At a year and a half, Qiao’er began to learn to speak. Sister-in-law Wu teased her every day. The coffin shop was very profitable, as wealthy families did not care about the price of a coffin. The green-eyed zombie naturally gave Sister-in-law Wu a generous allowance, allowing her more time to care for Qiao’er. However, one day, the green-eyed zombie nearly coughed up blood—Qiao’er had crawled and wobbled her way to him, leaning against a coffin. Just as he was about to bend down and pick her up, she suddenly called out to him: "Daddy!"
The green-eyed zombie’s foot slipped, and he truly felt his world turn upside down. "I am not your daddy..."
The green-eyed zombie also grew accustomed to sleeping with Qiao’er; he would wake the moment she tossed or turned at night. Thinking that he would be caring for her for a long time, he learned to make soft, delicious foods from Sister-in-law Wu so he could cook for her in the evenings.
The girl had been clingy since she was small. Whenever he teased her to "kiss big brother," she would grab his head and gnaw on him until his face was covered in drool. The green-eyed zombie felt a great sense of achievement, personally selecting her clothes and daily necessities, ensuring everything was of the finest quality.
Qiao’er often crawled around on the ground. Fearing the wood shavings in the backyard might prick her, he asked Sister-in-law Wu to sew wrist and knee pads for her. Once she had these two items, she crawled even more joyfully around the courtyard all day.
These days were entirely different from his time spent in cultivation. He was busy all day—busy fulfilling coffin orders, busy taking care of Qiao’er, and occasionally helping out with neighborhood matters. He actually had quite a good reputation in the area.
During this time, he was busy crafting a lotus pedestal for Guanyin. He put a great deal of thought into this pedestal, modeling it after the Primal Chaos Azure Lotus. Guanyin was delighted and added several spells to it, causing it to emit a misty, divine light, becoming his new mount.
Later, when the Western Heaven saw how unique the lotus pedestal was, they sent people to find materials and created the Vajra Pedestal, the Purple-Gold Pedestal, the Golden Lotus, and so on. Because there are nine grades of practitioners, these became the Nine-grade Lotus Pedestals.
That year, Qiao’er was six. She spent all day rubbing against the green-eyed zombie. He couldn't bring himself to scold her; he had never even raised his voice at her. Consequently, she did not fear him at all and acted spoiled in his presence every day.
Sister-in-law Wu, however, had some traditional sense. "Master Hou, while it is said that a woman's virtue lies in her lack of talent, you should still hire a tutor for her and have her learn needlework."
The green-eyed zombie had no intention of teaching her needlework. Studying was fine, but he truly couldn't bear to send her away. He was afraid she would develop feelings for others in this world; selfishly, he wanted to keep her by his side, so that her heart and eyes would only ever hold him.
When Qiao’er was seven, she still liked to sleep huddled against the green-eyed zombie. Sister-in-law Wu spoke with a hint of reproach: "Master Hou, the girl is not so young anymore. She should have her own room."
The green-eyed zombie thought, *How could that be?* "Sister-in-law Wu, to tell you the truth, I am not the girl's elder. She is... she is the child bride of my Hou family!"
"..." Sister-in-law Wu broke into a cold sweat.
When Guanyin visited that evening, the green-eyed zombie had a new question: "Just how big does a human have to be before they can consummate a marriage?"
Guanyin was quite helpless regarding this question. "Dear beast, this question is far too profound. Are you intentionally trying to strike at this poor monk by asking a Buddhist? However, you could go ask the Stingy Dragon. Those Daoists spend all day tinkering with dual cultivation methods; he should be clear on such things."
The green-eyed zombie felt great sympathy for Guanyin. "Bodhisattva, actually, if you are envious, you could also try Joyful Chan..."
Guanyin nearly collapsed.
At Guantian Court, the Ancient War God Yinglong sat at a table. Upon hearing this question, he looked at his nose and his nose looked at his heart. He tapped his finger on the table, remaining silent for a full fifteen minutes before answering: "In the mortal world, if a woman has her 'Gui water,' she is considered an adult and may consummate a marriage."
The green-eyed zombie was even more confused. He had attended classes held by the Hao family Taoists and knew of "Gui water"—among the Ten Heavenly Stems, Ren and Gui represented water in the north—but he didn't understand Yinglong’s sentence when put together. He was a studious soul; if he didn't understand, he had to get to the bottom of it. "Gui water? What kind of thing is that?"
Yinglong was silent for another long while. Finally, he turned his head and called out in a deep, nonchalant voice, "Bingyi? Bingyi! There is a zombie here who wishes to ask some common sense questions. Please provide an answer."
Bingyi had always been gentle and kind; suspecting no trickery, he came over immediately. Yinglong stood up, paced out of the room with forced composure, and then swiftly vanished.
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Lover's Tears: The End of Time | Chapter 67 | A Matter of Common Sense | Novela.app | Novela.app
